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Unable to keep attraction or get them investing in me
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Author:  mm123 [ Thu Oct 30, 2014 5:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Unable to keep attraction or get them investing in me
I seem to really have a sticking point.

I am 33 and my target range are girls between 24-30.

Its not a problem for me to attract girls - not necessarily have them coming over and talk to me, but when I enter a room or I am at a club or bar I very well notice their reaction on me (I'm really tall, athletic and put lots of effort in BL and proper eye contact, or avoiding it. Sometimes I focus so much on looking straight but being aware how the reactions are from the corner of my eyes, that I run into obstacles directly in front of me :)

Once I got a number from a girl who was about to leave the club. Within 30 secs of eye contact I had her coming over to me and not even 2 minutes longer I had her number, which she was dying to hand over to me, but would not say that out loud.

However, getting girls is not a problem, but I totally suck at keeping their interest over texting after the initial meet, although they seem to be interested in the first place.

I am not bad in bed either, I have heard that several times and I often see that surprised face when I fuck them, like "Omg.. OMG, he's.. I didnt expect that.. Holy..@&*%!" and afterwards they smile like a gingerbreadman.

I got to know about 30 girls in the past 6 months, did not have sex with all of them (8), but thats ok. Now you would say "dude whats the point?"

The point is, I am doing this to learn how to GET the girl I really want as a girlfriend when I see her and HAVE HER STAY WITH ME.

The majority of them goes kinda cold over text after a couple of weeks, even days. I'm a busy man, got work to do but I do not want to come across needy by texting them too much or texting them pointless stuff. Also my life happens outside of my computer and cell phone (ie. SPAM and facebook), I have no interest in constantly writing girls, but when I finally have some time to see them I cant get them out, or dont get a response at all.

I am REALLY not clingy and I painstakingly focus on that, also on investing too much, but I also seem to not getting any investment from them. By the way, almost 100 % of the interactions are initiated by me.

It seems I can not get them to put effort in me or get them to chase me, no matter if I indirectly state that I meet or get to know girls regularly or try to convey my interesting hobbies and stuff I do or my attitude towards life, etc.

One thing I suspect: I constantly get stated that I look good and I see that in the reactions I get from girls when they first see me (or tell me). Also, I am possibly kinda mysterious, still, I earn disinterest when I chat up a girl. I suspect, that they have high expectations in me when they see me for the first 30 secs and then are disappointed when they find out that I am just a normal guy.

I also find that some of the tricks I read (not having time to see her, not showing too much interest, etc.) seem to be counter-productive sometimes.

Any suggestions?

Cheers,
mm
Author:  JackZero [ Thu Oct 30, 2014 5:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Unable to keep attraction or get them investing in me
You describe all of your great qualities, but you never described your personality. If you can get a girl to fuck you and they like it, the problem boils down to your personality and how you make them feel when they're around you.
Author:  mm123 [ Thu Oct 30, 2014 6:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Unable to keep attraction or get them investing in me
Good point.

I would say my bad characteristics are: introverted (most of the time), open too quickly to other people, can talk about any shit, too honest sometimes, I think too much. My communication skills are rusty although I think I get the basics (making her laugh, telling stories), I do not have many friends here though since I moved shortly

on the good side is: Confidence, looks (I know, not crucial, but definitely a bonus), optimistic, intelligent, passionate (not only about sex, also about things I do in my life, projects, hobbies, art. etc), ambitious

However, I am not desperate :) I can give her the feeling that if she wants to leave, she is free to do so.
I sometimes think they believe I could have any girl, so what would I want with her and that I would dump her soon. Thats actually not true, I can not have any girl, nor do I want every girl. Actually I am very selective and I even do care about more than just looks (which I was not the case 6 months ago)

I do my best so that they have a good time when I am with them, but I also do my best to avoid them to notice, that I do my best (putting in too much effort). I had really nice dates with all that stuff, however, one of my biggest problems seems to be to connect with her.
Author:  JackZero [ Thu Oct 30, 2014 6:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Unable to keep attraction or get them investing in me
Quote:
introverted (most of the time), open too quickly to other people, can talk about any shit, too honest sometimes
Being introverted can be a good thing when women are trying to figure you out. When you mix that with opening up too quickly, that can kill you. So my bet is, and I'm just guessing, is that after you have sex with women you start talking about everything. That mysterious appeal you have suddenly disappears to her and she starts interpreting it as you moving too fast and she wants to avoid a needy guy.
Author:  mm123 [ Thu Oct 30, 2014 7:48 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Unable to keep attraction or get them investing in me
I can keep up a frame and avoid being introverted, but I also had dates go bad when I tried not to show too much interest.

