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How Long Did It Take You To Start Approaching People
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Author:  cg319 [ Sun Aug 28, 2011 6:17 am ]
Post subject:  How Long Did It Take You To Start Approaching People
Well as said in other threads.. I was a WoW gamer, not popular in High School, I have a big nose, and I have a huge fear of rejection and anxiety problem... the good news is.. I can type when drunk compared to when I first started drinking, I couldn't type for shit.

See example above.

So i've been going to bars and observing people, reactions, body language, males, females and what not for about a little over a month now, and I STILL have yet to muster up the balls to actually approach random mixed sets (which is what most of them are) or even a couple females sets.. the point is.. I have yet to grow balls which I was born with, to approach people.

So I wonder, if you were a loner/outcast/AFC.. how long did it take you to start actually approaching people and learning about opening/approaching. One day, hopefully tomorrow or VERY soon, I'll drop the pair I was born with and actually start approaching girls and learning and opening on them.. it just makes me sad every night that I'm so pathetic I can't get over this approach anxiety and fear of rejection. Just looking for your input here.... and now it's bed time.. night!
Author:  thinhman [ Sun Aug 28, 2011 6:32 am ]
Post subject: 
Let's see... to day is August so.... about 18 and a half years. :P

Yup, that's how long. I was an extremely shy kid growing up. I was terrified of rejection from girls and potential friends alike, so to make sure I didn't get rejected, I didn't make any friends.

Fastforward to college. I have a chance to make a new life for myself. I'm not gonna be like I was. I'm gonna talk to people, make friends, and attract girls. It's been 2 weeks in college so far, and I've talked to over a hundred girls and made a bunch of friends. You might think the girl part was good, but that was really just to get me to stop putting girls on a pedestal. I never made a move on the girls cause I was terrified.

So tonight, I went kareokeing with some friends, not even thinking about attracting girls or anything. And my friends bring along some girls, but I still have the mentality of not caring about how girls think of me. So, I'm just having fun with the girls and my friends. It was awesome. I noticed a very attractive girl in the beginning, but made myself stick to the mentality. At the end, I asked her to take a walk with me. We walked and stargazed and cuddled. Have I ever done this before, nope. Did I do it with a girl I met that night tonight, yes I did.
The reason is because I didn't picture her as this majestic thing on a pedestal. I saw her as a person that would have no affect on my life if she didn't like me. If she didn't like me, there's a good chance I wont see her again, so I went for it. I put my arm around her. And BOOM, the fears of rejection became ridiculous. Like, my eyes wouldn't melt or anything.

It was awesome, like I've just opened my eyes. Girls are just people. If they don't want to get to know me, then whatever. It doesn't mean that cute girl 5 feet in the other direction doesn't want to get to know me. It wont affect my life if I don't let it. So I don't think about rejection. I brush it off, so it doesn't affect my life.

I'm also in the process of training my mind to think of all girls as just people.

Well, that's my story. Goodluck with yours!
Author:  safety [ Sun Aug 28, 2011 6:47 am ]
Post subject: 
The more you to people the more you will realize they are exactly like you are. They may be a little more extrovert but you will become that once you learn tonenjoy social interaction. The best thing you can do right now is go and get rejected. You will see how little it actually affects you and from then in you shouldn't have much more than a little anxiousness from time to time.
Author:  tnchn66 [ Sun Aug 28, 2011 10:46 am ]
Post subject: 
wow 68 posts in this forum and still no approaches?
What i like to do is to be in the talkative state, which allows me to get rid of my approach anxiety when i go out at night. just approach any random sets like asking for directions and build it up from there. it could be anyone, as long as you just keep urself in the talkative mood.
And for the rejection part, if ur still scared of rejection just get rejected on purpose and see what it feels like.
I remember when i first started I was shit scared, cause of rejection and i kept making excuses to myself "Im too tired,shes busy, she has a boyfriend, tomorrow is better" and that negative mindset is what held me back and probably you right now.
Like just ignore that negative mindset and just talk to the girl and if you seem friendly she will probably like you.
As the above guy said, girls aren't any different to us. Don't treat her any different to how you treat your friends, cause if u do that you will just lower your vaule.
And if u do get rejected, dont take it personally its just LEARNING from ur mistakes and use them to get other girls.

Hope that helps man
Author:  MrHottie [ Sat Sep 03, 2011 3:26 am ]
Post subject: 
The way i sorta got over my approach anxiety was doing the job that i do right now -- FLYERING (handing out flyers to people for this company i work at)

I had to approach WOMEN (cuz our product was dedicated to them) so I had to get over the fear of approaching them (even if my intentions were to just hand them a flyer -- and not mack them -- it was STILL hard)

And then eventually I got put in this "approaching-state" permanently (kind of -- i mean i still "pussy" out here and there -- but trust me, I'm WAY FURTHER than i was before)

So if i had advice, I would say: do something that involves you not only TALKING, but APPROACHING people too to get over your anxiety!
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