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I get so serious that girls need time to evaluate their life
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Author:  Icenberg [ Sun Dec 21, 2014 1:30 pm ]
Post subject:  I get so serious that girls need time to evaluate their life
I tend to give girls huge dilemmas

I've met about 16 girls so far this year. Had sex with 6 of them and 2 of them were girls I could really see myself with.

I texted quite a lot and I sparked strong feelings with both of them before the first date. The dates were both over two days and I had sex and good chemistry with both the girls on the date.

My problem seems to be that when I continue like I did before the dates, it's like the rules have changed. All of a sudden I feel like my flirting is bothering them and they feel I'm too emotionally invested. With both of these girls it ended with them saying they need to take some time and focus on them self, and then they go into the typical slut period where they just party and live life, while initially they both gave the impression of being serious.

Is it right that after a good first date I should tone it down and be less eager than I was before the date?

Like the 2nd girl would tell me before the date that even if she never let guys get under her skin, I managed to do so and that she already felt I mean something to her. After the date which went great with a weekend of lots of sex and fun activities all of a sudden she needs time to get a view on her life.
Author:  Hunter_Foxe [ Sat Dec 27, 2014 1:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I get so serious that girls need time to evaluate their
Don't judge party girls who sleep around. This judgmental mindset will prevent you from fucking them. If you are not a slut for sleeping around, neither are they.

It's likely that you are getting attached after sex. You might feel like you're not changing your behaviour, but I strongly suspect you are becoming more needy without realising it.

Post some example screen shots of texts you sent before sex vs. texts sent after. Also include how often you text.
Author:  Icenberg [ Sun Dec 28, 2014 7:51 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I get so serious that girls need time to evaluate their
Quote:
Don't judge party girls who sleep around. This judgmental mindset will prevent you from fucking them. If you are not a slut for sleeping around, neither are they.

It's likely that you are getting attached after sex. You might feel like you're not changing your behaviour, but I strongly suspect you are becoming more needy without realising it.

Post some example screen shots of texts you sent before sex vs. texts sent after. Also include how often you text.
This is an example from yesterday. All texts are within one to two minutes apart:

She starts by messaging me with a picture of a mountain she hiked that day and writes: crazy powder today

I reply: omg! Just slap that in my face as I'm trying to work here in my office;)
She replies with another picture from the trip
Me:bah, I want as well
She: you went yesterday;)
Me: cant get enough:p

Then I post a screenshot of the confirmation email of some new gear I bought to her, and I write "at least I get something done here"

She: :)
Me: guess it goes without saying, but it was fun today, yes?:p
She: yes!
She: sick!
Me: no doubt about my level of envyness
Me: yesterday was cold and mostly packed snow. Some ares with good powder
She: just 20-25 angle on that mountain today, but was smoooooooth
Me: yeah looks smooooooth!
She: think we will do it again tomorrow
Me: nah, just stay inside;)
Me: would consider my mountain tomorrow too if it wasn't for -24c temperature
She: ouch
She: -2c here
Me: I'll wish for a cabin in that area for next Christmas. I'll take my whole 5 weeks vacation there when it's so cold here
Me: cold and BITTER!
Me: :p
She: haha just like that!
Me: was it those mountains we saw from the boat?

She explains a bit about the geography in the area and posts some pictures

Me: I think I understand where now
Me: at least I pretend to
She: hehe
Me (playing on an internal joke about me guiding in those mountains based on what she thought me) not those mountains I'll be guiding anyways
Me: it'll be "name of the biggest mountain in the area"
Me: straight to the summit
Me: like a baws
She: good

Then theres is like 30 minutes of nothing between us. Would have thought she would say something more.

I message her: hope I get my new board soon!
She: I bet you'll get it soon
Me: it's being sent internationally
Me: when are you getting your freestyle board?;)
She:hehe..... Not soon
Me: it's now the parks are opening
Me: railjam-(her name) (trying to make a nickname to tease her about freestyle skills she claim she don't have)
She: I think I'll just go for powder;)
Me: :)

Conversation stopped here at 8pm yesterday.

