What helped me



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 Post subject: What helped me
PostPosted: Wed Apr 23, 2014 3:00 pm 
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Hi guys I used to be very very nervous and shy in social settings and even saying hi to any girl at school use to be hard for me.

What worked for me was going out in a club, bar or even shopping and finding a girl on her own. By this I mean their is no one near her that will hear you talking to her as having someone near will just add to the pressure.
Also you can tell yourself you have nothing to loose.
When you find a girl in this situation just ask her for her number. just say "hi could I have your number?"
Once you do this a couple of times you will get used to talking to women and like the "rush" that comes with it.
You will get rejected and this will teach you that you will loose nothing by being rejected, you will not slapped or you will not get laughed at by other people as she is alone when you approach her.

As you become more comfortable after asking many women, you will be able to and feel comfortable to incorporate small talk about anything before asking her for a number. You can escalate slowly i.e by first saying hello how are you or talk about the weather say "say it is a really nice day" or if shopping, "which brand do you recommend or do you shop from here often.

If you can do this then with the next set of women talk about something for longer i.e talk about the weather then say something like its not as hot as (enter any place) or when shopping and she recommends a brand ask her why or if she comes hear often? or something like that.

As you feel more comfortable doing this you will find it much easier to incorporate your game into this and it will seem much natural.
The fear of rejection will not be crippling as when you asked women for just their number it did not harm you in any way so here effectively you are improving your chances by building a rapport by talking to her.

Hope this helps


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 Post subject: Re: What helped me
PostPosted: Fri May 02, 2014 10:28 pm 
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Dude THAT is awesome Im gonna Try that Today!! THANKS :!:

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 Post subject: Re: What helped me
PostPosted: Fri Jun 06, 2014 5:29 pm 
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Quote:
Dude THAT is awesome Im gonna Try that Today!! THANKS :!:
No worries man.
Once you have done the above you can then ask a girl who is on her own but there are people around her. Then you can escalate to girl who are in groups with males or other girls.
Remember it is all about escalation and having a positive mentality.
good luck


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 Post subject: Re: What helped me
PostPosted: Sun Jun 22, 2014 11:22 am 
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Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2014 11:56 am
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Cool advice and reminds me of what the late Albert Ellis did to overcome his anxiety of being rejected.
Quote:
Ellis had exaggerated fears of speaking in public and during his adolescence he was extremely shy around women. At age 19, already showing signs of thinking like a cognitive-behavioral therapist, he forced himself to talk to 100 women in the Bronx Botanical Gardens over a period of a month. Even though he did not get a date, he reported that he desensitized himself to his fear of rejection by women.
Seems like a good approach.


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 Post subject: Re: What helped me
PostPosted: Mon Jun 23, 2014 7:28 am 
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Joined: Tue Mar 26, 2013 6:34 pm
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Some things that helped me, and there'll be some overlap for sure:

-understand women are every bit, if not more so, as scared of rejection as you are (most have been rejected by a man they'd liked at one or more points in their lives)
-as a man think of yourself not as an "aggressor" but rather as an opportunity maker; you can be having a sh*t day but all that can change in the blink of an eye with an encounter with a woman you're attracted to that may lead to something more
-stay WITH your body, not your mind; the longer you think about the approach the more negative social momentum you'll gain - focus instead on what's going on in your body and acknowledge that its perfectly ok and normal to feel these things; we all do
-she MAY already like you, and is simply waiting for you to open her (we're usually the last to learn this)
-if you don't make that move, think of how much worse you'll feel if you let that opportunity slip through your fingers the next day
-make your objective to simply open women, not the outcome (e.g. whether you get their # or not)


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