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Sick of Not Approaching...
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Author:  Danshavis [ Fri Nov 23, 2012 11:03 am ]
Post subject:  Sick of Not Approaching...
Alright guys, I'm sick of not approaching girls in a club and seein other blokes who do it. I have 2 issues: one I guess would be a confidence/fear of rejection thing, the other: Not knowing what to say. Did anyone else start off like this and how did they get over it?
Author:  Sophos [ Fri Nov 23, 2012 3:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Sick of Not Approaching...
Yes, everyone starts out like that so there's nothing to worry about. To get over fear of rejection you just need to go for it. Maybe make a bet with your friends so you have an incentive, just be sure not to overthink it and get psyched out. As for openers you could use some canned lines, or you could go natural, it all depends on you. Keep in mind though that it's easier to pull of canned lines, but it may cost you more if you aren't congruent enough, or if you use a popular line that can be seen on The Pick Up Artist or whatever.
Author:  hit626 [ Thu Nov 29, 2012 9:01 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Sick of Not Approaching...
Me, you and everyone on this forum had (still has) exactly the same problem. I'm still having the same problem as you are at the moment.

I've learnt, by reading a lot of posts, that there is no master solution. You've just gotta get out there and DO IT. Even if it's baby steps then that's fine. DON'T BE CONCERNED BY WHERE OTHER GUYS ARE AND WHERE YOU AREN'T - you need to eliminate that from your mind. Focus on what you want to achieve! :D

I was so bad that the thought of approaching a woman would put me into a downward spiral. I'm still bad, but not as bad as I once was. :)

I started out by just making conversation with no other intentions attatched. This is a good place to start if just talking to a girl is a problem (DON'T rely on this entirely though...It won't cure you of your approach anxiety because once you attatch another motive to your interaction (getting her number) you get nervous). You just need to aclimatise to talking to women, that's what it's all about.

I then plan on attatching a goal to my interaction (holding conversation for five minutes, let her reveal her name, gain a number close, etc). Baby steps, that's what it's about. The thing about approach anxiety is if you over expose yourself (i.e. approach a 3 set when you can't open just one girl), you will put yourself off the idea completely and getting that desire and drive back will be even harder than when you started.

Don't fill your head with too much game as well. It will throw you off completely because your mind will be filled with all this info and it will jump back and forth, ruining the flow of your thoughts. I read game for about a month before I decided that if I don't lay down some basic conversational skills and opening, then no book in the world is going to help me. I've layed out a step by step plan to develop myself. I suggest practicing some 'mindfulness'. It's a meditative technique to clear the mind of unnecessary thoughts. An author called Thich Nhat Hanh writes on mindfulness - he's the go to guy on the subject.

Best of luck, hoped that helped. :)
Author:  puaninja [ Fri Nov 30, 2012 1:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Sick of Not Approaching...
You'll always be a little nervous, but you will gain confidence the more you do it. I used to think that cold approaching women was not even something I could do. I mean, I saw a few guys do it, but they'd mostly get rejected. And the ones that didn't get rejected, they were usually the kinds of guys girls would have crushes on because they were really good looking and were alpha male types. I just didn't see this as something I could be successful at.

When I learned pickup, I realized that it's all about numbers and technique. The better your game, and the more girls you approach, the better your results will be. Sure, you'll still be nervous, and you might run out of things to say, but it gets easier as time goes on as long as you practice.
Author:  Bhavic [ Sat Dec 01, 2012 3:19 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Sick of Not Approaching...
I think this is my problem as well. I've been reading PUA/game stuff here and there over the past month, but haven't made a single approach yet..Keep saying I'm waiting for the right time. This week, I'm going to actually approach and girl (or two!) and just see what I can actually do... Get her interested at all, or even make a friend/number close.
Author:  MrMatt [ Sat Dec 01, 2012 4:09 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Sick of Not Approaching...
No matter what we or anyone else say, only you can solve this problem. Only you can start fighting your AA in order to get rid of it.

It will take courage, but I am positive you will be able to do it!
Author:  Great 1ne [ Sat Dec 01, 2012 4:13 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Sick of Not Approaching...
Sick of Not Approaching......yeah me and you both. I'm definitely no pro whatsoever, but I'm working on it, as is everyone else. No matter how good someone becomes, the possibility of being rejected will always linger in the back of their mind.

