PUA Forum :: I am going to make this happen.

why does everyone say this?

Oh and I broke up with her btw

Quote:

Oh and I broke up with her btw

Why did you dump her, if you don't mind me asking?

You are repeating the same patterns now that destroyed your relationship the first time.

You are attempting to control her to make yourself happy.

All of your suggested strategies are about controlled manifestation of outcome.

Control is the illusion that your contributions are exclusively causal.

They are not.

Stop trying to control everything. Let go and start giving instead.

I'm not saying buy her shit, I'm saying be and do and act freely from a place of the obvious desire and love you have for her.

How do you do this?

1. Stop keeping score. Don't think "I did this, so she should do/feel/want that". Thoughts like this will poison you.

2. Separate need and desire. You do this by letting go of outcome. You can't control it anyway. Imagine you are on a train slowly pulling away from the station while beckoning her to board and come with you...but she has to hurry, because you are leaving. "I want you, but I don't need you." Find a way to believe this deeply.

3. Don't overwhelm her. You were on the right track with not overdoing it, but your REASON for not over-doing it was poor. You were holding back to try to manipulate her into wanting you. This is a recipe for failure. Instead hold back because you care about her and because you know she isn't ready for more. This is more true for you, more fair for her and the best way to build the trust she needs in you after leaving her.

Sorry, but...and I say this with as much brotherly love as possible...man the fuck up.

You don't deserve her back otherwise.

Author:	safety [ Sat Sep 17, 2011 1:16 am ]
Post subject:	I am going to make this happen.
if you have read any of my older posts then you will know im going after my ex. the current situation is this... we havent made any conact whatsoever in over two weeks. i am going to new zealand for a week and will be back at the start of october. when i get back i am going to arrange for us to meet up, when we do i am going to have alot of fun with her for about an hour and then leave. i will do my best to not talk to her for a week or so and then i will hang out with her again, having alot of fun. slowly i will build comfort levels between the two of us and eventually make the hang outs feel more and more like dates, and more and more often. my thinking is this. she doesnt do a whole lot other than study and work. she is going to be bored. if i do it right she will be thinkin about me constantly. i just have to move slowly and be completely congruent. thoughts?

Author:	ProfessorX [ Sat Sep 17, 2011 1:23 am ]
Post subject:
Why in the world do you want your ex back? IMO, when either person in a relationship decides you're not compatible, it's time to move on.

Author:	safety [ Sat Sep 17, 2011 2:02 am ]
Post subject:
why does everyone say this? we are all so focused on improving oursleves. being able to make something like this work should be included on that self inprovement. im not giving up. to me thats admitting defeat

Author:	That1Guy [ Sat Sep 17, 2011 2:41 am ]
Post subject:
admitting defeat and letting people go there separate ways are not the same thing. but since you said it i guess ill say it, there are some victories that are more disastrous then defeats. so your going to spend weeks, possibly months working on one girl, who may end up leaving you again(just a note, i have not read too many of your posts as i am new here). and if she dose that then you wasted that time and it would have then been a true defeat. or you could go out and try to find someone who clicks with you as much as you click with them. **Disclamer** i dont know why she is your ex, if my assumption was wrong my apologies. you are going to do what you are going to do, and there is nothing im going to do to stop you other than post my opinion on this matter. Good luck to you but i do implore you to think carefully about how much you are willing to loose, and how far you are willing to go, and set a limit were it would no longer be worth it. other wise you may go beyond that point with out realizing and still not succeed. so ask your self what shes worth giving up to have her be yours. how much money? how much time? is she worth your carer? your happiness? her happiness? other than that advice, good luck, sounds like you have a plan that has potential to me. and dont go all stalker if she rejects your advances. best wishes, and all that stuff ~That1Guy

Author:	ProfessorX [ Sat Sep 17, 2011 5:51 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: why does everyone say this? Because it's really good advice.

