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How to send a girl a message.
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Author:  minsok [ Tue Jan 25, 2011 3:23 am ]
Post subject:  How to send a girl a message.
Like every 5th post on here is a guy asking why a girl stopped responding when he thought he was doing so well. Getting a girl to talk to you online is a struggle, I know. But so many of you seem to have the exact same fail "plan": send a girl an interesting message that will trigger a response, continue to send interesting questions. That's as far as your plans tend to go. You seem to think the girl is going to tell you, "Wow, you're so interesting to talk to online, lets meet up!"

STOP MAKING WORTHLESS SMALL TALK! It's boring, girls might like it at first, but even they will get bored of it and stop talking to you. YOU are a man on a dating site looking to date a woman, SHE is a woman on a dating site looking to date a man. Online dating isn't about getting to know each other over messages! It's about finding people and dating them in real life. Every time you send a message, it should do only 2 things (in an interesting way)! 1) Show your interest in her as a sexual being. 2) Show your intent to meet up either by stating it outright or mentioning what it's going to be like to talk in person, etc. That's IT. You'll notice getting to know her is NOT your objective.

If you keep making small talk without pushing for a meet up, guess what, you'll attract the girls that only log in to make small talk and never want to actually meet you! If a girl doesn't respond to you and you use this "Go out and Get Her" approach, you can assume you've messaged one of the millions of girls that are just there to write messages and not date. Honestly, sending a generic "I like your profile and pictures. Lets meet up for coffee," is already better than the 5, 10 or however many messages you've already sent that don't show intent.

***********************************

Oh, I just came up with a good rule of thumb. If you send a message that her brother, father, grandfather, uncle, cousin or whatever could send her without being creepy, then you have failed. Examples are:

"i like it the first time it snows then after that it just gets annoying lol, I'm also ready for it to warm up a little bit i wanna go to six flags so bad, theres that ride there its called kingda ka? i think its like 1k feet high and everytime i go there its always closed my mission is to go on that this spring/summer"

"I was totally into your profile until I scrolled back up to send you a message and saw that you were a Taurus. I don't think we'd get along very well since I'm a Taurus as well What do you think?

PS: Incubus is an awesome band."

Don't mean to pick on anyone, these are just good examples of something an uncle might send to his niece without being very creepy. This all probably applies to text messaging, too.
Author:  Jits138 [ Tue Jan 25, 2011 3:29 am ]
Post subject: 
Perfect! I have actually stopped any online stuff because I am annoyed with all the wasted time. It's easier to just go out and practice the good stuff.
Author:  minsok [ Tue Jan 25, 2011 3:51 am ]
Post subject: 
Yeah, you should definitely only do online as a back up for other methods, otherwise it's too frustrating how slow shit moves online. It generally takes a good 2 weeks to get things rolling again if you take a break.
Author:  luthor [ Tue Jan 25, 2011 5:10 am ]
Post subject: 
Even though you were quite angry, that's actually pretty good advice. I seem to have forgotten the goal was a date rather than a number. I'll still do it because, hey, it's 5:10am and I'm sarging women...but I don't sleep anyway!
Author:  chazman0426 [ Tue Jan 25, 2011 5:13 am ]
Post subject: 
check out my recent post. Half the time I ask for their number right around the 3rd message. But then they don't respond. It seems like they also flake when I DO try to move things to the next level. My recent post is a great example. I just don't know. How can you recover when that happens?

helptired-of-the-flakeswtf-am-i-doing-w ... 83992.html
Author:  minsok [ Tue Jan 25, 2011 6:15 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Even though you were quite angry, that's actually pretty good advice. I seem to have forgotten the goal was a date rather than a number. I'll still do it because, hey, it's 5:10am and I'm sarging women...but I don't sleep anyway!
I think my tone is pretty neutral here, it's definitely not as aggro as I typically am. Probably I'm making it personal by using 2nd person, but I want you to understand I'm talking to you.
Quote:
check out my recent post. Half the time I ask for their number right around the 3rd message. But then they don't respond. It seems like they also flake when I DO try to move things to the next level. My recent post is a great example. I just don't know. How can you recover when that happens?

helptired-of-the-flakeswtf-am-i-doing-w ... 83992.html
Asking for a number puts you in a subservient position, it's much better to give a girl your number online. Anyway, what you did wrong was exactly what I was talking about starting this topic. "International Studies is interesting Smile. So it seems like most of the countries you've visited are in Europe. That's neat. I've never been to Europe but really want to go someday.

I've actually lived in Hawaii for 3 years (if that counts as overseas) and recently Japan for 3 years. I've been to Hong Kong, Tokyo Japan, China, Taiwan, and the Bahamas Razz. Canada and Europe(Germany or England) are next on my list. Totally avoiding Mexico and the middle east for now. I've also been to almost every state. " Is a perfectly good conversation she could have with her brother. That's not very sexy and doesn't make for a fun date. Follow my 2 rules and try again, there's only 2 of them for cripe's sake.
Author:  chazman0426 [ Tue Jan 25, 2011 6:40 am ]
Post subject: 
I'm confused over rule 1. Could you give an example? Doesn't PUA tell you specifically not to do this? "Hey I think your very attractive, want to meet up sometime?...ect."

