How to destroy approach anxiety?



Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests
Post new topic Reply to topic   Board index » Inner Game » Social Shyness & Anxiety




Author Message
PostPosted: Wed Apr 17, 2013 6:52 am 
Offline
MPUA Forum Addict
User avatar

Joined: Tue Apr 09, 2013 5:58 pm
Posts: 219
this book did wonders for me, try it

How to Develop Self-Confidence And Influence People By Public Speaking - Dale Carnegie

http://www.amazon.com/Develop-Self-Conf ... _lmf_tit_3

_________________
Image


Top
   
PostPosted: Wed Apr 17, 2013 8:36 am 
Offline
MPUA Forum Zealot
User avatar

Joined: Tue Mar 24, 2009 10:22 pm
Posts: 333
Location: Canaries
Yesterday went to the mall. Got to the book section where I usually try to approach and suddenly start to feel creepy, like I was some weirdo down some fucking street alley waiting to pounce on some unsuspecting chick. I didn't really feel so good about myself.

Made the lamest, dumbass approach to some girl who was passing by, moment of embarrassment as she didn't even bother to answer and then proceeded to spend the next half an hour wandering around scared of approaching. Holy fuck.

Gotta keep the faith that I can really do this but to be honest, when you are in your comfort zone, it seems so fucking easy to go out and do a hundred approaches, then you get out there and the reality is the fear kicks in. You know what you gotta do, but so many dumb ass stupid reasons not to, go through your brain.

Fuck!!!


Top
   
PostPosted: Wed Apr 17, 2013 2:38 pm 
Offline
King Among Mortals
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2011 8:36 pm
Posts: 7592
Location: United States
Quote:

Gotta keep the faith that I can really do this but to be honest, when you are in your comfort zone, it seems so fucking easy to go out and do a hundred approaches, then you get out there and the reality is the fear kicks in. You know what you gotta do, but so many dumb ass stupid reasons not to, go through your brain.

Fuck!!!
It's about to get real!

You can do this!

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.


Top
   
PostPosted: Thu Apr 18, 2013 10:01 am 
Offline
MPUA Forum Addict
User avatar

Joined: Tue Apr 09, 2013 5:58 pm
Posts: 219
Quote:
Yesterday went to the mall. Got to the book section where I usually try to approach and suddenly start to feel creepy, like I was some weirdo down some fucking street alley waiting to pounce on some unsuspecting chick. I didn't really feel so good about myself.

Made the lamest, dumbass approach to some girl who was passing by, moment of embarrassment as she didn't even bother to answer and then proceeded to spend the next half an hour wandering around scared of approaching. Holy fuck.

Gotta keep the faith that I can really do this but to be honest, when you are in your comfort zone, it seems so fucking easy to go out and do a hundred approaches, then you get out there and the reality is the fear kicks in. You know what you gotta do, but so many dumb ass stupid reasons not to, go through your brain.

Fuck!!!
EXCELLENT! YOU DID A GREAT JOB!

NOW we know where the problem is or should i say opportunity for growth? :mrgreen:
Image

...its how you speak to yourself and how you interpret what happened :mrgreen: ...and the best part is there are much more benefits( I see them already)... but these are just for the starter...now keep building your ability to interpret events in a positive light, keep searching for benefits everywhere.. start believeing that universe and everyone around you conspired to make you advance, be happy and great!
Image

_________________
Image


Top
   
PostPosted: Thu Apr 18, 2013 11:13 am 
Offline
MPUA Forum Zealot
User avatar

Joined: Tue Mar 24, 2009 10:22 pm
Posts: 333
Location: Canaries
Hey thanks for the positive feedback!

I was beating myself up about what happened but guess everything is good in terms of experience. I have to shift a few ideas I have about being sociable in general and continue to go out there and work on it. I have the whole thing internalised but I need to take a whole load more action to see a shift in my feelings so I can actually see for myself that no matter what happens, I am going to be OK and that I can do it.

thanks!


