PUA Forum :: flaking before second date

Because women, as opposed to men, are creatures of the moment.

If a dude tells you you're gonna grab a beer over the weekend, you're grabbing a beer over the weekend.
If a woman tells you she wants to do this again, what it actually means is that in this very moment she feels like she wants to do this again.
That doesn't mean the sentiment can't change over a week / few days.

this is the second time this has happened to me this year, both cases have been very similar so I want to crack the pattern.

I've met a girl, gotten her number which she has been very enthusiastic abut sharing with me. Txted a little then met up for a drink a week or later. In the first case the girl said to me as we were parting way, I really want to do this again, when are you free. I didn't know at the time so I just said we would talk. In the second, just as I got home I received a message from the girl telling me about what a great time she had and that she wants to do it again soon.

So why is it that in both cases after scheduling something that on the morning of the date I get a message with an excuse about why she can't make it without any sort of reschedule and in my shoes what's the best way to go from there? 'm not hung up on either of these situations, I just want to know if there's a better way to make a girl REALLY want to see you again

Quote:

To make a girl want to see you again is taking advantage of the moments that you have with them. What did you do when that girl said to you face to face that she wanted to see you again? Just said that the two of you would talk? No, you take advantage of the moment. Pull her in and kiss her. Say it's still early and invite her back to your place. Do something to turn the spark into a fire.

If you don't leave without her looking forward to something, you end up like all of the other first dates that she's had that didn't lead to anything.

I get that pal. What I want to know is how to deal with it. Are you supposed to hope that when you get in touch for the second date she happens to be feeling the same because that leaves a lot down to chance. Surely a sentiment like that means something. Are you supposed to make plans when the girl says that, I feel like that goes against everything that's taught on this forum although I could be mistaken

Judging by how you are writing this, but you seem like you are a reactionary type of person (I could be wrong). Meaning, she says and then you'll react. One of the keys to lighting a spark with a woman is to take action without worrying about rejection. Women want to be swept off of their feet, but they don't want to have to stand in front of the broom to get you to do it. Start pushing the intimacy early on in your dates. That means starting off with a simple hug and kiss on the cheek, hand holding, and flirtation. If you do that, escalation is so much easier. Instead of reacting to her, she's reacting to you and if you are charming while doing this, she's going to follow your lead.

Quote:

You're supposed to make the most of the face to face interactions, as Jack said. The stronger the connection, the lasting the sentiment will be.
It's your job to ignite the fire. And maintain it at times. That's the whole point of seduction. You can't just set up a date for next week and then have no contact for the upcoming 6 days. Or no relevant contact. (i.e. "hey, what's up?")

Quote:

Guys, I'm more confused than ever. After the flaking, I got no real response. I sent her one last message and heard nothing back for four days. This morning I received a message saying she would make it up to me. When I replied I got an instant reply, an hour or so later same again. All of a sudden she seems well keen to meet up again... Until we actually made some arrangements then I started getting a hint of an excuse about not having enough money to get the train. I've offered to pick her up, I work not too far from where she lives, and now I've heard nothing back.

So I took the advice of strike whilst hot, she was obviously thinking of me throughout the day so what gives? I'm not sure what lesson to take from any of this

nope, just turns out I needed a little patience. Thanks for all the advice, I guess there are no real rules, if she want you, she wants you

Author:	skibum_99 [ Wed Nov 25, 2015 11:07 am ]
Post subject:	flaking before second date
this is the second time this has happened to me this year, both cases have been very similar so I want to crack the pattern. I've met a girl, gotten her number which she has been very enthusiastic abut sharing with me. Txted a little then met up for a drink a week or later. In the first case the girl said to me as we were parting way, I really want to do this again, when are you free. I didn't know at the time so I just said we would talk. In the second, just as I got home I received a message from the girl telling me about what a great time she had and that she wants to do it again soon. So why is it that in both cases after scheduling something that on the morning of the date I get a message with an excuse about why she can't make it without any sort of reschedule and in my shoes what's the best way to go from there? 'm not hung up on either of these situations, I just want to know if there's a better way to make a girl REALLY want to see you again

Author:	R.C [ Wed Nov 25, 2015 1:01 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: flaking before second date
Because women, as opposed to men, are creatures of the moment. If a dude tells you you're gonna grab a beer over the weekend, you're grabbing a beer over the weekend. If a woman tells you she wants to do this again, what it actually means is that in this very moment she feels like she wants to do this again. That doesn't mean the sentiment can't change over a week / few days.

