PUA Forum :: Leaving em better than you found em- HOW?

GREAT WORK on losing the v-card, good job man,
you are worried about using her, this implies that she does not enjoy sex, from your post it seemed that she was trying to use you,

also who cares if she wants a relationship just be honest and upfront with her, let her know that you enjoy being with her, and enjoy making her squirm around, but you can not do a relationship right now, say only what you mean though this is just an idea for you, use your own words and be 100% honest

She's actually already said she's not interested in a relationship either and thought *I* was going to be the clingy one she'd have to give that talk to, but I'm not sure if I can take that at face value given that SHE's the one who's been relentlessly texting ME. But even if we're just talking about friendship, it gets...complicated. I feel like a jerk for saying this but I hope you understand when I say the thrill of the chase is gone, so to speak. Part of my brain now finds her less attractive just because she slept with me (how messed up is that thought?). Another part would really like to see if I can sleep with her again just so I can try to do a better job and get more experience (the first time was pretty terrible, I can't imagine she had a ton of fun and was very surprised when she texted me that she wanted to again). Basically those two thoughts are just locked in conflict, and even if the "friend" side won out I don't see her really fitting into my existing social circle given that they all know her as "the girl I picked up"

So move on. First of many, man! No need to get attached to this one before you play the field some more. Be friendly, but gradually stop replying to things. You'll drift apart naturally. Also, don't allow yourself to sleep with her again in a weak moment! That's just toying with her.

Quote:

Author:	Alucard8363 [ Thu Sep 22, 2011 12:51 pm ]
Post subject:	Leaving em better than you found em- HOW?
Hey guys, Apologies if this is in the wrong section. So I recently lost my virginity on a one night stand (recently ex-gf of 2 years was physically unable to...long story). Said girlfriend was also my first LTR so needless to say I'm not that experienced in either scenario. My problem is that after that night, I didn't want to be that typical jerk that completely ignores a girl until she stops trying, so I tentatively responded to her texts and accepted her facebook request. The upside to all this is that I've learned the immense power of simply not giving a fuck. My texts that were meant to be superior, aloof, and uninterested were met with such an overwhelming response that I had this girl willing to find a ride (no car) very far out of her way to repeat the experience. But the downside is that once I started thinking with my larger head I realized that as much as I'd like to get laid again, a) I felt like I'd just be using her and b) my friends warned that if I saw her again she'd start wanting a relationship, which I do not, and given the amount she was texting me I started believing this was a big concern. Basically in theory I wouldn't mind being friends but in reality it probably can't happen. I would feel weird bringing her back around my friends, many of whom think I shouldn't have done it in the first place, not to mention I am on a college campus and have enough trouble staying in touch with everyone I want to who I DON'T have to go out of my way for. Maybe I'm just scared of potential awkwardness or something but I just can't envision us ever actually hanging out again. Is there a way to explain this WITHOUT sounding like a jerk? I want to handle this in the most honorable way possible but I'm starting to think the best way to handle this would have been to ignore her from the start, let her think of me as a jerk (something I hate doing), and save us both the trouble. Thoughts?

Author:	kaala [ Thu Sep 22, 2011 1:06 pm ]
Post subject:
just dont make the girl feel you used her for something. make her feel you wanted to give her pleasure. tell her straight up that you are not up for a relationship SPAM. Tell her you'd be a bad boyfriend anyways coz you are not willing to commit to a girl. It might hurt her a bit, but she would find it honest and respectful of you and not feel used at all.

Author:	DJ_Z [ Thu Sep 22, 2011 2:30 pm ]
Post subject:
Even if she is just happier in the end, you are leaving her better than you found her. Happier, more mature, sexually aware, confident, more learned, whatever. I think the main tenant that will let you follow that rule is honesty. If you are always honest about your intentions with women, you will significantly lower the risk of picking up a girl who's wants aren't congruent with yours. You don't cheat in committed relationships, become jealous/insecure, or let a girl believe you want to date her when you're really just trying to get it in.

