A problem that will not leave me alone and is shutting me down. Back when i was in Elementary School i was that quiet/shy kid who was afraid to speak up or even talk to my little crush that happened to be into me at the time. As i got older i made almost no progress until I was in Highschool. I had incredible change in my personality, confidence, and freedom. Problem is I still continue to deal with the problem I've had since I was little, eye-contact. I can do it all except for this crucial piece. When I talk to people or walk around and see someone my face ends up moving downwards and then some realization/disappointment that i did it again. Sometimes i have my days where i feel great and I'll look anyone in the eyes and be confident, but for the most part i can't look anyone in the eyes except for friends or people I feel far below me. My question is how does someone overcome the disability to look anyone in the eyes (girls/strangers/people I feel above me)? If anyone has done it I would love to hear your success story and technique.

_________________
PUSSY, MONEY, WEED.

For EC, I think it's best if you had a friend's friend who is a girl, and you can practice maintaining eye contact from there. It just takes a lot of practice really, you can actually practice to anyone at all, even guys or whoever.

I noticed you mentioned "people you feel above you". Thing is you should never feel that way. You should always feel that everyone else is actually on your level, or you're a step higher. Otherwise you'll only demonstrate low value, and it's very unattractive.

I too actually had the same problem. But I guess what helped me was that I always remembered that phrase, "The eye is the window to the soul". And from that, by means of communication, you want to capture people's souls. But honestly I guess it's not really about being shy or once shy. It's more about having a good social etiquette.

So yeah, just keep practicing and remember to look in the eye when you're actually talking to the person, or any other person. It'll soon be more like a thing you have to always remember to do like floss your teeth

_________________
"Don't try to change who you are. Don't even think you're not good enough right now. You ARE good enough being who you are. Women can smell a fake man the same way you can smell cheesecake."

Thanks man, that really helps a lot , I'll this this information to get to better level. Appreciate it.

_________________
PUSSY, MONEY, WEED.

Ah, developing the skill of good eye contact with a focus around women.

[A problem that will not leave me alone and is shutting me down.....Problem...problem...disability]

^^So you have this problem or even a disability as you put it and on days when you are feeling good you can overcome this problem, but it seems to always come back, and now you want a solution.

Firstly you should realize that developing this skill will not solve the problem, the problem will always be there but it will be in a different form, you current way of thinking will always form around a problem.

This skill is one of the funniest skills to develop and it literally requires nothing but a populated area and a sense of humor.. you ready? As soon as you step out of your door onto the street the game begins, what are the teams? You versus the world. As soon as you find an attractive girl battle commences, the only way you can win is fully lock eyes and be the last one to look away... if you lose then its 0-1, you win 1-0. Keep a mental tally throughout your journey of the score.

The whole point of thinking about this charade as a game is to make you stop taking this shit so seriously and have a good time, cos really its fun playing it( you can even throw in some sniping sounds when you get a good one). Also you may even find you get into that mood were you feel confident at whatever you doing after playing this.

I will talk about my experience tomorrow as it is getting late, have fun

_________________
My journal: eyrie-s-journal-to-becoming-the-man-vt148355.html

--If you are not giving, you are not living--

You gave me a different perception on this and a solution. Turning it into a game or a challenge is a method that works for me. I still want to hear your story though.

_________________
PUSSY, MONEY, WEED.

My story: A shy emotionally unstable egotistical fuck to now a weird mix of nihilistic confidence, friendly and somewhat emotional stability, but still rough around the edges.

Like yourself I barely could look anyone in the eyes let alone a girl I was attracted to, read the game and it shook my fragile little world. From that point onward I indirectly built my game up via improving body language, after a while it settled on eye contact. I became obsessed with girls body language towards me, I really liked how I could massively change there sub conscious behavior just by holding eye contact with them. The initial stages of developing the habit were hard, but I really liked girls being attracted to me so I was relentless.

After doing this for many months it just became natural, just to clarify that I didn't work on my social skills at all, so I could confidently hold eye contact with most women but if it came to talking to them I would be shitting bricks. When I came to uni and in the closed environment of halls, girls would assume that just because I can hold eye contact that I must be confident... I was holding eye contact with at least 20+ on a regular basis, but having panic attacks if I was next to them in a queue due to the pressure on myself to keep up the illusion of being a confident guy.

^^I hope you can learn from my mistakes, being good at eye contact isn't an answer without social skills it may be even considered a curse. If I could jump in a time machine what would I do differently?

-Start meditating straight away: as this helps with literally everything in life (being unable to hold eye contact is often used as a symptom of an anxiety disorder).

-If I'm putting too much thought into a particular goal I want to achieve, stop what I'm doing straight away and re-evaluate my position. (if you over thinking something you will fuck up)

-Don't take anything seriously as this lessens the anxiety, makes it more fun and you will progress faster.

I hope this was the kind of story you were after, probably was to much of a rant on my behalf, any question I will be happy to answer.

_________________
My journal: eyrie-s-journal-to-becoming-the-man-vt148355.html

--If you are not giving, you are not living--

That post is what i wanted to hear. My social skills are not perfect, if they were I wouldn't be here. I feel that I am good with the conversation and the main problem is keeping eye-contact to keep a connection. I could be wrong though I have to pay more attention next time to see if I need more improvement in other areas and what the areas I need to address are.

Anxiety definitely seems to take a part in this. I am usually jittery, frigidity, and even interrupt people when they talk to me, to answer their question quickly before all of their words leave their mouth. Is this related to anxiety? I could see myself as a nervous mess, sometimes I even stutter when I talk. My mind seems to be running faster than I can keep up with. Might be related to the Adderal I take and that my life is either non-stop busy, or bored out of my mind I wish I had something to do right now. This meditation thing sounds useful if it will clear my head.