Author:	skibum_99 [ Wed Nov 25, 2015 7:18 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: flaking before second date
Quote: Because women, as opposed to men, are creatures of the moment. If a dude tells you you're gonna grab a beer over the weekend, you're grabbing a beer over the weekend. If a woman tells you she wants to do this again, what it actually means is that in this very moment she feels like she wants to do this again. That doesn't mean the sentiment can't change over a week / few days. I get that pal. What I want to know is how to deal with it. Are you supposed to hope that when you get in touch for the second date she happens to be feeling the same because that leaves a lot down to chance. Surely a sentiment like that means something. Are you supposed to make plans when the girl says that, I feel like that goes against everything that's taught on this forum although I could be mistaken

Author:	JackZero [ Wed Nov 25, 2015 7:33 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: flaking before second date
Quote: this is the second time this has happened to me this year, both cases have been very similar so I want to crack the pattern. I've met a girl, gotten her number which she has been very enthusiastic abut sharing with me. Txted a little then met up for a drink a week or later. In the first case the girl said to me as we were parting way, I really want to do this again, when are you free. I didn't know at the time so I just said we would talk. In the second, just as I got home I received a message from the girl telling me about what a great time she had and that she wants to do it again soon. So why is it that in both cases after scheduling something that on the morning of the date I get a message with an excuse about why she can't make it without any sort of reschedule and in my shoes what's the best way to go from there? 'm not hung up on either of these situations, I just want to know if there's a better way to make a girl REALLY want to see you again To make a girl want to see you again is taking advantage of the moments that you have with them. What did you do when that girl said to you face to face that she wanted to see you again? Just said that the two of you would talk? No, you take advantage of the moment. Pull her in and kiss her. Say it's still early and invite her back to your place. Do something to turn the spark into a fire. If you don't leave without her looking forward to something, you end up like all of the other first dates that she's had that didn't lead to anything.

Author:	skibum_99 [ Wed Nov 25, 2015 8:05 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: flaking before second date
Quote: Quote: this is the second time this has happened to me this year, both cases have been very similar so I want to crack the pattern. I've met a girl, gotten her number which she has been very enthusiastic abut sharing with me. Txted a little then met up for a drink a week or later. In the first case the girl said to me as we were parting way, I really want to do this again, when are you free. I didn't know at the time so I just said we would talk. In the second, just as I got home I received a message from the girl telling me about what a great time she had and that she wants to do it again soon. So why is it that in both cases after scheduling something that on the morning of the date I get a message with an excuse about why she can't make it without any sort of reschedule and in my shoes what's the best way to go from there? 'm not hung up on either of these situations, I just want to know if there's a better way to make a girl REALLY want to see you again To make a girl want to see you again is taking advantage of the moments that you have with them. What did you do when that girl said to you face to face that she wanted to see you again? Just said that the two of you would talk? No, you take advantage of the moment. Pull her in and kiss her. Say it's still early and invite her back to your place. Do something to turn the spark into a fire. If you don't leave without her looking forward to something, you end up like all of the other first dates that she's had that didn't lead to anything. Fair play. I actually received a message when I got home in this case which I think would have been logistically difficult to do anything with, we don't live that close to one another. And yes, my response was something along the lines of "I'll see when I'm free and we'll make plans" but maybe it should have been to make a plan there and then whilst she was feeling it? If it happens in person like that again I will be sure to turn things up a notch though!

