PUA Forum :: First adventures in approaching. How am I doing?

One of my favourite ways to say when a girl says she has a BF is to look at her and immediately say:

"Really? I have a dog. He's so cute, you call him and he comes and you pet him..."

And then keep going with whatever I was talking about before.

"Really? I have a dog. He's so cute, you call him and he comes and you pet him..."

Kept walking with her for a while, didnt really vibe. Asked for her number:

Should I try to make them stop? Or keep walking with them?

I use quite direct openers, which kinda communicates I'm into her. I think being direct is easier to weed out the ones interested... or is this too aggressive?

- Should I try to stick in my "age class (30)" I'm under the impression that I mostly encounter younger girls...Might this be a reason i'm not closing a lot of chicks?

@OP, you did a great job. You've already approached more women than a good majority of this forum ever has.

Should I try to make them stop? Or keep walking with them?

I make them stop. To me, walking with them is the same as following a girl around the club. You're in her world. The moment you stop her, you're bringing her in yours. She's now following your lead.
Besides, if she stops she'll feel safe, because being in your presence becomes a choice she made, as opposed to a choice you made for her by walking alongside. Make sense?

I've read numerous times on this forum that the BF cue is just her saying she's not interested and that you should move on?

Quote:

I've read numerous times on this forum that the BF cue is just her saying she's not interested and that you should move on?

No, it's not a cue she's not interested. Most of the time she is subconsciously TESTING how you'll respond.

Imagine it like this:

From meeting a girl to actually kissing her or being with her in bed, you have to pass through certain loops.

LOOP 1: I have a boyfriend.

You don't say: Oh, well he doesn't have to know...

You say: I have a dog.

LOOP 2: I have to go soon.

You DON'T say: Oh don't go yet, stay some more..

You say: I agree...I should start charging you by the minute, you're keeping me here for way too long.

LOOP 3: I don't give my number to guys I don't know.

You don't say: Well maybe you can make an exception, I'm kind of nice.

You say: Me neither. Only if I like the guy, then I consider it.

LOOP 4: I never kiss on the first date.

You don't say: Oh, well we don't have to kiss.

You say: Really? So you actually talk?

Get it?

She's constantly going to throw these shit tests, and every single one is like a rope that you jump over.

Lose one, and it's pretty much game over.

Those replies are definitely not me.
I can understand that I need to be (remain) confident and centered and that she might pickup and act upon it if I'm not. But what you are proposing feels like this "be an alpha and be super cocky" forced act for me.

Whatever the "you" means - because in all honesty, who "you" are, is an illusion - conjured over years of programming by the society, parents, peers and shit you see on TV.

Quote:

If you want to have something you have never had, you have to be willing to do something that is not "you".

Whatever the "you" means - because in all honesty, who "you" are, is an illusion - conjured over years of programming by the society, parents, peers and shit you see on TV.

If you want to have something you never had, you have to be willing to walk away from who you think you
are and become something you've never been.

So if that means becoming a super confident guy, then so be it. Become the most confident motherfucker that
has ever walked the planet earth.

So yea man, it sucks that you have the opportunity to be something you've never been. It sucks that you're not
a goose that's programmed to only fly south, and that you actually have the ability to change.

It sucks

It does. So you just instantly stop walking after your opener? Or go stand before her?
Or is it more like walking along a few steps and then stopping?
Then what do you do with the ones that keep walking? You just let them go?

OP, if you really wanna go down that path by all means, go for it. But I'm telling you here and now that it's not only a time-waste, but also, in my opinion, pathetic. There's few things more annoying than a guy that just won't take a hint.

And this bullshit about shit-tests I've already addressed, you can find it in my signature if you're interested in any of that.

If she's into you, she's not telling you about a boyfriend. Even if she has one. Unless it's either immediately before or immediately after he's about to become irrelevant - aka you two getting intimate.

Quote:

I don't block her way. I just tell her to stop for a second, and then the opener. Just be sure to talk clearly and with good tonality, they'll stop most of the time.
If they keep walking usually I'll let them go, but it doesn't happen too often.

