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Help - I realised I'm stuck in dating mentality
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Author:  skypirate1965 [ Fri Nov 06, 2009 12:05 am ]
Post subject:  Help - I realised I'm stuck in dating mentality
Hi Guys,

I hope this is an easy one to deal with. I seem to be stuck in the old mentality of dating. I arrange 'dates' but they seem to slide far to quickly back into dating mode which is good as fucking useless.I usually don't even get the LJBF bit.

I guess I need to establish the overall frame at the start. Make it a quick (no longer than 30 minutes meeting) Drinks only. Shared costs. If the girl is late I will carry on but not chase her. I think I need to find some alternatives to 'dates'. Oh I just thought of one - searching for a book (could be anything really) for a friend, get my 'date' to help find a book. I need to brainstorm ideas.

Anyone else find they slip back into old ways in this area? I have made improvements and not putting up with as much shit as before. As an example I have a meeting lined up for tomorrow, the girl suggested an earlier meeting time, only half hour so no problem for me. I did tell her that I may be late and she should make sure that my favourite drink is ready waiting for me. let's see if she complies.
Author:  peakperformance [ Fri Nov 06, 2009 11:06 am ]
Post subject: 
Yep Im having the same "problems". Tho I dont see how you can have 2-3 dates with the same girl in a short period of time without actually going on a "date"? I mean u can't just look for a book to ur friend every time can u.. I guess u hav to make it so that there is little as possible time with u and the girl alone just sitting at a cafe etc
Author:  skypirate1965 [ Fri Nov 06, 2009 2:42 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hi peakperformance,

thanks for your comments. It's funny but I've been analysing my 'dating' which goes back to my 20s and early 30s. It's amazing how pathetic an AFC I was (Putting up with girls being late. Putting up with cancellations. Getting suckered into paying a lot of cash for things on dates. You name a lame thing and I did it!) I think that background I have that a 'date' is meet for movie then a drink is still deeply ingrained in me. I think I just have to redefine it as the activity the girl or woman will join in with me. If they don't like what I suggest doing then they can take a hike.

I think it also depends on what type of speed you're playing the game.For me I sometimes , a lot of the time actually , fit in 'dates' around my social life, work and domestic responsibilities (I have young daughter who I have lots of access to) So typically a first 'date' for me is to establish interest and to qualify them.I'm not keen on the idea of sex on the first date so logisitics do not matter. Second date onwards I would lead it more sexually. I am usually trying to establish my expectations early on nowadays. I will typically mention the statistic (God knows if it's true) that 90% of women will have sex by the 3rd date.

Interesting point you made. I assume it's best to vary the type of activity done on each date. I'm just brainstoming now - book search, walk in the park,visit an art gallery,lots of different things. I think it's just a matter of calibrating to both people. The next time I'm due to set up a date with a porty type I think I'm going to suggest doing frisbee golf. Well it's certainly different! I think it's just a matter of being creative with the activity and only as a last resort do the movie and dinner/drink thing
Author:  FunkyFresh [ Thu Feb 18, 2010 8:02 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hi skypirate,

In my opinion, if you wish to have sexual relationship its important to convey a sexual frame all the way from the first date. However, also changing from sexual to serious to funny and so on in one evening can be very powerful as well. The important thing is to keep her intrested AND attracted to you. Also, make yourself busy. Let her know your a busy man and by hanging out with her your sacrificing your valuable time.

Also to add to your brainstorm: I like my wingman peakperformance's idea of asking a girl to come help you pick out a cologne. Along the same lines you can ask her to be your 'queer eye' when shopping for clothes or accessories for example. The options are limitless. You can ask her to join you for a hike or a coffee which is my favorite.

Make sure that when you do go out with her, you enjoy yourself. Dont go to an art gallery if you couldnt give a fuck about art. If you do, then go by all means.
Author:  skypirate1965 [ Fri Feb 19, 2010 5:59 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Hi skypirate,

In my opinion, if you wish to have sexual relationship its important to convey a sexual frame all the way from the first date. However, also changing from sexual to serious to funny and so on in one evening can be very powerful as well. The important thing is to keep her intrested AND attracted to you. Also, make yourself busy. Let her know your a busy man and by hanging out with her your sacrificing your valuable time.

Also to add to your brainstorm: I like my wingman peakperformance's idea of asking a girl to come help you pick out a cologne. Along the same lines you can ask her to be your 'queer eye' when shopping for clothes or accessories for example. The options are limitless. You can ask her to join you for a hike or a coffee which is my favorite.

Make sure that when you do go out with her, you enjoy yourself. Dont go to an art gallery if you couldnt give a fuck about art. If you do, then go by all means.
Thanks FunkyFresh,

ironically I've decided to wean myself off the online stuff (I've been getting a reasonable amount of meets but still end up nowhere - I need to concentrate on non-PUA issues with a death in my family - and give it all a break and start from afresh in a month or two - start from cold approaching - online has been too much of a crutch) and I have a meet tonight. I've already 'warned' the woman I'll only have a maximum 45 minutes to an hour to meet. Strangely this woman I'm due to meet I know almost nothing about apart from her name,age and how she looks - same for her. Should be interesting. I may try running the Cube on her after a little fluff talk...if I can pace it well I could leave her hanging during the interpretation - or the rings thing. Leave her wanting more.

