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| Newbie seeking Ex gf advice https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=100695 |
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| Author: | Sidnne [ Mon Sep 05, 2011 4:05 am ] |
| Post subject: | Newbie seeking Ex gf advice |
Hi everyone. I'll try my best to keep this story as short as possible, but I also want to provide as much detail as is necessary to get the best advice, so I apologize if it's overly long. I'm a relationship guy and I was in a LTR with a girl for about 14 months, and for a while it was pretty serious. But, over the last couple months, she became increasingly distant, until she finally broke up with me about a month ago. Now then, I was upset at first, but I truly and honestly believe that the breakup was a good thing, for many reasons. First, I got back in touch with a lot of old friends that I hadn't kept in contact with for several years. And second, I learned a lot about myself from it. I started to read PUA material and realized a lot of the mistakes that I had been making in my relationships, including this most recent one. I also became consciously aware of a lot of the things that I had subconsciously been doing right. I stumbled upon a PUA system for "How to get your ex gf back." And implemented this plan exactly as prescribed. Well, the plan worked. I didn't contact her for over 3 weeks, then I texted her last Sunday. We made a few exchanges of smalltalk, then I followed the plan's advice and told her that the breakup was for the best, but it would be a shame to throw away our friendship and asked her if she wanted to hangout and work on being friends again. She agreed. So, on Monday we went to the mall together. I treated the situation as if I were hanging out with an old friend, while focusing on displaying the traits of an attractive male, as per the plan. And just as the plan said, she made the first move. As we were leaving a store, she put her hand on my back and kept it there for a few steps, then slid her hand across to my hip and put her arm around me. I reciprocated by putting my arm around her shoulder, and we walked through the mall with our arms around one another. We then proceeded to a nearby restaurant for a drink and bite to eat. We sat at the bar (my idea) so we could sit next to one another, and she kept putting her head on my shoulder. When we got back to my house, I invited her in, and she came in even though she only had about 20 mins before she had to leave for work. She took a seat on the arm of my couch and I walked over and stood next to her. She grabbed me and hugged me around the waste and put her head on my shoulder. So, I lifted up her head and kissed her. We then proceeded to make out for a bit and ended up laying on the couch holding one another. She had her head resting on my shoulder and was curled up around me, and was saying how she wish she didn't have to leave for work because she just wants to fall asleep on my shoulder. On Wednesday, I invited her to meet me for coffee, and I intentionally suggested a Starbucks that was well out of her way, but she was happy to meet me there anyway. She greeted me with a kiss and then we walked up the block to the Starbucks with our arms around one another. While we were in line, she had one arm around my waist, her head on my shoulder, and she was rubbing my chest with her other hand. She has been very affectionate toward me, hugging me, kissing me, holding my hand, calling me baby, etc. And going along with whatever I suggest. On Thursday, I invited her over for lunch. She came over, we ate lunch, and then we were upstairs having sex, despite her being on her period. While we were laying on my bed, before having sex, I was joking about the panties she was wearing, and she commented "I'm single now, so I don't have to worry about what panties I wear." So, that got me thinking. Back when we broke up, she said she still wanted to be friends, but also still have sex. So, I'm wondering if that's all this is to her. Although, the amount of affection she displays tends to convey that she sees it as more than that. I haven't forced the issue or brought up anything about the relationship. My intention is to just keep displaying the traits of an attractive male, and let her worry about where the relationship goes. But, I would also appreciate any advice, comments, criticisms, etc. from the PUA community. So let me have it! Thanks for bearing with me, if you got this far. |
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| Author: | Marvel2 [ Mon Sep 05, 2011 6:12 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Don't stay with her if what you are looking for is a relationship. Getting back with Ex's can be great, but always remember that you can have any girl you want. Personally, I stay away from hooking up with Ex's in order to keep from developing one-itis. What was your response to her panties comment? |
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| Author: | Sidnne [ Mon Sep 05, 2011 2:24 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Quote: What was your response to her panties comment?
I didn't react to the part about being single and treated it like it was never said. Instead I just made a light remark about the panties being cute on her and continued to kiss and caress her until the panties came off and we had sex.
