PUA Forum :: Inner self not being good enough

I have a similar issue.. I can approach and open a female, talk to her for hours, but the MINUTE i think "i'm not good enough" or "she must think i'm a dork", etc, is the same moment that i fall-flat in performance.

Think of it like this: Your mind (could be) in a negative loop, where it's constantly feeding destructive thoughts, kind of like a tree hitting a dam. Eventually, the trees start chipping away at the dam, putting stress on the concrete.. It's the same concept of what these "inner self-destructive thoughts" are doing to your life.. until eventually, the dam breaks and you can no longer maintain what you were meant to do (and that you WERE doing) before.

So what's some things that can help? Feed yourself positive thoughts.. Like when you notice how your trying to "hurry up for that cashier, cause you feel in the way".. Then slow down and start a conversation with him.. When you are walking next to an HB10 and feel like you should say hi then storm off, stop dead in your tracks and look at her astonished.. The purpose is not to "get you to do more than you are".. It's to "reverse the destructive habit you have formed"... Then once you have forced your mind to realize that you are a living breathing human too, then you will have conquered your thoughts. The next step would just be to add a new habit to seal-the-deal.. So instead of feeding yourself reversal-mindsets you would then add positive-mindsets.. Thinking things like: "Wow this guy looks like he's in a rush, maybe he feels inferior to me, ehh i guess i could start a conversation - maybe that would brighten his day"

That's the way i've overcome them. And honestly - it really blew me away when i realized just how self-destructing i was being.. At first i was in complete denial, until i actually spent the time to focus on how i feel. Then i realized it, corrected it, and now i don't have the issue anymore..

Alternative ideas:
- Look up and read/integrate "The Four Agreements" into your life
- Spend more time having a fun lifestyle.. One that YOU love

Author:	daysofeddiek [ Sun May 08, 2011 9:12 pm ]
Post subject:	Inner self not being good enough
I'll make this quick. My issue is on a mental level, I've got plenty of talent in a wide variety of activities, sports, subjects, etc but struggle to perform better than average. I strongly believe my limiting mind is stopping me from achieving greatness. How do I silence it and actually exceed expectations?

Author:	Rox [ Sun May 08, 2011 10:03 pm ]
Post subject:	Practice
The only way to get better is to practice right? Well there is your answer. And giving yourself other things to think about really helps too. Try and make a goal to do something and don't stop until you do. Distraction can be used in pickup and life, so use it, if it works on chicks, it will work on you.

Author:	Defy [ Mon May 09, 2011 2:51 pm ]
Post subject:
We all have this problem. I've tried different things and I can recommend affirmations (corry sky is great), nlp (I'm still new in this but anchoring is amazing), hypnosis (i like wendi friesen) and one weird thing called tapping (try magnus tapping on youtube).

Author:	AFCdego [ Tue May 10, 2011 7:05 am ]
Post subject:
Constantly remind yourself you literally have nothing to lose. If you tell yourself it enough, you will believe it and in turn your body language will display confidence because you seem not to care and in a positive circle you will end up getting better results. Confidence is key

Author:	eromontamrood [ Tue May 10, 2011 3:45 pm ]
Post subject:
If you've got plenty of talent across a wide range, then that's something to focus on as a positive. Forget about 'struggling to be better than average.' Most people in life have to deal with that. The ones that don't struggle in one area will find they struggle in another. Ignore the things that don't help you. Greatness is something that comes from a lifetime of effort. It doesn't suddenly manifest itself one day unless you've already spent many days overcoming intertia and building momentum. Life is a succession of moments-- focus on this one, right here, right now, and be engaged-- in the next moment you will have incrementally improved. Add up enough of these tiny increments... well, there's your greatness.

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Author:	daysofeddiek [ Wed May 11, 2011 1:29 am ]
Post subject:
Thanks for the feedback guys. I understand your concept of incremental gains and practicing. Let me put it another way with an example that happened to me this weekend. I was playing tennis with a buddy and I was kicking his ass while we were rallying. However, as soon as we started a game and started counting, I made all the mistakes and couldn't play the same way while we were playing for fun. I realize this is a mental issue where I'm so focused on the end result: winning. I notice I'm not having fun anymore, I'm not joking around as I was before, I was so focused on winning that I wasn't playing the same way. I need some help with this because it happens in many other areas of my life.

