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My approach anxiety
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Author:  KudosV [ Fri Apr 22, 2011 4:50 pm ]
Post subject:  My approach anxiety
Okay so I have major approach anxiety. In my head I have this perfect routine, but I just have trouble getting the confidence to approach girls. I am a good looking guy whose had plenty of girlfriends (one of them was a Cheryl Cole double!), but when it comes to cold approaches I just fear rejection. I'm confident in myself and who I am as a person which is why I fear rejection because it'll destroy my confidence and self-esteem.

Any tips or advice?
Author:  Infamous110 [ Fri Apr 22, 2011 7:39 pm ]
Post subject: 
Once you get rejected, you can realise you're not dead and I imagine you'll be fine.

If your confidence hinges on a single approach then you're doomed to failure.
Author:  KudosV [ Sat Apr 23, 2011 2:17 pm ]
Post subject: 
I know it's awful; I hate it! I went out last night with my friend to this club called Oceana in Cardiff (where I live) and I had my game all planned out in my head but when I was there my approach anxiety got the better of me. I'm really not sure how I should be looking at it. I spent most of my time on the dance floor anyway, but I need to approach girls. Unfortunately the music is EXTREMELY loud. :s
Author:  Infamous110 [ Sat Apr 23, 2011 2:55 pm ]
Post subject: 
Oceana has its benefits. There are quiet rooms all over the place and you can bounce around between very different environments.

There is no magic pill. You don't need to run a perfect routine. Just start with baby steps. Extend your conversations with the hot dog girls, compliment people on random things and introduce yourself.

The girls are there for it and Cardiff is full of whores.

You can't possibly do worse than some of the guys at places like that.
Author:  KudosV [ Sat Apr 23, 2011 4:37 pm ]
Post subject: 
Yeah there's definitely a lot of whores here lol.

Fearing the worst makes me not even try and that's self-defeating. How should rejection be dealt with? Unfortunately my wingman here doesn't have a clue (I'm not from here and my best mates are all at home) so that doesn't fill me with confidence.
Author:  Jykae [ Sat Apr 23, 2011 4:43 pm ]
Post subject: 
I would suggest that go and get rejected. Pick out a girl, choose an opener and deliver it. Focus on getting rejected and see what it feels like.

Just face your fears. don't try to get the girl. Try to be in the moment and think "i just got rejected. how do i feel like right now?".
Author:  KudosV [ Sat Apr 23, 2011 4:59 pm ]
Post subject: 
I'm going to try it tomorrow (my next field test). Some more people will be out and think there'll be some girls too. Either way (girls or no girls in our group), it'll be another opportunity! I have no excuses. Basically... I need to man-the-fuck-up and deliver my opener.
Author:  new2game [ Sun Apr 24, 2011 8:49 am ]
Post subject: 
Ok, step 1
Hired guns!

Walk past a shop, whatever it be (alcohol, clothing, sex toys, whatever).
Walk in and pretend to look at something. Without a doubt some girl will come over and ask you if you need help. Say "yes im looking for xxx".

She will talk about something then you simply state "you know what, im not really interested in that, I thought you were cute and wanted to talk to you".

Being a hired gun she will be nice. Get that first approach over and you will think to yourself "omg what was i scared of? being laughed at? give me a break."

No one will think your a loser. She will think your a little charmer and give you a giggle or a compliment "ohh haha, you charmer". If it doesnt work just say 'hey it was fun talking to you blablabla'
Author:  Melodical [ Sun Apr 24, 2011 10:43 am ]
Post subject: 
Even if you approached 50 girls a night how many do you think would be interested in after you get to know them? A select few I would think.
If truth be told approaching is a numbers game and if a girl doesn't respond in a friendly way after the first 5 minutes best thing to do is go and approach someone else; why waste time on someone who isn't a friendly nice girl.

The answer to your problem is to replace the word "approach" in your post with the word "Screening" then re-read it to yourself: looks totally different now doesn't it :-)
Author:  KudosV [ Sun Apr 24, 2011 11:33 am ]
Post subject: 
That's so true. I just need to think "fuck it" and open sets. I am a confident guy and I worked in retail throughout college (beer money) so I've dealt with all types of people. Now I've graduated from uni (Well, last July), I just need to put all that experience and knowledge into action. I've been reading up on the Cube so I'm eager to try that out and see what results I get.

I some times think I might rely on my looks a bit too much and I need to get over that.
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