What I find hard is that before I would type more flirty, but since she have told me she needs time to get a view on her life before involving someone else in her life and I responded by saying I'll give her time, then now I feel I can't be flirty cause it will be needy and awkward for her. Not also that she keeps initiating contact with me even though she said she needed time. It's been 10 days since she said that and this is the 3rd time she writes me, but she sends me snap pictures daily (I just respond to a few of those ). I haven't initiated contact in this period.
Author:  JackZero [ Sun Dec 28, 2014 8:09 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I get so serious that girls need time to evaluate their
You are not keeping her off balance. What I mean by that is that she knows exactly where she stands with you, so you've become instantly boring because she has no more work to do to keep you around. There is nothing intriguing about you anymore. There is a reason you don't tell a woman that you like her. There is a reason you don't tell them you want to be in a relationship with them. These text messages are overboard. You are talking about irrelevant stuff, so she knows that you are into her and you would probably drop what you are doing if she wanted you to come around.

It seems like you need to start disciplining yourself a bit. After you have sex with them, start one word responding to them in text messages. After sending her one or two texts, wait an hour before you respond to anything else. Don't be so available, but at the same time don't cut her off. It will keep that feeling of imbalance there for her so that she has a reason to keep qualifying herself to you.
Author:  Icenberg [ Sun Dec 28, 2014 8:43 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I get so serious that girls need time to evaluate their
Quote:
You are not keeping her off balance. What I mean by that is that she knows exactly where she stands with you, so you've become instantly boring because she has no more work to do to keep you around. There is nothing intriguing about you anymore. There is a reason you don't tell a woman that you like her. There is a reason you don't tell them you want to be in a relationship with them. These text messages are overboard. You are talking about irrelevant stuff, so she knows that you are into her and you would probably drop what you are doing if she wanted you to come around.

It seems like you need to start disciplining yourself a bit. After you have sex with them, start one word responding to them in text messages. After sending her one or two texts, wait an hour before you respond to anything else. Don't be so available, but at the same time don't cut her off. It will keep that feeling of imbalance there for her so that she has a reason to keep qualifying herself to you.
Is it too late to start with doing that with this one?

This is how we texted before (a month before the date ).

She: I'm so bad at going to bed early :)
She: just had a glass of water, still thirsty, jeez
Me: I'm good at semi sleeping on the sofa:p
Me: I think you need another glass of water then
She: oh, but I can't be bothered to get dressed, and I can't be bothered freezing
Me: dilemma! Blanket, run, drink, quickly
She: hehe
She: can't you just bring me a glass?
Me: yeeees
Me: be there in two minutes
She: nice
She: my lips are dry
Me: I can fix that as well
She: great
Me: you only have one blanket
She: I'll prepare another one if you come
Me: else I'm a good sharer
She: we can share
Me: think that's the best
Me: wouldn't want you to waste energy preparing another
She: hehe
She: plus, my toes hurt
Me: I'll fix that too
Me: make you think about something else
She: :)
Me: :)
Me: new dilemma
She: I got waaaaaater
Me: good
Me: but you don't have anyone to cuddle with. Play with your hair and touch your arm
She: buhu
Me: but dilemma then, arm or hair?
She: my hair
Me: noted

And so it goes on for a while. Thing is I respond more flirty cause I'm convinced she is down with it. But now that "she needs some space" I'm scared of acting the same way
Author:  JackZero [ Sun Dec 28, 2014 9:04 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I get so serious that girls need time to evaluate their
Quote:
Quote:
You are not keeping her off balance. What I mean by that is that she knows exactly where she stands with you, so you've become instantly boring because she has no more work to do to keep you around. There is nothing intriguing about you anymore. There is a reason you don't tell a woman that you like her. There is a reason you don't tell them you want to be in a relationship with them. These text messages are overboard. You are talking about irrelevant stuff, so she knows that you are into her and you would probably drop what you are doing if she wanted you to come around.

It seems like you need to start disciplining yourself a bit. After you have sex with them, start one word responding to them in text messages. After sending her one or two texts, wait an hour before you respond to anything else. Don't be so available, but at the same time don't cut her off. It will keep that feeling of imbalance there for her so that she has a reason to keep qualifying herself to you.
Is it too late to start with doing that with this one?

This is how we texted before (a month before the date ).