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| Author: | EddieFews [ Mon Sep 05, 2011 2:56 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
"getting back with an ex is like taking a shower and putting the same dirty clothes back on" "Why give someone a second chance when there's still people waiting on the first" She already beat the game, that's not someone you want to go back to. There are plenty of women out there to give a first chance to. Stop being lazy, your ex is in no way special. History repeats itself bro; the fate of your relationship has already been determined. |
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| Author: | Verain [ Mon Sep 05, 2011 3:29 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Let me ask you a question. If she was sleeping with other people right now would you be comfortable with still hanging around her? If not then maybe you should start seeing other people. Hey maybe you'll find someone better. |
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| Author: | Sidnne [ Mon Sep 05, 2011 3:37 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Quote: "getting back with an ex is like taking a shower and putting the same dirty clothes back on"
This is a matter of philosophy. And while I respect your philosophy, I do not share it."Why give someone a second chance when there's still people waiting on the first" She already beat the game, that's not someone you want to go back to. There are plenty of women out there to give a first chance to. Stop being lazy, your ex is in no way special. History repeats itself bro; the fate of your relationship has already been determined. I'm not being lazy, because during this period of break up, I have been going out and meeting new people and had another girl that I was hooking up with. However, I am 31 and have had my share of relationships. I know what I like in a girl and what I don't like. These other women that I met, I just didn't find them very interesting. History only repeats itself if you do the same things all over again that you did before. She "beat the game" because I had no game then. I unknowingly put her on a pedestal, stopped having my own life, and made her my life. I thought I was doing good by that, not realizing that I was being weak, needy, and insecure. She stopped seeing me as a strong male and lost respect and attraction for me. History doesn't have to repeat itself if I am able to be consciously aware of my behavior, avoid displaying weak traits, and display only attractive traits. As I said in my OP, I am going to let her worry about where things go with us. Until we are "officially" back together (which may or may not happen) I am just going to keep going out and doing what I've been doing, including meeting other women. I still have feelings for her, but I'm not going to put my life on hold for her. |
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| Author: | Sidnne [ Mon Sep 05, 2011 3:41 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Quote: Let me ask you a question. If she was sleeping with other people right now would you be comfortable with still hanging around her? If not then maybe you should start seeing other people. Hey maybe you'll find someone better.
She actually went to the Electric Zoo festival in NYC this weekend. For all I know, she could have been hooking up with dozens of guys all weekend. And that doesn't bother me at all. I am in the mindset that we are not currently together, I have no claim on her, and she can do whatever she wants, but so can I. |
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| Author: | DJ_Z [ Mon Sep 05, 2011 3:48 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
If you can do whatever you want, and you're comfortable with her doing the same, cool. Then don't think about trying to get back together with her and go do other things! |
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| Author: | Don Draper [ Mon Sep 05, 2011 4:07 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Think of it as this way, you have her in a friend capacity and you're still getting sex! Now, this should become your safe haven in the back of your head. Go meet other women, take chances everyday, all of the chances you get you take them.. because even if it doesn't work out with those women.. you still have this one at home giving you what you want i.e. companionship and sex. Don't over-complicate this by feeling a need to slap labels on what you guys have. Have fun. Also, if there is a chance of reconciliation, she will be the one to initiate that. Since, she decide to break up with you, she has to be the one to reconciliate with you. It's that simple. |
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| Author: | skills360 [ Mon Sep 05, 2011 5:57 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Newbie seeking Ex gf advice |
Quote: Hi everyone. I'll try my best to keep this story as short as possible, but I also want to provide as much detail as is necessary to get the best advice, so I apologize if it's overly long.
I'm a relationship guy and I was in a LTR with a girl for about 14 months, and for a while it was pretty serious. But, over the last couple months, she became increasingly distant, until she finally broke up with me about a month ago. Now then, I was upset at first, but I truly and honestly believe that the breakup was a good thing, for many reasons. First, I got back in touch with a lot of old friends that I hadn't kept in contact with for several years. And second, I learned a lot about myself from it. I started to read PUA material and realized a lot of the mistakes that I had been making in my relationships, including this most recent one. I also became consciously aware of a lot of the things that I had subconsciously been doing right. I stumbled upon a PUA system for "How to get your ex gf back." And implemented this plan exactly as prescribed. Well, the plan worked. I didn't contact her for over 3 weeks, then I texted her last Sunday. We made a few exchanges of smalltalk, then I followed the plan's advice and told her that the breakup was for the best, but it would be a shame to throw away our friendship and asked her if she wanted to hangout and work on being friends again. She agreed. So, on Monday we went to the mall together. I treated the situation as if I were hanging out with an old friend, while focusing on displaying the traits of an attractive male, as per the plan. And just as the plan said, she made the first move. As we were leaving a store, she put her hand on my back and kept it there for a few steps, then slid her hand across to my hip and put her arm around me. I reciprocated by putting my arm around her shoulder, and we walked through the mall with our arms around one another. We then proceeded to a nearby restaurant for a drink and bite to eat. We sat at the bar (my idea) so we could sit next to one another, and she kept putting her head on my shoulder. When we got back to my house, I invited her in, and she came in even though she only had about 20 mins before she had to leave for work. She took a seat on the arm of my couch and I walked over and