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Author:	Ziggy [ Fri Nov 02, 2007 8:22 pm ]
Post subject:	Reality Method: Art of Conversation
The Reality Method is a really great resource. Thought I'd share this with you guys: Art of Conversation - Part I, Opening Today I’d like to write a little about a little-understood and even less-studied component of all relationships, and a very important component at that: the conversation. Conversation - What Is It Good For There are several ways to define a conversation: encompasses any period of time during which two or more people are discussing a single topic. In the course of a single “conversation”, however, people can move between and among multiple topics. Dictionary.com also lists “association or social intercourse: intimate acquaintances” - and this is the best definition I’ve seen, and the one I’d like to go off. Because conversation is not supposed to be dull, boring or lifeless. Successful conversation is a lot more like intercourse than a debate club. Conversation is social intercourse. Now, we know that sexual intercourse has a definite purpose (fun or reproduction, roughly). What is the purpose of social intercourse, especially between men and women? Well, apart from being fun, enlightening, and a learning experience, and a great way to pass the time while consuming cocktails, I think social intercourse acts as mediator for attraction. It is the most “grown-up” way we have of communicating our feelings, desires, interests, opinions, and positions - and both parties need to be able to communicate these in all their specific detail if a More Perfect Union (i.e., sex and/or marriage) is ever to be made. Conversation Vs. Vibing Now, some men would argue that words are just a filler for meaning, and subtle subcommunication, especially in body language and tonality (”vibing”) are pregnant with much more meaning and intention than mere words. I would agree, to a point. I do believe the language of the body is a much older and more universal language than our modern muttering - furthermore, that “vibing” and kinesthetic communications must be in order and speaking unanimously to the same goal if that goal is to be accomplished (but that’s the subject of another post). On the other hand, that modern invention of the spoken word is wonderful in that it enables us to exchange information in a much richer way. Just try having a discussion about subatomic physics or, say, the relative merits and costs of oral contraceptives, using just body language. I won’t belabor the point. You need both good conversational skills and good vibing skills to successfully attract a woman; both must be in place. Today, however, we are only examining the former. Conversation: The Art of Leading Now that we know what social intercourse (conversation) is good for, how best to perform it? Like actual intercourse, social intercourse is a balance between give and take. That’s the first rule. The second rule is, there’s a Leader and a Follower (just like in intercourse, where there is usually someone who is doing more initiating, and guiding things along, more readily). The goal of social intercourse with a woman ought to be to establish a clear Leadership in the conversation, and skillfully guide the conversation onto the right topics at the right times. For instance, in the course of a conversation with a beautiful women, obviously there are things you would LIKE to talk about (such as, any topic which might convince her of your mating suitability) and topics which you would RATHER NOT talk about (like, any topic that might embarrass you, or her boyfriend, for example). Thus the need to “skillfully guide” the conversation through a field of conversational landmines, sticking to the daisy-strewn main road that will ultimately lead to the Palace of Earthly Delights. So, a quick review: Q: When you talk to a woman you’ve just met, what should be the first thing out of your mouth? A: Anything that demonstrates that you hold a higher-status or value position in the interaction. (I call this “claiming the power”). A bit chauvinistic, is it? You’re damn right it is - for good reasons, too. Most (feminine) respond quite well, in a reproductive sense at least, to men who are more dominant - women themselves have bred a preference for aggressive men into the species (which is why men are, on average, more aggressive than women). So don’t be afraid to let her know you are a Man and in charge. On Starting Conversations A lot of people go into great detail on the topic of “conversational openers” or conversation starters, advocating one of three main groups: Quote: 1. An opinion opener (asking someone their opinion on some random subject) 2. An observational or situational opener (making a funny or witty remark or observation about the environment and its denizens) 3. A complimentary opener (Wow, your hair looks beautiful or, I love your dress) Of these three types, the complimentary opener is the most abused, the redheaded stepchild of the other two, if you will. The reason is simply because it is the first choice of 100’s of thousands of men who approach random women. The most obvious thing that comes to their minds when striking up a