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I'm loosing her interest...
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Author:  BoozeClues [ Fri Jul 08, 2016 3:56 pm ]
Post subject:  I'm loosing her interest...
I'm a reader of this forum, but this is my first post. Bear with me. I figured it's better to ask for help than try to read up and figure it out.

I've known this girl for about 10 months now since I broke up with my girl friend (but I've known her for 2 years with my girlfriend). We became friends due to the friend group we're in. I pulled all the sarging techniques on her, but it's a little more complicated when you're in a friend group. There were ups and downs throughout the 10 months, but I finally started seeing some attraction these past couple of months. We started dancing sensually, which was a big step being that all our friends were around. Eventually we hooked up and she expressed to my friends and brother that she does like me and loves dancing and hooking up with me.

So at first I wanted to date this girl. I thought she was really cool and we were friends and she's hot, so why not? We talked about going on dates, but she told me a bunch of bullshit that I'm not over my ex and I liked one of our other friends and blah blah blah. She also felt like it was getting too serious too fast and I told her it's not like that and if I can take her out and see where it goes. The date went well.

We've been hooking up only when we go out and when we're drunk on specific occasions. She dictates when it happens because she feels uncomfortable doing it in front of certain people and it's "sus" if we go alone. Sober she's completely different.

Cutting to the chase: She told me that we should be single and I should hook up with other girls and we'll see what happens after the summer. She expressed to me that I'm the kind of guy she would marry, but I need to find myself right now and not be in a relationship.

I'm really not trying to date her now. What I would like to know is how I can seal the deal, everything considered. What's the right move here. I know she wants this, but there's things holding her back. I'm leaving for Greece next week. Is this possible before? If not, how should I leave it off with her?

All advice is appreciated!

P.S. To clarify, seal the deal meant sex.
P.P.S. lately she's been avoiding eye contact with me and is a lot friendlier and eager (like she used to be with me) with the other guys in our group.
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Fri Jul 08, 2016 4:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I'm loosing her interest...
WTF does hooking up even mean here, if your not fucking her?

Stop trying to be her BFF and express sexual interest.
Quote:
Cutting to the chase: She told me that we should be single and I should hook up with other girls and we'll see what happens after the summer. She expressed to me that I'm the kind of guy she would marry, but I need to find myself right now and not be in a relationship.
Translated; "BoozeClues let's just be friends, because you are not trying to fuck me."
Author:  BoozeClues [ Fri Jul 08, 2016 5:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I'm loosing her interest...
Quote:
WTF does hooking up even mean here, if your not fucking her?

Stop trying to be her BFF and express sexual interest.
Quote:
Cutting to the chase: She told me that we should be single and I should hook up with other girls and we'll see what happens after the summer. She expressed to me that I'm the kind of guy she would marry, but I need to find myself right now and not be in a relationship.
Translated; "BoozeClues let's just be friends, because you are not trying to fuck me."
You're right, people have different definitions for hooking up, I should've clarified. I meant it as just making out.

And I've expressed sexual interest, both physically and verbally. I've talked her to it, but she just doesn't feel comfortable with it, even when she wants to.

My question is how do I get about doing this? Should I be more forward? We used to text all friendly, but recently I cut that and things progressed more sexually, but I feel like I'm starting to lose her.
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Fri Jul 08, 2016 5:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I'm loosing her interest...
Quote:
Quote:
WTF does hooking up even mean here, if your not fucking her?

Stop trying to be her BFF and express sexual interest.
Quote:
Cutting to the chase: She told me that we should be single and I should hook up with other girls and we'll see what happens after the summer. She expressed to me that I'm the kind of guy she would marry, but I need to find myself right now and not be in a relationship.
Translated; "BoozeClues let's just be friends, because you are not trying to fuck me."
You're right, people have different definitions for hooking up, I should've clarified. I meant it as just making out.

And I've expressed sexual interest, both physically and verbally. I've talked her to it, but she just doesn't feel comfortable with it, even when she wants to.

In order to win you must risk losing. You are not pushing the escalation envelope. Will she 'make out' with you again?

My question is how do I get about doing this? Should I be more forward? We used to text all friendly, but recently I cut that and things progressed more sexually, but I feel like I'm starting to lose her.
Author:  BoozeClues [ Fri Jul 08, 2016 6:44 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I'm loosing her interest...
^^^
Did you mean to write something?
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Fri Jul 08, 2016 6:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I'm loosing her interest...
Quote:
^^^
Did you mean to write something?
Yes.

You aren't pushing the sexual escalation envelope far enough. Somewhere you are stopping. I guessing you make out for a while, then meet some sort of resistance, and you quit. Will she still make out with you?
Author:  BoozeClues [ Fri Jul 08, 2016 7:04 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I'm loosing her interest...
Yea, she's a friend. We see each other a lot and she let's me kiss her, not like she pulls away. But recently it's without passion and quick.