I have to agree with what everyone else said- it takes practice. All you can do is cowboy up and go for it. You will get better. If you need justification just think that if you take 100 shots, one has to go in. And once that one shot goes in, you can practice and critic your form from there.

Also, I think one of my favorite quotes from the game (or maybe it was just an interview with Niel) was when he said, when it comes to conversation, quit worrying and thinking about what you are going to say next. Listen. Indulge yourself in the convo and make a connection. The words will form from there.
Author:  Icarus33 [ Sat Dec 01, 2012 7:12 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Sick of Not Approaching...
The more you approach, the less fear you will have. If you are living in a densely populated area it's helpful to go out and approach women on the street. One after the other. Otherwise you can try malls, shopping centers, bars, clubs, subways, coffee shops.

During last 6 months, I have approached about 450 groups of girls already, kept conversations with at least 350. When I started doing this, it was tremendously hard even to stop a woman (passing by). Now it's 10 out of 10. It's related to your body language and mood. Then you have to learn how to keep her interest in you, so that she keeps talking to you. And the rest...
Author:  Synth. [ Sat Dec 01, 2012 12:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Sick of Not Approaching...
Quote:
Alright guys, I'm sick of not approaching girls in a club and seein other blokes who do it. I have 2 issues: one I guess would be a confidence/fear of rejection thing, the other: Not knowing what to say. Did anyone else start off like this and how did they get over it?

Listen bud, i started off like this, most people did and let me tell you confidence is the first step! People tell you to just go somewhere you don't know (during the day) and where nobody will know you and just say hello to random strangers as you walk down a road. Literally everyone, granny's grandads, hot girls and the not so hot girls. Just get used to saying the word "hi".

This is a great way of starting your journey to becoming a pick up artist.

The next step from here is to head to a club on your OWN, a club that you don't know what so ever. People don't know you and this is a great advantage! Because if the people don't know you, why would you care about being rejected, you won't see them ever again!... If you do this a couple of times on different nights you will gain the confidence, man its the way i started, but be prepared!!! Make sure you have some openers ready! and man, if you can even open 2 - 3 sets a night, have a chat and say goodbye and walk away, its a step in the right direction!!! I wish you the best of luck!

P.S - if your not confident because of the way you look, a good opener to use on a hot girl is this (this will end your chances of being with this particular hot girl but actually take her advice in and use it to your advantage for the next night) "Hey, can I ask your opinion on something, it's my girlfriends birthday coming up shortly, and she is always telling me that i should totally change my hairstyle/ cloths (whatever your not confident with) but she wont tell me what to change it too. You look like you might know what your talking about because I know women are good with style and that kind of thing! What do you think would suit me?"

This is a powerful opener to get you some help with the way you look, then when you have a new look, go for the kill next time! REMEMBER: using this opener to get advice doesn't take that much confidence because there is no pressure on you to try to get with the girl. Because as soon as you say its my girlfriends birthday, they instantly will listen as they know your not trying to pick them up! Hope I helped!
Author:  Psych3r [ Sat Dec 01, 2012 3:30 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Sick of Not Approaching...
As everyone else stated we all struggle with this, even the pros haven't totally conquered their fear 100%. One thing to add would be definitely start out with a wingman or friend. Not that you want to be dependant on a crutch, but beginner pua solo is leaps and bounds more scary. Plus if you strike out you have someone to joke with about it to soften the blow.

As for starting to build confidence, focus on inner game in between your sarging attempts. Specifically start introspection about all the positive things about yourself and how you stand out from the grooves of afcs out there. Maybe you have a talent that you are proud of, or bragging rights on an achievement. Don't get cocky per sey, but pattying yourself on the back a little shines through when standing in front of a prospective date. Also, women love men who have passion for things and aren't so worried about trying to show off or please them but rather genuinely love or enjoy something they do. This is far more powerful than purely faking till making.

Good luck, stay the course.
Author:  JPG [ Sat Dec 01, 2012 5:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Sick of Not Approaching...
When I first started, I went out with a friend. We played what we called the "Pointing game," you both take turns pointing at girls, and the other person MUST go talk to them, not even pick up, just talk. If we hesitated the slightest, bit, we'd have to do 10 pushups, in the middle of our mall. After doing something like pushups infront of everyone, its easier to transition to picking up. Thats just me tho
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