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Story telling exercise
https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=55&t=57736
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Author:  baronvong [ Fri Dec 11, 2009 5:06 pm ]
Post subject:  Story telling exercise

So, I'm kinda having problems with story-telling, I've always had and guess it's time to get better. I'm doing that exercise now (today first time) - every evening I'll write a story, true story from my life. I'll write it once, twice, ten times if needed and try to comply the best version, so that's the first one. I'd be glad to hear you opinion on it and better versions (even if you add or cut any parts) from you, so here it goes:

Kitty on a tree

I once had an awsome experience, when a little kitty was on a tree and couldn't climb down. Me my friend... sat on a bench nearby and heard this miaow. When turning around we saw a cat walking around the tree and looking around anxious, the she just sat down miaowing helpless and looked up the tree. Then we noticed the little kitty up there. We looked each other and without a word, we already knew what we'll do. I had a cat before that I really loved and couldn't just sit there doing nothing. The plan was to climb the tree and get the kitty down, but my friend couldn't. Well, it was really hard for me to, especially at the beginning I was very insecure, but the thought of help the poor kitty made me feel confindent and safe. And that's when like from a movie came the "hot"(i'd make the sign wit fingers) girl, who was impressed by our heroic action, but in that case it was an old crazy lady getting excited and paniced every two seconds, which was pretty funny. When I got the kitten, it turned out I can't climb down with it in my hand. The lady was screaming exalted "Throw it down, throw it down" (i'd say it with trolling voice), but it'd just stultify the rescue. I trew my jacket to my frend, he coverd his hands with it and catched the kitty. It wasn't something very special, but the feeling that little creature left me... i'll never forget it.


It's seems very long now :? But I cut, cut, cut, but what ever. If I used funny words it's because I don't speak English very well ;)

Well, it's your turn, criticise and improve on it the way you feel it. And does it make any sence to use it in PU?

Author:  darkcity [ Wed Dec 16, 2009 12:22 am ]
Post subject: 

i have to say, the story is very typical.

it's easy to impress someone with a poorly-told story that is unique to you.

it's more effective to impress someone with a well-told story that everyone already knows.

since english is not your first language, practice with the first one.

one tip: "It wasn't something very special, but the feeling that little creature left me... i'll never forget it. "

if you say "it wasn't very special" then the listener will feel the same way.

your ending is very boring..you need a bigger "punchline".

i recommend reading some David Sedaris to see how to make ordinary stories extraordinary, and some Chuck Palahniuk to see how to write about unique events in a memorable way.

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