R u EMBARRASED by ur efforts to improve ur social skills?



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PostPosted: Mon May 12, 2014 8:08 pm 
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Hey Guys!

I'm really bad at social skills and also suffer from a little bit of social anxiety. It hinders me with my goals, so I'm trying to improve it all the time. :?
Here comes my questions:
Are you embarrassed by your efforts to improve your social skills? E.g. What do you feel when you read a book such as "How to read friends and influence people" or "Never eat alone" in public? I am so embarrassed by that, that I never read it when other people are around. Same with videos, articles, and anything connected with improving my social skills. I only shared my 'mission' with my girlfriend and two best friends.
I also have a problem, when I try to put into practice the stuff that I learn, especially with the people that already know me. I feel like they will judge me for trying to hard. I also feel stupid using some techniques from the book or a video (not 'lines', just techniques, like sending thank you notes after meetings).

Do you experience similar problems? How do you deal with that? 8)


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PostPosted: Mon May 12, 2014 8:27 pm 
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Well, duh. Just study in private and commit what you've learned to memory.


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PostPosted: Mon May 12, 2014 8:50 pm 
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That's what I've being doing for some time already.
But I want to know, how other people look at learning social skills. Is it sth you can share with others, or will you be labeled as a weirdo or sociopath and avoided by people (which definitely won't help in the case of SA)?


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PostPosted: Mon May 12, 2014 9:36 pm 
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I just don't think it's an important question to ask.

Why would you ever need to tell somebody that you're studying social skills?


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PostPosted: Mon May 12, 2014 10:20 pm 
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I just don't think it's an important question to ask.

Why would you ever need to tell somebody that you're studying social skills?
So they can help me learn it quicker :)
You can't get to the top on your own.


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PostPosted: Mon May 12, 2014 11:29 pm 
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I think 1-on-1 it would be ok. Approach a friendly looking girl, tell her you are shy and that you'd like her to help you meet women. Most girls will be nice and helpful.

Good luck.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 03, 2014 4:00 pm 
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Quote:
That's what I've being doing for some time already.
But I want to know, how other people look at learning social skills. Is it sth you can share with others, or will you be labeled as a weirdo or sociopath and avoided by people (which definitely won't help in the case of SA)?
I'm dealing with similar problems, and here is the simple truth I have learned that help me overcome this embarrassment (though not my social anxiety yet, unfortunately):

You would not be so concerned about what other people thought of you, if you knew how little they did.

You occupy the minds of others a lot less than you might think. Random strangers do not care about what you're trying to improve about yourself and how. They will probably not even notice the book you're reading, and if they did, their response would be a mental "huh", in their head. That's it.

Regarding friends and family, it depends on how comfortable you feel sharing such things with them. But all in all, people who will judge you for trying to better yourself are not people worth keeping around.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 03, 2014 4:59 pm 
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People won't judge you if you don't judge them.


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 04, 2015 12:01 am 
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Eyrie, in what kind of world do you live? Obviously people will always judge you, no matter what you do.


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 06, 2015 2:40 am 
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Quick tip, stop focusing on the short term results of your learning and look at your trend. By trend, I mean the fact that you are slowly reaching new heights (of course you will be embarrassed of your practice, but you should feel better to see where you are standing at).


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 25, 2015 11:46 pm 
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Quote:
That's what I've being doing for some time already.
But I want to know, how other people look at learning social skills. Is it sth you can share with others, or will you be labeled as a weirdo or sociopath and avoided by people (which definitely won't help in the case of SA)?
Just remember that the key word in social skills is in fact SKILL, and there is not a single damn person on this planet who just woke up one day and was suddenly amazingly possessed all the necessary skill sets for successfully navigating social situations and being attractive to people they are interested in. Some people learn it well and naturally through the process of growing up, other people at some point end up needing to deliberately seek help before they ever get up to speed with everyone else. But EVERYONE had to learn to be social somehow. If someone is going to judge you for trying to make yourself a better person, fuck them.

My advice is don't bother too much with telling the people around you that you are working on self-improvement. Just learn the skills you know you need to learn to become a better communicator over time, and let everyone close to you become surprised and pleased at how you somehow "magically" came out of your shell and are a completely different person(in a good way) than you once were. Sadly, most people won't give two shits about the actual self-improvement process you are going through right now. I'd bet money that a lot of people's eyes will glaze over pretty quickly if you do. All they'll care about is the new and improved person they are going to see, once you have improved enough over a period of time for there to be a noticeable "before and after" effect.

My two cents. Take it as you will.


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 28, 2015 3:30 pm 
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I also struggle from crippling social anxiety, but what I am about to say helped me a lot.

I try to live in a no shame type of philosophy, meaning that if I am passionate and love what I am doing...especially something that will help improve the person I am, I wont be ashamed of what others think of my passion.

I actually think it helps a ton with improvement, telling people you care about that is. There is always going to be a little bit or maybe even a lot of judgment...but that will subside. I think there is a sense of relief in telling others what you care about, because then its no longer a secret anymore, and you start to feel genuinely free.

That's just my two sense, I'm still relatively early on in my process for the same thing

Hope it helped!

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One Love,
Tcarp


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 28, 2015 4:13 pm 
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Yes I was. At first it was pretty bad. I very seldom read self-help books publicly(this also applied to literature that I didn't find very valuable or had cheesy title) and when I did, I had constant thoughts "what did that person think of me" if someone passed by. I always had bad feeling when taking out the book in bus, but I just forced myself to do it anyway. It gets a lot better if you constantly put yourself into that uncomfortable position and think through the reasons why are you reading it and why would you have to care if someone found you improving yourself sad/low value/etc(something I myself thought before).


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 28, 2015 10:52 pm 
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Sup dude,

I'll try to write this as good as possible since my native language isn't English.

So my view on this is that, if you're embarrased of doing it in public then you should do it in public and get used to it. Make yourself a free'er person in your head. You shouldn't give a fuck about people thinking you're a sociopath as long as you are happy isn't that all that counts? I kinda laugh at people thinking shit like that about me.

I've had the same problem when I started Self help. I used to be the dude who only drank alcohol and smoked weed. And suddenly I started meditating, reading books, eating healthy... At the beginning I was kinda embarrased about it aswell especially my parents and brothers thought it was weird. But oh well I don't give a fuck, I thought to myself do I want to keep these things behind closed doors for the rest of my life? No I don't. So i made a compromise to myself everytime they walked in my room and I was meditating my first reaction would've been to stop and pretend like i was doing something else, but I taught myself to just keep doing it while they enter my room. At the beginning it feels weird but after a time you get used to it, but after a while you realise it really doesn't matter and you can meditate where ever the fuck you sit. Even my friends know that I meditate and read self help books etc, If they don't like me for that well than thats their problem and they can fuck off, i'm not going to change :P.

My point being you can learn yourself to get comfortable with it, learn yourself the 'I don't give a fuck attitude'. Its fun to notice after a while how much free'er you become in your actions and thinking.

Cheers mate


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