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Author:	JackZero [ Wed Nov 25, 2015 8:30 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: flaking before second date
Judging by how you are writing this, but you seem like you are a reactionary type of person (I could be wrong). Meaning, she says and then you'll react. One of the keys to lighting a spark with a woman is to take action without worrying about rejection. Women want to be swept off of their feet, but they don't want to have to stand in front of the broom to get you to do it. Start pushing the intimacy early on in your dates. That means starting off with a simple hug and kiss on the cheek, hand holding, and flirtation. If you do that, escalation is so much easier. Instead of reacting to her, she's reacting to you and if you are charming while doing this, she's going to follow your lead.

Author:	R.C [ Thu Nov 26, 2015 10:09 am ]
Post subject:	Re: flaking before second date
Quote: I get that pal. What I want to know is how to deal with it. Are you supposed to hope that when you get in touch for the second date she happens to be feeling the same because that leaves a lot down to chance. Surely a sentiment like that means something. Are you supposed to make plans when the girl says that, I feel like that goes against everything that's taught on this forum although I could be mistaken You're supposed to make the most of the face to face interactions, as Jack said. The stronger the connection, the lasting the sentiment will be. It's your job to ignite the fire. And maintain it at times. That's the whole point of seduction. You can't just set up a date for next week and then have no contact for the upcoming 6 days. Or no relevant contact. (i.e. "hey, what's up?")

Author:	skibum_99 [ Thu Nov 26, 2015 8:30 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: flaking before second date
Quote: Judging by how you are writing this, but you seem like you are a reactionary type of person (I could be wrong). Meaning, she says and then you'll react. One of the keys to lighting a spark with a woman is to take action without worrying about rejection. Women want to be swept off of their feet, but they don't want to have to stand in front of the broom to get you to do it. Start pushing the intimacy early on in your dates. That means starting off with a simple hug and kiss on the cheek, hand holding, and flirtation. If you do that, escalation is so much easier. Instead of reacting to her, she's reacting to you and if you are charming while doing this, she's going to follow your lead. noted, I did this wrong on this most recent date that's for sure. I'm not really sure why but I was quite nervous when I went out to meet this girl which kind of messed everything else up in a way. I'm normally a very forward person and just go for things

Author:	skibum_99 [ Thu Nov 26, 2015 8:44 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: flaking before second date
Quote: Quote: I get that pal. What I want to know is how to deal with it. Are you supposed to hope that when you get in touch for the second date she happens to be feeling the same because that leaves a lot down to chance. Surely a sentiment like that means something. Are you supposed to make plans when the girl says that, I feel like that goes against everything that's taught on this forum although I could be mistaken You're supposed to make the most of the face to face interactions, as Jack said. The stronger the connection, the lasting the sentiment will be. It's your job to ignite the fire. And maintain it at times. That's the whole point of seduction. You can't just set up a date for next week and then have no contact for the upcoming 6 days. Or no relevant contact. (i.e. "hey, what's up?") This is what is confusing me, so last time this happened after I'd had a good first date which ended with a good make out session me and the girl continued to talk via text the next day which was cool. We made plans to do something one afternoon then the day before she flaked. I was pretty surprised. Nothing came after that, I move around a lot so I often have limited time with girls. Because of this I thought that it might be best to leave it a few days after my first date, I guess it's the whole theory on not seeming too keen. I agree my first date didn't go as well as it could have, I said earlier I was nervous for some reason so perhaps it just lies on that. But her messages were very keen when I first suggested going out again so again I was pretty surprised when she flaked too. I thought idle chit chat was the thing that put off date 1. two different approaches to the same situation, maybe I'm looking too much into this, I feel like if she's interested, she's interested. I received another message this morning from this girl which I've replied to this evening(it's been a busy day) asking her when she's going to make it up to me. Not much else I can do at this point and once gain I leave town in a weeks time so I'm pretty limited with what I can do here