Top
   
PostPosted: Thu Apr 18, 2013 11:56 am 
Offline
MPUA Forum Addict
User avatar

Joined: Tue Apr 09, 2013 5:58 pm
Posts: 219
Quote:
Hey thanks for the positive feedback!

I was beating myself up about what happened but guess everything is good in terms of experience. I have to shift a few ideas I have about being sociable in general and continue to go out there and work on it. I have the whole thing internalised but I need to take a whole load more action to see a shift in my feelings so I can actually see for myself that no matter what happens, I am going to be OK and that I can do it.

thanks!
hhehe thats more like it...
Image

another thing is perhaps you dont have to take more of the action?
Imagine, wouldnt it be great if you dont need to take more of that action? and still be sure to feel great and have women in your life? How would it feel? What if there is a better way? what if there is a way without you being obliged to work on it...say a more natural way? and all you have to do is to get out of the way?

Let's start from here, what is the thing you like to do the most? what activities you enjoy the most? what are some of the instances in your day(or week or month) where you feel delightful, exhilarated that you would even pay to do these things?
Image

_________________
Image


Top
   
PostPosted: Fri Apr 19, 2013 8:24 am 
Offline
MPUA Forum Zealot
User avatar

Joined: Tue Mar 24, 2009 10:22 pm
Posts: 333
Location: Canaries
Hey friend,

for sure I love what I do- I am a teacher- work a lot(perhaps too much) so thank God I like it. :wink:

But what I really love for sure is running- try to run along the beach couple of times a week- the feeling is incredible. I am quite fortunate to live in a place a lot of people pay to spend time at and it is a good ffeeling to be running hearing the waves crashing on the shore- makes you feel really alive.(plus get to see a lot of hot chicks in bikinis too, :lol: )


Top
   
PostPosted: Mon Apr 22, 2013 4:56 pm 
Offline
MPUA Forum Addict
User avatar

Joined: Tue Apr 09, 2013 5:58 pm
Posts: 219
Image

_________________
Image


Top
   
PostPosted: Tue Apr 23, 2013 10:07 am 
Offline
New to MPUA Forum

Joined: Thu Sep 13, 2012 11:47 am
Posts: 19
Fuck, havent checked this for a while, cheers for all the tips,

and namelesshero, what is Pizzawalking?

_________________
do what needs to be done


Top
   
PostPosted: Tue Apr 23, 2013 10:32 am 
Offline
MPUA Forum Zealot
User avatar

Joined: Tue Mar 24, 2009 10:22 pm
Posts: 333
Location: Canaries
Hey!

Yeah, cachiiing!!! penny drops....wasn't quite sure where you were coming from.

It would be something if I could do an approach with the same mindset as I would going to run along the beach.
Actually just thought, something that I used to do was pretty similar- I used to tell myself that it was going to be like a walk in the park and that my feelings were actually due to my fucked up perspective and that the true "reality" of the situation was "approaching hot girls is like a walk in the park"- no matter how I feel.

Would be awesome if I could get to the point where actions and feelings coincided!!!!

Cheers!


Top
   
PostPosted: Tue Apr 23, 2013 11:37 am 
Offline
MPUA Forum Addict
User avatar

Joined: Tue Apr 09, 2013 5:58 pm
Posts: 219
Quote:
Fuck, havent checked this for a while, cheers for all the tips,

and namelesshero, what is Pizzawalking?
First a little background. Well, pizzawalk is named after firewalk- a practice of walking over the hot coal- it is often used in corporate and team-building seminars and self-help workshops as a confidence-building exercise...when witnessing their own ability to walk over the fire the course atendees are then more confident in their belief that they willl be able to do other things they though of impossoble or hard...they also learn that many things deemed impossible or painfull in their mind, are actualy quite easily to perform....

