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Why Facebook is the PUA's Worst "Friend"
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Author:  bansario [ Fri Sep 23, 2011 10:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Why Facebook is the PUA's Worst "Friend"
I see a lot of guys talking about Facebook in this forum, and I'd like to give my humble opinion on the subject.

I don't intend to offend anyone, and if you disagree, your opinions are more than welcome :).

So, let’s say you meet someone, and decide to befriend her on Facebook. What’s the first thing you do? Most guys will go straight to her pictures to see her in different settings, and to make sure she’s as hot as you KNOW she is (oh, those pics of her in bikini…sweet). Simply, men don’t dig in too deep into someone’s profile.

This is not the case at all with women. Remember that in general, women are interested in more than looks when it comes to men. They usually want to know everything that there is to know and that gives her a better picture of who you are as a person. They have a “need” for discovering your true colors, and Facebook provides her with all that.

Facebook happens to be the most intrusive tool available. This means that as soon as you guys add each other, she’ll start looking for flaws in your personality based on whatever “relevant” information she can find online. Pictures, status feeds, and comments, among others, will be considered.

The problem is not that she’s checking your profile, but that she’s actively looking for “bad” things about you. To make things worse, women tend to find those issues, whether they exist or not.

Once they make those assumptions, it’s going to be difficult for you to get past that, especially since they won’t tell you (or confront you) about them. It will all stay in their heads, which tends to escalate to the point where they’re not interested about getting to know you anymore.

You have basically ruined your chances without even saying a word.

Good Luck guys.
Author:  mastvin [ Fri Sep 23, 2011 11:27 pm ]
Post subject: 
but by the same token you can also use facebook for social proof, DHVing with your interests, alma mater, job, etc.
Author:  Slip n Slide [ Sat Sep 24, 2011 12:58 am ]
Post subject: 
I disagree, though I think there is definitely a strong scrutinizing element when a girl looks through a facebook profile. She is trying to figure out what kind of guy you are.

The best way to handle this is to genuinely be a high value male, and it's hard to fake it on facebook. You need pictures of yourself in a variety of social and athletic/exciting situations, favorable posts from high value people of both genders, and an attractive posting/commenting style.

It's not easy.

If you don't have a facebook, or are just getting into PU and are starting from scratch, I recommend that you don't get one until you have a social foundation laid. Take lots of pictures so you're ready to make your profile impressive, bring a camera almost everywhere, then finally get a facebook because all your friends were begging you to (and if you're doing well socially, they probably were).

Attractive commenting, DHV statuses, and knowing what content to post onto facebook are all dependent on your individual personality, and that will take some experimenting.

The good news is, she's comparing you to other guys, not looking for flaws. Anyone can find a bad picture or annoying comment in anyone else's facebook history, but mine have never damaged a relationship, to my knowledge. So yeah, it's a tool. Use it properly.
Author:  jurupa [ Sat Sep 24, 2011 9:16 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Why Facebook is the PUA's Worst "Friend"
Quote:
Remember that in general, women are interested in more than looks when it comes to men.
False. Guys are more into looks than girls are. Yes looks matter to girls but not nearly as much as it does for guys.
Quote:
They usually want to know everything that there is to know and that gives her a better picture of who you are as a person. They have a “need” for discovering your true colors, and Facebook provides her with all that.
Your right here, as girls do want the scoop/low down on you. And reading up on your profile can provide such info. Which is also yet another reason why one should be careful of what info they put there or what they post.
Quote:
Facebook happens to be the most intrusive tool available. This means that as soon as you guys add each other, she’ll start looking for flaws in your personality based on whatever “relevant” information she can find online. Pictures, status feeds, and comments, among others, will be considered.

The problem is not that she’s checking your profile, but that she’s actively looking for “bad” things about you. To make things worse, women tend to find those issues, whether they exist or not.

Once they make those assumptions, it’s going to be difficult for you to get past that, especially since they won’t tell you (or confront you) about them. It will all stay in their heads, which tends to escalate to the point where they’re not interested about getting to know you anymore.

You have basically ruined your chances without even saying a word.

Good Luck guys.
I don't think girls automatically look for bad things on your profile. And if they do more than likely they will overlook it, as everyone has flaws its more of a matter can you live with them.
Author:  Mack 2.0 [ Sat Sep 24, 2011 11:02 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Why Facebook is the PUA's Worst "Friend"
Quote:
Quote:
Remember that in general, women are interested in more than looks when it comes to men.
False. Guys are more into looks than girls are. Yes looks matter to girls but not nearly as much as it does for guys.

you guys said the same thing.
Author:  jurupa [ Sun Sep 25, 2011 1:42 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Why Facebook is the PUA's Worst "Friend"
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Remember that in general, women are interested in more than looks when it comes to men.
False. Guys are more into looks than girls are. Yes looks matter to girls but not nearly as much as it does for guys.

you guys said the same thing.
Ya I miss read that my bad.
Author:  YouWish99 [ Sun Sep 25, 2011 2:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Why Facebook is the PUA's Worst "Friend"
I find it is a public service and saves her the time and effort of googling you.

The only thing wrong with facebook is it can keep you in when you should be out there meeting people.
Author:  bansario [ Mon Sep 26, 2011 11:13 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thanks everyone for your comments and replies. I'm sorry it's taken me some time to respond back, but you know...the weekend came up :) .

There are a couple of things I'd like to respectfully address.
Quote:
I disagree, though I think there is definitely a strong scrutinizing element when a girl looks through a facebook profile. She is trying to figure out what kind of guy you are.

The best way to handle this is to genuinely be a high value male, and it's hard to fake it on facebook. You need pictures of yourself in a variety of social........