Author:	sapipa [ Thu Feb 02, 2017 9:01 pm ]
Post subject:	First adventures in approaching. How am I doing?
Would like some opinions on how I'm doing. I know I'm only making babysteps and have a long way to go. BUT at least I'm taking action! Underneath is a short report of my approaches today. If you don't wanna read them the "conclusion and questions" are at the end. Tnx! Went out to the city for daygame. This is the 4th time of daygame for me. Had to overcome myself again but it is getting easier. Got out of the metro and decided to start fast and just go. Instantly spotted 2 chicks and then went for the easiest solution logistic wise. 1. Metro girl 7. age 25. BF Opener: hi, saw you on the tube, you also from “my hometown”? We had an okay short conversation but she said she had a BF. 2. Exotic cutie from outside Antwerp. 7 . age 22. BF Opener: Hi, you’ve got a great style. I was vibing with her and had good fun. She excused herself for having a BF. 3. Redhead 7 from Limburg. BF. age 30. Opener: You have really nice haircolor. We had an ok an fun conversation. She had to catch her train, asked for her number “my BF won’t like it”. 4. Portugese 7. 30. She didn’t really speak English, so it wasn’t really a fluent convo. I think she was saying she worked in one of the bars where we were walking. I think she was an illegal stripper or something Something was off with this chick. Asked for her number so I could “show her the city”. She was mumbling something about me coming to her bar. Left it there. 5. Girl from shop 7. 22. BF Young girl that was working at a shop. Opened her while I was paying for a drink. Opener: Wauw you look really nice. Blablabla she had a BF. 6. Black 7 shaking NO. Tried to open her. She just gave me the bitch face while shaking her head. Haha funny shit. 7. Girl from my hometown. 6. pornface. BF Kind of awkward opener. Asked her where she was from etc… Kept walking with her for a while, didnt really vibe. Asked for her number: “I have a BF”. Surprise 8. Young Chinese 6. Too young. Nice short convo. When I asked her number she said I think you’re too old for me. She said she was 19. I was like “jep you are right” and I was out. conclusion There wasn’t any girl I approached that was stunning in my opinion. Wasn’t feeling any real attraction. Also most of them (except for 1) didn't stop but just kept walking. For the openers I’m really trying to compliment on something that is personal and also something that I actually mean. It’s more an improvisation but seems to work for me. I’m getting a lot more relaxed in the conversations so It’s easier to keep up conversation, laugh and make jokes. I also succeeded in subtle touching her arm,etc… I only made 28 approaches so far but it's already A LOT less scary and awkward. I think I might even like this stuff one day It's funny as hell! Yet, I didn't close any number. That was kind of frustrating. Still too scared to open up on 10s and sets. Working points: - Approach way more - Also approach the 10s - DO sets Questions: - Should I try to make them stop? Or keep walking with them? - I use quite direct openers, which kinda communicates I'm into her. I think being direct is easier to weed out the ones interested... or is this too aggressive? - Should I try to stick in my "age class (30)" I'm under the impression that I mostly encounter younger girls...Might this be a reason i'm not closing a lot of chicks? Approaches 27 Number closes 3 Dates 0 Lays 0

Author:	Black Phantom [ Fri Feb 03, 2017 6:47 am ]
Post subject:	Re: First adventures in approaching. How am I doing?
One of my favourite ways to say when a girl says she has a BF is to look at her and immediately say: "Really? I have a dog. He's so cute, you call him and he comes and you pet him..." And then keep going with whatever I was talking about before.

Author:	sapipa [ Fri Feb 03, 2017 10:54 am ]
Post subject:	Re: First adventures in approaching. How am I doing?
Quote: One of my favourite ways to say when a girl says she has a BF is to look at her and immediately say: "Really? I have a dog. He's so cute, you call him and he comes and you pet him..." And then keep going with whatever I was talking about before. I've read numerous times on this forum that the BF cue is just her saying she's not interested and that you should move on?

Author:	R.C [ Fri Feb 03, 2017 11:21 am ]
Post subject:	Re: First adventures in approaching. How am I doing?
Quote: "Really? I have a dog. He's so cute, you call him and he comes and you pet him..." You should probably stop doing that. And you should definitely stop encouraging others to do it. @OP, you did a great job. You've already approached more women than a good majority of this forum ever has. Quote: Kept walking with her for a while, didnt really vibe. Asked for her number: This may be personal preference, but I usually don't even bother with getting a number if I don't feel the vibe. Not because she might not hand it, but because it's likely a dead end even if she does. The first impression is a hugely influential factor. Not saying you should do the same, just keep it in mind. Quote: Should I try to make them stop? Or keep walking with them? I make them stop. To me, walking with them is the same as following a girl around the club. You're in her world. The moment you stop her, you're bringing her in yours. She's now following your lead. Besides, if she stops she'll feel safe, because being in your presence becomes a choice she made, as opposed to a choice you made for her by walking alongside. Make sense? Quote: I use quite direct openers, which kinda communicates I'm into her. I think being direct is easier to weed out the ones interested... or is this too aggressive? It's only aggressive if you're being aggressive. Direct openers are great, but you want to convey interest in a light and playful manner. You don't want to be pressuring or for her to feel threatened. Quote: - Should I try to stick in my "age class (30)" I'm under the impression that I mostly encounter younger girls...Might this be a reason i'm not closing a lot of chicks? No, you should most definitely not. Just make sure to have your outlook on point. That means fitting clothes, good haircut to match your face, and being in shape. I know plenty 30 year old women that look better than 23 year olds. And I know plenty 30yo guys that look better than 23yo. It really only comes down to how good of a care you take of yourself.