And I thought (I have read) that having sex kind of "closes the deal", so whats wrong in talking a bit after sex?
I once had sex with a particular girl (1st meet: hugs and number, 2nd meet/1st date: flirting and kissing, 3rd meet: sex at her place) and after that we talked for about 1 hour, listened to music together, lying naked in bed, etc and I told her, that if she wants me to leave, she can tell me so. She didnt, and after 1 hour I decided it was time to go, altough it was still nice (leave on a high note). after a while she also went kind of cold, not totally, but less eager to answer my texts (so I also drew back on texting her) and seemingly not having time to meet up twice since then. (my strategy on her is to freeze out myself)

Also the other way: had a really nice date with a girl (2nd meet), sex at her place (she proposed that), was great (gingerbreadman smile on her face with hearts in her eyes), but I took care not to be too open or interested (be a challenge). after that she went cold. When I called her out after 2 weeks, she said she just didnt "feel it".

so whats the deal? I am sure I am not too bad with my calibration and stuff and there are lots of positive things about me and also still stuff for her to discover about me. And nobody has to be perfect to win a girl over or am I wrong?
Author:  JackZero [ Thu Oct 30, 2014 8:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Unable to keep attraction or get them investing in me
Quote:
And I thought (I have read) that having sex kind of "closes the deal", so whats wrong in talking a bit after sex?
I guess I can be clearer. I'm talking about the communication after you have sex, but not immediate conversation or pillow talk. I'm talking about the next day when you open up about your emotions and feelings. But sex is not closing the deal when it comes to keeping her interests. Women, like men, can have sex with another person and not know anything about them.

As for the other woman that you didn't call for two weeks. She was telling the truth, she didn't feel it. If you laid her right, she would have gotten in contact with you.

I hope the real problem is that you are not too overconfident in your skills in bed. You can't judge how good you are in bed by the looks on her face. There is this thing that women can do called acting.
Author:  Dragula [ Thu Oct 30, 2014 8:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Unable to keep attraction or get them investing in me
Post the text convos

With texting - it's kinda like spinning plates or keeping fires a light, you gotta keep them thinking about you until the arranged meet.

It doesn't require a lot of time, 3/4 texts every 2 daystill the meet is all that is needed.
Author:  mm123 [ Thu Oct 30, 2014 8:31 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Unable to keep attraction or get them investing in me
Quote:
Quote:
And I thought (I have read) that having sex kind of "closes the deal", so whats wrong in talking a bit after sex?
I guess I can be clearer. I'm talking about the communication after you have sex, but not immediate conversation or pillow talk. I'm talking about the next day when you open up about your emotions and feelings.
I did not do that. In fact, for this particular girl, I stated that I am actually not looking for a girlfriend, but left it open if I only want to have sex with her once or a couple of times or even an affair.
Quote:
But sex is not closing the deal when it comes to keeping her interests. Women, like men, can have sex with another person and not know anything about them.
true, and that would also be ok for me, see my comment on first quote. I also had sex with other girls in between
Quote:
As for the other woman that you didn't call for two weeks. She was telling the truth, she didn't feel it. If you laid her right, she would have gotten in contact with you.
She "felt" it :) she was talking about her feelings and connection towards me. What I left out on her is, that both of us agreed upon having an affair and did not want to start anything serious. And I laid her right. afterwards she complained about other guys she had the last 2 years always cumming too fast or not knowing how to touch a woman, she did not lie about that. I know she enjoyed it.
Quote:
I hope the real problem is that you are not too overconfident in your skills in bed. You can't judge how good you are in bed by the looks on her face. There is this thing that women can do called acting.
No one is perfect, but - without wanting to brag about anything, honestly - I know what to do and how and I have heard that several times from surprised women after having sex with me. Maybe I should change my strategy on that, but I think tsex is not the problem.

To bring it back to the point, this is not about those two girls, they are just examples for after-sex-freeze-out. There were also opposite examples. I seem to have that problem in keeping them interested when I am not with them

cheers,
mm
Author:  mm123 [ Thu Oct 30, 2014 8:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Unable to keep attraction or get them investing in me
Quote:
Post the text convos
they are in german
Quote:
With texting - it's kinda like spinning plates or keeping fires a light, you gotta keep them thinking about you until the arranged meet.

