I divided this DHV story into three segments. The pieces can be split up or told together. The DHV spikes are there, but on the whole, this piece is just more funny that anything else. This is a true story interspersed with jokes and little DHVs. Here are the DHV spikes I hit, although lightly;
1. Pre-select, I say I know lots of girls, but the "german girls" ending leaves a little room for speculation
2. Leader of Men, by helping Yuto out and becoming an icon to his friend
3. Loyalty, helping Yuto and telling about him helping me
So my friend Yuto is here from Japan for a year, I met him was I was studying over there. He's a good looking guy, hilarious too. But he's bonkers over blond girls because they don't have them in Japan. Seriously! You know where you pick people up at the airport? When I got there, he was just standing there staring at the first blonde girl he saw. He was entranced, I had to honk a dozen times to get his attention.
Anyway, he really wants me to introduce him to blondes, and I owe him. When I was Japan, he totally had my back and showed me around and all that. I know a lot of girls at CU, so I've been paying him back by introducing him... but oh man
I'm sure you've watched guys fail a pickup attempt, funny right? Oh man, if you think watching Americans butcher that is funny, you should see him and his buddies. You know, all good intentioned, very polite guys, but so damn funny. But the language barrier, the culture barrier, everything else...
We were at a bar two days ago, Yuto and we run into a group of my friends including this blonde, Kristen. I wouldn't say she was gorgeous, but a cute girl. Anyway, she's wearing this baseball cap, and Yuto says to her [Japanese accent]:
"I buy drink for you if you let me wear hat"
She laughs and takes him up on it, next thing I know sure enough he's wearing the hat and dancing around. He gives me a high five, and I say "Omoidetou!" (congratulations, in japanese), but I notice he has this crazy smile on. He says to me in Japanese, "Ima mite" (watch me). I'm thinking oh no...
He turns to Kristen and he's like "I buy 2 drink for you if, you let me wear your shirt!" I started laughing so hard that I had to cover my mouth with my hand to keep from laughing my drink through my nose. Kristen was laughing too, but she's looking at me like... oh man, who is this guy!
But you know what they say, if at first you don't succeed; try and try again. Yuto's been here for like a month and last weekend he finally had his first blonde hook up. A group of German girls we met who were on vacation here invited us up to their condo, and one of them really liked Yuto.
I expected him to be ecstatic over the whole thing but he's like, "I was wrong. I heard blonde girl all have breast like melon." And I was taken back. I'm like "Yuto, come on, women all have different size breasts, you can see that." He goes, "no, not size like melon, I heard; taste like melon."
I was cracking up, like wow, Japan is a strange place. Anyway, now apparently I'm like a legend in the Japanese community at CU. Not just because I speak Japanese, but Yuto has told his friends I can totally introduce them all to blonde girls. So if you meet some blondes who have yellow fever, please send them my way.
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