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| My problems with social (or approach) anxiety.... https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=43&t=190811 |
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| Author: | redstar1324 [ Thu Jun 04, 2015 4:29 am ] |
| Post subject: | My problems with social (or approach) anxiety.... |
I always tend to overthink the approach. I have trouble having the opener come across as natural. I know the different types of openers: compliment, focus, opinion, situational, etc.... However, I am not totally shy.... I can always talk to anyone if there is some business to talk about. I have no problems having long conversations with the girl at the bank about all the different loan options, etc. I have no problems telling the lady that dyed my hair wrong to fix it for free. I have visited bondage clubs, but never actually partook. I just watched. In bed, I can pound the shit out of a girl. I have almost been arrested for indecent exposure. I have no problems asking complete strangers (girls) if I can go down on them, and I actually prefer that direct approach. In fact, I used to go out wearing a custom made shirt that said "I <3 Eating Pussy," but someone convinced me to take it off and wear a suit instead. What's my problem? Am I just a pussy? What do I need to say? Should I just say "hello?" Oh yea, and I am soon to have over a million dollars in real estate and eventually billions. I have no problem evicting tenants (male or female). I have no problem talking with people in business matters. But it's just the "camouflage opener" thing that I have trouble with. How do I talk to a girl without saying "want some dick?" Or should I just go ahead and say that? Should I pretend it's otherwise? Should I get to know her first? |
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| Author: | Verbal Seduction [ Fri Jun 05, 2015 12:43 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: My problems with social (or approach) anxiety.... |
Its because your not used to it. You dont have social anxiety. Your just not used to it. I had this thought too, but after ive approached over 1000 girls this past year everything has changed |
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| Author: | redstar1324 [ Fri Jun 05, 2015 1:08 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: My problems with social (or approach) anxiety.... |
Quote: Its because your not used to it. You dont have social anxiety. Your just not used to it.
How did you get over it? What type of openers do you use?
I had this thought too, but after ive approached over 1000 girls this past year everything has changed |
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| Author: | PatrickAnanda [ Tue Jun 09, 2015 12:22 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: My problems with social (or approach) anxiety.... |
Quote: Quote: Its because your not used to it. You dont have social anxiety. Your just not used to it.
How did you get over it? What type of openers do you use?I had this thought too, but after ive approached over 1000 girls this past year everything has changed Children use openers. The immature use openers. You have so much trouble because you know that you are lying to them, and most importantly, that you are lying to yourself. Do you think women are stupid? You do not care who would win in a fight, and you passed 3 Starbucks on the way to asking her where the nearest one is. No. You noticed her because you found her incredibly beautiful - because you couldn't take your eyes off her and you had to come and talk to her. No other reason. She can take it or leave it but you will show up as a man every single time. As long as you are stuck in 'opener' nonsense, you are manipulating, and as long as you are manipulating, you are not being true to yourself. Your inner lion is raging to be let out of his cage and so you feel what you are currently feeling. Man up mate, make your life memorable. Mack |
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| Author: | redstar1324 [ Tue Jun 09, 2015 5:39 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: My problems with social (or approach) anxiety.... |
Quote: Quote: Quote: Its because your not used to it. You dont have social anxiety. Your just not used to it.
How did you get over it? What type of openers do you use?I had this thought too, but after ive approached over 1000 girls this past year everything has changed Children use openers. The immature use openers. You have so much trouble because you know that you are lying to them, and most importantly, that you are lying to yourself. Do you think women are stupid? You do not care who would win in a fight, and you passed 3 Starbucks on the way to asking her where the nearest one is. No. You noticed her because you found her incredibly beautiful - because you couldn't take your eyes off her and you had to come and talk to her. No other reason. She can take it or leave it but you will show up as a man every single time. As long as you are stuck in 'opener' nonsense, you are manipulating, and as long as you are manipulating, you are not being true to yourself. Your inner lion is raging to be let out of his cage and so you feel what you are currently feeling. Man up mate, make your life memorable. Mack |
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| Author: | CharlesFinley [ Tue Jun 09, 2015 5:52 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: My problems with social (or approach) anxiety.... |
Quote:
Give me an example of something to say that is not an opener. What are some "natural" things that you would say to a beautiful girl? I can only think of compliment "openers."
"Hi there, I'm redstar1324"
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| Author: | redstar1324 [ Tue Jun 09, 2015 5:59 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: My problems with social (or approach) anxiety.... |
Quote: Quote:
Give me an example of something to say that is not an opener. What are some "natural" things that you would say to a beautiful girl? I can only think of compliment "openers."
"Hi there, I'm redstar1324" |
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| Author: | Eddie Fews [ Tue Jun 09, 2015 7:17 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: My problems with social (or approach) anxiety.... |
Quote: Quote: Quote:
Give me an example of something to say that is not an opener. What are some "natural" things that you would say to a beautiful girl? I can only think of compliment "openers."