She: I'm so bad at going to bed early :)
She: just had a glass of water, still thirsty, jeez
Me: I'm good at semi sleeping on the sofa:p
Me: I think you need another glass of water then
She: oh, but I can't be bothered to get dressed, and I can't be bothered freezing
Me: dilemma! Blanket, run, drink, quickly
She: hehe
She: can't you just bring me a glass?
Me: yeeees
Me: be there in two minutes
She: nice
She: my lips are dry
Me: I can fix that as well
She: great
Me: you only have one blanket
She: I'll prepare another one if you come
Me: else I'm a good sharer
She: we can share
Me: think that's the best
Me: wouldn't want you to waste energy preparing another
She: hehe
She: plus, my toes hurt
Me: I'll fix that too
Me: make you think about something else
She: :)
Me: :)
Me: new dilemma
She: I got waaaaaater
Me: good
Me: but you don't have anyone to cuddle with. Play with your hair and touch your arm
She: buhu
Me: but dilemma then, arm or hair?
She: my hair
Me: noted

And so it goes on for a while. Thing is I respond more flirty cause I'm convinced she is down with it. But now that "she needs some space" I'm scared of acting the same way
These are the text messages that allowed you to fuck her. They were proper for what you wanted from her. The only problem that I see is that you waited for her to initiate the flirtation. And you are falling into the same trap and waiting for her to do it again. If I were you, the next text that I received from her I would go back to that same flirty talk and if she didn't fall in line with it, I wouldn't text her back until she started a new line of conversation and I'd start all over again.
Author:  Icenberg [ Sun Dec 28, 2014 9:20 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I get so serious that girls need time to evaluate their
I'll try and do that. First keep it to one word and be unavailable or just type like I did before? Before that text we would be even more flirty and I never waited for her respons, but then she became more distant and started talking about having some issues/depression in her life (about two months ago, which also leads me to believe her when she says that she need a view on her life, but then again I managed meet her and sleep with her after, so maybe creating the right tension will make her forget about her life problems?)

Also she wrote that she needed to get a view like 10 days ago. After that I didn't contact for 3 days, but went snowboarding and posted some pics I know she must have seen on Facebook. The third night she sendt me a snap and I didn't respond. Next day she sendt me 7 and I responded to 2. Then she wrote me drunk that night saying "hi" and nothing more after I replied "hi". A few snaps back and forth. Day before Christmas i went skiing with a good friend of mine (girl hb9 ) and she postet a pic og us on Facebook that she probably saw. Christmas Eve she texted me at midnight wishing me a merry Christmas and asked if I had a good time. Replied the same to her and we chatted a bit. She said I should join a mountain hike she planned for the summer. I just replied that it looks like a cool hike without saying anything about joining. Then two days ago I snapped her a lot as she did with me ( I felt she was going sour after I took a step back on snapping, so I wanted to give her a taste of how it was when we would snap all the time). Then it was the message I posted with the mountains further up in this tread, yesterday.

I'll just treat her like I would when I set up a first date from now then?
Author:  JackZero [ Sun Dec 28, 2014 9:34 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I get so serious that girls need time to evaluate their
Quote:
I'll just treat her like I would when I set up a first date from now then?
After seeing the bigger picture, I would treat her like you did when you first started talking. Then after fucking her again, step back a bit and keep your responses short and limit your responses and delay them.

I'm not much for all of these apps and technology...it just makes you too available and less intriguing.
Author:  Icenberg [ Sun Dec 28, 2014 9:53 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I get so serious that girls need time to evaluate their
Quote:
Quote:
I'll just treat her like I would when I set up a first date from now then?
After seeing the bigger picture, I would treat her like you did when you first started talking. Then after fucking her again, step back a bit and keep your responses short and limit your responses and delay them.

I'm not much for all of these apps and technology...it just makes you too available and less intriguing.
Something like this would be better answers?
she: crazy powder today
I could reply: you trying to work your way into my mind with those pictures, tease;)

She replies with another picture from the trip
Could reply: still not working, I don't even see you in it
Author:  JackZero [ Sun Dec 28, 2014 10:21 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I get so serious that girls need time to evaluate their
Quote:
Something like this would be better answers?
she: crazy powder today
I could reply: you trying to work your way into my mind with those pictures, tease;)

She replies with another picture from the trip
Could reply: still not working, I don't even see you in it
I can't tell you exactly what to say because I'm not you and you have to say the things true to your personality. That being said, you are making your point that you are flirting with her. So that's a good thing.
Author:  Hunter_Foxe [ Sun Dec 28, 2014 12:55 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I get so serious that girls need time to evaluate their
Yep. What Jack said. You're not being challenging enough and you're being too nice to her.

And don't be so easy to impress. Phrases like "WOW! Really??" and "OMG! No way!!!" should not be in your vocabulary.

