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Building comfort through chatting
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Author:  P-Style [ Mon Sep 12, 2011 3:08 pm ]
Post subject:  Building comfort through chatting
I'm currently going out with a girl and fuck it she just keeps being icecold. I've trown in millions of negs, not given her a single compliment on looks etc. She laughed quite a bit, was having a good time but she just refuses to anwser anything beyond superficiality. And this is one case but it happens to me every time again.

So basically my biggest problem is my inability to create comfort with a girl when I'm chatting. I just seem not to be able to ask the right questions that open the gates to her soul.
I have no problem chatting girls up, flirting, getting kisses and stuff like that. But it's all so superficial I tend to lose all interest quite rapidly.

I've heard about gamblers stuff about "how does that make you feel", but the way I translate it in Dutch (my mothertongue) it just does not work.

Any guys who are great at building comfort who have some tips?


Edit: Just to add some info I've become much of a C&F-type. Basically I break rapport about once a minute or so.
Author:  cesar [ Tue Sep 13, 2011 9:08 pm ]
Post subject: 
I'm far from being good at comfort building, that's also my sticking point...

But here are stuff I noticed about myself, and that I am working on:
- Men think logically and girls tend to think emotionally. I try to modify my language and add emotion words and "value-words" like "feel" (like you said), "trust", "amazing", "sweet", ... This also helps for storytelling, describing a story with emotions, a lot of adjectives etc. The word trust works very good then you can start talking to her about it, in a "under the radar" way... :)

- I tend to be careful with negs because the limit between a neg and an insult is really thin, and this summer I tried to neg and neg a girl again, what happened is that she took it as a disrespect and thought I didn't like her (she was a HB7, that's probably why). Then she was blocking me from going on further with her and didn't want to "open herself". Try to calibrate your negs to girls maybe, according to their self-esteem.

Hope this helps :)
Author:  IvanDyn [ Wed Sep 21, 2011 9:22 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Building comfort through chatting
Dude, get out of your head. Forget all this PUA terminology stuff. Girls are PEOPLE not objects to be obtained by some sort of an algorithm.

In fact in your case the best suggestion I could give, is to get in your BODY. feel your emotions. Practise being present. The reason these girls are so cold to you is because they don't FEEL you. Girls need to feel. They are emotional creatures. and you CAN't just create emotions by running some stupid pua routines (like negs). emotions are transferred by FEELING them.

This is a quick suggestion for now.

Ivan



Quote:
I'm currently going out with a girl and fuck it she just keeps being icecold. I've trown in millions of negs, not given her a single compliment on looks etc. She laughed quite a bit, was having a good time but she just refuses to anwser anything beyond superficiality. And this is one case but it happens to me every time again.

So basically my biggest problem is my inability to create comfort with a girl when I'm chatting. I just seem not to be able to ask the right questions that open the gates to her soul.
I have no problem chatting girls up, flirting, getting kisses and stuff like that. But it's all so superficial I tend to lose all interest quite rapidly.

I've heard about gamblers stuff about "how does that make you feel", but the way I translate it in Dutch (my mothertongue) it just does not work.

Any guys who are great at building comfort who have some tips?


Edit: Just to add some info I've become much of a C&F-type. Basically I break rapport about once a minute or so.
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