As for the escalation, this is what I've tried so far.

I've grabbed her ass on multiple occasions, no resistance. A smile and laugh even.

Took a cab back to my place after going out, told her let's lay down for a bit (with a smile), she was very adamant with saying she has to get home, it's late. I tried to convince her she'll be fine and stuff, nope very adamant. Took her home, got to second base, then she said "Stop, we can't do this" and that ended.

She said it'll happen, but not now... Da fuq does that mean?

Let me know if I'm doing something wrong.
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Fri Jul 08, 2016 7:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I'm loosing her interest...
Quote:
She said it'll happen, but not now... Da fuq does that mean?
Bingo.


What that means is you are experiencing LMR (Last minute resistance) Combined with ASD (Anti slut defense)

Took a cab back to my place after going out, told her let's lay down for a bit (with a smile), she was very adamant with saying she has to get home, it's late. I tried to convince her she'll be fine and stuff, nope very adamant. Took her home, got to second base, then she said "Stop, we can't do this" and that ended.

And that's where you stopped. Because she is still responsible. Thus making her resistance the reason she's not a slut. See?

It's got to get over that hump (pardon the pun) where it shifts from her stopping it, to it just sort of happened (Not HER fault).

This is where YOU come in, she wants it to happen, she fucking said so.
Quote:
"Stop, we can't do this"
Agree with her, "You are right we should stop" Whisper it deep in her ear, in a low tone. Just pull back a little, and start kissing her neck a little, try again in a little bit, a little further, do this over and over, always trying a little further. Foreplay, foreplay, foreplay.

Stop doesn't mean no. It means stop advancing,

Why are you getting it? You said she's a friend. She doesn't want her friend to think she's a slut now does she?

Why is she eyeballing the other dudes in the circle? She still WANTS dick. your not giving it to her.
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Fri Jul 08, 2016 7:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I'm loosing her interest...
Quote:
She said it'll happen, but not now... Da fuq does that mean?
Bingo.


What that means is you are experiencing LMR (Last minute resistance) Combined with ASD (Anti slut defense)

Took a cab back to my place after going out, told her let's lay down for a bit (with a smile), she was very adamant with saying she has to get home, it's late. I tried to convince her she'll be fine and stuff, nope very adamant. Took her home, got to second base, then she said "Stop, we can't do this" and that ended.

And that's where you stopped. Because she is still responsible. Thus making her resistance the reason she's not a slut. See?

It's got to get over that hump (pardon the pun) where it shifts from her stopping it, to it just sort of happened (Not HER fault).

This is where YOU come in, she wants it to happen, she fucking said so.
Quote:
"Stop, we can't do this"
Agree with her, "You are right we should stop" Whisper it deep in her ear, in a low tone. Just pull back a little, and start kissing her neck a little, try again in a little bit, a little further, do this over and over, always trying a little further. Foreplay, foreplay, foreplay.

Stop doesn't mean no. It means stop advancing,

Why are you getting it? You said she's a friend. She doesn't want her friend to think she's a slut now does she?

Why is she eyeballing the other dudes in the circle? She still WANTS dick. your not giving it to her.
Author:  BoozeClues [ Fri Jul 08, 2016 7:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I'm loosing her interest...
Thank you brother, truly. Best advice and analysis I've gotten so far. Much appreciated.
Author:  ColaGuy [ Mon Jul 11, 2016 12:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I'm loosing her interest...
Haha... i thought i was cracking up when i read this lol. "she dictates when it happens because she is uncomfortable doing it in front of certain people" well no shit :lol: glad you clarified what you meant by hooking up!

Show interest in other girls, if she is genuinely interested in you she assumes she can keep hold of you without sex.. she knows she has you hooked already so she needs to put in no effort. let her know you have other options, let her know she has to put in some effort to keep you around.

ps... don't say shit like she let me kiss her... she should want you as much as you want her, so "let me" really shouldn't be your mentality
Author:  BoozeClues [ Tue Jul 12, 2016 3:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I'm loosing her interest...
Quote:
Show interest in other girls, if she is genuinely interested in you she assumes she can keep hold of you without sex.. she knows she has you hooked already so she needs to put in no effort. let her know you have other options, let her know she has to put in some effort to keep you around.
That really seems to be the only plan here, and that's what I've been doing. We stopped talking like we used to because I don't want to be the one always initiating conversation.

I can definitely see how this works, but do you think in a friend situation where sexual intention was shown that this would backfire, and she'd just be pissed with me? Like I said, she doesn't even really make eye contact with me anymore... Is that because she thinks I'm too needy? or because I stopped showing her attention?
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