Author:	sapipa [ Fri Feb 03, 2017 6:12 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: First adventures in approaching. How am I doing?
Quote: @OP, you did a great job. You've already approached more women than a good majority of this forum ever has. Tnx, that's motivating Quote: Should I try to make them stop? Or keep walking with them? Quote: I make them stop. To me, walking with them is the same as following a girl around the club. You're in her world. The moment you stop her, you're bringing her in yours. She's now following your lead. Besides, if she stops she'll feel safe, because being in your presence becomes a choice she made, as opposed to a choice you made for her by walking alongside. Make sense? It does. So you just instantly stop walking after your opener? Or go stand before her? Or is it more like walking along a few steps and then stopping? Then what do you do with the ones that keep walking? You just let them go?

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Author:	datingbro [ Sat Feb 04, 2017 10:59 am ]
Post subject:	Re: First adventures in approaching. How am I doing?
Quote: One of my favourite ways to say when a girl says she has a BF is to look at her and immediately say: "Really? I have a dog. He's so cute, you call him and he comes and you pet him..." And then keep going with whatever I was talking about before. Totally AGREE. One good answer I heard from some dating coach was like "Oh. Why do you tell me that? Oh, now I understand, you think about sex with me. Calm down, I only ask you have coffee with me." Or something like that. Bf is only lame excuse. Girls task is throw up excuses, and mens role is solve those "problems"

Author:	Black Phantom [ Sat Feb 04, 2017 9:14 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: First adventures in approaching. How am I doing?
Quote: I've read numerous times on this forum that the BF cue is just her saying she's not interested and that you should move on? No, it's not a cue she's not interested. Most of the time she is subconsciously TESTING how you'll respond. Imagine it like this: From meeting a girl to actually kissing her or being with her in bed, you have to pass through certain loops. LOOP 1: I have a boyfriend. You don't say: Oh, well he doesn't have to know... You say: I have a dog. LOOP 2: I have to go soon. You DON'T say: Oh don't go yet, stay some more.. You say: I agree...I should start charging you by the minute, you're keeping me here for way too long. LOOP 3: I don't give my number to guys I don't know. You don't say: Well maybe you can make an exception, I'm kind of nice. You say: Me neither. Only if I like the guy, then I consider it. LOOP 4: I never kiss on the first date. You don't say: Oh, well we don't have to kiss. You say: Really? So you actually talk? Get it? She's constantly going to throw these shit tests, and every single one is like a rope that you jump over. Lose one, and it's pretty much game over.

Author:	sapipa [ Sat Feb 04, 2017 11:43 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: First adventures in approaching. How am I doing?
Quote: Quote: I've read numerous times on this forum that the BF cue is just her saying she's not interested and that you should move on? No, it's not a cue she's not interested. Most of the time she is subconsciously TESTING how you'll respond. Imagine it like this: From meeting a girl to actually kissing her or being with her in bed, you have to pass through certain loops. LOOP 1: I have a boyfriend. You don't say: Oh, well he doesn't have to know... You say: I have a dog. LOOP 2: I have to go soon. You DON'T say: Oh don't go yet, stay some more.. You say: I agree...I should start charging you by the minute, you're keeping me here for way too long. LOOP 3: I don't give my number to guys I don't know. You don't say: Well maybe you can make an exception, I'm kind of nice. You say: Me neither. Only if I like the guy, then I consider it. LOOP 4: I never kiss on the first date. You don't say: Oh, well we don't have to kiss. You say: Really? So you actually talk? Get it? She's constantly going to throw these shit tests, and every single one is like a rope that you jump over. Lose one, and it's pretty much game over. Those replies are definitely not me. I can understand that I need to be (remain) confident and centered and that she might pickup and act upon it if I'm not. But what you are proposing feels like this "be an alpha and be super cocky" forced act for me.

Author:	Black Phantom [ Sun Feb 05, 2017 8:18 am ]
Post subject:	Re: First adventures in approaching. How am I doing?
Quote: Those replies are definitely not me. I can understand that I need to be (remain) confident and centered and that she might pickup and act upon it if I'm not. But what you are proposing feels like this "be an alpha and be super cocky" forced act for me. If you want to have something you have never had, you have to be willing to do something that is not "you". Whatever the "you" means - because in all honesty, who "you" are, is an illusion - conjured over years of programming by the society, parents, peers and shit you see on TV. If you want to have something you never had, you have to be willing to walk away from who you think you are and become something you've never been. So if that means becoming a super confident guy, then so be it. Become the most confident motherfucker that has ever walked the planet earth. So yea man, it sucks that you have the opportunity to be something you've never been. It sucks that you're not a goose that's programmed to only fly south, and that you actually have the ability to change. It sucks

Author:	Melodical [ Sun Feb 05, 2017 10:30 am ]
Post subject:	Re: First adventures in approaching. How am I doing?
Quote: Whatever the "you" means - because in all honesty, who "you" are, is an illusion - conjured over years of programming by the society, parents, peers and shit you see on TV. Words of wisdom. The whole point of "inner game" is to become the best version of yourself and strive for improvement at all times (most people don't and that's what gives you an edge over other guys).