It doesn't require a lot of time, 3/4 texts every 2 till the meet is all that is needed.
I text even less often, sometimes I do not contact her for a week, but it also happens that they just do not reply to my last text in a convo. I know its not good to send a second text if she does not reply, so I dont. NExt time I initiate a convo I am the idiot. If I dont initiate, they do not text either --> no convo, no contact

All the crap with
- not too many questions
- make statements
- be light hearted and playful
- ping messages
- etcetc
I know about that stuff and I apply it

If I do not reply to her last text AND/OR am the one who ends it, no contact either until I initiate.

I know they often play uninterested by not replying and testing my reaction, but I can not tell that from real disinterest or really being busy anymore. That also happens with Tinder girls a lot, but thats a different story.
Author:  JackZero [ Thu Oct 30, 2014 8:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Unable to keep attraction or get them investing in me
Quote:
I know they often play uninterested by not replying and testing my reaction, but I can not tell that from real disinterest or really being busy anymore. That also happens with Tinder girls a lot, but thats a different story.
I'm going to say this as a general statement because this has been a theme of this whole thread. When the problem happens a small percent of the time, it's likely to be them as the problem. If the problem happens a majority of the time, it's a problem with you.

After all that has been said and explain and replied to, you seem to be arguing "but that shouldn't be the problem." Yet you are still having problems maintaining attraction. If the problem exists and you are doing everything correctly according to "the rules", the harsh truth is that it has to be something specific to your personality that is unattractive. You're going to have to be the one that figures out what that personality trait is and really be honest with yourself.
Author:  Dragula [ Thu Oct 30, 2014 11:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Unable to keep attraction or get them investing in me
Agree with Jack,

If you're texting back and forth and the texts die off in between, then YOU are doing something wrong and should translate the texts from German to English if you're serious about tackling this sticking point of yours.

The transcripts will clearly show where you are going wrong.

Of course girls will flake out right, but a minority, if this happens with ALL your interactions then we need to pinpoint what you're doing without the vague self analysis.
Author:  mm123 [ Fri Oct 31, 2014 10:05 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Unable to keep attraction or get them investing in me
Quote:
Quote:
I know they often play uninterested by not replying and testing my reaction, but I can not tell that from real disinterest or really being busy anymore. That also happens with Tinder girls a lot, but thats a different story.
I'm going to say this as a general statement because this has been a theme of this whole thread. When the problem happens a small percent of the time, it's likely to be them as the problem. If the problem happens a majority of the time, it's a problem with you.

After all that has been said and explain and replied to, you seem to be arguing "but that shouldn't be the problem." Yet you are still having problems maintaining attraction. If the problem exists and you are doing everything correctly according to "the rules", the harsh truth is that it has to be something specific to your personality that is unattractive. You're going to have to be the one that figures out what that personality trait is and really be honest with yourself.
By saying "but that shouldn't be the problem" I meant sex, but I am objective enough to question that too. Thing is, it also happens with girls I havent had sex with.

However, Jack has brought it to the point: its a problem with me. I know there must be something about me that somehow freaks them out. I am also brutally honest with myself, but I need feedback from the outside and such feedback is hard to get, because ppl tend to "not want to hurt anyone" or choose the most convenient path for them and say "its not you" or dont reply at all. It seems that they are qite interested in the beginning but lose it soon. That does not happel with ALL of them but most of them, even those I am not so interested in.

Ok, I will go ahead and translate one convo thread for now and post it here.

I really appreciate your help by the way.
Author:  isoZ [ Fri Oct 31, 2014 10:14 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Unable to keep attraction or get them investing in me
Quote:
Quote:
Yet you are still having problems maintaining attraction. If the problem exists and you are doing everything correctly according to "the rules", the harsh truth is that it has to be something specific to your personality that is unattractive. You're going to have to be the one that figures out what that personality trait is and really be honest with yourself.
MM123.
Im not expert or very experienced either, just a beginner. However by reading your story is relates somehow to me also. Iam too honest, but fixing. Also talking too much clever conversations(mistake, doing with empty brain girls).

I came to the conclusion, that most girl I have sleep with, reason was that they felt very attracted to me, in other words:It was not because I had a good game. Some sort of superficial thing.

Going to the point. I think you need to know what kind of personality girl have, according to this, you will present your personality. In order that both personalities match each others. Also on texting.

Ive been on PUA trainning for about 2 months(intensive) and alone. I have seen improvements.However my goal is be able to seduce/game girls who are just not interested in me in the beginning, so that my game change the direction.

My opinion.
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