stood next to her. She grabbed me and hugged me around the waste and put her head on my shoulder. So, I lifted up her head and kissed her. We then proceeded to make out for a bit and ended up laying on the couch holding one another. She had her head resting on my shoulder and was curled up around me, and was saying how she wish she didn't have to leave for work because she just wants to fall asleep on my shoulder. On Wednesday, I invited her to meet me for coffee, and I intentionally suggested a Starbucks that was well out of her way, but she was happy to meet me there anyway. She greeted me with a kiss and then we walked up the block to the Starbucks with our arms around one another. While we were in line, she had one arm around my waist, her head on my shoulder, and she was rubbing my chest with her other hand. She has been very affectionate toward me, hugging me, kissing me, holding my hand, calling me baby, etc. And going along with whatever I suggest. On Thursday, I invited her over for lunch. She came over, we ate lunch, and then we were upstairs having sex, despite her being on her period. While we were laying on my bed, before having sex, I was joking about the panties she was wearing, and she commented "I'm single now, so I don't have to worry about what panties I wear." So, that got me thinking. Back when we broke up, she said she still wanted to be friends, but also still have sex. So, I'm wondering if that's all this is to her. Although, the amount of affection she displays tends to convey that she sees it as more than that. I haven't forced the issue or brought up anything about the relationship. My intention is to just keep displaying the traits of an attractive male, and let her worry about where the relationship goes. But, I would also appreciate any advice, comments, criticisms, etc. from the PUA community. So let me have it! Thanks for bearing with me, if you got this far. Okay, listen to me and listen to me carefully, NEXT, the sooner you move on the better, i can believe, some people in the community are selling books on how to get back with the ex, whoever it is is a major and i mean major a$#%#$hole: You need a book, and i believe there are some out of the pua community on how TO MOVE ON, Let me tell you what happens ok, when you initially break up with the girl usually the pain for you and her is strong, you are used to each other for a long time, there is something missing for both of you, the best analogy i use is quitting smoking, you can not just go cold turkey is too painful and hard, you start cutting dosage, first 10 cigarrettes, then 9, then 5 until you cut completely, usually most people that break up keep being friends, and sleeping around, for about 3 months, then they cut everything completely... My best advise is either cut it completely, or keep her around and DATE other girls, have rules of not asking too many question or sharing what each other is doing, out of the pull of girls you date find a rebound girl, and then look for the next girl... Do not ever get back with your ex, it will end up eventually breaking up for the same reason you broke up in the first place, TRUST Me, And ex is an example of who you should not date, tatoo that your dick... out! |
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| Author: | Sidnne [ Mon Sep 05, 2011 6:27 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Newbie seeking Ex gf advice |
Quote: Okay, listen to me and listen to me carefully, NEXT, the sooner you move on the better, i can believe, some people in the community are selling books on how to get back with the ex, whoever it is is a major and i mean major a$#%#$hole: You need a book, and i believe there are some out of the pua community on how TO MOVE ON, Let me tell you what happens ok, when you initially break up with the girl usually the pain for you and her is strong, you are used to each other for a long time, there is something missing for both of you, the best analogy i use is quitting smoking, you can not just go cold turkey is too painful and hard, you start cutting dosage, first 10 cigarrettes, then 9, then 5 until you cut completely, usually most people that break up keep being friends, and sleeping around, for about 3 months, then they cut everything completely... My best advise is either cut it completely, or keep her around and DATE other girls, have rules of not asking too many question or sharing what each other is doing, out of the pull of girls you date find a rebound girl, and then look for the next girl... Do not ever get back with your ex, it will end up eventually breaking up for the same reason you broke up in the first place, TRUST Me, And ex is an example of who you should not date, tatoo that your dick... out!
You say that in a very matter of fact way, which is the wrong way to say it. This is your opinion, and maybe what you have encountered in your experience, but it is not fact.I could go on and on about the number of times I've seen friends break up with their girlfriends, only to get back together and have a successful relationship and sometimes even get married, but I'll spare you that drivel. It will only "end up eventually breaking up for the same reason you broke up in the first place" IF you don't know why you broke up in the first place and repeat the same mistakes that you made the first time. Perhaps you should read the book so you have a better understanding of it. Who knows, it might even be able to help you. It's Matt Huston's Ex2 System, with the companion "Train Your Girlfriend" manual. I've used it, and so far it seems to have worked quite well, so I have no reason to doubt it's wisdom. |
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| Author: | skills360 [ Mon Sep 05, 2011 6:45 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Newbie seeking Ex gf advice |
Quote: Quote: Okay, listen to me and listen to me carefully, NEXT, the sooner you move on the better, i can believe, some people in the community are selling books on how to get back with the ex, whoever it is is a major and i mean major a$#%#$hole: You need a book, and i believe there are some out of the pua community on how TO MOVE ON, Let me tell you what happens ok, when you initially break up with the girl usually the pain for you and her is strong, you are used to each other for a long time, there is something missing for both of you, the best analogy i use is quitting smoking, you can not just go cold turkey is too painful and hard, you start cutting dosage, first 10 cigarrettes, then 9, then 5 until you cut completely, usually most people that break up keep being friends, and sleeping around, for about 3 months, then they cut everything completely... My best advise is either cut it completely, or keep her around and DATE other girls, have rules of not asking too many question or sharing what each other is doing, out of the pull of girls you date find a rebound girl, and then look for the next girl... Do not ever get back with your ex, it will end up eventually breaking up for the same reason you broke up in the first place, TRUST Me, And ex is an example of who you should not date, tatoo that your dick... out!