These girls are not against the idea of a relationship in principle. They are just losing attraction for you because 1) They know a relationship with you will be really predictable and 2) They don't have to earn your affection anymore

When you start seeing a girl, your life shouldn't change to enable a relationship. If anything, her life should change to accommodate yours. You need a life away from girls. Go out with the guys. Go places without inviting her. Keep up hobbies (skateboarding/guitar/drawing etc.). Work on your career / business. Don't tell the girl what you're doing unless she explicitly asks. Be more of a mystery. Keep her on her toes. Make her wonder what you're doing. Stop texting so much to allow her time to miss you.
Author:  Icenberg [ Sun Dec 28, 2014 2:42 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I get so serious that girls need time to evaluate their
Thanks a lot for both answers. I'll mix up respond time, interest level, be less reactive to what she is doing and keep doing my hobbies. I play the guitar, snowboard, hike, skii, workout, social every day, and I got a good career as a manager for a big store. It's silly how my mind genuinely don't give a fark about any of this when I meet a good looking girl that gives me attention and affection.

Crossing my fingers she haven't gotten tired of me and will message me again. Only thing going for me is that I haven't taken imitative to any conversations or snaps the last ten days.

Feels so crap to feel this pathetic!


Edit: what if what she likes in me is that I'm passionate and express it like I do? I mean the photos she is posting are truly crazy with beautiful mountains, snow and crazy powder you just see in pro freeride snowboard movies


Edit2 for those bothering to read. This is the chat we had a month before I came, and pretty mostly the deepest we have talked.

her: i feel more and more like i got big problems setting up a date. Its a situation i cant handle as of now. I really enjoy our contact, but i feel i have to tell that im not sure if i can take the next step. But then again, i feel really down today, so might just be that
me: I understand
her: i mean every word ive told you so far though, just so you know.
me: me too. Sometimes this is out of our control, nothing i can do about it.
her: You are amazing. Wish i had my head and courage with me
me: I find you amazing too. Got to admit ill be bummed out if we dont go further then this
her: me too

me: dont know what to say. I dont think what I see in you will change when we meet. If you are shy or insecure face to face, thats stuff that dont matter. but ive been down before myself, know how it feels

her: in my head i picture all i want to explore and see with you. Got so much to show you, but then i just cant.
me: same with me. You mean something good to me. Dont want to lose that, feels a bit surreal.
her: well, you have me, in many ways
me: might see it a bit dark myself here then

her: dont know whats happening to me. Im usually always happy
me: its allowed to be down sometimes too. Dont make you a bad person. Any specific thoughts of what you are afraid of with meeting me?
her: yeah, at least 100
me: youre smart and creative, perfect reciepe for creating scary thoughts. Side effect of two good qualities though
her: add some bad experiences to that mix
me: got some of those myself. Whatever you are afraid of is not real with me though.
her: as long as you are honest with me
me: been honest since the start. What worries you the most?
her: worried that one of us will fall in love and the other wont, maybe
me: me falling in love with you and you dont want to?
her: or the opposite

me: i feel its a risk worth taking. builiding on what we have now i think will lead to both of us feeling good. Hope im not too far into the future for your liking. If youve been yourself with me, i can hardly see us change.
her: Im trying to be myself, but you kinda dont know how i am untill we meet
me: im pretty sure ill meet the same person ive been talking to for 2 months. Been myself the whole time, wont find it different face to face. I like your personality, comon interestes, how you talk about yourself, me and people around you.
her: you are precious. Its not often someone gets under my skin like that, but you do. Thats a compliment
me: seems like we both been hurt in the past
her: i kinda avoided all situations that could lead to a relationship. it feels too risky. Im toast
me: i see it different than you. getting hurt feels so bad, but i feel i have to take that risk if i want to achieve what i want in life
her: what do you want in life?
me: share it with someone i feel deserve it, but also makes me feel the same. What about you?
her: thats a good answer. For me, i dont know. Its just dark now
me: my thoughts then, when you tell me about trips you want to bring me to etc is that i want nothing more then that. If you dont feel the same we arent at the same spot and odds are i will fall for you without getting the same feelins in return

her: i think we both feel the same way about each other
me: and we are both afraid of not getting anything in return once we meet
her: yes
me: then we are indeed at the same spot
her: except you are more open about it
me: been tru alot, feel i can be more open. Dont make me better than you though. Dont wish anyone else to go tru that
her: <3
me: <3 want to show you so much, make you forget about everything else, work etc
her: im allready there, but on the other side of that scale
me: work is bothering you?
her: no, but everything is just on autopilot. I dont make an effort like i used to
me: i understand
her: only thing i want is go out hiking mountains. Only thing that gives me something of value
me: know that feeling. Id give you a mountain if i could
her: (after 15 minutes, late at night ) kinda feel asleep a bit
me: thats allowed
her: good night <3
me: good night <3
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