conversation with a beautiful woman - being men and therefore rational - is that she is beautiful, and by God, she ought to know it. The problem of course, is that beautiful women therefore, over the course of their lives, become accustomed to being handed compliments by perfect strangers, and become either quite vain or quite inured to the effects of these compliments. Being the 50 millionth guy to tell a girl she is beautiful does nothing to distinguish your genes, in an evolutionary way, from the genes of those previous 50 million guys (who, incidentally, she didn’t sleep with). So that, in a nutshell, is why compliments are so frowned upon by most dating and relationship moguls and modern pick-up artists. To the contrary, the conventional wisdom in the seduction-and-pickup industry is the art of the “NEG”, or “negative comment” - walking up to a strange, random woman and telling her that her hair looks fake, or you’ve seen her dress on another woman a few days earlier, or her teeth make her looks like Bugs Bunny. Now, in general, I’m not a fan of starting conversations out on negative footing. The key is that NEGS, delivered in a playful way, do not necessarily entail an immediate negative vibe - if delivered from a position of “higher value”. The irony there, of course, is that anything, delivered in a playful vibe, will start off a conversation right, if delivered from a position of “higher value”. One does not generally need to subtly insult their object of interest just to get attention. The only exception to this is (and I believe this is why the NEG has gotten so much traction in these industries) when a guy is of such low social status that his only hope of temporarily raising his status and therefore approaching an equal status to the beautiful leggy blond he hopes to bed is to insult her - in a teasing way, of course, but immediately. And this does work - the blond becomes momentarily intrigued, not because of the insult, but because it came from a guy who would otherwise spend his time kissing the ground she had shat on and never, ever dare to speak to her. So this momentarily confuses her internal “Man-Ranking” system: if this fat, balding, bespectacled loser-ish guy is talking to me, that must mean he is getting the confidence to do so from somewhere, and that means maybe he has a good reason to be confident, hidden somewhere (like a big dick in his pants, or a big balance in his bank account, or a big receipt from the “seduction school du jour” that just told him to insult women in exchange for his $1,500). I personally go back and forth on my feelings about the NEG. In some situations, if delivered just so, I do agree it can be powerful. But I personally believe men ought to enter interactions from a position of higher power anyway, and therefore not have to rely on barbs to lower the woman’s value. That’s just me though. Your mileage may vary; like with anything I write here, use as you please. Moving on to the other types of openers: situational/observational and opinion, with examples: Observational: “Wow, this place is DEAD!” Opinion: “Hey, can I ask your opinion on something? Should I dye my hair blond?” Those may seem to be lame examples - and they are - but they DO work, in some venues. Of these two remaining, I feel the opinion opener is the weaker - but not by much, and not by enough to really make a difference. My beef with it is just that it spends too much time ASKING rather than TELLING - asking permission is not strictly an “alpha male” behavior, but it’s not of as much important as many make it out to be. In fact, the more common form of “opinion” opener you’ll see gaining currency right now is the “Hey, my friends and I need a female opinion on something…” which may have been unique and fresh two or three years ago, but is definitely fast acquiring a stale “pickup line” air to it. Your friends and you, being real men, don’t need shit in the way of female opinions on anything - except which of the three of you the leggy blond in question is more likely to go down on before the night is out. And of course the woman knows this - she is just giving you leeway, excusing the white lie because it enables you to get into an interaction with her in a non-needy, non-embarrassing way, which was both her and your shared goal all along. The observational opener is my favorite, and the most effective, I believe. If you watch carefully, you will notice attractive women around you structuring opportunities for observational openers to start conversations with them at every turn - a quick personal story, by way of example: Beauty and the Beggar I had to go to the DMV the other day, to renew my driver’s license. Such is the system of the DMV in the States that any visit entails a long, boring wait in a huge, slowly-moving line. Everyone takes a number and sits down in a bleak waiting area, and waits for at least 45 minutes, no matter how quick or small their task that day. So I’m sitting there, reading my paper, and a relatively attractive woman comes and sits down next to me, and starts reading a different newspaper. Before too long, though, a transient (beggar) comes around the line. Now, beggars in my city are pretty forward - they