Hey guys.

I don't know why, but I have approach anxiety.

I am putting my full faith into this. I need your help and this is the second time this happened. I don't want this to happen again.

I ran into a girl at the grocery store. I was checking her out. She glanced over at me. I went over to sit and eat my food.

The surprise happened. She sat at the table right near me. She glanced over at me once again.

She was not the best looking girl. But she was not that bad at all. Here's my problem.

I didn't say anything to her. I sat there, once again, thinking of what to say. Like always. This happened two weekends ago when a very attractive girl at a bar was staring at me all night. She wanted me to talk to her, my friends made it clear, and she made it clear. But I couldn't figure out what to say. (Mind you, I don't drink; no liquid confidence).

But the point is, what do I say? How do I say it? I am determined to not let this happen again.

Edit* My idea is also to talk to any girl now. Regardless of how she looks. If she sits near me, to say something. I just don't want this to happen again. I haven't had sex in over 3.5 years and I am considered to be a good looking guy. And girls seem to wonder how that could be.

I am determined to get this. I really am tired of it.

You say " Hi "

There is no way to pre plan a conversation with a complete stranger that has the option to say anything. Every approach isn't the opportunity of life time. You won't turn to a super PUA after just one approach. Its likely that the first approach won't go well at all, mainly because you have NO experience approaching. How successful can you be at something you don't have experience with? Just say "Hi".. Thats enough for you to at the very least to get off your ass and do something about your impulses.

If you want an example of a pre planned conversation(which is useless by the way) I'll make one up:

You: Hi, how are you doing?

Her: Hi, Im great.. How about you?

You: No complains..You hear with anyone?

Her: Yeah, my friend blah blah

You: Oh thats dope.. How did you guys meet?

Her: We meet on a camping trip last year when I was blah blah

Her: Who are you here with ?

You: Im here with my boy Joe.. Is your friend single? We should introduce them while we talk

Her: She has a boyfriend.. Unfortunately.

You: It's all good, my boy tells great stories. I'll let him know and he'll just keep her entertained.. Lets introduce

Her: Ok..

You: So how did you get into camping..

Her: Well my dad.. blah blah blah blah..

You: You grew up with both your mom and dad? Any siblings? They still together?

Her: Blah Blah Blah Blah

-

And so on.. With flirting and banter in-between.. But once again its USELESS, a conversation can go any which way. The objective with approaching is learning how to deal with different social situations. Some will be similar and others will be completely different. But you have to start taking action to figure it out. You gotta stop being a chump man. The worst they can do is say " No " and then you know what happens? Absolutely NOTHING. Your life will continue as it would any other day. But if they say "Yes".. Your life could change. You either WIN or stay the same. If there was a way to gamble and either Win or keep your money wouldn't you gamble every single effin' time?

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This is how to solve it: say something.

What you're feeling is regret. And you're realizing that regret weighs more than taking action.
Pretty much this exact thing happened to me last week. I still regret it. I've never regretted an interaction when I took action and went for the # close or instant date close or whatever the case may be. She says no, she says no, at least I took action. No regrets then. Something for you to keep in mind.

There will likely be more instances of regret no matter what you do. Best thing you can do is take action when you can, open your mouth and say hi.

You can talk to them about anything under the sun. I have opened girls talking about things as boring as paper plates. It literally does not matter. They'll probably be very down for a lil back and forth as long as your demeanor is on point.
QFT. Holy hell that is profound.

Try asking a question.

My first approach I did (about a month ago) I sat next to a woman at the train station, asked her if she knew what time the next train came and the conversation flowed from there and I ended up getting her number (funny end to this story to be posted later ).

It's not what pro's advocate, but it feels natural, and it's a non confronting way to dip your toes in the water and start demonstrating to yourself that the fears are unfounded and changing your mindset.

Also talk to everyone, be indiscriminate and create a friendly SPAM.

Perfect opening. Great job on your first approach
The approach of "hi excuse me, sorry, i saw you......i think you're cute let me guess you're an artist" is the most banal, uninteresting non-intriguing opening a guy could possibly present - they're making it much harder than it needs to be and it scares guys from approaching because this "direct" approach (it's usually not direct when they do it because their demeanor is as though they're talking to their buddy) is so fucking cringe.
Precisely.
+1.

Great post.

Matters not what you say, but how you say it.

Appreciate the feedback, guys.

Honestly, there are some days where I just feel that "alpha" personality thing and have the confidence. But yeah, I think you are all right. If you have any more tips, i'm definitely going to try more. Especially asking a question.

