I'm downtown with my roommate (BigD). First bar we walk in to, I go straight to the bar and order drinks. This place is always packed so I've found the best way to hang there is by grabbing real estate - in this case the bar since it's impossible to get service otherwise. We are hanging out talking and I begin warming up, making friends with the people on either side of us. As our drinks arrive, I notice two girls have walked in and are waiting to get up to the bar and order. I opened them, after a few exchanges let them slide in next to me so they could order. Blonde is the more attractive one so I hug her friend (brunette), tell her she shouldn't hang out with blonde because she tried to steal $10 from me, etc. They are having fun. I notice on the other side of the bar, a very pretty dark haired girl (Liz) is with a chick wearing a birthday hat (BirthdayGirl). As I look over she makes eye contact. Big, gorgeous, dark eyes kill me. I hold her gaze and give her a small smile before returning to the conversation with blonde and brunette, who are about to go join their friends.
They leave and I continue talking to the people next to me. (Side note: I make them give BigD a HUGE warm hug and tell him how awesome he is because his bitch ex-gf walked in and happened to be standing about three feet behind him. She was not pleased
) After a few minutes I look back and see Liz has drifted closer to where we are posted up. I keep talking. Soon I look up and she's behind me with her back to me. Proximity!! I went with a straight forward opener.Me: (touching her elbow) Hey! How's your night going?
Liz: (turns, smiling, making eye contact) Hi! Not so bad! It's my friend's birthday and we are all out celebrating.
As she's saying this, a guy moves past us toward the bathroom. I take the opportunity to pull her up to the bar with me. She stands very close (like 6 inches from me). I leave my arm on the bar so my hand is casually resting on her lower back.
Long story short, we talk for a while. She's 22 and energetic and she's giving me tons of IOIs. I'm kinoing her as much as possible in fun/innocent ways but nothing really sexual.
-laughing at everything I'm saying
-frequently touching my chest
-eye contact
-commenting that the female bartender likes me (I'm not really sure how to respond when she says that)
-follows up that remark by saying she (Liz) thinks I'm really cute
-teaches me a hand hug (I already knew it but she wanted to show me)
So I'm getting all of these signs. And FUUUUUUCK! I wasn't sure how to sexually escalate things!!! Escalation is a big sticking point for me right now. I brush her hair back from her ear and she doesn't shy away, but I felt like if I had gone for a kiss she would have backed away since I hadn't led up to it with anything. At some point I could feel the window slipping but I wasn't sure what to say or do to turn the tone more sexual.
She takes out her phone and texts her friends who left. I tell her we should go dance and she says yeah but then we get stopped because…the two girls I had gamed before came back. Blonde was clearly into me, trying to make conversation and edge Liz out. Liz leans in an whispers "She's really cute, you should go for her" while glaring daggers at Blonde. Blonde says something about how Liz is really cute, asks her how old she is (to contrast her age- Blonde already knew I was 26), etc. Unfortunately BigD started talking to these girls and I felt obligated to stick around with him (he's not savvy of the game and I've been trying to help him get out and meet people). Shit. So we are stuck there and then Liz sees a table with some of her other friends. Soon as she goes over to them I know a same-night lay is lost which really disappointed me. I walk over and introduce myself, figure maybe I'll try DHVing to get her interested again, so I run the cube on her. She enjoys it, but it's not enough to get her away again.
This other girl (Mina) I've been talking to texted me "Sooooooo r u coming out?" and I figured, well, time to go I guess. I walk over to Liz, number close her (she seems excited when I say I'll call her) and kiss her on the cheek as I'm leaving. Too little too late.
The good thing is I finally figured out the right question to ask: At what point in an interaction is it okay for me to show sexual interest in the girl? And what's a way to do it that won't get me blown out? Can I literally just use any of the kiss gambits without a lead-up, assuming the IOIs are there?
Anyways we leave and head to the other bar where Mina is.
(Back story): She's 33 and gorgeous. I've had a crush on her for about the last, oh, 10 years or so when I worked in the gym she worked out in. We met downtown a month or so ago through mutual friends and she wound up spending the night although she wouldn't have sex. That night we made out and she grabbed my dick and slipped my hands under her bra, but wouldn't stop the LMR for sex. It bothers her that I'm 7 years younger than her, and I'm having real trouble getting her to let it go :/ We got sushi last week (she texts me and asks if I am hungry and we both meet in sweaty workout clothes at the restaurant). From there we spent another night together drinking champagne and watching As Above, So Below. No kissing at all, though not for lack of trying on my part. She told me the first night we met that she's been talking to someone, and she actually feels an obligation to this dude even though he won't call her his gf and doesn't want a relationship, blah blah. Sushi night she told me she was done with him which is why she called me, but then the next day texted and said she wanted to wait and see with him. Anyways I heard through the mutual friends that she had given up on him so I was happy when she texted last night.
Unfortunately it was the same thing as before! We dance, she buys us drinks, she grinds on me, sits on my lap and everything BUT it's all I can do to get her to kiss me (finally do but it's not even a full make out). She won't come home with me either. She keeps saying "But you're so young" and asking why I'm not going for someone my age. She leaves and eventually BigD and I take off. The end.
So what I did right:
Liz:
-eye contact
-good interaction starting out
-generated attraction quickly
-number close
Mina:
-Same shit as before really, she's into me I think and basically I don't let her rejecting my advances stop me from trying again
What I need to improve:
Liz:
-sexual fucking escalation! I gotta figure out how to cross that bridge to making out. I'm pissed cause she was really hot and I KNOW the opportunity was there!!!
-didn't know how to respond to two girls qualifying each other sarcastically to me/getting jealous. I knew which I wanted (Liz) but felt I could've handled it better. (Forgot to mention, when she said I should go for Blonde, I replied "I think I can do better" and smiled at her. Not very smooth.
-better repertoire of canned rapport/DHV material. We kinda skipped that stuff since she was already attracted and I didn't have enough to really snare her back
Mina:
-need a new tactic for breaking LMR. I KNOW she wants me, but she won't let herself go. I think she's really afraid of being hurt, at least that's my guess.
So, that's last night. Hopefully you guys can help me figure out how to break through this sexual escalation sticking point. Overall I'm pretty happy with the night (phone number & kiss) but it definitely could've been better too.