will shake down anyone and everyone, at any time, multiple times, in a very demanding way. They are invariably after money for drugs or alcohol, since no homeless person in my home city actually needs to panhandle in order to secure the basics - we are a city replete with social services, bursting with homeless shelters that offer hot meals, blankets, and places to sleep. Nonetheless, a wide majority of panhandlers make a big effort to look freezing and tattered, and inspire sympathy. It’s practically performance art. This beggar, at least, was being honest about it. She was an older woman, and she simply barged into the line, asking “You got a dollar for a beer?” And when the first man said “No, sorry,” she simply pointed to the next in line and said, “You, over there, yeah you - I know you got a dollar for my beer.” She continued throughout the line, saying things like “You look rich, you should have a spare dollar”, and similar lines. Honestly, I thought we were on reality TV, this beggar was unbelievable. Anyway, the beggar gets to my row, and asks the attractive woman sitting next to me, disturbing her from her reading. The woman looks confused and says, “No”, and then instantly looks over at me as the woman moves off - with a bemused, friendly look on her face, and said: “Nothing like a little entertainment while we wait….” Now that, my friends, is a well-executed observational opener. I didn’t comment, but it was a clear invitation to do so. Now, if the woman had been younger, I doubt she would have even said anything - but older women are typically bolder (read: more desperate) and will therefore frequently open YOU. It’s a good example of what a clear, congruent observational opener looks like. The situation was so ludicrous (even for my city) that it would have been extremely easy to comment back, and get into a conversation with this woman - the fact that I chose not to notwithstanding. Even if they don’t directly open you, women are always aware of their surroundings (okay, well, sometimes at least) and, if you are an attractive man and near them, they are probably preparing witty comments in their own minds to reply with when you pop an observational comment into the open air. Yes, women are social schemers, and don’t ever forget it. And that’s the final point I have to make about the observational conversation opener. It is a closed-ended statement that can be thrown out into the air and hang on its own. It doesn’t matter if nobody responds to it, or even acknowledges it (though most people will, if your deliver is on point). It is simply there, with no apologies for its existence - very much like a man, in fact. The difference between strong observational openers and weak observational openers, in fact, is one of a distinction of this kind: Quote: 1. A strong opener needs no reply; it stands on its own. It is not seeking a reaction. 2. A weak opener is clearly and obviously seeking a follow-up from someone else. If it does not get this follow-up comment, it falls flat and reduces the pronouncer’s social status. But one ought not to be worried about strong versus weak observational openers until one has overcome the customary fear of opening in general; our next topic. Overcoming Social Awkwardness and Fear A lot of guys I know (and I was certainly this way) have some pretty major mental blocks to simply going up and starting a conversation with a complete stranger (male or female, though females are usually harder, for obvious reasons of nervousness, fear of judgment, etc). Most men in the U.S. are simply taught — if not explicitly, then implicitly — that random social contact, especially with women, is a bit of a taboo. A lot of it has to do with movies in which a guy walks up to a random girl he likes and gets shot down — frequently slapped — for saying something inappropriate. And these types of scenes exist for humor’s sake. (As an aside, I think this is one of feminisms’ crowning achievements, and most deplorable PR crimes against masculinity: the constant portrayal in the mass media of men who approach women as continually chumped, and then laughed at, to boot. A woman abuses a man physically (okay, a little slap isn’t likely to permanently damage any guy, but still) and it’s funny. No wonder guys have an irrational fear of talking to strange women - because of observation they believe that 99 times out of 100 you’ll get physically hurt for doing so.) The reality is, you would have to say something pretty deplorable to a woman to get her to immediately slap you. Something like, “I think you are the fattest, ugliest, most disgusting, sluttiest skank-ass-bitch-whore in this entire place.” That might get a slap. Almost anything less offensive than that probably won’t. Despite what the media tells you, women are much less likely to throw a slap in a social setting than men are to start a shoving match or take a swing at some random guys — again, WE are the aggressive ones, not them. Yes, women are pretty likely to start something with other girls (especially party girls, in clubs and bars) but that’s pretty irrelevant for our current discussion. I think that is the biggest challenge to guys, going into conversations with strange women — they don’t want to be slapped, they don’t want to be “shot down”, laughed at, or rejected outright. There are good evolutionary reasons for wanting to avoid (the appearance of) social exclusion. And I put “the appearance of” in apostrophes because, in the modern age, it is important to understand, rationally, that random women in clubs, bars, libraries, coffee shops or on the street cannot actually socially reject you. They don’t have any social power. The world isn’t high school; there is no global PA system that any girl can get on and say, “Attention, social people of Earth: John T. Boggs is now excluded from any social contact whatsoever, after just making a ridiculous gaffe by asking me if I thought David Bowie was hot while I was standing in the classical music section of the library.” Now, clubs and bars can make one feel as though they are in a fishbowl or social microcosm, and that social rejection matters because everyone is watching (and that’s true, because everybody in clubs and bars is generally watching every else - but not for the reasons most people assume) - but clubs and bars are ridiculous hypnotic environments that nobody remembers anyway. The scene that I still love, and will always remember, that perfectly demonstrates and encapsulates all the above, is a scene from the 1996 film Swingers: Vince Vaughn and Patrick Van Horn are trying to tell Jon Favreau that he need not fear talking to a strange girl at the bar, and the dialog (though it has to be seen to be fully appreciated) goes something like this: Trent: You know what you are? You’re like a big bear with claws and with fangs… Sue: …big fucking teeth, man. Trent: Yeah… big fuckin’ teeth on ya’. And she’s just like this little bunny, who’s just kinda cowering in the corner. Sue: Shivering. Trent: Yeah, man just kinda… you know, you got these claws and you’re staring at these claws and your thinking to yourself, and with these claws you’re thinking, “How am I supposed to kill this bunny, how am I supposed to kill this bunny?” Sue: And you’re poking at it, you’re poking at it… Trent: Yeah, you’re not hurting it. You’re just kinda gently batting the bunny around, you know what I mean? And the bunny’s scared Mike, the bunny’s scared of you, shivering. Sue: And you got these fucking claws and these fangs… Trent: And you got these fucking claws and these fangs, man! And you’re looking at your claws and you’re looking at your fangs. And you’re thinking to yourself, you don’t know what to do, man. “I don’t know how to kill the bunny.” With this you don’t know how to kill the bunny, do you know what I mean? Sue: You’re like a big bear, man. Although farcical, this dialog gets at the root of the matter: in an interaction with a strange woman, the woman has more legitimate reason to be frightened of you than you have to be afraid of her. Don’t try to steal her fear for yourself; it’s ungentlemanly (and happens to make you less attractive to her). Instead, realize that YOU have the power and the dominant position, and use it responsibly. Another thing that I think causes anxiety for many guys — and a technique to fix it — is what I call the Ladder of Value. Now, this is basically entirely borrowed from the ever-popular Ladder Theory, I admit - but I use that concept in this context in a way that will hopefully be illuminating. Most guys have no problem approaching and talking with women who they don’t want to sleep with. Their grandma, for instance, or a friend’s grandma. It is only when men approach a woman who they desire, who they might actually sleep with, that they are suddenly risking a gain, or a loss (the enjoyment of sleeping with the woman and, in fact, the reproductive rights to combine their genes with hers) and the gain or loss can be equally frightening. These beautiful women that cause the most tension are inevitably high up on the Attraction Ladder — i.e., they are more beautiful than all the women on the rungs below AND, perhaps, more than a match for the physical beauty and other manly qualities that locate a man on his corresponding ladder. So, my advice for men who have difficulty approaching beautiful women is to start by approaching women lower down on the Attraction Ladder — more at parity with their own attractiveness, or even lower — and to even approach unattractive women, where the stakes are lowest if not non-existent. Then, of course, as a man builds comfort and capability doing this, he can gradually ratchet up the ladder to more alluring targets. The Final Analysis — Anything will Do Based on all the above, I hope it’s clear that the actual “content” of the beginning of a conversation is less important than the fact that you do start a conversation with a woman you’d like to talk to. Just that alone is enough to inspire confidence in yourself and get many women attracted. You’d be amazed at how many truly beautiful women don’t get approached and talked to by strange men, despite the fact that nearly all men who see her are highly attracted to her. We’ve covered a lot here, but hopefully it’s been useful. To get the full effect, be sure to check out Part II - Vibing, Part III - Managing Threads, and Part IV - Vocal Strength and Projection. ‘Till next time!