You say that in a very matter of fact way, which is the wrong way to say it. This is your opinion, and maybe what you have encountered in your experience, but it is not fact.I could go on and on about the number of times I've seen friends break up with their girlfriends, only to get back together and have a successful relationship and sometimes even get married, but I'll spare you that drivel. It will only "end up eventually breaking up for the same reason you broke up in the first place" IF you don't know why you broke up in the first place and repeat the same mistakes that you made the first time. Perhaps you should read the book so you have a better understanding of it. Who knows, it might even be able to help you. It's Matt Huston's Ex2 System, with the companion "Train Your Girlfriend" manual. I've used it, and so far it seems to have worked quite well, so I have no reason to doubt it's wisdom. Okay you do have a point, but very very very very small success percentage!!!!! Also it depends on how much time has passed since the break up...You are better of moving on....I broke up with my current girl she came out, a day later to get back... Train your girlfriend manual, SHE IS NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND DUDE! |
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| Author: | Sidnne [ Mon Sep 05, 2011 7:03 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Newbie seeking Ex gf advice |
Quote: Okay you do have a point, but very very very very small success percentage!!!!! Also it depends on how much time has passed since the break up...You are better of moving on....I broke up with my current girl she came out, a day later to get back... Train your girlfriend manual, SHE IS NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND DUDE!
After we broke up, I avoided all contact with her for just under a month. During that time, I was going out, meeting people, and living my life. I'm still doing those things.That period of no contact was very important, because it allowed me to re-establish myself as a man of high value and to realize and correct the things I was doing wrong. In my opinion, it doesn't bode well for you that you got back together the next day, because that didn't leave you with any time to consider why you broke up and to fix those things. The Train Your Girlfriend title is misleading. It is the second part of the program, for after you do get back together. It teaches you how to avoid making the same mistakes, and how to be in control of the relationship so that you can keep her once you get her back. |
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| Author: | skills360 [ Mon Sep 05, 2011 9:28 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Newbie seeking Ex gf advice |
Quote: Quote: Okay you do have a point, but very very very very small success percentage!!!!! Also it depends on how much time has passed since the break up...You are better of moving on....I broke up with my current girl she came out, a day later to get back... Train your girlfriend manual, SHE IS NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND DUDE!
After we broke up, I avoided all contact with her for just under a month. During that time, I was going out, meeting people, and living my life. I'm still doing those things.That period of no contact was very important, because it allowed me to re-establish myself as a man of high value and to realize and correct the things I was doing wrong. In my opinion, it doesn't bode well for you that you got back together the next day, because that didn't leave you with any time to consider why you broke up and to fix those things. The Train Your Girlfriend title is misleading. It is the second part of the program, for after you do get back together. It teaches you how to avoid making the same mistakes, and how to be in control of the relationship so that you can keep her once you get her back. kkkkkkk, first she broke up with me do to a religion issue very very irrational, mostly because of outside pressure, then she realized wtf, and came back, now the train you girlfriend thing, then i agree 100% with you, cause the key issue is to "avoid making the same mistakes" if that is the case, then i am on your side, my experience people do not change, but if you do change which is kind of rare, then it will work... My experience most people do not change and then end up breaking up for the same reason they broke up in the first place... who was the person in need of a change you or her????? |
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| Author: | Sidnne [ Mon Sep 05, 2011 9:38 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Newbie seeking Ex gf advice |
Quote: kkkkkkk, first she broke up with me do to a religion issue very very irrational, mostly because of outside pressure, then she realized wtf, and came back, now the train you girlfriend thing, then i agree 100% with you, cause the key issue is to "avoid making the same mistakes" if that is the case, then i am on your side, my experience people do not change, but if you do change which is kind of rare, then it will work... My experience most people do not change and then end up breaking up for the same reason they broke up in the first place... who was the person in need of a change you or her?????
I was the one who needed to change. I didn't realize it at first though, until I starting reading PUA stuff. I had put her up on a pedestal, was trying to give her everything she wanted at the expense of what I wanted, and made her my purpose. I placed a higher value on her than I placed on myself. Basically, I stopped being the man in the relationship. I was being needy, clingy, approval-seeking, insecure, and weak. I wasn't being a leader, decisive, self-assured, self-controlled, or ambitious.I'm not afraid to admit that. |
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