However some people claim pizzawalk is more effective than firewalk...It can also be done individually, and not on seminars, actually it is ussually done individually, so you will be able to do it by yourself...

so here's what the pizzawalk is about...
basicaly it consist of walking into a shop and making an absurd request keeping a straight face

For example walking into a gass station and asking to buy a carpet....or walking into pizza shop and ordering a chinese food, bug of bolts or asking for an absurd pizza, unimaginable pizza, for example, apple and ham pizza (that's how it got its name i think).
Another thing you can do is try negotiating price where prices are non-negotiable(for example try negotiating ticket in the bus).
The point is to break the rule of society, the routine, what is expected and 'allowed'.

Althouh the excercize sound simple its far from being a piece of cake and easy....those who think there's no need to do (cause the think they can) need to do this excercise the most... and effects are almost miraculous cause that way you break and get rid of invisible fibres of social matrix that are keeping you in order and making you fear mistakes, looking stupid and involving in socially unacceptable behavior- thus crippling your abilities...the key elements is keeping a straight face ( so no laughing please the point of excercise is to sound absurd and stupid and get away with it)...

Enjoy pizzawalking, perhaps you'll remeber reading this in a few months time having acquired unimaginable courage and social assertiveness, perhaps you'll look back at today and say "Gosh this was a single thing that made the most difference in me becoming more skillful with women!"

_________________
Image


Top
   
PostPosted: Tue Apr 23, 2013 12:28 pm 
Offline
MPUA Forum Addict
User avatar

Joined: Tue Apr 09, 2013 5:58 pm
Posts: 219
Quote:
Hey!

Yeah, cachiiing!!! penny drops....wasn't quite sure where you were coming from.

It would be something if I could do an approach with the same mindset as I would going to run along the beach.
Actually just thought, something that I used to do was pretty similar- I used to tell myself that it was going to be like a walk in the park and that my feelings were actually due to my fucked up perspective and that the true "reality" of the situation was "approaching hot girls is like a walk in the park"- no matter how I feel.

Would be awesome if I could get to the point where actions and feelings coincided!!!!

Cheers!
hehe i am not done with you buddy my unconscious mind is working on making a perfect strategy for you...but in the meantime i just throw the pic for meditation...hehe :mrgreen: actually the pic is a perfect fit for you cause internal barriers stopped you from approaching not external, didn’t they?

that’s because we kinda live in psychological reality... but more on this later...

here what i was having in mind... there are things you enjoy and like to do...the things that make you feel good, happy and fulfilled...and those are the things that you need to devote to... what we all want is to feel good happy and ok...you don’t actually want to fuck or approach the girl...ok you do, but why in the world you want it? cause you want to feel good... ok? you want to feel good important and happy don’t you? of course its only natural to have feelings for girls and to want to make love to them but for a while why not just relax, feel grateful and have fun with the things you already have...cause that will provide you with clarity of the mind and trust me on this brah! this is the most important resource you have...

Now, as you concentrate on those things you like to do that are already giving you feelings of peace wellbeing and happiness, you will naturally attract more of such feelings and opportunities for such feelings into your life...you don’t have to approach girls, i mean i like to approach girls wherever and whenever i see them but its not the only way…. if that is causing stress in your life right now perhaps you need to step back for a while, stop and think about other ways... there are many many other ways more effective and more efficient…why not take today 30 minutes for working on that…exploring other options…and you can always fall back to this direct cold approach perhaps later with more wisdom, vision and perspective…or when you resolve internal obstacles and issues of which you are not even aware of...