Author:	El'>Presidente<&quo [ Sat Nov 03, 2007 3:17 pm ]
Post subject:
Great. Great stuff. Really great stuff. Now, I've been going through a period of... being a chumped. I mean now. So i'm gonna start talking bout this stuff again. And here I can't find any really "Good" posts regarding seduction techniques. This however makes me inspired again I hope it does the same for all you girl-lovers out there. Conversation - The Art of Seductive conversation. I'm going to insert my opinion in here, constructive criticism and latter opinions are greatly welcomed. Here's my game plan, in exact sequence as I play it : I go up to a girl/group open up with a opinion opener eg. "My friends and I were talking about girls having softer hearts than men, and we need a female opinion on this". Single girl game - After I open to this single girl I "start" noticing her beauty and NEG little bits of it. This can be, "hmmm, nice shoes, where did your mother get them?" to "Did your parents ask you to get that hairstyle? It's so... last season". Doing this all playfully, she's smiling and I'm in a convo I go ahead to talk about my opening topic a little, then change to a similar topic along those lines but keeping the conv short. I then go into DHV by relating a story that goes like, "I've a friend who graduated in Psychology who says girls ... like yourself ... have a change of hearts every 3 weeks. He's field tested this with his bunch of friends and actually wrote a book on this topic." Girl ; blah blah blah I continue on with, "Wait, you're doubting this (which every HB Will) because you think he was simply rejected. Well, let me tell you, we used to perform piano on stage... you have long fingers, I'm sure you're good at the piano". Whether she does or doesn't really matter now, I'm just DHVing, after a while which I ask her what other skills she's got besides 'whatever she was doing at the time', << this can range from selling clothes, being idle or even window shopping. If all this had been done with a purely confident voice and sexy body language the girl should rather be attracted. Now I go on to tell her about palm reading, which I do. I can tell read you your future, I can even tell how long you'd live, would you like to know that? I ask her to give me her hand, stand closely beside and of course, kino to the very best I can. Telling her what all those lines mean, this and that, and keeping good eye contact while I'm doing it. After I believe there's enough kino, and she's hooked onto me, I tell her, hey I gotta go my friends are waiting or look at the time I've got else things to do. Using a TC, I face away and walk a bit before turning round asking "Hey, you got a phone right? Of course you do. Give me your number". Usually they'd ask "why", its a shit test you must pass. Use your wits, I always answer confidently they accept anything, well, most anything. If I hve a pen I'd have her write it on my palm, otherwise I'll just record it down. I # close and tell her "Think of me often and I'll reward you one day." So... here I have it, I know everything I'm doing I do it naturally with C&F, it goes in the flow Open-Neg-Dhv-Kino-#close I think i've nailed a good part of it. Now, guys, nail me as hard you can.

Author:	Ziggy [ Mon Nov 05, 2007 3:19 am ]
Post subject:
Art of Conversation - Part II, Vibing I spent a lot of time in Part I of this series going over the basics of conversation - what it was good for, and especially how to get it under way. In that piece, I described conversation associal intercourse, a delicate balance between give and take, but a definite opportunity for a man to show leadership. I also detailed some tools and techniques to lower one’s anxiety about conversation (especially starting conversations with strangers). Now I’m going to jump right into the details of learning how to be a subtle communicator, and the importance of IMPLICIT versus EXPLICIT communication. It is only after you have learned that important distinction, and how to Show versus Tell, that you can move on to the theory of Conversational Threads. Let’s get started! Discussion vs. Vibing I happen to believe there are basically two types of conversation in this world; there is debate, and there is vibing. Discussion, also known as “debate”, aka “the Socratic method” aka “arguing” aka “dialectic” aka “deliberations” aka a number of other things…is what you get in the debate club or the courtroom. It starts with a thesis, which is met with an antithesis, and hopefully the two come together in a synthesis. Frequently, though, the end is simply A is right, and B is wrong. When talking about conversational Threads, the Discussion type is concerned with how many threads there are, what colors they are, where they go, in what order, and how they will all fit together in the end to form a coherent Tapestry. If you are a guy, you have experience with this from conversing with your