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pof girl need help!
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Author:  myeah11 [ Fri Jan 21, 2011 2:41 am ]
Post subject:  pof girl need help!
ok so i have been talking to this girl on POF for a few days like 3 and things were going very well until she stopped messaging me and i have no idea why, i asked her why she was on this site and what she was looking for and this was her response

well, i know alot of people who have hungout with people from this website, but i never wanted to be that. I always felt that online dating especially at my age kinda made you look desperate. A few weeks ago this guy really ****ed me over and my friend forced me into this website. lol its kinda hard to meet new people right now because 95% of my nursing class is women. it seems like everyone in my town, iv either be interested in, are not interested in, arent interested in me or were just friends. i needed to meet some new people.

i deffinatly look for someone who has a good sense of humor becuz i am a very funny girl. I like someone who is outgoing becuz at first i can be a bit shy. Someone who exuberates confidence and isnt afraid to be talk about whats going on. i hate being left out in the cold with serious stuff. Romance is deff a plus too.

what about you, why are you here & what do u look for?





then i sent back with this



yea i always thought it made you look like a loser too, then me and my x broke up and my friend made this profile for me, she wanted me to try it because she met her boyfriend on here and their still together so i promised her id try it, i go to a community college now but i was at a state college till i got booted out, and there is no social life at the school i go to now

im basically looking for someone who is fun! thats the only word i can use to describe it i want it to be serious if it leads to that, I just dont like a controlling girlfriend whos always suspicious about what I am doing 24/7 i dated one of those before and it was horrible let me tell ya lol, she also has to be independent meaning she sticks up for herself and doesnt take any shit, so as long as shes fun,independent and out to have a good time and not stress over stupid stuff im down for whatever, oh and "drama free" i dont go for any of that

and like you said i wanna fit romance in somewhere there too, obviously not at first since most girls are shy at first which i can understand, i think romance should be essential to a relationship :)



does anyone know what i did wrong here? i havent gotten a message back from her since i sent this last one and things seemed to be going pretty well can anyone give me some tips thanks!!!
Author:  Jits138 [ Fri Jan 21, 2011 4:27 am ]
Post subject: 
These are just helpful critiques based on what i have read in PUA books/Forums

I am too busy at the moment to analyze her message and point out the Abundance of ammunition she supplied you with on how to deal with her. You should reread her message and see if you can pinpoint indicators of the qualities she respects/disrespects in people, the things she is insecure about, and direct any direct "fishing for complements" areas. Calibrate and then apply your method.

I can make the time to have a run through your message.

"but i was at a state college till i got booted out, and there is no social life at the school i go to now "

These are DLVs and I am not sure what role they would play in your game.
"I am a man who cannot finish what I start and does not fit into society, I also am incapable of creating fun environments in the places I go" Is how the female mind may translate that statement.

I just dont like a controlling girlfriend whos always suspicious about what I am doing 24/7 "i dated one of those before and it was horrible let me tell ya"

This is a DLV "I am the man who will take shit because I am needy and don't have options" Is how a woman subconsciously (or even consciously) takes this statement.

"out to have a good time" (in your description of what you are looking for)
Women, especially on dating sites, often times interpret this as "As long is she is okay that it's just fucking" I know it's not what you meant but chicks are kind of crazy.

"im down for whatever"
This is a submissive statement that disqualifies you as a leader of men. Easygoing is nice, but nice doesn't get the girl.

" and like you said i wanna fit romance in somewhere there too, obviously not at first since most girls are shy at first which i can understand, i think romance should be essential to a relationship"

You are putting up a neon sign that you definition for romance is fucking. This is probably not what she meant by romance. You also ended the message with that line so it leaves the impression that all you are interested in is fucking. Girls are totally cool with just fucking but only after you attract them and make them feel comfortable. Escalating sexuality is something that is best done in person.

Also try intentionally not answering her questions that she made at the end. It can escalate tension and interest. Make her work for it, they like that.

Advice on fixing it. To open up dead conversation on POF I have been routinely using the line "Hey I messaged you back and forth for a bit a while back and then it just stopped. Were you intimidated by my good looks or was it my (other admirable quality)?

It's been pretty much 100% at reopening the conversation. Then just remember that you have a lot of DHV and NEG to do in order to even the social value. Since you have established in your communication with her that she is turned off quickly by any demonstrations of weakness I suggest that when the time comes to "ask her out" you don't ask. Just tell her "I am going to _____ on (day/time). You are welcome to join me."
Author:  myeah11 [ Sat Jan 22, 2011 12:27 am ]
Post subject: 
would you mind also examining her message too when you get a chance?
Author:  Jits138 [ Sat Jan 22, 2011 8:09 am ]
Post subject: 
"well, i know a lot of ....i never wanted to be that... made you look desperate"

Interpret this "I am insecure about my ability to attract a mate and I am even more concerned that my actions will shine light on that. Can I please have your approval?"

Reward her approval seeking behavior but do not directly give her your approval. Maybe respond with the FEEL FELT FOUND METHOD some more natural variation of "I understand the way you FEEL, I in actually FELT that way in the beginning, I have FOUND that it is extremely likely that you will meet quality people on here (like myself)"
You are in this phase selling her on the idea of online dating.

FEEL FELT FOUND a powerful tool for creating a bond based on similarities. In addition you are creating a positive and comfortable frame and inviting her to leave her negative state and join you. This expresses the undeniably attractive quality of leadership.

"A few weeks ago....friend forced me"
translation

"I am vulnerable right now and likely to be more defensive. I am find myself attracted to ass holes because I mistakenly take their poor behavior as a sign of confidence. I want to make sure that you know I was hurt recently because I have already decided to interact with you and I need you to understand that it would crush me if you hurt me as well. I also have a weak character and am easily talked into things that I don't necessarily believe. I am more attracted to a man who expressed decisiveness and leadership because his qualities compliment my weak character.

"lol it's kind of hard...nursing class is women"
translation.
"I am absolutely starved for male attention and I am not having any luck attracting it in my life"

"it seems like everyone in my town...or we are just friends"

"I have an unrealistic view of my value to others. I am HB7 but I think i am HB10. This distorted view of reality is causing me dis-ease and I need you to methodically break me of this habit and harbor a relationship based on mutual respect"

"I definitely look for... is deff a plus too"

"yadda yadda yadda I am a woman and you can't trust me whenever I say a thing about what I want because I will only express to you the things I wish I wanted. I already explained in detail to you what I was looking for but you were unable to read between the lines. I will suck your dick off if you can display to me that you are so deeply in tune to my emotions that you can treat me the way I want to be treated even though I fed you a bunch of bullshit."

I hope this helps.
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