I feel the need to cry, AT ALL TIMES.



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PostPosted: Sun Jan 12, 2014 2:20 am 
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I do not know what i am looking for here. I had one bad, say twelve hours back in late August '08 and I have paid for it every second since. I tried pharmaceuticals, to no avail. I have tried exercise. It works, but only as a coping skill. I have gone through two similar episodes (October '01- May '02, March '02-June '06) which ended on something outside of myself (something a therapist said and something I read in a book, respectively). I likely have some combination of PTSD, OCD and some sort of anxiety disorder. Everything I have tried, has failed. I am considering not even going to my therapist because they have not done anything to help me, though they have not hurt me either. I really want to be done with this. I am ready to move on. I am sick of living with family and putting them through my own mental health issues. I would like to be independent, but I do not know if it is possible. Thank you forum.

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 12, 2014 12:33 pm 
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Any chance you have bipolar disorder?


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 14, 2014 11:30 pm 
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Shrink thought so. IDK, the only time I every felt extremes was when I was trying out samples of medications he gave me. I had numerous people including my boss (whose baby-daddy #2 has been diagnosed bipolar) and my mother both tell me otherwise. I was more apt to believe his reasoned speculation that I have OCD, as I know that with an Asperger's Diagnosis (which I received when I was 12) comes OCD-like tendencies, of which I have long known of.

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PostPosted: Fri Jan 17, 2014 4:24 pm 
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have you done military service?

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 18, 2014 3:22 am 
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Meditate for at least 10 minutes everyday and keep a daily journal documenting your day.

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 21, 2014 12:53 am 
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Ok first off dude, get away from therapists. They are the ultimate scam artists. The solution to dealing with this comes from you. Try meditation, when you want to cry, ask yourself why. If you are in a bad environment, do the sensible thing and remove yourself from it. Learn to fight back the tears. The more you do it, the less you will actually cry. You will feel bad, but it will not be as bad as before. The more you learn to fight it, the easier it gets.


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 21, 2014 1:21 am 
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I find all these OCD etc things, a load of bull. Those are just things therapists say to mess with your head. All you need is :

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1tdihe-eBLk[/youtube]

If you really want to change your life, watch this video. If you don't, then don't watch it. And accept the life you're in, and the mindstate. The only thing you need to do is to change how you think, it only takes some willingness and discipline. This video is called : 'How to get unstuck, by Les Brown' I believe you are stuck, I was stuck aswell. I managed to let things go.

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PostPosted: Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:02 am 
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A gift AnthonyZ, thank you.

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Call me Sly.
My goal: To become a Pickup Artist in everything but name.

And yeah, This is (still) just the beginning.


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:38 am 
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Quote:
A gift AnthonyZ, thank you.
Anything to help!

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PostPosted: Fri Jan 31, 2014 11:11 pm 
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Publicly embarrassed last night. I do not want to go out until I am healthy. I said I would have my virginity lost by March 1st, now I am not going to try. Mental illness has made my behavior, my word choice something I cannot control. I am not going out any more because it is more likely that I am to embarrass myself than have fun. I give up, though I do not want to. I really wanted this to be part of what made 2014 great, but why put myself in environments where I am going to be unsuccessful. There is no answer here, as every outcome is a shitty one. I hate this and it sucks. But I would prefer to remain a disappointment in my own eyes rather than a pariah in the eyes of others. Good luck gentleman... and ladies. Someday, I will join you. I will continue to strive for career and professional fulfillment as well as personal, when available. No more concerts, bars or other public venues. Later.

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Call me Sly.
My goal: To become a Pickup Artist in everything but name.

And yeah, This is (still) just the beginning.


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 01, 2014 2:34 am 
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Why fuck did you have to post that and what the fuck did you think it would achieve???

Do you know what your problem is: you think to fucking much... so over-whelmed by your own chaotic life & how dreadful everything is for you.... Grow the fuck up, no one cares and neither should you

Go away and think, don't think through the dumb ass self pity lens of reality....If you can let go of your addiction in indulging in self pity, try a neutral lens and see what you can come up with.


