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Intimidating - Comfort Building
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Author:  Omerta6 [ Mon Nov 01, 2010 4:51 am ]
Post subject:  Intimidating - Comfort Building
Hey Guys,

I apparently come off as intimidating to girls. I smile all the time, I'm confident and keep myself entertained but have a hard time building comfort with girls quickly and in a way that I don't have to spend a lot of time with me before they become comfortable.

I'm not exactly sure what is causing this impression, I mean once anyone gets to know me they get past their first impressions.

I'm not covering alot of specific behaviors I know, ask a question and I will answer it in the most detail I can.
Author:  $uave [ Mon Nov 01, 2010 5:10 am ]
Post subject: 
I'm a total AFC but if you are interested in my opinion...talk to them about feelings, or make them talk about something they like and ask how that makes them feel...keep talking, change subjects but keep on emotional level...I think you got it+ don't neg them too often...I made that mistake way too often...and even too many DHV's can turn girl off...some girls might think you are too good for them especially if they have low self esteem.
Author:  Omerta6 [ Wed Nov 17, 2010 12:05 am ]
Post subject: 
Yeah, I think your right. It defiantly has something to do with me rejecting to connect with them on an emotional level.

I'm still kinda fucked up from my last break-up. I'm not sure how to open up, without going to AFC..
Author:  Roz [ Wed Nov 17, 2010 1:35 am ]
Post subject: 
If, and only if, you truly come off as "intimidating" to girls, then one of the best ways in my opinion to make them feel more comfortable is by telling them a sob story. Use your last breakup to your advantage- tell her how fucked up you are after it.

Girls LOVE a sob story, and we love a guy we can "fix". I once found out in a conversation with this guy that his mother died a few years back... I can't tell you how close I felt to him in that moment. I actually ended up dating him for quite some time.

Now, I'm not saying to make up a lie about your mother dying, but I think you get the point. The "sob story" works best, I find, with guys that appear intimidating and especially with a guy that I perceived as a "player". True or not, it will make her feel like she knows you better than all the other girls, and therefore, it will create comfort.

Note: the story should be used as a one time thing with a girl- don't bring it up too often when you're with her. And don't drag it on too much.. end on a good note like "but anyway... life goes on/ that's the past /enough of that... now you have to tell me something about you".

-Roz
Author:  Omerta6 [ Wed Nov 17, 2010 4:09 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
If, and only if, you truly come off as "intimidating" to girls, then one of the best ways in my opinion to make them feel more comfortable is by telling them a sob story. Use your last breakup to your advantage- tell her how fucked up you are after it.

Girls LOVE a sob story, and we love a guy we can "fix". I once found out in a conversation with this guy that his mother died a few years back... I can't tell you how close I felt to him in that moment. I actually ended up dating him for quite some time.

Now, I'm not saying to make up a lie about your mother dying, but I think you get the point. The "sob story" works best, I find, with guys that appear intimidating and especially with a guy that I perceived as a "player". True or not, it will make her feel like she knows you better than all the other girls, and therefore, it will create comfort.

Note: the story should be used as a one time thing with a girl- don't bring it up too often when you're with her. And don't drag it on too much.. end on a good note like "but anyway... life goes on/ that's the past /enough of that... now you have to tell me something about you".

-Roz
I'll give this a shot. I'm usually not used to opening up about whats bothering me to people and well I guess emotional conversations in general I don't really bring up on my own. They just don't seem like interesting topics.

That was a good perspective you described, thanks.
Author:  Grand Master [ Thu Nov 18, 2010 5:33 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
one of the best ways in my opinion to make them feel more comfortable is by telling them a sob story.
-Roz
It's good to show a little bit of your vulnerable and sensitive side. But telling a sob story to someone I have just met? I would NEVER do that under any circumstances. I agree that it might create a strong bonding specially if even the girl has experienced something similar in her past but it is not a good way to create that bonding at all. There's a lot of negative energy in this.
Quote:
I apparently come off as intimidating to girls.
Probably you are making a wrong assumption here. It might not be intimidation, and you need to find out what it is exactly. May be you need to be more interesting or more funny.

If you are not able to get to the bottom of it even then I have a piece of advice for you. Make them laugh. Actually humour is one of the best and easiest ways to build comfort instantly. Everybody likes to laugh, and it makes us feel better. Have you ever had a friend who makes everybody laugh and people just love to be around him, everybody misses him when he is not around and people always speak well of him even in his absence? That's what I am talking about. A great sense of humour could be one of the biggest weapons in your armoury in your dating life and elsewhere.
A word of caution here: Use humour sparingly when you are with a girl. This is because if you become that goofy clown who makes her laugh all the time then she might use you just for entertainment purposes only. So always use your best judgement to decide when to stop.

Go read some books on humour and comedy. If you don't want to spend money on books then do a Google search and you will find more free info than you can use.


Good Luck. :wink:
Author:  Roz [ Thu Nov 18, 2010 7:07 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
But telling a sob story to someone I have just met? I would NEVER do that under any circumstances.
I agree, there's a time and a place for these stories... you can't just go up to a girl at the club and say "Hey I'm X, guess what! My dog died last week!"... when I suggested the OP use a sob story, I imagined him in a more layed back setting, talking one-on-one with a girl for some time.

A moment of vulnerability can work wonders, especially if it comes from an intimidating and exceedingly confident "ladies" man. As women, we like to nurture; if you open up to us and give us something to feed on, we will inevitably feel a sense of attachment to you. A little bit of sympathy can go a long way in creating comfort, and I've felt it first hand.

Anyway, I really do suggest you give it a try... I may have a weak spot for sob stories, but I'm not the only one :wink:.


-Roz
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