The good news is, she's comparing you to other guys, not looking for flaws. Anyone can find a bad picture or annoying comment in anyone else's facebook history, but mine have never damaged a relationship, to my knowledge. So yeah, it's a tool. Use it properly.
I'm not sure what you disagree about. I never said she wasn't trying to figure out what kind of guy you are, but the end doesn't always justify the means. Have you considered why she's digging so much into your profile? Have you considered that when people look for flaws in others sometimes they do it subconsciously? Do you think that a person who spends a lot of time checking who you are will always come up with a positive view about you?

Let me give you a quick example. Let's say you're a painter, and you just created the most beautiful piece of art. You start looking at it. Checking every single detail about it. You spend hours, days, months looking at it. Do you know what happens after a bit? You start seeing things that could be improved about the paint. Over time, those things become flaws. As time goes by, you may get to a point where you won't even want to look at the paint anymore. Your perception of it has changed completely.

That's similar to what happens when women who don't know you well start digging through your personal life. Remember, judgments are very easy to form, but quite difficult to forget.

Also, I noticed you went on describing what to do in order to have the perfect Facebook profile. A profile with PUA capabilities, and ready to attract women. I think that's great, but out of the scope of this conversation. I wasn't trying to re-invent the wheel, I just wanted to use it. It's clear that if one creates a great profile, women will be interested in you, but unless you're actively thinking about it, chances are you won't be making this kind of profile.

The last thing you said was that she was going to compare you to other dudes. Really?! You think a woman will start checking your profile while thinking about other guys she knows? Or making a side by side comparison between two guys maybe??! That's a difficult statement to believe, but if you could please break it down for all of us, I'd really appreciate it. :)

I hope I didn't sound mean or harsh because that wasn't my intention. I'm also not saying that my logic is perfect and whatever I say should be taken for granted. But I really think that at least if one is going to disagree with other person's opinion, more compelling arguments should be used. By doing that, we'd all learn from each other, and it'd benefit our community even more.

Have a wonderful day (or night) guys.
Author:  Slip n Slide [ Tue Sep 27, 2011 2:21 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I'm not sure what you disagree about. I never said she wasn't trying to figure out what kind of guy you are, but the end doesn't always justify the means. Have you considered why she's digging so much into your profile? Have you considered that when people look for flaws in others sometimes they do it subconsciously? Do you think that a person who spends a lot of time checking who you are will always come up with a positive view about you?

Let me give you a quick example. Let's say you're a painter, and you just created the most beautiful piece of art. You start looking at it. Checking every single detail about it. You spend hours, days, months looking at it. Do you know what happens after a bit? You start seeing things that could be improved about the paint. Over time, those things become flaws. As time goes by, you may get to a point where you won't even want to look at the paint anymore. Your perception of it has changed completely.

That's similar to what happens when women who don't know you well start digging through your personal life. Remember, judgments are very easy to form, but quite difficult to forget.

Also, I noticed you went on describing what to do in order to have the perfect Facebook profile. A profile with PUA capabilities, and ready to attract women. I think that's great, but out of the scope of this conversation. I wasn't trying to re-invent the wheel, I just wanted to use it. It's clear that if one creates a great profile, women will be interested in you, but unless you're actively thinking about it, chances are you won't be making this kind of profile.

The last thing you said was that she was going to compare you to other dudes. Really?! You think a woman will start checking your profile while thinking about other guys she knows? Or making a side by side comparison between two guys maybe??! That's a difficult statement to believe, but if you could please break it down for all of us, I'd really appreciate it. :)

I hope I didn't sound mean or harsh because that wasn't my intention. I'm also not saying that my logic is perfect and whatever I say should be taken for granted. But I really think that at least if one is going to disagree with other person's opinion, more compelling arguments should be used. By doing that, we'd all learn from each other, and it'd benefit our community even more.

Have a wonderful day (or night) guys.
Absolutely, love the debate. I realize that my statements were unclear, but nothing helps to clarify it but someone picking it apart.

I start off her with the assumption that when she sees your facebook you have already made a good impression when you first met, whatever the situation was where she got your name.

When you look at a friends profile, you don't look through and think "She looks awful in this picture!" or "That band she likes sucks, she has bad taste in music."
Instead, you think "Oh wow she went to the lake last week! That's cool, I wish I had gone."

Now yes, you may notice the flaws, but you LIKE this person, you have a far greater tendency to focus on the positives. (With someone you dislike it's very different, and you may notice that people also judge photos of themselves harshly.) In the same way, this girl knows very little about you, all she wants is more information. Information like this on facebook is NEVER the full story. This is obvious. You may have a friend who only recently put a picture of his motorcycle up, despite having it for months. People realize this fact.

Therefore, when she finds new information about you, your status may indicate that you play guitar, it only adds a new dimension of depth and mystery to you, she knows nothing about the band you play in, but she does understand that there is a part of your life she has never seen before.

You said that when an artist stares at a painting for months, it grows worse in his eyes. That's never my intention when I add a new girl on facebook. My goal is only to pique her interest before the meeting, give her somewhere to go when she starts thinking about me. A week or two later, when I see her physically, she will know more about me, feel like she knows me better, and have more to talk about. If you're giving her months to scrutinize you, you're using the tool the wrong way, but also probably overestimating the amount of interest she has in looking at your profile.

And finally, yes, I think there is a comparison to other guys. Guys with girls in their profile pictures, for instance, come off a different way than those without them, especially depending on how attractive the girls are and how they're posed. This comparison is not necessarily obvious, but if you include DHV details about your life (which should come naturally if you are a high value person) then she will pick up on them and rate you more highly over guys without those clues.
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