Author:	neo87 [ Fri Nov 27, 2015 6:03 am ]
Post subject:	Re: flaking before second date
Quote: Quote: I get that pal. What I want to know is how to deal with it. Are you supposed to hope that when you get in touch for the second date she happens to be feeling the same because that leaves a lot down to chance. Surely a sentiment like that means something. Are you supposed to make plans when the girl says that, I feel like that goes against everything that's taught on this forum although I could be mistaken You're supposed to make the most of the face to face interactions, as Jack said. The stronger the connection, the lasting the sentiment will be. It's your job to ignite the fire. And maintain it at times. That's the whole point of seduction. You can't just set up a date for next week and then have no contact for the upcoming 6 days. Or no relevant contact. (i.e. "hey, what's up?") To reharp with Jack and Rc are saying, capitalize when face to face, and maintain when not. The seduction is an ongoing thing. Dont worry about seeming too keen; guys worry about that shit too much. The frame is, we have fun together. Whether it be over text or in person. When you get a girls number, you ask her out because you're having a good time chatting. When you set up a next date its because you had fun with her. You know what looks more keen? Asking out a chick who you're having a boring convo with. Waiting a week to ask out a chick that you haven't talked to for a week. It's an ongoing thing. After the first date, if sex couldnt happen, keep flirting with her. Keep having fun with her. That way its natural to meet up again. If you keep it fun throughout, she thinks "Oh well we have fun together so why wouldnt we meet up again?"

Author:	WillEdward [ Fri Nov 27, 2015 2:43 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: flaking before second date
Everybody that has posted in this thread has hit it on the head. You want to create a solid connection when you first meet her. Some things to help solidify the connection and the day 2 is to get the number at a high point in the interaction. You should stick around after getting the number for the same amount of time it took for you to get the number. For example, within 5 minutes of talking with her, you got the number, then you stay for at least another 5 minutes afterward so she doesn't think that all you want is the number. You should also set date right there and then so it is more tangible than some illusive abstract event in the future. If possible, try to instant date her right there and then and go for the kiss and pull her then.

Author:	skibum_99 [ Mon Nov 30, 2015 11:14 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: flaking before second date
Guys, I'm more confused than ever. After the flaking, I got no real response. I sent her one last message and heard nothing back for four days. This morning I received a message saying she would make it up to me. When I replied I got an instant reply, an hour or so later same again. All of a sudden she seems well keen to meet up again... Until we actually made some arrangements then I started getting a hint of an excuse about not having enough money to get the train. I've offered to pick her up, I work not too far from where she lives, and now I've heard nothing back. So I took the advice of strike whilst hot, she was obviously thinking of me throughout the day so what gives? I'm not sure what lesson to take from any of this

Author:	JackZero [ Mon Nov 30, 2015 11:24 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: flaking before second date
Quote: Guys, I'm more confused than ever. After the flaking, I got no real response. I sent her one last message and heard nothing back for four days. This morning I received a message saying she would make it up to me. When I replied I got an instant reply, an hour or so later same again. All of a sudden she seems well keen to meet up again... Until we actually made some arrangements then I started getting a hint of an excuse about not having enough money to get the train. I've offered to pick her up, I work not too far from where she lives, and now I've heard nothing back. So I took the advice of strike whilst hot, she was obviously thinking of me throughout the day so what gives? I'm not sure what lesson to take from any of this Sometimes not getting a message is actually a message.

Author:	skibum_99 [ Wed Dec 02, 2015 3:38 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: flaking before second date
nope, just turns out I needed a little patience. Thanks for all the advice, I guess there are no real rules, if she want you, she wants you

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Author:	R.C [ Thu Dec 03, 2015 9:42 am ]
Post subject:	Re: flaking before second date
Quote: nope, just turns out I needed a little patience. Thanks for all the advice, I guess there are no real rules, if she want you, she wants you There's guidelines. There's no rules.