I have been aware of the PUA community for around five years. Occasionally I would dip in and out between relationships. However, I could never seem to get over the problem of approach anxiety and as a result was only able to use PUA techniques in social circles.
However, on this most recent visit to the PUA community I seem to have finally got through the approach anxiety problem, I still find it difficult, but it is nowhere near the wall it once appeared to be. I thought I would share my experience.
I want to explain how difficult it was for me. I decided to try an approach anxiety solution called “demonic confidence” (you can find that with Google) which is a progressive conditioning technique (which I would recommend as it may help many people.) Without giving too much away, it’s a 21 day programme where you have to gradually increase the difficulty of approaching. It really hit home to me how difficult approaching was for me when I tried “Day 1” of the programme.
Day 1 of the Demonic Confidence programme asks you to go out for 1 hour and simply approach as many people as possible and ask them the time, nothing more than that. After taking the time to visit a big city, and spending one-hour thirty-minutes doing this task I managed to approach just three people during that time. That should give you an indication of how difficult I found approach anxiety.
How I solved the problem
1: Immersion in PUA
I immersed myself in PUA study, reading, videos, and mp3s, especially regarding opening and approaching and inner game.
2: Become a social guy
Perhaps the most important thing for me personally was a shift in thinking and attitude to “become a social guy”. What that means is talking to anybody and everybody as much as possible.
- Talking to public servants (train ticket people, bus driver, taxis)
- Talking to bar staff
- Talking to waitresses in restaurants
- Talking to hired guns (handing out flyers, or selling shots)
(grab a load of flyers off these girls and start handing them out yourself)
- Talking to strippers
- Shop people
- Anyone, anywhere, male, female, child, elderly person
basically, ANYONE who I can use to practice small talk with I would talk to. I would always be looking for a way to make a conversation or say something more than what was expected. In a way I was training my mind to get used to looking for things to talk about.
3: Canned Low risk openers
- what’s the time
- Where is X bar
It can feel a bit silly, but it all helps, along with talking to all those people who are paid to talk with you, just to open a few people on the street with low-risk openers.
4: I recommend “the blueprint” for an awesome set of principles.
Technically it’s billed as “advanced game” but I think it really is a great set of principles and awesome inner game stuff.
5: Basic, simple, easy to remember “Cardinal Rules” I call them
1: Good eye contact
2: Smiling
3: Don’t lean in
4: Try for Kino off the bat
5: Speak slow and with conviction
I really begin to adopt the mindset that, “if I can see a reason to open, (regardless of whether it is a male, female, or whatever) then I will open”
After doing all the above, I go out with a friend one night who has only just found the community and I find the hurdle of opening people has been drastically reduced because I have become a more social person. Low and behold, I find myself opening 5-10 people that night. Mostly with silly little situational openers, but openers nonetheless! I think the mind is a muscle, I kind of trained myself to always be looking for small talk opportunities.
Magic
Magic has helped me loads with opening, sure it’s a crutch, but it’s a great tool to have, not just for pickup, but for friends and family, it’s just really good fun. With a bit of research and a few dollars, (or checkout YouTube) you really can totally impress people. Now there are a few tricks I can use to open people, I just like to roll up and say “Hey, I need an audience for a minute”.
I am still not where I want to be, I still can’t put my balls on the line and walk up to anyone with something direct, but now, usually when I go out, (I need a few drinks for Dutch courage) I can see something situational about the environment, or the person that I can open with, else I can use a silly little low risk opener: Where is X? What’s the time? What’s that drink? Etc
I hope this has helped someone
Good luck with your opening
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