I fore sure over-think a lot. I get into this try-hard mode where I over-think to the point I mess up. Usually takes the fun out of everything too.

Thank you for taking the time to write back. All this information is life changing. Writing back even helped me realize my problems and think about how to deal with some of them. I've come to the conclusion that my problem is not just eye-contact. Thankful that I heard this at an earlier age. I really appreciate this.

_________________
PUSSY, MONEY, WEED.

A good way to view your current life situation is a tree, with the main body being the trunk, the peripherals being the branches and the extreme peripherals being the leaves.

In you last post you began to question whether your issues with eye contact is actually the big picture, you concluded that it isn't and there is other details that you may or may not currently be aware of that as are part of this big picture.

Judging by what you have written I would label your eye contact issues, if we go back to the tree analogy as being a branch of the big picture. The question now is what is going on in the trunk, the main component of your mental state...I feel it would be far more useful if you had a deep ponder and come up with some answers yourself and post them on here when you are done.

I'm going to leave you with this, what ever your main focus is the majority of thinking will manifest around it and your issues will develop from that, for example if you focusing on school work it may be your "issues" will be homework... entrepreneur your "issues" may be your balance sheet etc.

_________________
My journal: eyrie-s-journal-to-becoming-the-man-vt148355.html

--If you are not giving, you are not living--

Strangers vs. Best friends. I can say whatever I want, not give a fuck, and be myself around a few people I am closest too. I have built myself around these people in such a way that I know how to have fun, share laughs, or not care when I'm with one of these people. I cannot do this as well with people I do not have such a strong connection with. Strangers the connection may be worse. I know how to only open up around certain people. I do not know how to talk around strangers or get more than small talk with not so close friends. I rely on other people to introduce me to new people or wait for people to talk to me first. I might know the roots of the problems, but it does not matter, it's all about the future now. I become this boring/soft spoken person around new people and that needs to end.

This was the first thing that came to mind, will definitely think on this one for awhile.
This looks like my trunk

Also gave the meditation a try. It is calming and am hoping to see some improvements from it.

Goal- Lose the nervousness and be how I always am around everyone.

_________________
PUSSY, MONEY, WEED.

Interesting. I am exactly in yours shoes right now. Kinda of. Usually I'm a boring soft spoken person who never makes the move to create a conversation, let alone guide one. The only best way I know of of how to go against it, is by losing myself, and let another personality take control. This other personality is optimistic, wild and has a lot of things to say. He also does not fear any approach or any question.

The thing is, achieving this personality isn't easy. Sometimes it comes randomly, sometimes something big has to occur for a reaction in your head.

And I've found that meditating helps. Just learn—everyday—to appreciate the now (present), and empty your thoughts of past and future. After all, confidence and rapport building IS linked to happiness and optimism. So everyday when you wake up, just tell yourself; Today is going to be a good day. No, today IS a good day. And I'm going to make it worth while.

Another way to lose yourself, is to get tipsy or drunk. Alcohol had never caused anyone to do something they didn't want to. It only enables them to do what they always wanted but repressed. This way you enable yourself to turn your own thoughts into words, and then words into action.

_________________
"Don't try to change who you are. Don't even think you're not good enough right now. You ARE good enough being who you are. Women can smell a fake man the same way you can smell cheesecake."

[Strangers vs. Best friends. I can say whatever I want, not give a fuck, and be myself around a few people I am closest too. I have built myself around these people in such a way that I know how to have fun, share laughs, or not care when I'm with one of these people. I cannot do this as well with people I do not have such a strong connection with. Strangers the connection may be worse. I know how to only open up around certain people. I do not know how to talk around strangers or get more than small talk with not so close friends. I rely on other people to introduce me to new people or wait for people to talk to me first. I might know the roots of the problems, but it does not matter, it's all about the future now. I become this boring/soft spoken person around new people and that needs to end.]

You must know the truth as is your instinct, the first thoughts roaming around in your head you conclude to yourself that yes this must be true to satisfy that primordial sense.^^Is this really the center piece of your mind? It may be your normal thought pattern, but just because you think about it more then anything does it mean its your mental core or just a habit gone crazy? If you took a step back and analyzed this ^^ you would realize that your most of your thoughts are based around social interactions, I believe you mentioned the word people 10 times and the word I 13.

If you suddenly joined the army and went to war your main focus would probably be not on social interactions, if nothing drastic would have happened to you similar thinking patterns as this^^ would emerge and similar problems would manifest themselves, and it may have nothing to do with people.. Do you kind of get what I'm alluding to now. Try again to determine what is in the "trunk", this time meditate for 10 minutes before writing your answer it should help.

Midget
I have this type of personality too. Coincidentally it happens I go to that personality the some way. The problem is I cannot have it around all the time.

I will keep with the meditation, enjoying the mental break. I think I need some work though. My mind still wanders.
Alcohol is not always around for me. Even if it was, I could not drink it all the time at school, work, and everywhere else. I need to learn to be my best self all the time without the help of substances.

When it comes to alcohol I only use it for the purpose of having fun with friends. I fear by using alone, for covering bad emotions, or for the use for bettering myself will make myself an alcoholic, because I will then rely on it. Just for partying with friends.

_________________
PUSSY, MONEY, WEED.

Eyrie
I am intimidated by people, because I have learned to be self-sustaining. I have avoided others and instead learned how to handle everything and anything by myself. I can not create a mutual relationship with people, because I have been moving in the opposite direction with my life until recently. Living life like this is for so long, you realize that it is a lonely life, that is not in my nature.

_________________
PUSSY, MONEY, WEED.