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Great! first date, then not much interest...
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Author:  alisterio [ Mon Mar 07, 2011 9:54 pm ]
Post subject:  Great! first date, then not much interest...
So, I met up with this girl last Thursday from OKC and things went pretty amazingly - probably have never gotten along so well with a girl on the first date. We sat there and talked for a while at a wine bar - then went to another bar and hung out. On the way between the two we kissed, and then after the second I drove her home and we sat in the parking lot like high schoolers and made out and talked for another hour. She wanted to know when I was going to cook for her, when we were going out again and was very clearly into me. I texted her when I got home - which led to some confusion and she ended up calling me and we talked for another 20 minutes. She kept going on about how she never meets interesting people, and I was so interesting and looking forward to hanging out again.

I texted her the next evening asking her how things went at work - she told me she was a lightweight - no response.

The next morning at 10 a.m. she wrote "I went to bed early last night. I was hungover. Pathetic how I can't hold my liquor."

I let that hang, and texted her last night (Sunday) asking her when she wanted to eat my fantastic salmon (her favorite fish) and said "how about Wed or Thursday?"

Again, silence since then. It is really puzzling to me that we could have such a good time and then barely hear from her at all and I know the rule that you are not supposed to get hung up on one girl, but man, this one was flipping sexy!

I supposed I might hear from her later but in the event I don't - any ideas on what then? Chalk it up? Ask her "Am I missing something?" or "What is it exactly that you require from a first date to want a second one??"
Author:  ajmn86 [ Mon Mar 07, 2011 10:35 pm ]
Post subject: 
those are things i tell women im interested in when im busying with someone else.

she may have a guy lingering that she is seeing. its rare but some women do the same thing as us!
Author:  GAPP [ Tue Mar 08, 2011 2:26 am ]
Post subject: 
Bro, you already know the answer to this one.... Eject! She was clearly into you at the scene, but her emotional state isnt like that now.. Maybe she's with another guy, maybe she's not... Anyway, if you want to meet her again without seeming needy or desperate - you should bump into her "by accident", like if you know where she goes from status updates FB etc.
Author:  pua_666 [ Tue Mar 08, 2011 2:34 am ]
Post subject: 
May be buyer's remorse - Google it!
Author:  alisterio [ Wed Mar 09, 2011 4:45 am ]
Post subject:  Update
So, if you don't know the Antoine Dodson youtube video, you won't get this, but this is what I went with on a text today - around 48 hours after my invitation to dinner text.

We had a real good time talking about it and we both found it funny so I just sent her this:

"you are so dumb"

That is all. She didn't respond to my invitation for 2 days, but then took 30 minutes to respond to that.

"Ok. Is that because I didn't get back to you right away? Why am I so dumb?"

I waited about three hours, but figured she wasn't getting the reference. (we're both Libras and she really fixated on that about how charming Libras are, which explained my charmingness)

"No, not at all, haha. That was just a joke referncing the antoine dodson video we were laughing about. Remember, I'm charming Libra guy"

That got this as a response.

"Oh, ok. Sorry. Obviously didn't get the reference. I planned on texting you this morning but forgot my phone. Typical. Can't hang on Wednesday because I have class. Thursday meeting my freinds mom whose coming from out of town. Could have hung out tonight...maybe this weekend or next week. I have Spring Break."

Open to suggestions - she could just be putting me off, or not.
Author:  ajmn86 [ Wed Mar 09, 2011 9:03 pm ]
Post subject: 
well we all know that if a woman is in to you she will reply back. she is obviously wasn't super excited about a 2nd date.

based on her behavior i would say she is ignoring you because shes spending time with another guy. (no texts at night, but early in the morning, multiple, different excuses as to why she didn't text you around the same times)

but...she obviously does like you because she is showing some interest and not totally ignoring you. I really think she has a guy lingering that she isn't sure about, so you have become her backup.

make an effort to schedule and 2nd date and steal the show,(very important not to appear needy or like you care very much in this case, this is a fine line to walk) or move on.

whatever you do dont reference the fact that her behavior is getting to you, but i think you already know this.
Author:  snakeeater1337 [ Wed Mar 09, 2011 9:18 pm ]
Post subject: 
i agree with ajmn86. It would be good to get a few more first dates on OKC so that you have plenty of options.
Author:  Jambi [ Wed Mar 09, 2011 11:31 pm ]
Post subject: 
So what if she is in two minds over another guy? Who cares it just means you have to blow him out of the water.

Attraction fades after 3 days on a first meeting (It just does) and they 're-set' to the girl she was acting like the instant you met which is past the bitch shield but in front of her 'persona'. So no matter what your going to have to start from scratch breaking down her persona.

Seeing as this is the case you COULD (not recommended) ring her asking for a second date shoot yourself in the foot and seem needy AND possibly work backwards so that she puts up her bitch shield again OR you may as well demonstrate that your not needy by saying that you cant do the weekend and that next week is a 'maybe'.

The 'other guy' if there is one isn't going to do or say anything like this and will turn all clingy and shit in this time so all you have to do is give him an opportunity to shoot himself in the foot and make sure you don't do the same to yourself. If you're elusive you can't shoot yourself in the foot can you?

