What am I doing wrong...

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 Post subject: What am I doing wrong...
PostPosted: Wed Oct 23, 2013 7:22 am 
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Joined: Sat Jul 20, 2013 11:08 am
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Ok, so I work in a bar. I have two extremes on either side of me as competition, I have the creep (a 30-something who lives at home with his parents, has a lot of pull, but as I said, a total creep, even has the pedoglasses) who closes up when women come around him but C-blocks me if I talk to them, and will stare at them creepily all night, and don juan, a mexican busboy, married, in his 40s, that ALWAYS has chicks all over him, is always all over them, and always talking to him. I've tried to convince myself that it is the area I live in that is the reason for don juans success, that it is semi-rural, yet a suburb of a big city, and it is their curiosity of different cultures that is overly popular here that interests them, but I think i'm just trying to make myself feel better. Creep's success (if you can even call it) is that he has pull, and uses this to get women interested, but he is overly touchy, yet overly shy, and even if they aren't interested, and at times they actually come to talk to me to get away from the man that looks like a sex offender registry mugshot. I have changed my direction, I was more on the Creep-end, didn't talk at all, sat there all night, avoided eye contact, etc. but I have since moved higher on the spectrum and talk to women and actually have been successful two or three times this summer. Don Juan's success is that he learned "bar sports", so he is always "teaching" them how to play things and they are all over him for it.

My success has been random, one was when I was drunk and a friend of a friend came in, and had interest in me, it went from there, the other was that I actually asked a girl her name as she walked past me, she walked away after that, then came back to me with her number, and gave it to me, it went from there. The other, was a checkout clerk at a store I frequent that always made conversation, I thought she was cool so I made conversation back, then she showed up at my work one night, we had a cigarette together and talked, she left, then a few days later, she called me at work and asked me to stop by the store real quick, and she gave me her number as it was her last day. I have had several "near misses", where someone either sends a clear signal as they pass me but the time doesn't work out, or we talk and it never materializes, or i'm out at the club, and a woman shows interest, but I am with a moving group and I don't know the right move to make and end up leaving with my group.

So, in conclusion, I have discovered that women do have an interest in me, I am attractive, I have been told by many women I am cute (maybe this is the problem?) so not creepy, as no woman would approach me if I were, and I obviously seem like a safe person to go to when the creep is on the move, and when I have approached women, 3 out of 5 times it works out and I get conversation and possibly a number in the end. I also had extreme shyness for many years and have trouble getting up and talking to people without feeling awkward or fearing loud verbal public rejection. I also work in a bar so I see the fights that take place when one guy talks to another mans woman without knowing, and how some women play it to cause a fight for their own entertainment.

I also have some trouble picking up on a womans body language and "signals", I have had many that after the fact, I realize that she had an intimate interest in me, but I didn't make any contact so she got bored and moved on.

PostPosted: Sun Oct 27, 2013 7:57 pm 
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Joined: Fri Aug 16, 2013 6:46 pm
Posts: 729
You are not approaching women, they are approaching you.
Think about it, you closed 3 girls and they were the ones initiating. If you start initiating, you can bang the hell out of everyone.

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