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Ahh i suck at making convos
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Author:  PUA to be [ Thu Feb 21, 2008 5:22 am ]
Post subject:  Ahh i suck at making convos
Hey guys, I was on a date the other day and i have come to realize that i suck at talkin and making conversations. I have already been past the gettin to know the girl stage and i had nothing to say it really bothered me that we were both there not talkin and non of us had anything to say. What can i do to improve my conversational skills? WTF do people talk about? I really dont get it i wasnt shy or anything i know the girl im pretty close with her but there was nothing coming to mind that i could talk about. How can i fix this?

Thanks
Author:  marvin25 [ Thu Feb 21, 2008 5:29 am ]
Post subject: 
Simple, become a better listener. There are always things to talk about if you are really listening to someone. This is something I am working on as well.

If that doesn't work, just start talking about some random things going on in your surroundings.
Author:  PUA to be [ Thu Feb 21, 2008 5:58 am ]
Post subject: 
Those random things just last for a few seconds nothing else then it just goes back to being really quiet and boring.. I acutally just sat and read almost everythread in the next 10 pages on this section of the site i think i might have gotten a few ideas but more would be helpfull.

Thanks
Author:  PU-Zurich [ Sat Mar 01, 2008 10:27 pm ]
Post subject: 
Tell her funny stories that happened to you (if you haven't experienced so many, lie, make up stories), she will laugh (always good because of the biochemical processes in her beautiful head) and she will think "wtf, this guy has an amazing, funny, exciting life!" (<- DHV!)
Author:  PUA to be [ Thu Mar 06, 2008 9:41 pm ]
Post subject: 
Wouldnt that kinda make me look like i cant stop talkin about myself? and make me end up lookin like some concieted douche who bores her to death?
Author:  TheGillMachine [ Fri Mar 07, 2008 12:28 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Wouldnt that kinda make me look like i cant stop talkin about myself? and make me end up lookin like some concieted douche who bores her to death?
Only if you talk about it in a boring way. Every woman is more likely to chip in to the convo if its something she can relate to and you make it sound like fun.

That's the basis right there: make her believe that what you're telling her was unbelievably exciting and fun, and tell it in a way that makes HEARING the story exciting and fun as well.
Author:  PUA to be [ Fri Mar 07, 2008 8:22 am ]
Post subject: 
i have a hard time telling girl stories like that because in reality my life is boring lol (cant tell em that wouldnt be a good idea)
Author:  PU-Zurich [ Sat Mar 08, 2008 7:51 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Wouldnt that kinda make me look like i cant stop talkin about myself? and make me end up lookin like some concieted douche who bores her to death?
When I say:"Tell her stories!" that doesn't mean that u are talking all the time. That just means that there won't be any tensionkilling moment of silence. Chicks generally talk more than men do, you won't have the chance to tell ONE story from the beginning till the end without getting interupted by her.

And you can also ask her question related to the story u are telling.

For example:
You:"... and then I made the dinner for the whole family, u know, 2 million people. I decided to make scampi... by the way, do u have ever ate scampi? do u like it?"

You:"...and then we were shopping in New York at the grand XY mall and then... by the way: have u ever been in the XY Mall or, generally, in NY?"

You:"...you know, I love to ski, the dynamic, it's awesome. Have you ever been skiing? or in Aspen?"

And after her answer, just go back to the story you were telling her.

C'mon man, honestly, if you are able to get a chick to date u, entertaining her will be the easiest part...
Author:  Chiggs [ Fri Mar 14, 2008 2:37 am ]
Post subject: 
What we're trying to tell you is to be Cocky and Funny.
There are some good posts around here about that.

If you absolutely run out of things to say, start kino games. You say you already know her ppretty well, so start a thumb war (which works), show her some crazy handshake you "saw" earlier (but that you're really making up as you go), do whatever, just don't let her get nervous and start looking around the room. You have to be the interesting guy, to do that she has to be thinking about you. If she's looking around the room, she's not thinking about you. Keep her involved in the interaction.

Hope this helps.
Author:  pollykok [ Mon Mar 24, 2008 1:58 am ]
Post subject: 
I have the same problem, if you find a solution plz post it.
Author:  yokezg63 [ Mon Mar 24, 2008 3:09 am ]
Post subject: 
A good conversationalist knows to balance listening, telling stories/interesting news, self-disclosure, and humor. If you learn to excel in all four areas, you shouldn't have much problem keeping a conversation going - even with a complete stranger.

You should have a few stories available in your mental database to whip out whenever there's silence or tension. However, you shouldn't just shoot them out in the beginning of a conversation. Think of them as your backup material.

