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odd behavior after F-close
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Author:  Daemon21 [ Sun Sep 04, 2011 8:36 pm ]
Post subject:  odd behavior after F-close
Hey Guys,

A few days ago I met this HB9 at a buddies party. We hit it off well and I got her number and took her out to a bar last Friday. She was totaly into me the whole night and even drove over an hour to meet me (didnt object at all...just said ok).

I got her back to my place and she put up about an hour and a half of LMR (like she was saying "this is as far as its going to go" but still sitting on top of me and willing to make sex like thrusts against me if I got her going). I got her back to my bed and went at it for about a half hour. Afterwards we cuddled outside for about an hour and talked. My intention was to seal the connection before we went to bed cause i would like to do this again with her.


Here is where I no longer understanding whats going on. First, I have never been with a girl that was this hot. And Im accustomed to the girl doing some chasing the day after an F-close. Like cuddling up against me, or grabbing my hand, or kissing me. Instead this girl does none of that.

In the morning she pushs real hard to leave. She woke up saying that she needed to get home to brush her teeth, shower, and eat (again she lives an hour away and Im certain the only thing she will be doing at home is watching TV with her grandparents). So I'm thinking that she feels guilty about sleeping with me on the first date and this is just her way of expressing it. So I say I have an unused travelers toothbrush and that Im going to make some eggs and bacon and ask if she would like some before she goes (I want her to stay....hell I was ready for round two in the morning lol).

She says no to the food, puts on the rest of her cloths and sits on the sofa while Im cooking. I was really confused about why she would say that she needs to get home to eat...refuses to eat with me....then sticks around while Im cooking. So i made a few extra eggs + bacon and told her she could have some. She said no to the food again and is watching the movie "7 pounds" when I sit next to her.

She hands me the remote and says that a game is on if i would like to watch it. So i change the channel, eat my food and then re-arrange the way we are sitting so that she is leaning against me. I tried talk a couple of times it the conversation just stalled. She left a little after that.

So whats up with her behavior in the morning? The night before she would find random reasons to touch me and was all into talking. But in the morning after she does none of that....although she would still comply with me when I say i would like for her to stick around a little longer and when I moved her so that she is leaning on me.
Author:  Verain [ Mon Sep 05, 2011 6:38 pm ]
Post subject: 
Guilt maybe, Does she have a boyfriend?
Author:  Daemon21 [ Mon Sep 05, 2011 7:46 pm ]
Post subject: 
no. no boyfriend
Author:  Daemon21 [ Tue Sep 06, 2011 6:04 am ]
Post subject: 
Guess it was a one night thing. Disappointing really.

Would sure as hell make learning this stuff easier if they gave some direct (and honest) feedback. How can we improve upon something we do not know is broken. Or if there even is something broken.
Author:  Tonic_00 [ Tue Sep 06, 2011 7:52 am ]
Post subject: 
Hey, Tonic here from Australia :)

I wouldn't be too concerned there champ, the whole "morning after" situation is a good way to gauge how the night went, but it is never a clear indicator as women feel more vulnerable in the morning (no makeup, no clean clothes, nothing to hide behind).

It sucks that you may not get to see her again, but are you that bothered?

Look more into what you want for yourself. Is it a lot of one night stands? MLTRs? A girlfriend? Be more concrete in what you're after and your responses from women will be the same, they'll respond better to your confidence and you'll be able to progress with them, or accept that it wont work and leave it on a high.

Being hung up like this over one girl's bizarre response is a form of one-itis, and obviously has you thinking about it. Stop thinking, accept it, move forward, and learn that bizarre responses are more often than not the result of clarity in your own desires.

Hope this helps you buddy, best of luck,
Author:  Daemon21 [ Tue Sep 06, 2011 9:34 am ]
Post subject: 
Thanks for the response Tonic. I totally agree with you on every point.

I wont lie and say I was not disappointed. But I was also not all broke up about it. Its kinda hard to get attached to someone after only spending a few hours together...sex or no sex.

I look at one night stands as practice sessions, but she was quality GF material. So I sent her a text earlier today saying I wanted to hang out and asked what day she was available (her work schedule sucks and shifts alot). I refuse to acknowledge her wierdness, and if she is not interested then I want a stronger no indicator.

She responded, but not with a date to meet up or anything. I kinda get the impression that she thinks I only want her for sex and she is being cautious. She is 22 and did not get "the college experience", while I am 28 and an ex-sailor. Alot of her behavior kinda fits a state of caution rather than disinterest now that I think about it and I wasnt really clear to her that I was looking for a relationship (plus I was not shy at all in the persuit of sex that night). .

Im going to assume this is the case and give it one more shot at hooking up with her in a few days. If she doesn't bite....thats her loss.
Author:  pleasureseeker [ Tue Sep 06, 2011 9:46 am ]
Post subject: 
sounds like buyers remorse... she feels guilty for giving herself up so easy. Girls have been taught from birth that guys "score" and girls "give it up". She also could have trust issues, she thinks that you only acting nice because you wanted sex... Was the sex bad?

I once recovered by telling the girl, that I didn't mean to make her feel uncomfortable about what happened, and that if I moved to fast it was just because I was caught up in the moment... then I told her we could pretend like this never happened and start all over as just friends. Then when you hung out as "just friends" it goes right back into kissing.
Author:  pumpington [ Tue Sep 06, 2011 1:00 pm ]
Post subject: 
could be one of many things, buyers remorse (she didn't want to have sex but you made her horny and pressured her into it now she feels she can't trust being around you), or the sex was bad, or she was just in a different mood in the mourning, or she genuinely had something else she had to get home and do and just did not care to mention it, or there was some other guy and she feels guilt
Author:  luvmiddleage [ Tue Sep 06, 2011 5:04 pm ]
Post subject: 
What about texting her with something like "wow, I feel a bit like you used me for sex, I hate when that happens to me"?