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 06, 2014 11:57 pm 
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Thank you both for replying.
Eyrie: Really I do not know. The emotional circuitry of my brain that controls sadness is broken so the "switch" is fixed in the "on" position, plain and simple. In "The Power of Now," Eckhart Tolle speaks of observing unconscious thought so that we do not have to be controlled by it. We can go with it, or not. For me there is not a clear separation between conscious (controllable) and unconscious (uncontrollable). It just does not exist. In the five-and-a-half years I have had this condition, illness et al, I have not yet found a successful coping mechanism so I can do what I want, how I want in spite of it. Nothing has worked. I feel I am alone because counseling and pharmaceuticals have all failed. Attempting to explain this to coworkers, friends and family has not yielded results and it has in fact, caused negative outcomes (they have felt my pain and grown distraught themselves, bad shit indeed). I yearn to sarge once a week, go back to college, and move on. My ambition is endless and I feel that I am motivated to no end, but I am forced to confront this internal menace at every waking moment. It is time for me to do what I wish when I wish it. The sobs are powerful, I wish to be sane and have a brain that belongs to me and not this disease.

Da: I am 27, and will be 28 in about five weeks. I was kicked out of a bar last April for reasons I do not fully understand and recently I was having dinner with my mother when as our server walked away she noted that the way I spoke to him could have been construed as me hitting on him. At first I blew her off, but I quickly realized she probably had a point. That sucked. I am afraid to go out because I know that I do not have full control over the message convey by my actions and words. The sadness will not allow me to act, sound and say what I wish how I wish it. If I cannot be at full capacity, why should I go out. Both were examples of me not having full control of my behavior and being influenced by the anxiety brought on by the sadness. I can feel the lack of control as I type now. We all want to present our best selves. If that is not possible, why should I attempt to present myself at all? I am afraid because I might do something leading to circumstances I was not able to prevent. This is VERY scary indeed. You probably do not have an answer but I am desperate to move on and be done with this bullshit.

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Call me Sly.
My goal: To become a Pickup Artist in everything but name.

And yeah, This is (still) just the beginning.


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 07, 2014 1:00 am 
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Yup, seems like you're looking for sympathy which is a bigger indication of poor coping mechanisms with not being where you want to be in life.

Pick yourself up, man up, go to the gym, get some qualifications of some kind, get a job and then work on women. Give yourself a viable time frame to achieve all this all the while rest assured that you're working towards something, working to better yourself. At least then you can feel comfortable knowing things might not be great now but in a year or two you could have the world if you put in the effort and don't let yourself fall down for whatever reason.

Getting a job is straight forward: Get a degree or finish secondary school/high school and apply, apply, apply.

Getting a woman is a massive mixture of yourself(Both inner and outer), your social life, your income and where you see yourself in the future and what you want out of a relationship. Forget about heavy pick-up until you're at least somewhat happy in yourself. If you do want pick-up just go as far as being able to talk to women comfortably as that will help you in all aspects of life.

As for those who would say "OCD" and "Bipolar" is "shit therapists make up" I could only laugh. Bipolar actually has something to do with a chemical imbalance in your brain, not much control you can have over it but medication does help and is actually more common than you would think.


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 07, 2014 1:43 am 
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I believe you Games. Sympathy really is not it, but I do not really know. I posted it because I wonder what the forum thought. I wondered what ya'll would say. It is big and deep and messy but, I figured there could be kernels of wisdom in the replies. True, I am not content with where I am in life, but so what. All the more excuse to get a move on. I finally found my direction last November in going back to school for Biological Engineering among other things, but that is a big one. In spite of where I am in life, I think it possible to get laid and get a well-paying oilfield job to help finance this next round of undergrad.

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Call me Sly.
My goal: To become a Pickup Artist in everything but name.

And yeah, This is (still) just the beginning.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 09, 2014 10:04 pm 
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So by your definition you have an imbalance with the chemicals in your brain which is giving you a melancholic character and there is nothing you can do to change it....Yet correct me if I'm wrong you feel like your behavior is not right which is causing the anxiety and embarrassment.

You have been trying for 5 years to try and control, yet you still plan on trying. Stop trying to control it, who cares what people think, if they don't like it they can go fuck themselves.

Forget the self improvement, forget everything...focus on destroying all you controlling mechanisms and just LET GO! Be a emotional fucked person, be not in aline with society who gives a fuck..let the chips fall where they may as Tyler Durden would say.

Why not? You have nothing to lose and none of your last attempts have worked.. Whats the problem with trying something completely different?

Thoughts?

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