PUA Forum https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/

I am going to make this happen. https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=101813	Page 1 of 2

Author:	safety [ Sun Sep 18, 2011 12:33 am ]
Post subject:
Hahahah. Ok well I appreciate that instead of trying to convince me you just put in your two cents. I feel it's worth fighting for and so I will fight, I have my whole life to chase other girls but I may only have now to be with her. Oh and I broke up with her btw

Author:	DJ_Z [ Sun Sep 18, 2011 1:18 am ]
Post subject:
Part of studying pickup is learning when to walk away. When you play poker, and you're beat, you fold your hand. Sure, it may be "giving up" but the alternative is giving your money away to the other player. Fold the cards, dude. Get another hand.

Author:	sandwiches [ Sun Sep 18, 2011 1:32 am ]
Post subject:
my friend, I've been in your boat. I'm not gonna say not to keep pursuing, but just make sure you're pursuing for the right reasons and with a clear head: remember, you DID break up for a reason (maybe bad, maybe not), and that reason won't simply just go away. Bad things don't go away like that, and good things don't stay around like that. So, just be sure you've thought it through and are doing this for the right reason. With that being said, good luck!

Author:	ProfessorX [ Sun Sep 18, 2011 5:25 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: Oh and I broke up with her btw Why did you dump her, if you don't mind me asking?

Author:	safety [ Sun Sep 18, 2011 7:07 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: Quote: Oh and I broke up with her btw Why did you dump her, if you don't mind me asking? basically i was bored. we dated for a year and a half and i was getting sick of it. the reason i was getting bored was because it wasnt going anywhere new. i wanted to experience new things etc etc now i have gamed many girls (i havent slept with any, but have k closed, and been propositioned a few times) since the breakup and realise that it was not her being boring it was me, because every girl i have talked to is far more boring than my ex, and i have been less reserved so im enjoying everything much more. i have a friend who talks about a similar experience with his girl but instead of giving up in order to throw off the balance of life he pushed the relationship to the next step (travelling and moving in together) which he said made things better than new. even now, i get more of a rush being around this girl than any other. ever. and shwarma.... i am going to move very slowly. im talking months. if it doesnt feel right i will leave it in an early stage.

Author:	Omalie Cat [ Sun Sep 18, 2011 3:52 pm ]
Post subject:
I had a similar experience. I broke up with my girlfriend of almost two years because I also thought she was boring, wanted new things, and was planning on moving for school. It ended up being a good decision for me, because i'm still moving up the chain while she isn't really going too far. She wasn't the smartest girl... But your story is also very different in one way. After time apart, you still want to be with her, and you know her very, very well. My opinion is absolutely go for it. She will need a bunch of comfort since you were the one who ended it. So taking your time is a good idea. However, it's tough to stay close with someone like that. Be careful not to drag yourself into the Ex's who stay friends and can't move past that. Again, I wouldn't normally suggest getting back together with an ex, i've never done so myself, BUT you sound like you've really got your mind set. Don't let others tell you anything differently.

Author:	jpmorganjr [ Sun Sep 18, 2011 6:23 pm ]
Post subject:	Learn to give
You are repeating the same patterns now that destroyed your relationship the first time. You are attempting to control her to make yourself happy. All of your suggested strategies are about controlled manifestation of outcome. Control is the illusion that your contributions are exclusively causal. They are not. Stop trying to control everything. Let go and start giving instead. I'm not saying buy her shit, I'm saying be and do and act freely from a place of the obvious desire and love you have for her. How do you do this? 1. Stop keeping score. Don't think "I did this, so she should do/feel/want that". Thoughts like this will poison you. 2. Separate need and desire. You do this by letting go of outcome. You can't control it anyway. Imagine you are on a train slowly pulling away from the station while beckoning her to board and come with you...but she has to hurry, because you are leaving. "I want you, but I don't need you." Find a way to believe this deeply. 3. Don't overwhelm her. You were on the right track with not overdoing it, but your REASON for not over-doing it was poor. You were holding back to try to manipulate her into wanting you. This is a recipe for failure. Instead hold back because you care about her and because you know she isn't ready for more. This is more true for you, more fair for her and the best way to build the trust she needs in you after leaving her. Sorry, but...and I say this with as much brotherly love as possible...man the fuck up. You don't deserve her back otherwise.