buddies - probably over 50% of the time you spend talking to your buddies, you are Arguing some point. It’s very essentially masculine. It’s just how we communicate; we are aggressively searching for value in conversations. The other type of conversation, known as “vibing”, aka “bullshitting”, aka “rapping”, is about creating a conversational experience, a mood. It is about camaraderie, trust, friendship and companionship, and the pleasure we humans get from simply communicating in a casual, informal, and rapport-building way. There is much value to be had here, too, but it is relationally-oriented value. Now, I think of one type of conversation as more “masculine” and the other “feminine” - because I think vibing is just as important among women, as a primary tool of rapport building, as debate is among men, as a primary tool of Getting Things Done. Matt Ridley, in one of my favorite books on evolutionary biology, agrees with me: Studies of male conversation find it to be public…domineering, competitive, status-obsessed, attention-seeking, factual, and designed to reveal knowledge and skill…Female conversation tends to be private, cooperative, rapport-establishing, reassuring, sympathetic, egalitarian, and meandering… –The Red Queen But let me be clear: I fully acknowledge that Men Vibe (quite a lot) and Women Debate (quite a bit). My sexism only goes so far. “Girls night out” = “Boys going for beers” or “Game Night” in terms of the purpose of the interaction, which is vibing. Of course guys may debate over who the star QB is on Game night, and girls may argue about which method of birth control is most dangerous, on Girls’ night out. But let’s not belabor the point: what’s important to realize is that, when talking to a beautiful woman for the first time, the goal is not to Argue or Debate (to prove to her you are an Awesome Guy she should Marry or whatever) but rather to vibe. It’s like Trent says in Swingers: There’s nothing wrong with letting the beautiful babies know you’re money and ready to party. If she likes your vibe, she’ll be ready to party too. So what does it mean to have a “vibing” type conversation? Well, without getting into the particulars of how to create a certain personal “vibe” - which goes into body language, facial expression, internal state of mind and self-beliefs, vocal expression and tonality (an entire article by itself) - I will just give a brief example that should illustrate the difference between Debate-type conversation and Vibing-type conversation: Vibing: Jon: Hey, man, I went to that Oakenfold concert last night, it was freakin’ DOPE. I was flyin’ on E and I was just rockin OUT, man, it was totally trip. Joe: Rock on, dude. That’s how you do it. Jon: Yeah, man, I don’t know why I never saw him live before, I was always like, that cat’s too mainstream, you know, what a chode, but…. Joe: Totally, dude. Sometimes you just gotta try it. Jon: For sure. I’m glad I went, I gotta go to more concerts now, I think the E is really opening me, you know musically speaking? It’s like I drop all that….all that shit, you know, judging the musician? I just appreciate the soundwaves, man, you know…the waves…it’s like I’m surfing on the soundwaves. Joe: For sure, man. It’s religious. Jon: Totally. Now, the same conversation, only in Debate mode: Jon: So yeah, I went to the Oakenfold concert. And you know I think Oakenfold is a mainstream bitch, but I was on E, so I was really rockin out. Joe: Hell yeah, because you were high. I know, for some reason I get the same way about Orbital when I drop acid. The shittiest music can sound awesome when you’re flying. Jon: ….yeah. Fuckin’ weird man. In the above example, both Jon and Joe are prepared to have a “debate”-style conversation, and so it ends as soon as they establish the fact that mind-altering drugs change their taste in music. If Jon had been prepared to have a Vibing conversation, and Joe stuck to the Debate style, things wouldn’t have been so amicable: Jon: Hey, man, I went to that Oakenfold concert last night, it was freakin’ DOPE. I was flyin’ on E and I was just rockin OUT, man, it was totally trip. Joe: …you went to see Oakenfold? Dude, Oakenfold is a mainstream bitch. He ain’t shit. Jon: Yeah, man, that’s what I thought, man, but just this once I was always like, let’s try it, I scored the E you know, for free, from Gina, that cat’s cool, anyway and she said… Joe: Dude, you only liked it because you were high. Oakenfold’s a chode. Jon: Dude, whoa, why all the hate, man? What’s wrong with being open to new things? At least I had a good time, what were you doing, at home masturbating to my sister’s Myspace? Joe: Opening your mind, listen to you, you fucking druggie! I many jerk it to your little skank ass hoe of a sister, but at least I don’t spend money on bitch boy DJs…. Jon: Fuck you dude, whatever. I’m outie. Now that we have that difference settled, let’s go a little deeper into what it means to be subtle and just vibing in conversations. What are the benefits of vibing, and being subtle in communication? 