Your three main staples should be listening, humor, and self-disclosure. After you've gone past the small-talk stage, you should really try to get her to talk about herself. Remember this one rule: "People's favorite topic of conversation is themselves." Almost everyone would rather share about their interests than hear about the interests of others. I used to be skeptical when I heard this, but it's true. I can easily get people to talk about themselves for 30 minutes without any break. We're a lot more self-absorbed than we'd like to think. Don't ask her simple questions like "What are your hobbies?" You'll be interrogating her, and it'll feel very forced. Instead, ask her questions that require a long and meaningful response, like "What are your plans for the future?" Her response will give you more topics with which to branch off of, and also prompt her to self-disclose about herself. It's important to REMEMBER what she says. Whenever the conversation starts to lose momentum, you can say, "So you mentioned *blank*. Why is that?"

Self-disclosure is very important to conversation, because it creates an emotional bond between the two people talking. When you cause the girl to self-disclose, she'll begin to feel closer with you. However, it's also very important that you do the same. Think of it as an exchange. She shared something intimate and personal with you, so you have to "pay" her back. Be careful not to go overboard - nothing TOO personal (e.g., "I got beat as a kid"). The intimate nature of the subject has to match with the comfort level you feel with the person. There has to be a gradual progression. Self-disclosure is VERY important. If neither of you self-disclose the entire date, you'll be at the same exact spot as when you started, and that's not good. Self-disclosure is also important in creating attraction, because you show that you have a lot in common with the girl. When you say things like, "I feel so connected to you. I never thought I'd find someone who understands me like this," it can have a very powerful effect (don't forget to kino and show IOI's).

Note: Self-disclosure and story-telling tend to overlap, because you're essentially telling a story about yourself. The stories that you should save for later are humorous, tension relieving ones that aren't necessarily related to yourself (e.g., "I know this one guy who..."). This isn't necessarily a rule, but you should try to get by without stories for as long as possible; otherwise, what are you going to say when things start to get quiet?

Note 2: Do NOT neg a girl when she self-discloses something to you. Topics of self-disclosure are usually sensitive subjects. If you neg her about it, you'll probably just end up offending her. Sometimes, girls will self-disclose something that they may not feel proud about. The best thing to do is pick out the positive aspects of it; don't insult or put down. Elevate the mood of the conversation. And whatever you do, don't give her advice of what she should have done differently. People hate that.

Humor is your last staple. Avoid telling any traditional JOKES (e.g., "Hey, did you hear about the..."). When you tell one of those, you force the girl to become a passive listener - she'll focus all her attention on what you're saying. If the joke falls flat, it reflects very negatively on you, since you vouched for the hilarity of the joke by telling it. You'll appear unfunny. I never EVER tell jokes when I'm around people. There's just too much risk of them not going over so well. Instead, try to use witty banter. Be able to twist words and make jokes based off what is being said. This makes the conversation much more interactive for her, and puts less pressure on each joke having to be pure comedy.

One type of humor I've used for years is "creating an absurd reality." Mystery actually mentions this in the Venusian Handbook, along with some examples, so I highly recommend you check it out. Basically, you verbally create an absurd situation, and place you and the girl in it. For instance, if the girl says, "I like sushi." Then you say, "We should totally go to Japan, and become master fishermen. We'll run a black market sushi ring, to help cover our overhead costs. We can eat all the sushi that we want. Eventually we can search for the mysterious Black Thundercod... "

It sounds stupid, but, believe me, the girl will laugh. In fact, she'll probably play along and start adding her own details. This creates a highly interactive experience for both of you, and helps to create an even stronger bond between you two. This type of humor doesn't require too much quick thinking. Just weave the story from whatever pops up in your head. Your brain will start throwing you words that logically connect. (e.g., sushi - Japan - fishermen). Even if they don't really connect, just throw them in there anyways. It'll add to the absurdity, which adds to the humor. The great thing about "absurd reality" humor is that, by doing it, you've essentially created an inside joke with the girl. Inside jokes are an awesome way to establish familiarity with another person, because now you have something that's just between the two of you - almost like a secret.

Don't go too heavily into any of the three staples. If you listen too much, then she'll feel like you don't have any personality. If you self-disclose with her too much, then the conversation may get too moody. You also run risk of falling into the "Friend Zone." If you use too much humor, then she won't feel very connected with you. Balance is very important.

I hope this helped.
Author:  pollykok [ Mon Mar 24, 2008 3:27 am ]
Post subject: 
Thanks man that was very helpful.
Author:  Grape [ Mon Mar 24, 2008 7:17 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hmm, I always work off "would you have sex with Jesus?"
It's what I use as back-up when I can't get any convo going on.
Author:  willyrobinson [ Wed Apr 16, 2008 11:48 pm ]
Post subject:  Convos
Yea this was very helpful.

I myself tend to lean too much towards the Story telling, with a little of that disclosure (usually i ry to curb that b/c i hate that 'just friends' place)

Today I was with this girl having lunch and I personally have a lot of very interesting stories but I felt like I was going for too much backup stuff about times I've almost died and she got the proper idea about me, but I appreciate the suggestions on how to engage her more in convo.

-----------------------------

In the drama film - Lost in Translation Bill Murray does a pretty good example of an 'absurd reality' in the scene at the bar.
Author:  Cool [ Mon Apr 21, 2008 2:08 am ]
Post subject: 
good stuff blak
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