From my experience after the first date/ breaking past the bitch shield it isn't about the things that you do do, its about the things you do not do and the things everyone else does do. (Does this make sense to you?)

She'll start to wonder what you have been up to and will do all the work for you building you up in her own head to be the awesome non clingy guy. Then just after the weekend send her a text saying that you're going somewhere and she should tag along
Author:  luthor [ Thu Mar 10, 2011 2:30 am ]
Post subject: 
I think the mistake was not texting back after the sat morning one you received until the Sunday night. If you two hit it off so well on the Thursday then there was little need to wait a whole day and a half.

She could be thinking you're out on Saturday night with another chick which is why you didn't return her text and then she retreats and goes cold because she doesn't want to get hurt.

She said she was hungover, so she may have been drunk on Thurs and regretted getting physical so quickly so you should have been building comfort not trying to generate attraction by letting texts hang for such a time span.

You left her waiting for the reply so maybe she was mirroring and leaving you to wait for her reply and then did legit forget her phone that morning.

There's no point second guessing anyway, make the date for the weekend and hang out. Don't be all worried and needy, just have a fun time and see what happens. Forget thinking she has another man and all that stuff cos that's just gonna get you being in your head.
Author:  alisterio [ Thu Mar 10, 2011 3:42 am ]
Post subject: 
Both of the last two posts make sense, but actually recently I had a girl say "maybe this weekend? or next week?" and I went with the "this weekend" and it was over just like that. So I don't think jumping on her first availability is right. I was free on Wed and Thurs, and now I'm free on the weekend?

I do have tickets to the 12h30 hockey game on Sunday and was thinking of inviting her to that. I am busy this weekend amof - I still have not responded to her last texts. I think she responded to my calling her out in a joking way, and if she likes me she's wondering why I haven't gotten in touch, and if she doesn't then it doesn't really matter. And if she does, I'll be as Mytt said, the non-clingy guy.

I do get the point of not texting her back on Saturday and there's probably some truth to that except for 2 reasons. a) She told me she hates texts, and b) I sent her the text on Friday night at around 6 pm. She didn't go to bed at 6pm haha Which probably led to my saying to myself, "Well if she's not going to text me, then I won't text her."

Thanks for the input!
Author:  alisterio [ Thu Mar 10, 2011 10:45 pm ]
Post subject: 
so, I went with this:

"You wouldn't believe what happened at school yesterday - cops in my room, student arrested and I might have to go testify today" (true, I'm a teacher in DC) "as for this weekend, I'm heading out of town for my brother's birthday but just the idea of spring break is fun so let's plan for something then."

Perhaps a mistake to not say "maybe" for next week, but just decided that would be too much and would be straight up. We shall see - if I don't hear some sort of reply before Monday, I'm not sure if I'll even pursue it.
Author:  jurupa [ Fri Mar 11, 2011 12:03 am ]
Post subject: 
A couple of things. One it is possible she is seeing another guy, and being a girl she can't make up her mind on where she stands. Two, she had a good time, but is into you. The best thing you can do is leave the ball in her court. Don't text her anymore unless she texts you back. If she is truly interest in you or at least hanging out again she will.
Author:  Don Draper [ Sat Mar 12, 2011 10:38 am ]
Post subject: 
Leave her hanging.

Don't drone on and on about her.

See other women. Expand your horizons.
Author:  alisterio [ Sat Mar 12, 2011 11:34 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Leave her hanging.

Don't drone on and on about her.

See other women. Expand your horizons.
I am...I'm not even close to making her exclusive, even if she were to come over and sleep with me tonight. But, she is the one I like the most out of my bevy right now :)

That said, the update is:

She responded to my last text the same day, later on that night. "Yes, much calmer at GW (where she works and goes to school). Can't believe you needed cops in your room. Crazy!"

So I texted her the next day sending her a link to a funny youtube sketch of a british comedy show that she hadn't seen. (She and I both like british tv shows like Ali G, the Office etc...) That was Friday afternoon and haven't heard from her since. The question is, if I don't hear from her do I even extend another invitation, or do I just chalk it up?

I probably will ask her out again regardless of what people say, just curious as to what others' opions are.

Thanks everyone for the insight.
Author:  alisterio [ Mon Mar 14, 2011 5:20 pm ]
Post subject: 
So, I never did hear from her after my last message - any suggestions on how I might contact her that would get her comfort level back to where it was when we were making out in my car?

We have had very little contact since our first date 10 days ago - and she has only shown brief bits of interest. Obviously no way to know for certain if she would be up for doing something again without asking, not not sure how to go about it.

She told that she hates texts (I did originally try to call her) but she didn't answer and I hate leaving voicemails. But, should I try to call her tonight, perhaps?


What about: "Was thinking about what we might do this week - how about a native's guide to the monuments at night (she's from out of town) - tours conducted in French, Italian or English. Or Salmon that would make a west coaster's lips smile?"

And someone could confirm that this is lame to add: "If we don't hang out again soon, I might forget all about you - you wouldn't want that, would you? :)"
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