solo aa

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 Post subject: solo aa
PostPosted: Sun Jun 23, 2013 6:15 pm 
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Joined: Sat Feb 04, 2012 8:37 pm
Posts: 88
When I go out with wings it is not a big deal approaching but When I'm going out solo it is for me.
I know it's all in my head. And my wings and I really don't wing each other any more.
Any thoughts on how one might get over this?

 Post subject: Re: solo aa
PostPosted: Sun Jun 23, 2013 10:07 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jun 11, 2013 12:27 am
Posts: 101
A good start is to try to gain an understanding of what is causing your anxiety. I don't mean what is triggering it (the idea of approaching a woman) but what it is about that situation that makes you anxious. These are typically limiting-beliefs that are based in some type of earlier trauma in your life -- but it takes much more time and effort to pinpoint that trauma. However there are other simpler solutions for the time being.
A useful exercise is when you're at home is to sit down and close your eyes. Then imagine yourself in a bar, or some similar situation where you see a woman that you want to approach. Let that anxiety take over you and try to verbalize how your inner wuss is talking you down and out of the approach.
- Perhaps deep down you feel like you are defective and unworthy or incapable of attracting hot women.
- Maybe you went through a bad breakup or divorce and you are jaded to the idea that eventually she will abandon you even if you do initially attract her.
- Or maybe you're afraid that her friends or the other people around you will mock and shame you.
- Sometimes it's a fear that you are using a false persona, and that she will call you out on it.
- Maybe you are afraid that you will run out of things to say, or that anything you say will sound stupid.

Once you think you have some idea of what that inner negative voice is saying to you, create an opposing dialogue for it. So if it says something like: "You are unworthy and women won't like you." you can train yourself to respond with, "That isn't true. Plenty of people and even certain women have found me attractive and worthy of love." Or if it's saying: "She is busy and doesn't want to be bothered by a stranger." you can respond with, "I can't assume that she is busy, for all I know she is bored and would enjoy meeting and talking to me." You can create any similar opposing dialogue for any limiting beliefs that you might uncover.

A common problem is that many men are simply too attached to the outcome -- they are worried about whether or not the woman will like them or not. The most healthy mindset is to go in without any attached outcome or agenda, to basically remain friendly, social and curious and not to even allow the hypothetical outcome of the interaction to enter your thoughts.
What to do: focus on remaining calm, slowing down your movement, breathing and speech and staying unattached and internally validated. While you're talking to a woman and you feel your anxiety starting to take over -- stop for a moment, take a deep breath and relax yourself. Then once your thoughts are together, continue the conversation. Don't worry about any "awkward moment of silence" because they don't really matter as much as one might think. It's much more important to stay calm.
- hope this helps.

 Post subject: Re: solo aa
PostPosted: Thu Jun 27, 2013 7:46 pm 
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Joined: Sat Feb 04, 2012 8:37 pm
Posts: 88
Thanks for the advice man.

 Post subject: Re: solo aa
PostPosted: Thu Jun 27, 2013 8:31 pm 
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Joined: Sun Jun 23, 2013 5:18 pm
Posts: 98
The only way you fail is if you don't try.

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