Author:	TheRightGuy [ Fri May 13, 2011 5:15 am ]
Post subject:
I have a similar issue.. I can approach and open a female, talk to her for hours, but the MINUTE i think "i'm not good enough" or "she must think i'm a dork", etc, is the same moment that i fall-flat in performance. Think of it like this: Your mind (could be) in a negative loop, where it's constantly feeding destructive thoughts, kind of like a tree hitting a dam. Eventually, the trees start chipping away at the dam, putting stress on the concrete.. It's the same concept of what these "inner self-destructive thoughts" are doing to your life.. until eventually, the dam breaks and you can no longer maintain what you were meant to do (and that you WERE doing) before. So what's some things that can help? Feed yourself positive thoughts.. Like when you notice how your trying to "hurry up for that cashier, cause you feel in the way".. Then slow down and start a conversation with him.. When you are walking next to an HB10 and feel like you should say hi then storm off, stop dead in your tracks and look at her astonished.. The purpose is not to "get you to do more than you are".. It's to "reverse the destructive habit you have formed"... Then once you have forced your mind to realize that you are a living breathing human too, then you will have conquered your thoughts. The next step would just be to add a new habit to seal-the-deal.. So instead of feeding yourself reversal-mindsets you would then add positive-mindsets.. Thinking things like: "Wow this guy looks like he's in a rush, maybe he feels inferior to me, ehh i guess i could start a conversation - maybe that would brighten his day" That's the way i've overcome them. And honestly - it really blew me away when i realized just how self-destructing i was being.. At first i was in complete denial, until i actually spent the time to focus on how i feel. Then i realized it, corrected it, and now i don't have the issue anymore.. Alternative ideas: - Look up and read/integrate "The Four Agreements" into your life - Spend more time having a fun lifestyle.. One that YOU love

Author:	daysofeddiek [ Fri May 13, 2011 9:43 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: I have a similar issue.. I can approach and open a female, talk to her for hours, but the MINUTE i think "i'm not good enough" or "she must think i'm a dork", etc, is the same moment that i fall-flat in performance. Think of it like this: Your mind (could be) in a negative loop, where it's constantly feeding destructive thoughts, kind of like a tree hitting a dam. Eventually, the trees start chipping away at the dam, putting stress on the concrete.. It's the same concept of what these "inner self-destructive thoughts" are doing to your life.. until eventually, the dam breaks and you can no longer maintain what you were meant to do (and that you WERE doing) before. So what's some things that can help? Feed yourself positive thoughts.. Like when you notice how your trying to "hurry up for that cashier, cause you feel in the way".. Then slow down and start a conversation with him.. When you are walking next to an HB10 and feel like you should say hi then storm off, stop dead in your tracks and look at her astonished.. The purpose is not to "get you to do more than you are".. It's to "reverse the destructive habit you have formed"... Then once you have forced your mind to realize that you are a living breathing human too, then you will have conquered your thoughts. The next step would just be to add a new habit to seal-the-deal.. So instead of feeding yourself reversal-mindsets you would then add positive-mindsets.. Thinking things like: "Wow this guy looks like he's in a rush, maybe he feels inferior to me, ehh i guess i could start a conversation - maybe that would brighten his day" That's the way i've overcome them. And honestly - it really blew me away when i realized just how self-destructing i was being.. At first i was in complete denial, until i actually spent the time to focus on how i feel. Then i realized it, corrected it, and now i don't have the issue anymore.. Alternative ideas: - Look up and read/integrate "The Four Agreements" into your life - Spend more time having a fun lifestyle.. One that YOU love This is what I've been studying when I first stumbled on The power of now by Eckhart Tolle. His theory tells you to acknowledge your mind and its self-destructing ideas, and to be conscious by stepping out of its realm. Only then can you say "I know what you're doing there, and I'm going to laugh at it because that's not who I am". I've been trying to apply it, but it's really easy to get sucked back into your normal way of doing things. I go through phases where I'll feel real positive for a certain amount of days, but then I hit a stumbling block and fall back down. It's tough to describe, I wish it was consistent thinking. I guess as with many things though, the more you do it, the more it internalizes itself in your mind and becomes something normal. So I'm just going to have to soldier on and keep being positive. It's funny because I recently had a day 2 with someone I met recently, and I asked her what her first impression of me was. Do you know what she said? She said her first impression was that I was a happy and confident person. Can you believe that I've been portraying that but I never knew what I was doing? Anyway, if she had met me 2-3 months ago, it would be the complete opposite. As for the four agreements, I do own the books in my bookshelf. I've read them a long time ago, I should probably read them again since they're quick reads. Thanks for the feedback TheRightGuy.

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