Author:	sapipa [ Sun Feb 05, 2017 12:01 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: First adventures in approaching. How am I doing?
Quote: Quote: Those replies are definitely not me. I can understand that I need to be (remain) confident and centered and that she might pickup and act upon it if I'm not. But what you are proposing feels like this "be an alpha and be super cocky" forced act for me. If you want to have something you have never had, you have to be willing to do something that is not "you". Whatever the "you" means - because in all honesty, who "you" are, is an illusion - conjured over years of programming by the society, parents, peers and shit you see on TV. If you want to have something you never had, you have to be willing to walk away from who you think you are and become something you've never been. So if that means becoming a super confident guy, then so be it. Become the most confident motherfucker that has ever walked the planet earth. So yea man, it sucks that you have the opportunity to be something you've never been. It sucks that you're not a goose that's programmed to only fly south, and that you actually have the ability to change. It sucks Yes. Nice words and I agree. I have been actively working on my "inner game" for a while now. However I feel like there are 2 kinds of "game". The first by being genuine, confident and openly showing attraction. The second by using tricks and acts into fooling woman. Now i also believe that the first one is a lot harder but will actually get you somewhere while the second one will yield fast results but will probably end up in drama. Reading the advice here about ignoring the boyfriend stuff and the "loops" you are describing seem to fall in the "tricks and acts kind of game". Or it might feel this way because you are oversimplifying in order to make a statement. And finally, the journey of any man who want to get better with woman is probably one of a mix between these types of game, making some "tricks" just a part of who he genuinely is as you describe. Please correct me if I'm wrong, i'm definitely a beginner in this journey!

Author:	Melodical [ Sun Feb 05, 2017 2:24 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: First adventures in approaching. How am I doing?
The "tricks and acts" are simply a countermeasure to her own "tricks and acts" but have the added benefit of demonstrating the behaviours which come from inner game once you have got past her bullshit. If she says "I have a boyfriend" just say "ok" and carry on exactly where you left off. If she mentions it again in the next 10 minutes then she probably has.

Author:	R.C [ Sun Feb 05, 2017 11:29 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: First adventures in approaching. How am I doing?
OP, if you really wanna go down that path by all means, go for it. But I'm telling you here and now that it's not only a time-waste, but also, in my opinion, pathetic. There's few things more annoying than a guy that just won't take a hint. And this bullshit about shit-tests I've already addressed, you can find it in my signature if you're interested in any of that. If she's into you, she's not telling you about a boyfriend. Even if she has one. Unless it's either immediately before or immediately after he's about to become irrelevant - aka you two getting intimate. Quote: It does. So you just instantly stop walking after your opener? Or go stand before her? Or is it more like walking along a few steps and then stopping? Then what do you do with the ones that keep walking? You just let them go? I don't block her way. I just tell her to stop for a second, and then the opener. Just be sure to talk clearly and with good tonality, they'll stop most of the time. If they keep walking usually I'll let them go, but it doesn't happen too often.

Author:	sapipa [ Mon Feb 06, 2017 1:26 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: First adventures in approaching. How am I doing?
Quote: OP, if you really wanna go down that path by all means, go for it. But I'm telling you here and now that it's not only a time-waste, but also, in my opinion, pathetic. There's few things more annoying than a guy that just won't take a hint. And this bullshit about shit-tests I've already addressed, you can find it in my signature if you're interested in any of that. If she's into you, she's not telling you about a boyfriend. Even if she has one. Unless it's either immediately before or immediately after he's about to become irrelevant - aka you two getting intimate. Quote: It does. So you just instantly stop walking after your opener? Or go stand before her? Or is it more like walking along a few steps and then stopping? Then what do you do with the ones that keep walking? You just let them go? I don't block her way. I just tell her to stop for a second, and then the opener. Just be sure to talk clearly and with good tonality, they'll stop most of the time. If they keep walking usually I'll let them go, but it doesn't happen too often. Will keep this going for the next weeks and see what happens. I've noticed that, especially in my first approaches, I asked her if she has a BF. Just to keep the convo going. I will drop that.

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