Found an old article I wrote about getting laid on okcupid a few years. Check it out. I'm sure its still relevant.
How To Get Laid On OkCupid
Anyone of you readers having trouble getting online-dating to work for you? I’m going to give you all an easy to follow simple guide to securing lays on OkCupid. I have been getting email after email from guys asking me to help them with online dating; and since I don’t use it anymore, why not lay out all the secrets that once worked for me and the few people I shared them with.
50% Of this guide is setting your profile up in a way where girls will message you first and all you have to do is finish the job. You’ll become the prize and because of this you’ll dictate how this interaction turns out.
Now first let me say, if you are still at the stage where you aren’t capable of having a solid 30-45 min phone conversation this will not work for you. Second, this is not a guide to starting a successful relationship, this is a simply a guide to securing easy lays through the use of the internet. We’ll start from the ground up.
Here goes:
Pick A Catchy Username
You wouldn’t believe how many times I have been messaged on an online dating site just because a girl was curious about my username. Before they had even read my profile or saw more than my main picture they were already filled with curiosity to contact me. Usernames that other people have already chosen that you add random numbers to aren’t going to get you anywhere. Take the time out and find a username that fits you that is catchy, mysterious, and most importantly original.
No Selfies
This is where things can get a bit tricky for guys who don’t have any exciting or interesting pictures. Online dating is all about your perceived value; pictures showing you out having a good time, traveling, taking part in competitive events, winning awards etc. are all pictures that create an image of a guy with a high perceived value. The pictures aren’t going to be as important as the content on your profile but don’t think for a second that your pictures won’t give you a huge boost in messages and responses. Girls that look at your profile look for things to comment on; so even if they are interested in you they may not message you simply because they couldn’t think of anything to say. Make it easy on them and put up pictures that show you being you, there are enough guys snap-shooting themselves in the mirror with their cell phones.
Writing A Good Profile
There are two rules to this..
Rule #1 Get Creative
Rule #2 Don’t Take yourself too serious
Here is a revised version of my old online dating profile to give you an idea on how to get this done.
“Hey ladies, my name is Adam, I’ve recently had a terrible divorce with my wife Eve. I left her with our two sons Kain & Abel, and I kept the pet snake Lucifer. I couldn’t take it anymore, she just wouldn’t stop eating all the apples! And what makes it even worse is she would blame the snake for everything. So I’m back on the market ; I can run, jump, hunt, and make anything from fig leaves…”
It went on for a few more sentences and girls would just eat it up. If you can help yourself, don’t copy and paste that to your profile because its not the original; you’ll be trying to keep up with the mind of the person who wrote it.
Follow this motto throughout the rest of your profile and you will be as good as golden. On the ” What I’m doing with my life” section don’t go into fine details as to what you are actually doing; save that for the first date, if there is one. Something vague like ” Its complicated” will get you a lot more messages than going into depth on what you are actually spending your life doing.
The first things people usually notice about you, is probably your ‘super powers’ or ‘ you noticing them’, not so much any of your actual features. Get it ?
The six things I could never do with out – once again, get creative. I believe mines were something like:
Free Wifi
Your netflix password
Rubberbands
Speeding tickets
The bible
A beard
But once again, I would seriously encourage you to make your own. This isn’t going to work for you unless you put the work in.
My Details
On the my details section fill out everything except your religion, zodiac sign, select job as “other”, and your income. Girls pay attention to a lot of zodiac sign/personality material so if they can’t think of anything to message you with they can easily just ask you what your sign is.
Match Questions
We already know that guys seeking to get laid instantly click over to a girls match questions to the “Sex Section” to find out whether the girl is what mainstream society would consider a whore or not. And after doing this for a while I’m sure you’ve came to the conclusion that the girls who’s questions suggest they are just looking for sex aren’t as easy to lay as it appears. Mainly because they are constantly bombarded with messages from guys who think they are just going to ” Fuck anyone ” because they want no string attached sex.
From my personal experience, there is no difference from the girl who says they’ll have sex in 1-2 dates from the girl who says “6 or more”. If you are on your game you can lay them all on the first night.
Answer the majority of the questions however you wish, but the two that girls pay the most attention to are when trying to find out what you’re on the website for is
“Say you’ve started seeing someone you really like. As far as you’re concerned, how long will it take before you have sex?” Select 3-5 dates.
&
Regardless of future plans, what’s more interesting to you right now? Its fine to select “Sex” for this one. I can’t picture any man selecting ” True Love”
Girls will read your questions, but once they become interesting in you after a few messages the questions won’t matter.
Disclaimer: Don’t all noodles and answer a million match questions; I would advise most guys to leave 95% of the sex related questions unanswered – It definitely keeps the mystery alive; you don’t want anything thinking they know what you’re all about before they’ve even given you a chance.
Now here comes the easy part…
Perceived Value
As you can see on OkCupid, members are divded into three categories: people that ” Reply Often(Green)” “Reply Selectively(yellow)”, and those who ” Reply Very selectively (red) “. Now whats the first thing that goes into your mind when you come across a girl that replies very selectively? ” She must get a lot of messages”, which translates to, she is very desirable/she has a lot of options. So what would make you seem more desirable? If you had a red dot to go along with your profile.. correct? This is exactly what you are going to do. Just make 7-8 random profiles of anything you want, you don’t have to put pictures up, and you don’t even have to use a ” Real email address”. Okcupid doesn’t have a verify your email setting like other sites. Message yourself about 3-4 times saying “Hi” or whatever you want on each profile and this will instantly give you the ” Replies Very Selectively Dot” . This way you will instantly stand apart from 85% of the male members on OkCucupid who only have green dots. It’ll take you 15 mins the most to get this done.
Google & Download an Free Mouse AutoClicker
On the quick match section of OkCupid you get to rate girls from 1 to 5 stars and when you rate them either 4 or 5 stars OkCupid notifies them that you’re interested. So what I figured was, if I download an auto click and set it to 1 second per click, I could move my mouse clicker over to the 4 or 5 stars and rapidly notify hundreds of girls that I am ” interested ” while I am outside running errands, cleaning my place, or working. I would return to my comp after a few hours and have 50+ messages from girls who will all notified by OkCupid to check me out. If they are interested they will in return click “5 stars on your profile and you will both be sent a message that says this:
“We chose each other! Hey “your Username, We chose each other! ”
This is from Plenty Of Fish, this method is just as successful with their ” Meet Me” section.
OkCupid sure does make this easy don’t they?
At this point all you have to do is say something like “Aww I feel like a pokemon! lol I’m Eddie =P” and you’re off into a conversation. After 4-5 messages just pull for her number, call her up at that moment while the iron is hot, talk on the phone, escalate sexually, and invite her over to your place for “a glass of wine and a game of ‘I Declare war'”
Not only does this method create a lot of opportunity for girls to check out your profile and message you but it also will open up the doorway for you to message girls that viewed your profile but couldn’t think of anything to say.
This same method can be used on POF’s “MEET ME” section and when its all said and done, your inbox will look a little something like this!
My Current Inbox
Closing
When it comes to messaging girls first remember one thing ” invest little to nothing”. All you have to say is “Hey” with a question of something from their profile and your first name underneath like a letter. All those extra long messages about how you are her knight and shinning armor get disregarded before they get a chance to read the second line. Why would you invest so much energy into someone you know nothing about unless your desperate? I’m sure you have better things to do.
Once again, if you don’t know how to escalate sexually via a phone conversation, you have a bit more development to go through before this guide is going to work for you. But if you can, and you follow this guide to a tee, you’ll be getting laid in a matter of hours.
By Eddie Fews
but hey, gotta do what you gotta do!
