It bothers me when it feels like I've missed out on an opportunity.
A girl gave me this look, I did nothing, and then I start feeling
guilty. Should I feel down for not approaching every cute girl that
I see?
Let's take a look at a couple of hypothetical examples to help us
answer this question...
1. Say some girl is walking in the opposite direction of you on the
sidewalk and locks eye contact, and maybe even smiles. Should you
approach her?
2. How about if you're sitting next to a girl on the subway and she
looks around at other passengers instead of staying focused on her
book. How about if she glances at the newspaper you are reading.
Should you approach?
3. How about if the girl next to you at the coffee shop sighs
deeply several times and stares off in space. Should you approach?
There is no clear line about when you should approach and when you
shouldn't, but there are opportunities which you should get mad at
yourself for not taking action. For example, if a girl looks at you
for more than one second, you should approach her no matter where
you are, because it's never an accident that someone makes eye
contact with another person.
You should also approach girls who are looking around or seem
bored, even if they don't look at you. They want to be distracted
with a conversation instead of doing what they're supposed to be
doing.
Therefore I say YES to the three cases above. You should approach.
But how about the girls who don't look at you and seem completely
focused in their work?
Well, I know what happens when I approach these girls, but do you?
While these are not high-success approaches, I think you owe it to
yourself to try them out a few times and see what you can learn.
The experience I got from approaching so many girls has helped me
be able to tell when a girl is open to being talked to or not.
But keep in mind that her approachability is only one factor in
deciding if you should approach. If there is a girl that is
especially attractive and close to my ideal type, I'm going to talk
to her whether she knows I exist or not.
Still, we're not perfect, and there will be times when there is a
girl you should have approached but didn't. Maybe you were in a bad
mood, or maybe you still worry about spectators listening in on
your game. The result is that girl is gone, probably forever, and
you learned nothing about how to get with her. You may feel guilty
in the process. The next best thing you can do is replay the event
in your head and imagine what you could have done differently.
How would you have opened her? How would the first minute of the
conversation have been like?
Then if you are presented with a similar opportunity again, you
simply have to repeat your mental performance for real life. Just
do what you've already rehearsed. One reason I'm good at
approaching because my mind has done it thousands of times, even
when I wasn't actually doing it.
Different approach situations can be very similar, especially if
you have a general routine of places you frequent and hang out at.
Mentally rehearsing approaches better prepares you for an episode
that will happen again.
Feeling regret or inadequate is good because it will spur you to
action. That's how I got into the game, when I had a lot of
bottled-up shame for not being able to get laid regularly
|