1. Women will feel more at ease; they are subtle, indirect creatures. 2. Women prefer to figure things out for themselves; by being subtle, you are allowing them to do just that. 3. Women are put on edge by nervous, edgy, up-tight guys. Relaxing yourself relaxes them. 4. Subtlety is mysterious, and women love mystery; if the girl isn’t smart enough to pick up your hidden meanings, she’ll just be more attracted, because she will ASSUME you meant something cool, but at the same time still wondering and want to figure it out. Now, you have YOUR agenda, and she has HER agenda. In conversation, for the most part women are more laid-back and passive; as they should be. Remember what I said about there being Leaders and Followers in conversations, and how you ought to be the Leader if you are one-on-one with an attractive woman? This is what I’m talking about: YOUR agenda should be the primary focus, not hers — and, in fact, HER agenda may be simply to watch you play out YOUR agenda and assess how skillfully you do it. So how do you do it skilfully? Well, before you get there, you have to figure out what your agenda IS. The Prototypical Male’s Conversational Agenda Basically, when first meeting a woman, or when chatting up a casual female acquaintance who you’d like to get to know better (read: sleep with), you should have one thing in mind: How to demonstrate by implication that you are a strong, attractive, in-control man who can and will take her and show her one of the best times of her life. The ultimate goal may be as simple as getting into her pants, or it may be as complex as evaluating if she might be a good wife and mother for your kids; but you can’t reach any goal unless the woman is 100% signed on to the fact that you are a strong, attractive, dominant man who has the ability to lead her through valuable experiences. When I said, above, that you need to demonstrate by implication that you are all those good qualities, I mean, of course, that you should be subtle in your demonstrations. The difference between explicitly and implicitly addressing your agenda in conversation is as follows. Explicit: Hello. My name is Raoul. I am a strong, handsome, sexy masculine man who is powerful, in-charge and can take care of you in ways other men can’t; I can take you to exotic faraway locales where together we will have exciting adventures. Shall we go now? While the above line may get a laugh, it is very unlikely that the woman will go anywhere with Raoul after he’s said that. Why not? Because he’s violated one of the Cardinal Rules of Male-Female Interaction (as well as fiction writing, incidentally): Show, Don’t tell. Telling a woman you are the perfect man for her is a sure-fire way to lose her interest. You must show her. Which is why you want to speak implicitly in conversations, such as: My girlfriend and I were on Oahu this one time, and she managed to get herself stung by a Portuguese Man-o-War. I was on the beach, but I could tell when it happened. Anyway I swam out to her…she must have been surrounded by 30 of the things….pulled her back to shore, got all the tentacles off her…my heart was going a million miles a second, she was moaning in pain, her eyes were shut….I thought maybe she was allergic, so I got her to the hospital. After checking her out they said she was fine, but then one of the doctors pointed at my leg….I had gotten her all the way to the hospital without checking myself, I had maybe 10 or 20 tentacles still stuck to me. I hadn’t even noticed. It’s funny what the body does in emergencies…” The above says essentially the same as Raoul did, only implicitly, and it’s much more likely to get your conversation partner engaged….there is, first, your obvious paranormal sensitivity to your girlfriend’s peril (”I could tell when it happened”), the obvious fear you had for your girlfriend’s safety (emotionally touching), your (implied!) rushed swim out to rescue her from amidst a school of poisonous jellyfish (implying bravery), the (implied!) rushed run to the nearest hospital, and the (implied!) forsaking of your own personal safety in favor of hers, as well as the (implied!) amazing pain resistance you showed in an emergency situation (a characteristic very attractive in sexual selection, by the way). Although it took longer to say, there was much more informational content in the second story than in what Raoul said, and additionally, it was mostly buried or hidden below the surface…a “payload” of information that the listener is allowed to infer and reach on their own, rather than having it smacked into their foreheads. Implicit Conversational Technique: Show, Don’t Tell So, a good starting technique for implicit conversation is this: think of a characteristic you want to convey. It could be