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| Couldn't break textbook LMR. https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=53&t=117541 |
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| Author: | ShinRa [ Mon Oct 10, 2011 7:04 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Couldn't break textbook LMR. |
Good-day everyone, So, I met this girl and we've been seeing each other for 4 days in a row. To be all honest with you, I didn't conduct the Game flawlessly, but, eventually, I got there. We were lying in my bed chilling out and talking to eachother, while, at some point, I don't remember the context, but she said: « Oh, by the way, I have a boyfriend, I don't know if I've mentioned it. »; she was trying to act totally cool with that fact but, of course, being the fact that we had built attraction for 4 days in a row, that sounded really awkward. I didn't just skipped over the fact, as it is often suggested to do, because I think this suggestion applies more for the early-game. Instead, I acted as if it was her problem, certainly not mine. She came here from abroad and was speaking about how difficult is for her to maintain LDRs and, while we were speaking, she also mentioned (a bit guiltly): « I know that if anything happens while I'm abroad, I wouldn't tell my boyfriend. » which, to me, sounded like a pretty clear invitation. So, I started escalating. We didn't even kissed before that time, but I guess it wasn't too late. We cuddled for a bit and she laid her head on my lap while holding my hand as we spoke for a bit. I guessed the SPAM was a bit too heavy, so I just decided to break the tension and chill out. As dinner time was approaching , I suggested we should go get something to eat. We ate and then decided to watch a movie. During the movie I initiated contact, but she was following along. When she would break her contact for some reason, I would go for a subtle freeze out; that would always get her reinitiating contact after less than a minute. It was after the movie that the real escalation took place (I felt I should have made a move during the movie, though, suggestions?): I went really slowly because I knew she was feeling deeply guilty because of her BF, and I respected the fact that it was not going to be easy. I would slowly built up sexual tension — like first with light touching, then kissing, biting and so on — and it would end up in some very passionate moment, with her all over me. But at some point she would say: « Please… don't… » (of course she was not at all convinced) and she would gently push me away. I would go for a freeze out (but not really those textbook freeze outs where you check your emails), and she would come back to me shortly. This went on for several times. I couldn't manage to even escalate to the point where I could take away her clothes. She would have her hands under my clothes and viceversa, but we were still clothed. I managed to pull her shirt up but not to take it off: since I was feeling some resistance, I decided to not push it, since it was no use anyway. I slowly escalated a bit more to the more serious stuff, but then she opposed the last resistance. Hugged my tightly, grasping my back like trying to repress the passion and then started to sigh stuff like: « I'm sorry… » I would be like: « No need. » and try to just bring her in a comfortable emotional position. It was no use, though, as her sense of guilt was too much. She said things like: « You're an amazing guy, you don't deserve this… » and « Now I've spoiled everything: we're not going to meet again… no… that's impossible » I just calmed her down and decided to stop trying to push anything. I just hugged her and we eventually fell asleep hugging. This morning there was some more sparks, but nothing that passionate. When we decided to get off the bed (which we both crearly procrastinated because we knew it was going to be the end of it), there were a few awkward moments. She said stuff like: « Do you want me to give your books back? » (because I had previously lent her a few books) and of course I was smiling and trying to relax the tension. After a few hours, she kissed me goodbye. Now for my questions: What were my main mistakes in this interchange? Should I have frozen her out much more violently, or it couldn't really be helped? Did I make her too comfortable in the situation by being so understanding and self-abasing? She has had this BF for a year and a half and they've been living together: I didn't think a rough course of action would have been the best. What next? Is this a goodbye? What do you guys think her feelings are? I mean, does she feel guilty and doesn't want to take the responsibility to contact me again but wishes me to make a move, or maybe really just wants to not meet me again? Should I act like it is a goodbye? I mean, like: You should be aware that by doing this you are losing me-kind of feeling? Or should I go more for the you're making a big fuss but I'm really relaxed-kind of feeling? I guess you get the gist of my doubts, I'm aware that this message is already too long. I'm looking forward to your answers, ShinRa |
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| Author: | JSmooth [ Mon Oct 10, 2011 7:25 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
She's starting to have feelings for you and doesn't want to hurt you by bringing you into a sexual relationship with her while at the same time she has this bf somewhere. Granted she obviously has feelings for him too but she's very heavily attracted to you. You did a lot right in the interaction. Granted every pickup is not without its flaws and has some clunkiness to it so don't beat yourself up to much. In my opinion it'd be easier to start over and attract someone new than to try to plow through this and get in bed with her. I think it'd be best that you bow out of this one. Playing the I don't really care, I'm cool and relaxed card works to a degree but she isn't. She needs to know A. You're okay with the situation never going past what it is...just sex for now. B. That you don't think she's a bad person; slut, etc. Even if all that is the case, she may still not escalate. |
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| Author: | ShinRa [ Tue Oct 11, 2011 1:05 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Thanks a lot for the reply. Granted, I know no pickup is 100% smooth, I also realize that, in order to improve and slowly smooth my Game out I must understand what went right and what went wrong in a particular situation. I also think that analyzing requires a lot of skill and, especially if it's something involving yourself in first person, then it's going to be easily biased. That's also why I added the more details that I could, in order so people could have the means to judge or analyze this report as well. As for the situation, even though she said goodbye to me this morning as if we weren't supposed to meet again (and, when that turned out, I actually framed the situation as if it was me deciding that [worked really well]), she sent me a message on Facebook this same evening. The message contained only a link to a film festival that is going to happen soon in the city with a question mark (i.e. « www.that-filmfestival.com ? »). I get this is not meaning: « What is this about? » but rather « Shall we go to the film festival together sometime soon? » I'm not sure of what should I do. I don't want to bow out and next her just yet, I'm ready to invest some more time. I'm a bit split between doing a little freeze-out, or breaking rapport (as in Adam Lyons' words), or, since she manifested her interest again so early, just go with a really relaxed attitude. I don't want this to be falling in the LJBF zone, so by relaxed attitude I don't mean I should act like nothing exist, or like a friend, or always in comfort; but rather take that her invitation implies a permission to flirt with her naturally and don't care about her BF. Any takes on that? |
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| Author: | JSmooth [ Tue Oct 11, 2011 1:20 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
I agree she's asking you out for a reason or dropping the hint to go out with you again and you should take her up on it. While out I would recommend breaking rapport as you mentioned to initiate that chase in her again. Ultimately you still need to get the push/pull happening with her again if you stand a chance to sway her to being with you. |
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| Author: | ShinRa [ Tue Oct 11, 2011 2:12 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Hey thanks for the pointer. I'm still a bit clueless on how to break rapport efficently: I mean, by the fact that I'm accepting to go out with her, it is implied that I'm somewhat into her. To mitigate this feeling, I though, for example, since this festival lasts 5 days, to pick myself a day or two and tell her: « I can go this or that day, wanna join? » (or I guess I can frame it the opposite way: « Cool. I can join you only on this or that day. »). For what I understand, breaking rapport is a means to get her to qualify to you. Isn't it? As of a metaphor, I really understand the push-pull stuff, but when it comes to real life, I usually err on the side of pushing her too far and showing too much disinterest. Anyhow, she has found a place for herself in the city (she was staying at an hotel room the whole time) with another girl. If we go out I assume she's going to bring her. Should I also bring someone? Should that someone be a girl? Should that girl be someone I'm currently flirting with? I just assumed this would be a good way to break rapport. Last thing: the festival is taking place quite far from my place, but closer to hers. For that reason, I cannot have good logistics. That's why I was thinking my goal would be for her to invite me to stay over at her place. Do you think that is at all a good idea? Thanks, looking forward to your pointers. |
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