Okay I've been told on other forums that the road to friend zone is pretty much a one way street with no way out. My rezction is to quote Yoda on that one - "So certain are you? Always with you what cannot be done"
So the story is I met a woman on a dating website - we chatted briefly and then went out for a few drinks one night. A week later we went to an art gallery and then for a coffee, both times I thought the conversation went really well and we seem to have alot in common. We arranged a third date to go for a walk however on the day that we’d arranged the weather was bad so I suggested just going for a drink again, I’d suggested a different bar however she wanted to go to the one we went to last time near the bus station as it was convenient for getting home after so I agreed to just go there as I also had to get a bus home afterwards (Yes I know I did bad letting her take control like that). Again the conversation seemed to be going well I thought. We’d talked about our interests, family life, places we’d visited, work, and the usual what kinds of music, films, food we like etc. I suggested we go for dinner the following week (i.e. this week just past), which she agreed to and seemed quite keen on. However the next day I received a text message from here saying she’d had a nice time with me the date's we'd been on but doesn’t think there has been any spark and just wants to be friends. She also said she thinks I’m really cute and I will soon meet someone more suited.
I sent her a text message saying the lack of spark had probably been my fault and (jokingly though not sure how it would have come across in a text message) that maybe I should have been less self conscious and kissed her when I had the chance (which I hadn’t tried to at all - Yes I know! I should have gone for the lips when the opportunity was there). She replied saying that she was taken aback and not expecting that. She also said that I seemed to be nervous with her and that she didn’t think she was that scary. I sent her an email saying that maybe I should have just told her how shy I was from the start and that I hope she doesn’t in any way feel my nervousness (which I didn’t think was so obvious) was a reflection on her. I also said that I thought that we had quite a few things in common and although I hadn’t wanted to rush things (due to her being shy as well) I really thought we might be going somewhere. I also explained that I always feel more at ease doing something outdoors which was why I’d suggested going for a walk thinking it might give us a better chance to really connect (and I thought maybe start to get physical without feeling that there are people watching us). I said that I’d like to keep trying but don’t want to pressurise her. She replied saying she appreciated my email but although we have a lot in common, she’s fairly shy and reserved as well (which I had clocked although to my mind this seems a strong basis for us to really understand each other) and is looking for someone who will “take charge” (which ironically I’d have been content to do had I not been concerned about pushing her too quickly when she herself seemed shy as well). Again she said she wants us to be friends but will understand if I don’t want to keep in touch. I then sent her a text message agreeing that we should stay friends and another text later asking how her day had been and also if she has any single friends she can set me up with – she replied that she doesn’t have any single friends locally which was why she was on a dating website.
I’ll admit that asking her if she can set me up with a friend was in part an attempt to make her jealous. I am also wondering if I should also casually ask her for tips for future dates so I don’t blow it like I did with her.
So any suggestions how I get out of the friend zone with this one? I should point out I am seeking a realtionship with her and not just something casual.
Oh and I asked her if she would like to tag along with me this weekend to a couple of exhibitions I'm visiting as I'd had other plans cancelled but she already has plans. Was this a mistake (i.e. continually trying to arrange to meet her and should I maybe break off communication for a few days or a couple of weeks?)