How to destroy approach anxiety?



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PostPosted: Tue Apr 30, 2013 8:39 am 
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Hey nameless hero,

letting go of the outcome is a good one. I suppose most anxiety comes from that and worried about what might happen.... what happens if she reacts badly.....what happens if she doesn't react at all....what happens if she rejects me and thinks I am a weirdo fucked up nut etc etc.

So mentally saying, let whatever happens just happen is liberating.

Being dependent on outcome also leads to a focusing on a negative outcome which becomes like you said before a self-fulfillilng prophesy. It removes ya from the moment so you are not present or in the moment.

I was thinking about what you said in an earlier post- about most resistance being internal.
The girl is walking towards me- there is nothing to stop me approaching- nothing physical- nothing could stop me at all in going to her and saying hi but myself. In assuming failure, I don't give myself even permission to try, much less assuming that some girls might "want" or "like" being approached.

Anyways, thinking about the resistance I encounter being internal is great because it means that I have the last word and that in reality it is all down to me and an ability to allow myself to screw up or to succeed but to have a go, feeling the fear and doing it- no matter how badly it works out. Having the patience and inner confidence, trust to know that in time things will turn around.

Thanks for being there!
will keep ya posted.


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 30, 2013 1:25 pm 
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Quote:
Hey nameless hero,

letting go of the outcome is a good one. I suppose most anxiety comes from that and worried about what might happen.... what happens if she reacts badly.....what happens if she doesn't react at all....what happens if she rejects me and thinks I am a weirdo fucked up nut etc etc.

So mentally saying, let whatever happens just happen is liberating.

Being dependent on outcome also leads to a focusing on a negative outcome which becomes like you said before a self-fulfillilng prophesy. It removes ya from the moment so you are not present or in the moment.

I was thinking about what you said in an earlier post- about most resistance being internal.
The girl is walking towards me- there is nothing to stop me approaching- nothing physical- nothing could stop me at all in going to her and saying hi but myself. In assuming failure, I don't give myself even permission to try, much less assuming that some girls might "want" or "like" being approached.

Anyways, thinking about the resistance I encounter being internal is great because it means that I have the last word and that in reality it is all down to me and an ability to allow myself to screw up or to succeed but to have a go, feeling the fear and doing it- no matter how badly it works out. Having the patience and inner confidence, trust to know that in time things will turn around.

Thanks for being there!
will keep ya posted.
i think you are having some great insights and attitude....and the good thing as the time passes these insights multiply and increase and result in a series of wonderfull liberations and external results...

btw some fantastic things happened yesterday...i was practicing basketball when the friend challanged me to approach girls who were passing by and i would take a ball and dribble it toward them like they are opposing players defending the basket...it was hillarious...and it was a good way to initiate physical contact i was just leaning on them like basketball offensive player sometimes lean on the defender and I was even 'protesting' for being fouled....
amongst many other interesting thing that happened is that a girl, believe or not, pinched me for my dick :mrgreen: i was on my rollerblades with friend being relaxed and having fun and i tried lion roar opener(you pretend you are a lion or beast roaring on the girls passing by.... its counterintuiteve but works like charm similar to 'punching in the shoulder opener')...a girl stopped and i stoped roaring and pinched her by nose when she suddenly and quickly reached down with her hand, pinched my dick and went by smiling... hahah it was unbeliavable... :mrgreen:

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PostPosted: Tue Jul 16, 2013 4:23 pm 
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Nameless hero you have interesting points here. I mean the do the thing you love instead of approaching.

Namely I have been going to clubs for 2 years now 4 times a week and I have
basically only danced and not approached and thus I have become a really great dancer and dancing
has become my passion. What has happened is that girls have come up to me and said I am a great dancer thus gving me the oppourtunity to continue but I always let it pass as I am not in the social mood . Like I would want to but I can not.

Recently the number of approaches has gone down but I guess it is because people have seen me so often all alone in the club and think that I do not want friends or girlfriends.

I have only approached girls that dance good and thus that comment has been my opener but those are rare instances and with girls I do not like that much.
I have not yet managed to say a random Hi to a stranger on the street.
So I would like to know what would you advise me to do ?
as doing what I have done so far is not promising many oppourtunities.


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