Actually what is more effective is to solve problem on higher levels

lack of abundance of the women in ones life is but a symptom of obstacles on higher level... its only a symptom remember that, not a root of the issue…you probably harbor some beliefs and superstitions, some outdated ways of thinking or behavior that are preventing you from having abundance of women in your life...there are some ways you organize your life that are preventing a natural flow of women toward you…

There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root Henry david thoreau

I mean i can offer you some advices how to manage aa and it may even work and it may work real fast but why not structure your life in a way that women naturally comes to you and that you meet them on homecourt where you will not feel like a hunter or weirdo and not feel good about yourself…

1. One of the ways to make you more attractive to women naturally is to follow your passions…when you do what you really like you shine bro…
Image

you become so full of good feelings and hormones that people start approaching you wanting to kiss you and hug you… longing to be with you and to be in your presence…
why not explore into that...why not become expert on how to feel good , how to feel blisfull?
Image

2. the other way is to set your life so that you naturally have more opportunities for meeting and seducing women…(for example- join yoga or tenis course or french classes or offer yourself private classes to people, volonteer to organization meet new people man and women etc there are thousands things one could do...)direct or cold approach is kinda playing game on the road not at home…while we look for the ways that you play with homecourt advantage…

of course if one goes through pain and approach enough women in spite aa one comes to feel at homecourt even if he is approaching a stranger girl directly in the daygame particularly if one resolves internal issues and beliefs so that those voices that makes you feel like weirdo never appear again…

I approached so much women that most of the time I don’t feel nothing…it become natural to me to see a stranger girl approach her and start caressing her or touching her without ever seeing her before and without even saying a word (when I got rid of obligation to say anything, not even a single word, a huge burden come off my shoulders :mrgreen: and I started approaching more and more successfully and the funny thing is then the words started coming easily and effortlessly hehehe)…perhaps the only thing that sometimes bothers me is there any males in vicinity that could feel threatened by my assertiveness…

But again let us set up your life in a way that you will naturally meet beautiful women…I am looking forward to write more on this later… here you have it some food for thoughts…

The other thing that I want you to become aware of is hidden hamster wheel...
Image

and this is fucking with a mind of many people preventing them from having success with women and other beautiful things

“I will be happy when…”
“ I can not be happy if…”
“ I can not be happy until…”

Many people are like that however it doesn’t work that way… first you must be happy then the things will appear in your life…That’s why I said enjoy the things you like and that you already have focus on them and the joy will spread to the rest of your life as a contagion…cause we live in psychological reality and what you focus on increases...

huh, boy aint I brilliant! that wonderfull & unbeatable feeling when you love yourself !
Image

_________________
Image


Top
   
PostPosted: Fri Apr 26, 2013 12:36 pm 
Offline
MPUA Forum Zealot
User avatar

Joined: Tue Mar 24, 2009 10:22 pm
Posts: 333
Location: Canaries
Hi,

first thanks loads your time taken to answer.

yes, it sure is. It feels awesome when you really love yourself.

You mention a lot of great ideas. Getting into clubs with people who like same things as me. Cool.

Also, your hamster wheel idea is totally on the mark.

I will approach when....I am ready even though I know in the back of my head, I might never be ready.
and I will always have to some extent the approach anxiety.

I feel that cold approach is something that will, on a personal level, give me the greatest increase in personal growth. I understand that even a tough blow out would do me good but of course, I see the girl there walking her dog or walking past me on the street and feel the need to play it safe. Better not to do anything than to risk someone ignoring me or being nasty or laughing at me.

Yesterday as I went to a class and was waiting for my student to open the door, approached a girl- on the spot made up some opener and it hooked. Couldn't take it further because my student appeared in the doorway but I know I can do it because I have done it successfully in the past. I love though the idea of somehow anchoring the feelings I have for "running" with approaching so I would feel the same positive feelings no matter how it turned out.

Like you say, if you do enough approaches, the AA will considerably diminish because it becomes more familiar territory to be speaking to strangers on the street.

I set myself the goal of getting one number over the next two weeks or an instant date. So fingers crossed.

Take it easy and thanks again friend.