Author:	safety [ Mon Sep 19, 2011 5:11 am ]
Post subject:
Hey guys, thanks for the input. Genuinely. I woke up this morning though and felt different, Its not like I don't care... I definitely am still thinking about her however the thought of moving on seems alot easier to me all of a sudden ( I think this is probably a sign I should hold out a bit longer to make sure i know what I honestly want) Help me with this one... I feel like what we had was special and it would be idiotic to throw it away. Im young and inexperienced so don't know too much about moving on etc but I want to know if I will be able to reflect on the relationship and be happy with it being just a memory and not a reality? Right now the thought of losing it hurts. I at least wanna be friends. So my contingency for this is that I am going to hang around and see where mine and hers feelings take us (probably won't talk to her for another week or so)

Author:	-enjoi- [ Mon Sep 19, 2011 5:27 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Learn to give
Quote: You are repeating the same patterns now that destroyed your relationship the first time. You are attempting to control her to make yourself happy. All of your suggested strategies are about controlled manifestation of outcome. Control is the illusion that your contributions are exclusively causal. They are not. Stop trying to control everything. Let go and start giving instead. I'm not saying buy her shit, I'm saying be and do and act freely from a place of the obvious desire and love you have for her. How do you do this? 1. Stop keeping score. Don't think "I did this, so she should do/feel/want that". Thoughts like this will poison you. 2. Separate need and desire. You do this by letting go of outcome. You can't control it anyway. Imagine you are on a train slowly pulling away from the station while beckoning her to board and come with you...but she has to hurry, because you are leaving. "I want you, but I don't need you." Find a way to believe this deeply. 3. Don't overwhelm her. You were on the right track with not overdoing it, but your REASON for not over-doing it was poor. You were holding back to try to manipulate her into wanting you. This is a recipe for failure. Instead hold back because you care about her and because you know she isn't ready for more. This is more true for you, more fair for her and the best way to build the trust she needs in you after leaving her. Sorry, but...and I say this with as much brotherly love as possible...man the fuck up. You don't deserve her back otherwise. I was going to post on this thread but then I read this reply. This, all of this, is great advice. I hope you listen to it and learn from it.

Page 1 of 2	All times are UTC
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group http://www.phpbb.com/

Author:	safety [ Mon Sep 19, 2011 11:11 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Learn to give
Quote: You are repeating the same patterns now that destroyed your relationship the first time. You are attempting to control her to make yourself happy. All of your suggested strategies are about controlled manifestation of outcome. Control is the illusion that your contributions are exclusively causal. They are not. Stop trying to control everything. Let go and start giving instead. I'm not saying buy her shit, I'm saying be and do and act freely from a place of the obvious desire and love you have for her. How do you do this? 1. Stop keeping score. Don't think "I did this, so she should do/feel/want that". Thoughts like this will poison you. 2. Separate need and desire. You do this by letting go of outcome. You can't control it anyway. Imagine you are on a train slowly pulling away from the station while beckoning her to board and come with you...but she has to hurry, because you are leaving. "I want you, but I don't need you." Find a way to believe this deeply. 3. Don't overwhelm her. You were on the right track with not overdoing it, but your REASON for not over-doing it was poor. You were holding back to try to manipulate her into wanting you. This is a recipe for failure. Instead hold back because you care about her and because you know she isn't ready for more. This is more true for you, more fair for her and the best way to build the trust she needs in you after leaving her. Sorry, but...and I say this with as much brotherly love as possible...man the fuck up. You don't deserve her back otherwise. this is the advice i have taken most to heart.... enjoy hangin out with her and if it leads to something it leads to something but if not well then fuck it. i have gained a good friend!