Anxiety before sex - HELP!



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PostPosted: Mon Apr 13, 2015 11:15 pm 
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Ok so I've studied PU for a few years now (I'm 21) and I've seen so much improvement in my game; before I pretty much had none.

However, I've never had a GF or fuck buddy - just 1 night stands.

Recently, a girl (HB 9) who was just a friend has become more than that. We've been back to each others' places like 7 or 8 times.... except we've never had sex. We've made out and done hand stuff but that's it.

Every time I seem to struggle with anxiety and cannot get or maintain an erection. I've been drunk and sober but I always fail. I've managed to pass it off as either I'm ill or too drunk. But now it's getting to the point where I feel like we need to do it otherwise she's going to think I'm gay or something.

I get anxiety because I really like her and we have mutual friends. So I feel like I have to perform well otherwise she's going to lose interest or it's going to get out to our friends. This is a first for me because all my 1 night stands before were with complete strangers.

So can anyone help? What would you recommend to do? Have you had a similar experience and how did you get over it?


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 13, 2015 11:47 pm 
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I don't know too much about sexual psychology, but I sometimes wish I had your problem (I get hard wayy too easily).

Anyway, it sounds like you are seeing ghosts and making up a problem that doesn't exist. Just assume that you will perform well for her, start making out, and ripping her clothes off. You're 21 dude, if you see a hot girl naked I'm sure your body will take care of the rest for you :)


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 14, 2015 5:45 am 
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Stop thinking to much and just dive right in. I could see how you have the pressure on you
because it seems that you like her. Try keeping a clear mind and just go with the flow.


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PostPosted: Fri May 08, 2015 1:34 pm 
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Aaahh, the eternal, I'm young and I can't get it up.

Or maybe not..

Anyhow, what you're experiencing right now my man is you are waaaay to tense about this. You care waaaay too
much about your mutual friend and what they'll think if you don't perform well.

You need to BREATHE when you're with her.

The reason you can't get it up, is because you are too much in your head, THINKING when you actually
need to be in your BODY, breathing and FEELING whatever the sensations come up.

If you even manage to get it up, and you have sex while being in your head - guess what? It's going to suck, because
you won't be comfortable, and as a result SHE won't be comfortable.

So RELAX my man. Breathe, go get a massage, swim, do things that will get you IN your body.

And finally, let go of what your friends are going to think. They are irrelevant when it comes to you and her.

The fact is that she likes you, and you like her. And that's all you need to know. Allow yourself to enjoy each other,
not worry about what she or someone else might think.

That's it, I wish you all the best.

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PostPosted: Fri May 08, 2015 2:43 pm 
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Go down on her first. Make her cum. You'll get hard while doing it because you'll be immersed in her body, her scents, her taste, the way she moans.. and you've already given her an orgasm at that point, then just put on a condom and slip it in her. You've already made her cum, so at this point, you've already passed the mental hurdle of pleasuring her.


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PostPosted: Fri May 08, 2015 7:18 pm 
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Quote:
Go down on her first. Make her cum. You'll get hard while doing it because you'll be immersed in her body, her scents, her taste, the way she moans.. and you've already given her an orgasm at that point, then just put on a condom and slip it in her. You've already made her cum, so at this point, you've already passed the mental hurdle of pleasuring her.
Haha, that will work too! The condition is that he knows how to make her orgasm ;)

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PostPosted: Sat May 09, 2015 2:53 pm 
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Quote:
Quote:
Go down on her first. Make her cum. You'll get hard while doing it because you'll be immersed in her body, her scents, her taste, the way she moans.. and you've already given her an orgasm at that point, then just put on a condom and slip it in her. You've already made her cum, so at this point, you've already passed the mental hurdle of pleasuring her.
Haha, that will work too! The condition is that he knows how to make her orgasm ;)
True that. I know when all else fails, I finger/eat pussy like a champ. So, if he doesn't know how to make her orgasm, he better start watching some videos.


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PostPosted: Sat May 09, 2015 5:02 pm 
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The biggest mistake you can make in this situation is breathing through your mouth.

The second biggest mistake you can make is not letting your nose breaths go in slowly and hit the lower abdomen.

This anxiety you feel is a trigger for more rapid and shallow breathing. Anxiety can only exist while the breath is rapid and shallow. So if you want to fix the problem you fix your breathing.

I dealt with this problem for a couple years when I was your age. This shit is becoming increasingly more common nowadays to because of the lack of testosterone our bodies are producing due to our poor diets. There are literal testosterone inhibitors in 70% of the shit we eat (if you're in america) you may also want to fix that. Protect your T levels at all cost.

But your answer is in your breathing.

While you breath you can also encourage your girl to rub your penis along the outside of her clit with HER hangs. It'll be pleasurable for her and it will assist in you getting the erection as you BREATHE.

Works everytime. Breathe bro. Breathe.

7 seconds in, 5 seconds out. This will also help you last as long as you need to before orgasming.

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PostPosted: Tue Jun 02, 2015 8:41 am 
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I´ve anxiety before sex everytime I´m having sex with someone new.. and I´m afraid it´ll never get better.
But what helps is to get drunk a little bit (or more) - 2 bottles of wine usually bring the solution, desired self-confidence and peace of mind..
But yoga nad breath control are good, yes..


