Just overcame social phobia...



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PostPosted: Thu Mar 13, 2008 8:07 pm 
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Hey guys,
First of all - sorry if my english sucks:)
I've had social phobia since I can remember, but I was never aware of it. I've been struggleing a lot with getting my social life handled, I was studying lots of techniques for anxiety for PUAs, my social skills were actually not that bad, but enormous anxiety and lack of energy was pretty much killing my game most of the time. I used to feel anxiety WHOLE DAY and when I was out it was just going crazy, almost like panic.

After getting aware of whats going on i went to therapist. Now my level of anxiety dropped dramatically and finally after years of painful struggle, loneliness and frustration I can go out and socialize... and enjoy it!

But here comes another problem... Im 21 now. My history with relationships/adventures with friends - generally social life is, of course, poor. I could never have a real relationship other than 1 night stand. It doesnt bother me (there are ppl with phobia who cant leave the house for the whole life... it gives me perspective), but Im not sure what to do when questions about past comes up... I dont like lying, but certainly talking about my phobia wont bring me any good... What do you suggest? Should I make up many stories, avoid talking about past experiences... maybe you have some ideas.
Thanks guys:)


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 13, 2008 10:50 pm 
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This is one of those things that really depends on the situation. I understand where you're coming from as my social history when I was younger was similar to what yours is.

First of all, I don't advise outright lying about it. Really, there's no benefit in it other than to hide the truth. Not to mention that lying effectively is actually rather difficult and morally questionable.

On the other hand, if your past comes up, I don't advise you come out w/ "I was a hermit," either.

Really it depends on how you want to frame it. You can look at it as wasted time, a learning experience, a tough time in your life, or a great many other ways.

I say keep light, humorous, and insignificant. Like when your parents pull out embarassing pictures of you when you were a kid.

I think the important thing is that by the time this comes up, she's already spent enough time with you to know that what happened in your past is different from who you are now. And if you minimize its importance she'll probably assume the same.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 14, 2008 5:06 am 
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I'm in the same boat. I just lie/Talk about how I was too busy for relationships. I'll be watching this post closely since I want to know too :P


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 14, 2008 10:08 am 
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I'd say the main thing is that there is a difference between lying and making the truth sound better. There's no sense down playing who you are, but telling people that you had extreme social anxiety won't show you in a positive light. Try to put a story tale spin to it. About how you used to be the shy kid, but recently have come out of your shell. Girls like to hear success stories, trials and tribulations.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 14, 2008 10:13 am 
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It really depends on what kind of girl you want. If you want a nice Christian girl, then you're in good shape. But if you want like the classic high maintenance HB10, who has probably been with a few guys, then I say lie till it happens. I think some PUAs say "Fake it till you make it". If you convey that you've rarely experienced it, how do you expect her to feel comfortable when it's about to happen. Also, it lowers your value because it shows that you aren't pre-selected.

Aristotle


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 16, 2008 2:51 am 
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In my experience you don't have to lie about anything. The girls have always assumed that I was always Mr. Social and that I have had lots of experience not just in social settings, but in life. It's all in how you play your game.

A great technique that I like to use is when a girl asks you a question you answer truthfully, but you say it in a way that make s them skeptical.

"Your a player aren't you?"

"No I'm a virgin" (Dead Serious Face) => (You actually are a virgin)

"Yeah, right very funny"

This way even if they found out that something you said was exaggerated or lied about, you can just tell them you told them the truth but they didn't beleive you.


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 16, 2008 7:29 pm 
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Thanks for your answers. Especially Rotor and fdok - I liked what you said. I think if too many questions occur I'll use a story of how shy kid I used to be and how I have changed since then:)

Enterprise - nice advice and techniqe, but Im actually not a virgin heheh, but it may be useful anyway.

I guess best thing I can do is just go out there, get the experience and not worry about the past.


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 30, 2008 7:54 pm 
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I liked wat rotor and fdok said... very true... no need to lie here... and no need to come out extremely clear... :)

Just keep it humuorous....light and small!!! and get into some other topic...

Just not to get on the wrong foot or give some wrong advice here...but I personally would do as wat rotor and fdok said... wouldnt lie... cuz that would just really make me think of more lies to backup my initial story which would deprive me of listening and payin attention to what the girl has to say... and might ruin the game in later stage.... :)

So better as said before... small...light and humourous... and then get into something else...

Anybody...please correct me if I m wrong here...since I myself am a newbie... :)


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 05, 2008 5:43 am 
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Keep it humorous and/or cockyfunny.
When she asks you about your past, tell her about some emberresing and funny times(truth), or make up some obviously made up background story that's funny(joke). Your not lying in either one, and she'll get distracted if your story's really funny, and not bug you about your past.

Worse case, she still asks cause she's so curious: keep it simple, instead of saying you were socialphobic, tell her you grew up being that shy kid, most of us were at some point in our lifes, including mPUA and Naturals


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 05, 2008 7:43 pm 
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man , you are young, there are soooo many possibilities ahead. I'm 29, and I had problems with anxiety also.
in your age I got into a relationship that lasted for six years. the end of it left me with huge amount of anxiety. I worked on it , just like you, and after a while I got into the game where I wanted to find a way to really enjoy myself being with women.
it's normal that a questions regarding past comes out eventually, but what I would like to suggest is , to be mysterious about it at the beginning. Don't lie, if you don't like talking about past, it's completely ok and normal and you should stress that out in the beginning like a part of your frame she has to accept , and if you are mysterious about it, it can be your advantage regarding women. if you start opening yourself at the beginning, from my experience they might lose interest in you as a man, since they like to dig your secrets anyway, due to Electra complex, and you might get a good friend.
it's not bad but if you wanted more it can mess up your head.
the best option is to use humor to direct the conversation somewhere else.
have a few stories, true stories , prepared, and use them in those situations.But remember that it would be a good idea to be conscious of where your story can lead further conversation. have a set of stories prepared and use them due to your intentions.
for example if she asks you what college or school you went, you might say that it was the school with the most beautiful women.That can make her more interested , where you can talk about things and qualities you expect to see in women, pointing out your frame, that she will try to fit. and if you want to give her a compliment you can say that since your school you continued tradition of hanging out with beautiful women. :)
There is also a good thing to point out (when the talk about past emerges) that somehow you tend to remember only good or funny times, and use some true stories to create rapport , if the attraction already exist.


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