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| finally stuck! REALLY like this one so will take advice! heh https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=53&t=44708 |
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| Author: | Michel_T09 [ Thu May 07, 2009 4:11 am ] |
| Post subject: | finally stuck! REALLY like this one so will take advice! heh |
summarized situation: this girl doesnt trust me so much from previous history.. but we've decided to let that go and try "hanging out" again after a year of not talking at all since we started hanging out: couple of outings..over two days... dinners.. lotsa talking (not enuff personal talking tho i dont think) arm around each other.. sharing food..... etc... second night.. when i dropped her off... she was fiddling with her umbrella... then kept making conversation... and saying good night like 4 times over again.. seemed like stalling so i went in for the kiss....she ducked her chin down and said "mmmmm" i said.. ok.. she said she just wants to hang out as friends... and that lately shes just been in friend mode. i dont know if this is personal stuff from before or if shes just putting up a front now..... i said "why dont we just not label anything.... hang out... get to know each other and whatever happens happens.. be more open minded.. and not so final about things, you're so guarded now.. not like before...but dont be so closed im not like ev other person im special u know that!" she said "hang out, get to know each other. whatever happens happens...that sounds fair" thats where its at now.... usually im pretty damn sure on these things and this threw me off a bit so ill take some advice on how to approach... talking to her is easy.. about anything and everything... but obviosuly i cant move in for the real physical stuff for a lil while now.. ugh.... i dont wanna rush it but i really like the next stage.. the comfort it brings rocks... let me know if any advice. thanks~ |
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| Author: | Ion [ Thu May 14, 2009 3:47 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
In order to make a fair assessment of the situation I would need to get a little more detail on “previous history”. I mean she’s hanging out with you so, she likes you, but depending on how much trust was broken, that will determine how much time you need to put into it. Girls always say things and sometimes not fully mean it, we do too. She may think she is past the issues she has with you, but subconsciously she might not be, she still may be apprehensive as to whether or not to pursue a further relationship with you. Remember there are millions of very attractive cool girls out there, don’t get hung up on one “oneitis”. It may be easier to start a fresh relationship than to try and jump through her hoops to re-build a broken one. |
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| Author: | planefreak [ Fri May 15, 2009 5:24 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
To be brutally honest, you have a bad case of one-itis. I could tell this by simply reading the heading of your post. Listen to "Ordinary Girl" by Rebelution for a solid explanation of what one-itis is, if you're not familiar with the term. Also, it seems like you are jumping through this chick's hoops, although I'm only inferring that based on the information in the post. You, my friend, are THE MAN. This shady business of "oh-it-is-totally-aok-if-you-just-wanna-be-friends-because-I-wanna-make-you happy" is most likely why you were friend-zoned, by I'm no expert. Be direct and assertive about what you want, because you are THE MAN. Good luck! |
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| Author: | Michel_T09 [ Mon May 18, 2009 8:54 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
thanks for the posts so far..... i know what one-itis is... its not that... really.. i guess it is in a sense.. but its not really.... im very experienced with a broad range of girls..... from goodie goodies to one nighters to some nighters.. to "when by bf isnt around" etc... there are only a FEW of the bunch that ive taken as long term gf's. .. so I hve a type that i like in that instance... this girl fits it very well.. and currently I'm looking for that... im have two others that i see.. but only for sex and just hanging out together which is fun.. but i like being in the long term thing.. my last long term and i broke up about 8 months ago... and i wanna get into a new one......between then and now there have been 4 girls I have been "playing" with.. and now down to just the two plus this one and i wanna drop the two and just chill with this one... the back story is when i met her like 2 years ago.. i hung out wiht her maybe 5 times..... it was reallllly good. but i had a gf then ... and i didnt tell her.. and she found out and was kinda mad and i figured id just stop talkin to her.. .... i did.... til recently when i msged her saying "hey still wanna go to disney world?" which is something we planned before..... shes a LOT more guarded and different now than she was before she said she didnt expect the out of the blue msg and thought i was being fake before and untrustworthy.. i told her why i was acting weird and just disappeared etc. she gave me chance and we went out... was good.. then again... second time was the kiss attempt.... the time after that.... we went out for dinner i went into building attraction by negging lightly but with charm.. and talking a lot about relationships and my beliefs on them.. she doesnt share much about her self openly.. so i wanted to get her to tlak so she felt closer and also