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 08, 2015 5:25 pm 
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UPDATE:

All good now 8)

A week after I posted, she came back to mine after a club and we had sex (without problems). I was a little drunk (I only had 4-5 beers) but we made out for a while on my bed, which helped to get the engine started. Plus I had a completely different mindset; on the walk home I kept saying to myself and to her "I can't wait to fuck you" (side note: this got her even more horny than me).

Now we're sleeping together 2-3 times a week.

Thank you guys for the advice!


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 20, 2015 12:25 am 
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Have her tease the shit out of you. Lapdances, have her deny you kisses, put her hair in your face etc.

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 31, 2015 6:32 pm 
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Good on you for being honest enough to seek help, takes allot of courage. I think this happens more than most men care to admit. A couple things on this :

Comfort : As men we always scoff that comfort shouldn't be an issue. That we should just be ready to go at all times. As usually you hear this from Women, just because its acceptable to say so. As even if you are someone they know, if they are pissed off at you they are not in the mood appropriately. A mans comfort level also plays into factor. Add to that when you feel the pressure to perform, it is even more unlikely to happen. Nothing wrong with telling a woman you're not ready yet and need to get comfortable. And just let it happen without the pressure. If you say it with honesty, it's something she can respect and relate to herself. That way you relieve the pressure and its more organic that way.

Condoms : Condoms are a good thing and encouraged if you're with allot of different woman and not a steady partner. But they can fuck with allot of guys. As many guys by the time they get the condom on they deflate. Those split seconds can make a difference in momentum. Versus without a Condom you can just go inside pretty much right away and get to work and stay stimulated. However not encouraged unless you are both steady and been tested. Along with open about what other partners you have sex with. Add to the fact sometimes you don't feel senstation much with Condoms makes it even harder to maintain an erection. As it just feels like wearing a glove.

Sex using Condoms can take some fine tuning. Typically I wait until I hit maximum hardness. Where I'm literally 150% hard before I decide to put on the condom. The point of no return when literally my penis won't sit down and it's an arrow pointing to her that she is about to get railed. So making sure there is enough foreplay with enough momentum is crucial. Making sure I hit that point. Again without a condom 70%-80% hardness would suffice. But with a condom need to be as hard as can be to make up for those crucial few seconds of momentum lost while putting on the condom.

Also opening the package before hand helps. So a little during foreplay just tear open the package with your teeth so you're not struggling to open it. And lay it on the bed close to her that way when you're ready to put it on you save time. Also it's a good way of checking for consent with a girl if she is ready to have sex. As she sees the condom and knows what is going to happen next. And it's a statement of Any objections or forever hold your peace.

No Fapping : Cut down or cut out masturbation. This can severely mess with your sex drive. Most guys masturbate way too much. Sometimes as often as three times a day. Now you might be wondering if you will die of getting blue balled or this is not good for your prostate. It's actually the ejaculation (Release of sexual energy) not the masturbation yourself that kills your sex drive. And there is a way of masturbate using a Tantric method in which you stimulate yourself without ejaculating. However moving the sexual energy to other parts of your body, so it's not stagnant. Which can feel nearly as satisfactory as regular masturbation where you release, but much better for your sexual drive and health. However that's a whole another post on the topic of Tantric Sex. So if you can't cut down completely on masturbation, just reduce it. And try to go a couple days without masturbating before sex.

Supplements / Pharmaceuticals : If you've built up some anxiety around this, it is probably further compounded by the fear of not performing. However some supplements give you a bit of a boost until you get back on track. Their some natural supplements like Prolong Xtra which you can get at a Health food store. Which basically herbs which you take and you maintain stronger erection. Also nothing wrong with talking to your doctor. He can recommend pharmaceuticals like Viagra, Staxyn or Cialis. Staxyn is the choice of drug for usually younger guys. As you don't have the same dangers as Viagra or the terrible head aches. Actually Viagra can give you too much of erection where you don't feel any more sensation and still hard the next day. Cialias you have to keep on taking it on a regular basis to have it in your system. However allot more romantic than excuse yourself to go to the bathroom to pop a pill before the act. Try these out and then wean yourself off them once you can perform naturally again. Just consider them training wheels.

Good luck!


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 05, 2016 10:08 pm 
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I used to get massive perfomance anxiety, taking viagra a couple times got me over it fast, just try and not rely on it, but Its good to use first couple times with a new girl to leave a good first impression 8) and calm the nerves


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 30, 2016 5:08 pm 
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I have a buddy who has this problem. He used to take a Viagra when he knew he was going to have sex.

Once he started working out and eating healthy (dude ate fast food and was lethargic) it helped him immensely.

Also, do you think the problem is condom-associated? If so, a lot of dudes have this problem - including me. I just tried a new condom on Saturday night and came like a beast - most of the time I finish on a woman's chest or in her mouth.

I also once saw a Youtube video where the guy claimed that masturbating with a condom on helped him perform when he was with a woman. On paper, that totally makes sense so it's worth a try.

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