Perfect Internet Game
By Kata124 (“Kat”) with ENORMOUS thanks to Guinness Man.
The following is made to be carried out on any text based medium. I have not tested it out in the clubs but it works a charm via Myspace, Facebook, etc.
Find a girl you like. Preferably someone you’ve met only a short while ago. And begin carrying out the below routine. DON’T COPY THIS WORD FOR WORD YOU LOSER. Try changing things around to fit your personality. Remember to replace the bolded text with whatever is asked for.
1. After a rigorously brief overview of your profile, I wanted to let you know I have already married and divorced you in my mind.
Thanks for all the wonderful imaginary memories... you will always have a special place in my heart.
your ex-hubby,
First Name
ps. You can keep the house in Hawaii but, I am going to need half our money according to our prenup.
2. Let her answer. Then respond with a few sentences on what she answered. End it with:
And we divorced because of your fling with the pool boy, Pablo, remember?
3. Let her answer. Then respond with:
As far as Pablo goes, I had a fling with your sister right before the wedding while you were taking soooooo long to get ready.
You know this doesn't have to get bitter. Remember our pillow fights right before the great sex and the romantic dinners I would make you?
4. Let her answer. Respond to her questions and comments then:
Geez, we seem to get a long so well now that all that's over. Ever consider giving it another shot? I mean we were pretty good together.
5. Let her answer. Then respond:
Well thanks for the honesty. I wont be so quick to judge this time.
So what have you been up to since Pablo?
Anything fun happening in our life? Causing any trouble?
6. Let her answer. If there is “How about you?” somewhere in her answer, skip to step 7. If not, respond with:
Sounds like you've been adjective. That's good but, ya gotta get out and have a
little fun every once in a while. What do you like to do Ms. Her First Name?
7. Let her answer. Then respond with:
I like tons of stuff (Or “I’ve been doing tons of stuff” if you skipped step 6).
List a bunch of things you like to do and end with: watching Sex and the City ALL DAY!
Ok, I made that last part up. lol
You are sooo cute.. but I dont think we could ever reconcile the divorce - we are just too similar.. we would fight and throw things and have incredible make up sex all over the place and fight more then sex fight sex fight.. too much drama and intense feelings for me!
8. Let her answer. At this point she should be totally down. Respond with:
Well I suppose you're right. It is worth the effort and I do want to be together. I'll promise not to break your heart if you promise to lose Pablo's number. lol
Speaking of numbers... I seemed to have lost yours in all the messy divorce stuff. Why don't you send it to me again and we can begin rebuilding. This time it'll be fun, exciting and full of adventure!
Plus in the mean time we get to be text buddies!
Whatdya say Cuddle Bunny?
~Your First Name
9. If you fail at this point, you’ve done something wrong. Don't give up!
Go masturbate to hot lesbian porn. Then begin at step 1 again. REMIND YOURSELF NOT TO BECOME A STALKER ONCE IN A WHILE.