cuz i was interested.... shes very shy... and sex-wise not too experienced and even more shy with most ppl.... so i talked about it giving examples of my life and how thigns happened w other girls.. quickly.. etc. (this is getting long . this is why i leftout the history) found out shes afraid of gettingin to relationships it seems cuz she seems the type to dedicate herself to it and then get dropped or feel like shes getting dropped.. she told me about her last relationship.. where it didnt really go anywhere but she had high hopes... we talked about wat we both want and tend to agree on a lot of things.. and there was a lot of laughs and that... as for the kiss thing....we talked about that at the beginning... she doesnt like doing that with anyone until she is sure... she said "i dont let anyone hug or touch me either so i guess ur a bit special then, see.." cuz from day one recently we been hugging and holding as we walk etc..... so like i said the last one went pretty good.. i think i coulda got away with the kiss then but i decided not to.... if she felt weird i woulda probably blown it completely... so i decided to wait.. ill see her again this week.. once for dinner than the next night for an event... ill close it all on the event night i think....and try and make it official.. still debating if i should try on the dinner or the next night.... gues depends on how it goes... we establishd wat we are both looking for right now.. it seemed to match.. she laughs a lot.. gives me gifts... seems ok.. shes now seems like an extremely guarded, shy asian girl.... its frustrating but its ok cuz its a bit of a challenge and i really think she expected me to ditch her after the kiss thing.... and was surprised i didnt... im not really jumping thru hoops... and im not really in friend zone... not yet. and i will bounce before getting there i dont want her as a friend.. so..... thx again fro replies and more insight is appreciated |
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| Author: | erttfgukh2345600 [ Tue May 19, 2009 5:14 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Quote: thanks for the posts so far..... i know what one-itis is... its not that... really.. i guess it is in a sense.. but its not really....
Sorry bro but it is One-Itis. I say just on, you were just friend zoned. Also after being rejected at the kiss don't appear to be affected by it, that shows really low value. Just brush it off like it never happened. I am imagining that you seemed flustered after she didn't and it became an awkward moment. Anyways, move on and find other girls, you're clearly much more invested in her than she is in you.
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| Author: | Michel_T09 [ Tue May 19, 2009 5:55 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
I hear ya..... um.. the failed attempt wasn't really awkward actually.....i just said "ok" with a chuckle and we talked for about aminute about something else completely unrelated... afterwards we talked about it and i just said.. thats never been a big thing with me didn't realize you were so shy.. and she said how she doesnt do that with anyone until they are serious..... shes changed from when i knew her before. but its not a bad thing... really wasnt made a big deal of.. i agree with the investment thing........ i should lay off.. we already made plans this week.... feel like i should just ice it until she comes back and says whered you go.. i dont think am in friend zone tho.. she makes an effort to text or tlak to me everyday... says good morning.. ev morning.. apologizes a lot when she doesnt respond right away.. (i think this is cuz i told her how pissed i used to get at my exes(wasnt my intention)). is sure to make sure i know shes with friends or family when shes out and not anyone "special". the only reason i agree with the investment thing is basically she'll come out with me anytime i ask... but working seems more important.. and i know job is important but i know she could probably get off earlier sometimes... but maybe not.. i donno i think too much. bottom line is i dont REALLY wanna move on.. i do like a lot of things about this girl.. so help me fix this up here.... physical attraction is mutual.. but its not gonna hold much longer... if dont do something this week... I'm definitely gonna bounce but... id rather try and fix it...? FYI i agree its one-itis... but like i said ive been with a lot of girls and i dont mind slowing down and just being with her for a bit... i WANT to...i know theres other girls. i know i can go meet them but i dont want to right now.. id rather be calm with her... any suggestions in escalating this, rather than abandoning? first thing is ill completely stop initiating meetings. ill let her do it 100%. But meh.. we going out Friday night for this thing and after ill just make it official or it will jsut be so un official that ill move on... like i said i dont want her as a friend. so nothing to lose really? just suggestions on what to do before then to help make it more possible....would be nice. |
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| Author: | Michel_T09 [ Thu May 21, 2009 3:53 pm ] |
| Post subject: | update |
UPDATE: Success. I would just like to say that not EVERYthing is 100% so try not to always generalize when thinking about this stuff... like.... "ya its friendzone move on" some girls ARE just different and dont respond to the typical "grab them and kiss them" some really reject that no matter how much they like you... need a different approach.... it happens.... thx for the posts tho. |
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