It's been a long time since I've come on here, and I don't seem to be able to find the female forum anymore, which is disappointing... Has it been removed altogether?
Anyway, recently I had the following disappointing experience but I am hoping I can learn a lot from it.
I was hanging out with a bunch of people in a hotel room that I had never met until that night, including a guy that I wanted to hook up with. He spent most of the night talking to an attractive girl who I would have been more than happy to share with him / have a threesome. I had made it clear to him that I was interested in this, and when everyone else had left and it was just the three of us, he told me he didn't think she'd be up for it, but that I was welcome to ask her.
So I asked her if she'd prefer me to leave, as I am not interested in coercing or raping anyone and didn't want to wear out my welcome. She said it was up to me and she didn't want to kick me out if I had nowhere to go, but being an honest person by default, I told her I did (and have been sort of kicking myself ever since... unfortunately I am not quick to think on my feet and lying is not something that comes naturally to me at all). I also told her that I thought she was beautiful in an attempt to indicate my interest in her but I guess she may not have realised what I meant by it. She was very sweet about the whole thing, but I ended up leaving and will probably forever regret not having said certain things to better sus out whether there was any chance at all of the three of us having a good time together.
In primary and high school I was bullied a lot due to my learning disability (with associated social and behavioural problems). As an adult, this has caused me to a lot of anxiety in some social situations. I find that some people are really easy to talk to and then I can relax and be a social butterfly, but other people are so hard to engage with and then I freak out and don't know what to say half the time. Unfortunately, most of the people that night fell into the second category, and I felt particularly awkward given that the guy and girl in question seemed to be so chatty and getting along so well... I didn't know how to interrupt or involve myself in an appropriate / socially acceptable way.
The entire situation was made further difficult by the fact that I have no gaydar, so I have a history of being really terrible at knowing how to approach picking up women. I think if the whole situation hadn't made me so uncomfortable, I would have had a much easier time being direct with her and making it clear that I was genuinely interested in her and that I would not pose a threat to her wanting to hook up with him.
What I have concluded so far from this experience is that I think some people give me reassuring cues in their interactions with me, which then lessens my anxiety and allows me to engage with them normally and develop good relationships. When people don't give me these cues, I get stressed and often find it so hard to think of what to say, so I become really shy and less able to show my true self. It's like there's an immense pressure on me to prove myself, which I find overwhelming when I sense that people don't seem particularly interested in or supportive of me, don't care, or are leaving all the work to me.
I know from experience that I can win people over if I am given a chance, but sometimes it feels like I'm not given the opportunity... Like they don't really want to be won over. In the past, if I've had regular contact with these kinds of people (through work or uni for example) over a period of six months or so, they do tend to warm to me eventually.
Sometimes I really feel like a social retard, and the effects on my career, social and sex life have sometimes caused me disappointment. I really want to learn to overcome this awkwardness, as it is really having a negative impact on my quality of life, but I am not sure where to start. Does anyone have any advice?
I don't really know how the girl on girl dynamic works but if you don't get much advice from anyone else PM me and I'll try link you some good stuff, especially for inner game. The good thing is that it's all a skill you can develop!