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missed the boat - too much comfort or not enough?
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Author:  bridgeandroll [ Sat Aug 08, 2009 7:59 pm ]
Post subject:  missed the boat - too much comfort or not enough?

I have a somewhat weird one. Back in June, I met this girl and asked her out. I was going to the beach with my friends and invited her and her friend along. They came, it was fun, we played soccer, I isolated and we had a nice conversation, we held hands (she initiated), and we kissed a little bit (I initiated).

Then I had to go away for about a month. I came back and texted her a few times and she flaked a few times. She even straight up ignored a text or two. So I figured this one is over, but then on a random Sunday night she asks if I want to meet up in an hour. I run this by a female friend (actually my ex-) and she thinks this has to be a shit test, so I re-flake. But we end up texting again the next day and agree to meet.

It goes kind of well, kind of not well. We go to a comedy show, then I go to the park, we kiss a lot, we talk a lot. She is giving many conflicted signals though, saying various things like "I'm not sure what your motivations are", or "you do travel a lot", "I don't really do casual sex", and "I don't really know what I want either". She accuses me of being very closed and hidden even though I tend to think I'm an open book. So when I drive her home and kiss her goodnight I say, "listen, no more being closed and mysterious. I like you, and I'd like to see you again soon."

Her response: "I like you too, and I'd like to see you again" (dropping my "soon").

Since then I haven't seen her or talked to her much, trying to be a little scarce. I've sent a text or two that went without reply, so I've pretty much just resigned to giving up on this one. It seems like I got her into the "buyer's remorse" phase where I didn't do enough comfort, but I guess it's possible I was a wimp and did too much? I don't know how the dynamics of being away for so long might have changed things.

Author:  Marc [ Sun Aug 09, 2009 5:08 am ]
Post subject: 

You escalated very quickly. Remember when she is confused that means she is not ready yet.

You should not have sent her any text. Infact just freeze out. If you wouldnt have got in touch with her it would have made her curious. Nevertheless, lesson learned.

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