One thing I've realised, after attending a social event , is that I like to complete stories and also I overdo topics. I'm not leaving open loops and not going for a wide rapport. The other thing I'm not doing is Push-Pull, I have to try cutting rapport deliberately at times. One plan I have is to make sure I excuse myself possibly twice during the meet so I can gather my thoughts. Once I start talking I'm on autopilot too much and the conversation slips into standard boring shit.A timeout should help. Also very good point about changing the vibe or tome of the conversation - something I MUST do.

Lot's of things I can try tonight so it's going to be a learning experience whatever happens
Author:  FunkyFresh [ Sat Feb 20, 2010 11:07 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Thanks FunkyFresh,

ironically I've decided to wean myself off the online stuff (I've been getting a reasonable amount of meets but still end up nowhere - I need to concentrate on non-PUA issues with a death in my family - and give it all a break and start from afresh in a month or two - start from cold approaching - online has been too much of a crutch) and I have a meet tonight. I've already 'warned' the woman I'll only have a maximum 45 minutes to an hour to meet. Strangely this woman I'm due to meet I know almost nothing about apart from her name,age and how she looks - same for her. Should be interesting. I may try running the Cube on her after a little fluff talk...if I can pace it well I could leave her hanging during the interpretation - or the rings thing. Leave her wanting more.

One thing I've realised, after attending a social event , is that I like to complete stories and also I overdo topics. I'm not leaving open loops and not going for a wide rapport. The other thing I'm not doing is Push-Pull, I have to try cutting rapport deliberately at times. One plan I have is to make sure I excuse myself possibly twice during the meet so I can gather my thoughts. Once I start talking I'm on autopilot too much and the conversation slips into standard boring shit.A timeout should help. Also very good point about changing the vibe or tome of the conversation - something I MUST do.

Lot's of things I can try tonight so it's going to be a learning experience whatever happens
All I can say is that you're on the correct path. You're identifying your mistakes and sticking points and taking care of them.

I have a few movie recommendations for you:
Spread- A really good example of the sexual frame you want to acquire
Dead Poets Society- Helps build inner game

Also, let it be clear to her that you WANT her, but you most certainly DON'T NEED her. I like your attitude, keep it up my man! Learning experience all the way :) Carpe Diem baby!
Author:  skypirate1965 [ Sun Feb 21, 2010 9:53 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
Thanks FunkyFresh,

ironically I've decided to wean myself off the online stuff (I've been getting a reasonable amount of meets but still end up nowhere - I need to concentrate on non-PUA issues with a death in my family - and give it all a break and start from afresh in a month or two - start from cold approaching - online has been too much of a crutch) and I have a meet tonight. I've already 'warned' the woman I'll only have a maximum 45 minutes to an hour to meet. Strangely this woman I'm due to meet I know almost nothing about apart from her name,age and how she looks - same for her. Should be interesting. I may try running the Cube on her after a little fluff talk...if I can pace it well I could leave her hanging during the interpretation - or the rings thing. Leave her wanting more.

One thing I've realised, after attending a social event , is that I like to complete stories and also I overdo topics. I'm not leaving open loops and not going for a wide rapport. The other thing I'm not doing is Push-Pull, I have to try cutting rapport deliberately at times. One plan I have is to make sure I excuse myself possibly twice during the meet so I can gather my thoughts. Once I start talking I'm on autopilot too much and the conversation slips into standard boring shit.A timeout should help. Also very good point about changing the vibe or tome of the conversation - something I MUST do.

Lot's of things I can try tonight so it's going to be a learning experience whatever happens
All I can say is that you're on the correct path. You're identifying your mistakes and sticking points and taking care of them.

I have a few movie recommendations for you:
Spread- A really good example of the sexual frame you want to acquire
Dead Poets Society- Helps build inner game

Also, let it be clear to her that you WANT her, but you most certainly DON'T NEED her. I like your attitude, keep it up my man! Learning experience all the way :) Carpe Diem baby!
Thanks - I will check out Spread. Dead Poets Society - interesting - Sieze the moment - I specially remember the scene where the schoolkids are shown an old photo of former students and it really does drum in that you have limited time on this planet. I think The Shawshank Redemption is another excellent movie to watch for reminding you of patience and persistence.

The update of the meet. Brief version. Met had drinks - she paid for them! Negative body language from her. She seems very guarded. She laughed quite a few times. She hated the idea of personality tests - so I didn't insist on The Cube. I was going to try the Ring Finger pattern routine but she was VERY clued up on Greece and that may have been tempting fate as the routine refers to Greek gods. I got in lots of kino by touching her knee and holding hands a little. I tried to set a 2nd meet at the end (I must pursue this stronger and clearer as it will prevent girls from flaking - momentum is important - being swept off their feet is a key to seduction) Managed to suggest/steer for another meet this Tuesday. Have got an email agreeing to it. I plan to do a few venues and steer it back to her place - I must escalate and I need to find a 'reason' to end up at her place. She's an arty, reader, music lover sort - I think I'll get her talking about those again and find out if she has anything she can show me, listen to, check...
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