What are the forum's thoughts on this?
Author:  Daemon21 [ Wed Sep 07, 2011 2:19 am ]
Post subject: 
Thanks for the reply Pleasureseeker and pumpington. There is little I can do, I think, if it is buyers remorse as i can only contact her through the phone without being a total creeper. You guys saying that it could have been bad sex caused me to do some research in that area today. And I learned that there are a few areas I should improve upon.

Number one. Once those panties are off I just dive right in. Im going to try getting her more aroused next time once I have her fully naked.

Number two. I thought girls liked it when the man thrusted hard and fast. From what I read, that isnt true. It just makes them numb. Ironicly I prefer it slow anyway and only went hard and fast for her benefit.

luvmiddleage. Im going to remember that line for possible future use. But dont think i could use it in a text to this girl. She isnt being very interactive in her texts and I think I would just get no response to that one.
Author:  Slip n Slide [ Wed Sep 07, 2011 4:09 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Thanks for the reply Pleasureseeker and pumpington. There is little I can do, I think, if it is buyers remorse as i can only contact her through the phone without being a total creeper. You guys saying that it could have been bad sex caused me to do some research in that area today. And I learned that there are a few areas I should improve upon.

Number one. Once those panties are off I just dive right in. Im going to try getting her more aroused next time once I have her fully naked.

Number two. I thought girls liked it when the man thrusted hard and fast. From what I read, that isnt true. It just makes them numb. Ironicly I prefer it slow anyway and only went hard and fast for her benefit.

luvmiddleage. Im going to remember that line for possible future use. But dont think i could use it in a text to this girl. She isnt being very interactive in her texts and I think I would just get no response to that one.
As far as the sex goes, just keep focused on maintaining sexual tension. Never give her everything that she wants. Push/pull, move forward then pull back.

And I think luvmiddleage is on the right track. I would soften it a little, try to sympathize with her. "Hey so things feel weird between us. I dont usually have sex that quickly, things really snowballed as the night went on." This gives her a sort of "anti-slut out" by agreeing with you and saying she also felt out of control. Continue your conversation along the track of: "You're special, I don't want anything physical to come between us" and "If we have sex again, it needs to bring us closer, not drive us apart."
Author:  pleasureseeker [ Wed Sep 07, 2011 5:52 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:

Number one. Once those panties are off I just dive right in. Im going to try getting her more aroused next time once I have her fully naked.

Number two. I thought girls liked it when the man thrusted hard and fast. From what I read, that isnt true. It just makes them numb. Ironicly I prefer it slow anyway and only went hard and fast for her benefit.
I disagree with both of these... first number one is just a terrible idea. The whole point of foreplay is to make a women aroused and create a lot of anticipation... The more sexual anticipation the better. Once her panties are off, if you frustrate her by making her wait and doing stuff like kissing thighs, the anticipation will grow more and more until she screaming inside her head for you to touch her there.

number two... really depends on the girl and the SPAM and how aroused she is... some girls like rough sex.

Quote:


And I think luvmiddleage is on the right track. I would soften it a little, try to sympathize with her. "Hey so things feel weird between us. I dont usually have sex that quickly, things really snowballed as the night went on." This gives her a sort of "anti-slut out" by agreeing with you and saying she also felt out of control. Continue your conversation along the track of: "You're special, I don't want anything physical to come between us" and "If we have sex again, it needs to bring us closer, not drive us apart."
I 100% disagree... implying that SHE USED you in anyway is a MAJOR DLV, shows no confidence... also saying that things are WEIRD or that it's somehow HER fault too is another major DLV... saying shit like that will make you look like a pussy and not only will she feel guilty but she'll feel gross too which is even worse.
Author:  Slip n Slide [ Wed Sep 07, 2011 10:14 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:


And I think luvmiddleage is on the right track. I would soften it a little, try to sympathize with her. "Hey so things feel weird between us. I dont usually have sex that quickly, things really snowballed as the night went on." This gives her a sort of "anti-slut out" by agreeing with you and saying she also felt out of control. Continue your conversation along the track of: "You're special, I don't want anything physical to come between us" and "If we have sex again, it needs to bring us closer, not drive us apart."
I 100% disagree... implying that SHE USED you in anyway is a MAJOR DLV, shows no confidence... also saying that things are WEIRD or that it's somehow HER fault too is another major DLV... saying shit like that will make you look like a pussy and not only will she feel guilty but she'll feel gross too which is even worse.
I think you misunderstood the frame I was trying to describe. Definitely don't blame her for anything, if you say that she used you, do so in an obviously joking way (luvmiddleage definitely intended his as a joke). Maintain "us" and "we" word choices, and imply positive forward movement, and to do that you'll need to acknowledge that there is a hole to move out of. After that first text, keep the focus on "Sex means a lot to both of us, I know we can build a stronger connection" style of talk. That said, NEVER say that the sex and emotion of that night were bad in any way, just overwhelming. If she ever suggests that, knock it down immediately. It was the passion and the speed that it arose that overwhelmed both of you.

Acknowledge weirdness, it won't make you look like a pussy. To pretend that she isn't uncomfortable shows a lack of social intelligence, and she will remain uncomfortable around you the next time, because you don't understand her. Sacrifice some of the "I'm confident and perfect" look so that you can connect with her around her feelings, and show that you share emotions with her.
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