Here's another one. You're on the street. Two guys are making noise across the street. You say to her as though she's already your gf "what's their deal." She replies, you reply. Boom, you're in. You can start talking to them about anything. If she feels your intensity and comfortableness with her she is going to possibly want more where that came from. Much more.
To jack in to that feeling on any given day, have some interactions with women.

Honestly, today was one of those days. I could feel it, and I could project it.

There was one girl I was going to approach. However, she got away. As in, she ended up walking down a different isle and instead of following her and acting creepy or going to look for her, I approached another girl. And I did it. I was a little more nervous on this one, but it felt fine after. She was married, oh well.

Edit* I just realized I had an alpha gaze and I wasn't afraid to peer into their eyes. Usually I have trouble making eye contact.

I don't have much regret today. I do wish I had nailed the approach on the blonde girl, but i'm letting that one go.

I mentioned before that I don't drink (it's caused problems in the past. i'm much better when sober which is ironic). But, I will be going out with some old friends this Saturday night. Do you guys have any advice? Any openers?

My main question: How do you get the number? I was going to talk to the blonde girl today and I was going to ask her out for coffee, or something.

Edit: I got the Rules of the Game book. It's really resonating with me and I feel like i've been able to do like the first week of things. Sometimes I miss the eye contact and posture, but this is stuff i've worked on for a long while.

I really feel like this is resonating with me though. I think it's about the right things to say, overcoming approach anxiety, and generating the right kind of attraction.

Good Job on your approach today man! It's a good feeling to have accomplished that - don't let the momentum go to waste - open one or more girls tomorrow.
Open about anything at all or something that relates to the situation the two of you find yourselves in. Speak to her in the comfortable way you'd speak to a g/f. Get into a little banter with her to see if the two of you have chemistry. Then find out some personal background about her and give her some personal background about yourself so you're not just "the guy" she met. Then say something along the lines of "I have to run and do X, but let's continue this, I'll take your number and we'll get a drink/coffee/smoothie some time." Confidently (but not in an overly cocky manner) presume the successful outcome.

For openers I'd either reference something about her person that is unique, or something about the place you are in or what she is doing. The reason is because it makes it seem RELEVANT. If you go up and ask her some weird opinion opener or make random small talk, it will telegraph your intent because it is irrelevant to who she is and what she is doing in that moment. You can be direct shortly thereafter and show intent, but I think its better in the initial approach to be indirect. Because girls are often alarmed and confused when you first start talking to them and they aren't necessarily receptive to you until you get them warmed up and they let down their guard.

Wait for an ioi before trying to close contact information. You can also "jab" at it and test the water. Ask her if she is on facebook. Or tell her that you guys should get together sometime. But just throw that out there at a high point in the convo and see how she reacts. If she's like No I'm not on social media and ignores the fact that you suggested a hang out, then you don't need to get yourself blown out by asking for her number and facebook name. You can either keep trying to build rapport and see what happens later, or back out of the set and save face if that's what your ego compels you to do.

_________________
“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!” ~Audrey Hepburn

Yes. Make sure she's eating out of your hand before closing. Read the social cues. If she's indifferent, move on.

I had (have) anxiety too until a therapist labeled me a perfectionist. If i couldn't think of the PERFECT opener, I wouldn't say anything. It affected everything in my life. Then I read Feeling Good by David Burns and learned about the distortive thoughts we all have - which have been crushing me most my life.

The fix is simple, write down the thought that bothers you and then more reasonable thoughts/outcomes next to it. Identifying the distortive thoughts takes some practice but know that your anxiety is a reaction to thoughts in your head. OK let's practice...

She won't be interested in me:
- Actually she was staring at me, she's obviously into me
- Who cares if she isn't, she's one of a million girls I don't care what she thinks
- My female friends always comment how cute I am

I won't know what to say:
- I should just get to know her, that's what people do when they're interested in someone
- No one can expect a perfect opener, just go say "hi"
- Conversations are a two way street, it's not incumbent on me to entertain her

You get the idea. I do this every day and it's actually proven to change your mindset. It's like medication but with no side affects.

If you want a quick jolt, write down a T chart for the advantages and disadvantages for approaching this young lady. Once you have a litany of reasons to approach and like no disadvantages, you should have a surge of confidence.

AGREED. Eddie Fews nailed it the other day when he said

what affective openers can I come up with when I approach the object of my eye? please advise