Top
   
PostPosted: Fri Apr 26, 2013 2:16 pm 
Offline
MPUA Forum Addict
User avatar

Joined: Tue Apr 09, 2013 5:58 pm
Posts: 219
i see you have great attitude ....just keep going...just make a decision that you gonna deal with this in long term no mater what, and your mind will find the solution....and bit by bit you will conquer the unknown territory...
Quote:
I love though the idea of somehow anchoring the feelings I have for "running" with approaching so I would feel the same positive feelings no matter how it turned out.

btw great idea! btw why just limit it to anchoring? why not approach WHILE running?...that way there's no place for aa to appear at all... i did a lot of it...I would run through the town and would punch or hit or pull the hair of random girls on the street ...it is very sucessfull method...besides one of the most easiest dates i got was once when i was playing basketball on the street playground, winning one on one against 3 opponents in the row when i noticed a girl with a beutiful hair ....i took time out and run after her... i ve got a date myself in a mater of 10 seconds and felt nothing.... i suppose after physical activity of say 10-20 minutes the body is saturated with endorphines and other chemicals which gives you great powerfull feeling-it is a natural function of body to release antipain chemicals during physical activity so there is no place for other chemicals or feelings to appear...you kinda got yourself aa shield...and you shine because of that hormones that are being released during excercises or running...you are more beautiful and influential naturaly....you feel like powerfull machine...

I also did it today while playing basketball i took time out several times and approached several girls....and on my way back home while on my rollerblades i even kissed a girl ... i even didnt say anything to her i was under good hormones/chemicals after an hour or so of playing basketball and when i saw her ( cca 20 years but with a haircut of a liitle girl) i pointed finger at her and started laughin out loud, as she started laughing also i approached her and kissed her on the head and i said good buy i am in a hury now... see you next time... :mrgreen:

the other thing that would help you get rid of aa is if you make yourself not dependent of outcome.... dont approach with an outcome in mind to squeeze out a date.... approach for the sake of approach or having fun... you just approach.... you dont have to say anything...just approach to se how they reeact...(I TREAT EVERY APPROACH AS A MINI DATE)...you may pull her hair or just smell her or even kiss her ....or do nothing... or just look her from the closer distance.. you may even say something like 'you looked prety from afar so i approached to see from close up are you really beautifulll... 'or you may even say 'dont think i want date from you i just am approaching for the sake of practice.... ' :mrgreen: I want to get used to presence of girls...i sometimes approach very close to girls and i say seriously :" i am a secret agent working undercover so be carefull what you say... :mrgreen:

make a fun out of it and you will see that approaching girls is the most fun activity.... kill that serious mothefucka inside...cause hes the reason for any trouble you may have in life... talk to him' pls dont be so serious i am not gonna get any girl if you continue to bother me with your serious bulshitt... :mrgreen: whenever i talk to my inner critic(s) i discover that they react positive and gave me more freedom each time...thank them for wanting to protect you but ask them kindly if they would please give you a break cause youre working on getting laid here... :mrgreen:

another useful thing is to put headphones and loud music on...a loud energetic music gives you even more power and the fact that you dont hear what people are saying is also liberating...i even say to them sometimes ' i dont hear what you say nor do i care'.... sometimes i evn add up 'cause 99% percent of what people say is a bullshit anyway'...believe me friend i found no one who didnt liked this...heheh :mrgreen:

heres also a great tip that works almost 100% of the time like almost any other great advice it is counterintuitive:
approach any random girl on the street and start punching her in shoulder lightly but with a serious face as if you want to pick up a fight....theres no way anybody wil react negatively on that because it is so stupid and so unexpected...and counterintuitive... youll get only positive responses and even if you get negative response it will not bother you as would have bothered you if you tried a nice approach.. :mrgreen:

_________________
Image


Top
   
PostPosted: Sat Apr 27, 2013 7:19 am 
Offline
MPUA Forum Addict
User avatar

Joined: Tue Apr 09, 2013 5:58 pm
Posts: 219
Image

_________________
Image


Top
   
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic  Reply to topic  [ 33 posts ] 

All times are UTC


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  

Can we be honest?

We want your email address. Let me send you the best seduction techniques ever devised... because they are really good.
close-link