strength, bravery, loyalty, tenacity, generosity, whatever. Then, instead of explicitly saying, “I’m a pretty loyal/brave/generous” guy…..think of a story that illustrates this quality you want to convey, and tell that story. The story should NOT contain the name of the quality you want to convey, at all, in any form, ever. Say you want to convey that you are a caring, responsible and emotionally vulnerable guy. Here’s the difference: Explicit: Really, my friends say I’m a pretty caring guy. You know, I do well with responsibilities…I like taking responsibility for things. And people. I’m a good care-taker. Probably because I care so much about people…and animals, I love animals. Do you like animals? Implicit: Oh my God, the saddest thing happened on my way home from work yesterday…you remember how it was really cold a few days ago? Well, on one of those cold days, I was getting off the C-train and I saw, just out of the corner of my eyes, this cardboard box just sitting by a wall. And of course, trash on the street, but this box looked pretty new, you know? Something about it made me curious…so I went over, and inside…..a litter of KITTENS. You would not believe. Maybe six days old. These things were the most adorable little things EVER….just squirming around, you know, just little balls of fuzz…mewling at me! I bent down and they were mewling at me! You know the sound they make….and then, of course, my tie had fallen into the box, and one of them, so pitiful, reached up with its little tiny paw and got its claws hooked…in my tie you know….I tried to stand up and the little kitty came up, hah, you know, he came with me….so I took that as a sign, I had to take them, right? Someone had just dumped them off by this dumpster. So I picked up the box, I took it home, put it in the front seat of my car and drove to the animal shelter….I turned the heat up full blast, right, and put the vents on them? I put my scarf in the box, too…I honestly tried, I swear to God, how fast I drove…..but by the time I got there, one of them wasn’t moving…and you know I just dashed in, I left my car door open and just ran the box in to the front office, trying to get them there in time….one of the vets came out and looked at them…..two of them had died. And I was just standing there in the office, and he said, “I’m Sorry…” and you know, I’m a grown man! But honestly….I couldn’t see for a minute; it was pretty bad, I was all sniffing for the receptionist, and she was looking at me, so I told her….you know….I’m allergic to cats….and you know, who knows, I might be, at that…. Now, reading this story on the Internet, it may seem pretty lame and an obvious ploy for sympathy and attention. But, if delivered with the right tonality, and emotional tone, and timing….it will make grown women literally melt, believe me. I’ve seen it. Women, like men, enjoy reaching conclusions on their own, rather than being told what to think. Additionally, women (much more so than men) are overjoyed at any chance to “play detective” and root the truth from beneath a bunch of stuff you just “say” off the top of your head (like you’re not thinking about it). But of course you ARE thinking about it, and that’s what separates you, the guy who’s going to bed with this leggy blond tonight, from the chode just down the bar who doesn’t understand the feminine mind. Women love reading between the lines and feeling that they’ve successfully ferreted out ’secret’ information; so give them some lines, packed with implicit information, that they can read between. Just be sure that the ’secret’ information payload is exactly what you want to convey to her. Again: subtlety. The importance of subtlety and implicit communication cannot be overestimated, because of the benefits provided: it is directly responsible for boosting a woman’s attraction towards you. Saying how great you are is bragging, and most women are turned off by braggadocio. Implicit communication, on the other hand, is entirely different: to her, you’re just telling a fun or sad story, and she’s secretly figuring out that you’re also a brave, proud, noble, strong and powerful man underneath your calm, subtle, self-effacing fun stories. You can be “fun” and “entertaining/engaging” (both great qualities) and let her do all the work of divining your true (good) qualities. So, let’s recap. You go into a conversation with a beautiful woman. Keep in mind: 1. Show, don’t tell. 2. Bury the information you want her to get (implicit) under information that is incidental but interesting (explicit). 3. Sit back, relax. Speak more slowly, don’t hurry, don’t pay too much attention. VIBE. 4. The conversation is an experience. Enjoy it. VIBE. If you can keep those four principles in mind, you will go far. That’s all for this edition: next, it’s on to the technical (but powerful!) Conversational Threads, and how to manage them.

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