"Hi there, I'm redstar1324"Learn that step, and then come back to ask about the rest. Do it 10 times(in the same hour).Then come back tell us what happen and we'll tell you what to do next. |
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| Author: | redstar1324 [ Wed Jun 10, 2015 1:33 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: My problems with social (or approach) anxiety.... |
What did you think of my field report today from the mall? |
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| Author: | Black Phantom [ Thu Jun 11, 2015 2:05 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: My problems with social (or approach) anxiety.... |
Quote: I always tend to overthink the approach. I have trouble having the opener come across as natural. I know the different types of openers: compliment, focus, opinion, situational, etc....
My man, the very fact that you have so much openers available talks a lot about how you thinkBut it's just the "camouflage opener" thing that I have trouble with. How do I talk to a girl without saying "want some dick?" Or should I just go ahead and say that? Should I pretend it's otherwise? Should I get to know her first? about this thing. My suggestion to you is SIMPLIFY your approach so you don't have so many options. By the way you talk and by the all the things that you do, I suggest you go as direct and nonchalant as possible. Pick 1 standard opener for yourself, and just use it all the time - in EVERY situation. Here's one I suggest: Walk up to women and say, "Hey, I saw you from over there, thought you were cute, wanted to say Hi. What's up?" That's it. Don't complicate it and try to come up with too much things to say. Go direct. If you have anxiety in the way that you overthink the approach, I invite you to try out my AA Cure test group, where I'm testing a new technique that works pretty well. In about an hour in fact. It's just a test, so it's free, but you can learn more about it below. That's it, good luck my man! |
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| Author: | ex-pua-bruno [ Tue Apr 05, 2016 8:54 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: My problems with social (or approach) anxiety.... |
Quote: I always tend to overthink the approach. I have trouble having the opener come across as natural. I know the different types of openers: compliment, focus, opinion, situational, etc....
Hey man!However, I am not totally shy.... I can always talk to anyone if there is some business to talk about. I have no problems having long conversations with the girl at the bank about all the different loan options, etc. I have no problems telling the lady that dyed my hair wrong to fix it for free. I have visited bondage clubs, but never actually partook. I just watched. In bed, I can pound the shit out of a girl. I have almost been arrested for indecent exposure. I have no problems asking complete strangers (girls) if I can go down on them, and I actually prefer that direct approach. In fact, I used to go out wearing a custom made shirt that said "I <3 Eating Pussy," but someone convinced me to take it off and wear a suit instead. What's my problem? Am I just a pussy? What do I need to say? Should I just say "hello?" Oh yea, and I am soon to have over a million dollars in real estate and eventually billions. I have no problem evicting tenants (male or female). I have no problem talking with people in business matters. But it's just the "camouflage opener" thing that I have trouble with. How do I talk to a girl without saying "want some dick?" Or should I just go ahead and say that? Should I pretend it's otherwise? Should I get to know her first? I know where you're coming from because I've already been in such situation that, by the way, was a starting point of my approach anxiety suddenly getting worse and worse and completely out of my control. And, like you I'd also never had any approach or social anxiety when meeting either men or women in my everyday life before. Here's the intro to my story that will hopefully enlighten you to the realization of what your problem is and where it's coming from. A good way for me to try to enlighten you is to share with you one of my favorite Bruce Lee's quotes that says: "We do not become, we simply are." Chances are that what initially pushed you into being stuck not knowing what to say to a woman and then feeling anxious about it are essentially two things: a) trying very hard to become somebody who you are not while desperately trying to adopt and live by the model of behavior that doesn't really suit your true personality, and b) getting seduced into believing that picking up an endless number of women just to have sex with them is really something that you could call part of your true happiness or passion, while in fact, this very activity is nothing but part of a pure obsession that you don't truly enjoy and that in the first place you've subconsciously got forced to believe that you should enjoy no matter what, because somebody taught you that this is the way of how you become that ideal alpha man. What I'm trying to point out to you here is that like many other guys including myself who ended up in the pickup arts community mainly because our self esteem got badly hurt sometime during our early age and all we're now trying to do is just lift it up or fix it through gaining a kind of sexual gratification based on sleeping with as many women as possible in our lifetime, you seem to be stuck in exactly the same kind of situation. Before I go on telling you a little bit of my story, let me ask you a simple question. Have you ever asked yourself that important "Do I really enjoy it?" question when trying to attract and pick up women? Asking myself this question was a huge light bulb moment in my life, because it helped me realize that everything I was doing in the area of attracting and picking up women for years was purely the result of just acting under the pressure - the unnecessary pressure of constantly forcing myself into doing what I didn't really love and enjoy at all. What made me keep forcing myself to boldly approach random women just to pick them up as my sexual objects was both my initial belief that doing it was part of my true passion and also my adopted pickup arts conditioning that was constantly pushing me into my sexual advances with random women just for the sake of not feeling guilty of missing out on any pickup