Author:	kaala [ Thu Sep 22, 2011 2:46 pm ]
Post subject:
enough said

Author:	pumpington [ Thu Sep 22, 2011 5:59 pm ]
Post subject:
GREAT WORK on losing the v-card, good job man, you are worried about using her, this implies that she does not enjoy sex, from your post it seemed that she was trying to use you, also who cares if she wants a relationship just be honest and upfront with her, let her know that you enjoy being with her, and enjoy making her squirm around, but you can not do a relationship right now, say only what you mean though this is just an idea for you, use your own words and be 100% honest

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Author:	Alucard8363 [ Fri Sep 23, 2011 1:32 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: GREAT WORK on losing the v-card, good job man, you are worried about using her, this implies that she does not enjoy sex, from your post it seemed that she was trying to use you, also who cares if she wants a relationship just be honest and upfront with her, let her know that you enjoy being with her, and enjoy making her squirm around, but you can not do a relationship right now, say only what you mean though this is just an idea for you, use your own words and be 100% honest She's actually already said she's not interested in a relationship either and thought I was going to be the clingy one she'd have to give that talk to, but I'm not sure if I can take that at face value given that SHE's the one who's been relentlessly texting ME. But even if we're just talking about friendship, it gets...complicated. I feel like a jerk for saying this but I hope you understand when I say the thrill of the chase is gone, so to speak. Part of my brain now finds her less attractive just because she slept with me (how messed up is that thought?). Another part would really like to see if I can sleep with her again just so I can try to do a better job and get more experience (the first time was pretty terrible, I can't imagine she had a ton of fun and was very surprised when she texted me that she wanted to again). Basically those two thoughts are just locked in conflict, and even if the "friend" side won out I don't see her really fitting into my existing social circle given that they all know her as "the girl I picked up"

Author:	Slip n Slide [ Fri Sep 23, 2011 1:50 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: She's actually already said she's not interested in a relationship either and thought I was going to be the clingy one she'd have to give that talk to, but I'm not sure if I can take that at face value given that SHE's the one who's been relentlessly texting ME. But even if we're just talking about friendship, it gets...complicated. I feel like a jerk for saying this but I hope you understand when I say the thrill of the chase is gone, so to speak. Part of my brain now finds her less attractive just because she slept with me (how messed up is that thought?). Another part would really like to see if I can sleep with her again just so I can try to do a better job and get more experience (the first time was pretty terrible, I can't imagine she had a ton of fun and was very surprised when she texted me that she wanted to again). Basically those two thoughts are just locked in conflict, and even if the "friend" side won out I don't see her really fitting into my existing social circle given that they all know her as "the girl I picked up" So move on. First of many, man! No need to get attached to this one before you play the field some more. Be friendly, but gradually stop replying to things. You'll drift apart naturally. Also, don't allow yourself to sleep with her again in a weak moment! That's just toying with her.

Author:	Alucard8363 [ Fri Sep 23, 2011 5:05 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: So move on. First of many, man! No need to get attached to this one before you play the field some more. Be friendly, but gradually stop replying to things. You'll drift apart naturally. Also, don't allow yourself to sleep with her again in a weak moment! That's just toying with her. Agreed on that last bit. Was just a bit worried for a while that we WOULDN'T drift apart but I think it's starting to happen. Thanks!

Author:	pumpington [ Fri Sep 23, 2011 8:34 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Quote: GREAT WORK on losing the v-card, good job man, you are worried about using her, this implies that she does not enjoy sex, from your post it seemed that she was trying to use you, also who cares if she wants a relationship just be honest and upfront with her, let her know that you enjoy being with her, and enjoy making her squirm around, but you can not do a relationship right now, say only what you mean though this is just an idea for you, use your own words and be 100% honest She's actually already said she's not interested in a relationship either and thought I was going to be the clingy one she'd have to give that talk to, but I'm not sure if I can take that at face value given that SHE's the one who's been relentlessly texting ME. But even if we're just talking about friendship, it gets...complicated. I feel like a jerk for saying this but I hope you understand when I say the thrill of the chase is gone, so to speak. Part of my brain now finds her less attractive just because she slept with me (how messed up is that thought?). Another part would really like to see if I can sleep with her again just so I can try to do a better job and get more experience (the first time was pretty terrible, I can't imagine she had a ton of fun and was very surprised when she texted me that she wanted to again). Basically those two thoughts are just locked in conflict, and even if the "friend" side won out I don't see her really fitting into my existing social circle given that they all know her as "the girl I picked up" it seems to me like she is being honest, looks like she is using you for sex, she enjoys having sex with you, she keeps in contact with you to try to keep you on her roster and she wants to make you a fuck buddy (chances are she is seeing a few guys or wants to), and she probably likes you, it is up to you if you keep seeing her or not, but these are the best girls to have around if you are into POLYAMOURY

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