Also If you don't mind, could you show an example of what you mean in a message? I learn better by seeing an example. Otherwise all I have to go off of is not to make a message that your uncle or brother would write and not be awkward ect.
Author:  minsok [ Tue Jan 25, 2011 7:15 am ]
Post subject: 
Sure, so here's okay examples of a messages I sent once "Shy girls are tricky.
But I have a real soft spot for them, I don't know why. You have to promise me, that you WILL open up as you get comfortable though. So we're both adults here, I'm definitely talking to you because you're pretty in your pictures and because you have some nerdiness that's easy for me to relate to. So lets pass up the games and skip to the fun part, are you too shy for coffee next week?"

"Thanks for the pictures.
The ones on your profile. There's such a good amount of range and they're all pretty pleasing. As sort of an artist, I have really greedy eyes, you see. Even though you're shy, it sounds like you don't really get down with this online thing, so I'm offering you a free pass to the next round to get to know you: the coffee date round. Is there anywhere other than Flying Star? "

And bits and pieces.
"Your profile got me pumped, and not just because of the pretty face on it."

"Sure, I'm asking to get your attention because you seem self aware and implicitly sensual, but it's also something I genuinely like talking about."

I'm not 100% on my own theory, but you can see how I compliment the girl in unconventional ways. It's not okay to just say, hey, you're hot, because everybody does that and you need to set yourself apart. Basically, you have to find the sweet spot of being sexual, but not being a total creep. If you can make the girl FEEL your compliment, that's the best way. I don't have a lot of good examples of this, you can see I focus on rule 2 mostly. I'll try harder on the next round. Also use specific compliments that are tailor made for your target, "you're attractive/interesting" is garbage because you can fit that to anyone. It's not going to get a reaction because it's completely generic (you'll notice my examples are a little generic, I'm going to fix that next time). You have to take risks if you want attention (which I'm not skillful at yet).
Author:  Jits138 [ Tue Jan 25, 2011 6:03 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
check out my recent post. Half the time I ask for their number right around the 3rd message. But then they don't respond. It seems like they also flake when I DO try to move things to the next level. My recent post is a great example. I just don't know. How can you recover when that happens?

helptired-of-the-flakeswtf-am-i-doing-w ... 83992.html
Yes on online dating it would appear that every step you take forward is a chance or them to bail completely. My answer to this has been to take as few steps as possible. I just send one message and then a response that says I don't enjoy talking through email because it only covers 7% of the meaning of conversation. Sometimes I make a joke about saying "Man, you have long ass hair" it could mean Looooong ASS hair or Long ass hair. Two very different meanings. One big step to separate the serious girls from the flakes.

When the conversation dies I ALWAYS send back. "I messaged you back and forth awhile back and it just kind of trailed off. Were you intimidated by my good looks or (other admirable quality)? Usually get's a response back.

But seriously online is broke dick. Get out in the field and get better. You don't build social value on POF.
Author:  minsok [ Tue Jan 25, 2011 7:09 pm ]
Post subject: 
Social value is irrelevant when you have a girl to yourself. I agree you should never ONLY use online, because it's fucking frustrating and a time dump. On the plus side, you can send messages to 20 girls in an hour. Of course, you might only get 4 back...
Author:  sonix [ Wed Jan 26, 2011 12:33 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
"Thanks for the pictures.
The ones on your profile. There's such a good amount of range and they're all pretty pleasing. As sort of an artist, I have really greedy eyes, you see. Even though you're shy, it sounds like you don't really get down with this online thing, so I'm offering you a free pass to the next round to get to know you: the coffee date round. Is there anyw
here other than Flying Star? "
This seems really really really strong.
Author:  minsok [ Wed Jan 26, 2011 1:14 am ]
Post subject: 
I think it's sort of weak, actually. Your goal should be to get a reaction out of the girl, it's hard in writing. Girls online tend to be pretty.... cowardly though, so maybe it is strong. But I'm not online to fuck around and the kind of girls I want (girls that will actually meet you) will appreciate that I think.

Just got a response to a message I sent a couple hours ago that started, "Such full, slick lips, wonderful". I'm not really scared to take risks. Not to is a waste of time.
Author:  Jits138 [ Wed Jan 26, 2011 3:42 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Social value is irrelevant when you have a girl to yourself. I agree you should never ONLY use online, because it's fucking frustrating and a time dump. On the plus side, you can send messages to 20 girls in an hour. Of course, you might only get 4 back...
Yes social value is a non issue online but I was eluding to the fact that social value is the holy grail. With enough social value you can PU any girl on the planet. I try to spend my pua time with the ultimate goal in mind. Online is balls.
Author:  minsok [ Wed Jan 26, 2011 3:52 am ]
Post subject: 
It's true. When I go to a small party, I feel like I have the pick of the litter when I'm "ON", but social value only gets you the initial pick up. The day 2 and everything else is totally on you alone.
Author:  chazman0426 [ Wed Jan 26, 2011 5:11 am ]
Post subject: 
How do you increase social value? Or at least fake it till you make it?
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