opportunities when I get back home later. Guess what. I was wrong when trying to identify my true passion. All my sexual advances that I was constantly forcing myself into were a pure obsession that I now like to call my false passion. My pickup and sex obsession started mainly as the outcome of dating related peer pressure from my childhood. I got stuck in this obsession for two reasons: a) I initially didn't fit in the social circles of my peers because I didn't really like most of their behaviors, and b) my inner resistance toward the peer pressure grew so much that I gradually got myself into thinking of creating my own international playboy lifestyle surrounded by the most beautiful women that I'd have lots of fun and sex with for the rest of my life. As a result, my pickup and sex obsession got me stuck in a long-term sexual addiction with the symptoms of the two most common men's mental disorders known as borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder. Now here's an important thing that I'd really like you to understand. The situation where you feel anxious and reserved about approaching random women is actually not a bad thing. Let me explain. Your approach anxiety is like your guardian angel protecting you from getting stuck in the kind of obsession I told you about a minute ago. It's there to protect you from getting in the bad habit of constantly feeling under pressure of having to necessarily approach and pick up random women wherever you go. It's also there to protect you from being fed up with and feeling guilty of missing out on the opportunities to approach and pick up women as you described in the title of your post. Here're two reasons why your approach anxiety is your best friend and why you should not try to beat it or overcome it in any way: 1) Again, your approach anxiety is there to save you from getting trapped in the situation that you wouldn't naturally feel comfortable with and wouldn't really enjoy it in a long run. By the way, I'm saying "in a long run" because most of us when we get stuck in chasing an obsession, we're seduced to believe that what we're doing is really something that we fully love and enjoy doing. 2) Trying to beat your approach anxiety by getting in the habit of boldly approaching as many random women in a day as possible is not only a form of validation seeking but also something that will push you into an endless out-of-control, self destructive and compulsive sexual behaviors that are characteristic of the behaviors of guys who suffer from borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. By the way, I'm neither a psychiatrist nor a psychologist but just a guy like you who got involved in the pickup community just to learn the game while never thinking of any mental health dangers as the result of doing it. Today I'm proud to say that I have a solid knowledge about the two most common men's mental heath disorders that come purely as the outcome of practising the pua game: borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder. As you can guess, I got into the trouble of learning about these mental disorders because my severe approach anxiety (that I'd never ever experienced before) was getting worse and worse and making me feel so distressed even at the times I was about to just take a short trip to my local supermarket to buy something that I really felt I was not only losing my mental health but also losing my whole self at such a fast speed that was out of my control. In short, my one year long mental health educational journey got me to learn the 3 main causes of all my pains and struggles linked with being involved in the game: a) the first thing that got me in the habit of constantly pushing myself to boldly approach random women in different social situations was my approach anxiety, because my approach anxiety subconsciously became my main motivational trigger that was making me boldly approach random women especially in high-risk social situations. The more approach anxiety I felt, the more encouraged and motivated I was to approach a random woman no matter what kind of situation she was in and who she was potentially with at the time. b) the second thing that got me in the same unhealthy habit of constantly forcing myself to boldly approach any random woman that I was sexually attracted to was an abnormal sense of entitlement. I later realized that I'd absorbed this sense of entitlement and got it to become part of my personality through the process of learning the game since most pua trainers often teach guys to feel entitled to freely approach any woman they like. As the result of my mental health research, I learned that one of the main behavioral traits of the guys who suffer from narcissistic personality disorder is exactly the same kind of unhealthy sense of entitlement when boldly approaching random women anywhere they go. c) the self-destructive habit of constantly forcing myself to boldly approach random women in dangerous, high-risk situations is one of the main behavioral traits of sociopaths and the guys who suffer from borderline personality disorder. In short, the most common symptom of the men suffering from borderline personality disorder is boldly engaging in dangerous life situations. In terms of dating and picking up women, this refers to any kind of out-of-control, compulsive sexual behavior where a man often stupidly exposes himself to an unnecessary risk or danger of getting harmed in one way or another, because he starts to feel guilty if he doesn't take the challenge of getting himself involved in such situation. By the way, what I've just shared with you are also the symptoms of sexual addiction. So, this is exactly how my initial pickup and sex obsession turned into a long-term sexual addiction with the symptoms of borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. And, here's the conclusion I got to after I finally got myself out of this whole trouble. I got stuck in the vicious circle of anxiety-driven, out-of-control, compulsive sexual behaviors around meeting women for years purely because of my childhood's hurt self-esteem that I desperately wanted to lift up by sleeping with as many women in my entire lifetime as possible just to be able to defiantly show off to my peers how sexually powerful and successful with women I was. Hope you find this post enlightening and helpful. Bruno |
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