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PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2013 12:07 am 
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I'm not sure where to post this but since it is one of my anxieties I figure this forum will be as good as any.

I hate confrontations with anyone especially other males. I have been in confrontations recently but I just feel like I've been made a fool. Now I have somewhat deliberately started to avoid them, and it makes me feel bad. I feel like I am not socially calibrated to know how to react, besides acting on my emotions. I am not a menacing dude, I'm 5'5, don't know any martial arts, and never been in a fight; but dont get me wrong I am willing to fight someone if pushed to that extreme but I'd rather not.

What should be done in situations like this? I find it important to include what they look like to make each scenario more realistic.

1. You're at a busy gas station and your patiently waiting for a pump when some asshole comes in and steals it? (he looks pretty buff) How do you handle this?

2. You're playing poker and a drunk idiot(fat) at your table starts taunting you, saying that he's going to take your chips and calls you a bitch. How do you handle this?

3. You're playing in a soccer game and it is the second time this player fouls you hard, you get up infuriated with the referee for not booking him. When you jog back to play this player says, "stop complaining fa***t"(relatively same build as you). How do you handle this?

I just want to get a perspective from others and possibly read or practice material that would make me fear confrontation less. I think this is what makes me self-conscious when I meet new people, I'm afraid of confrontations and being bullied. F that how do I get over it?

I would gladly like to hear suggestions.

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2013 3:10 am 
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Hey Bro!
We all run into this at one time or another, and the biggest thing to do is to just be assertive! There is no reason to get violent or even think of getting violent. Your mind and the language you use is the biggest weapon you have, and will beat fists any day!

1. Walk up to him, tap him on his muscled shoulder and say, "Hey man, there is a line, we've all been waiting for this pump." 99% of the time, he was just in la-la land and didn't notice. Ran into this type of scenario at a bar last week; a bunch of us were waiting in line and a guy cuts to the front. I just made him aware of the situation, and he was apalogetic (and clearly drunk) and got in line. He was much larger than I was. Just be polite, it never hurts to offer the olive branch first.

2. In this case, I'd just ignore him. Not only will he get his ass beat by the other guys playing poker, but he is drunk and chances are you can take his chips very easily.

3. Body check him back! If all else fails hit him harder than he hit you. If you get a card, so what? You put the guy in his place, and it's just a game!

Look up a hypnotist named Darren Marks, I use him frequently when I'm feeling down, very relaxing an soothing stuff. The biggest thing man is to just be yourself and you're going to be afraid, that won't ever change, but as you get more experienced the fear stops mattering, and the reward is greater than the risk. As with pick up, approach anxiety kills.

Hope this helped dude!

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2013 5:24 am 
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Quote:
Hey Bro!
We all run into this at one time or another, and the biggest thing to do is to just be assertive! There is no reason to get violent or even think of getting violent. Your mind and the language you use is the biggest weapon you have, and will beat fists any day!

1. Walk up to him, tap him on his muscled shoulder and say, "Hey man, there is a line, we've all been waiting for this pump." 99% of the time, he was just in la-la land and didn't notice. Ran into this type of scenario at a bar last week; a bunch of us were waiting in line and a guy cuts to the front. I just made him aware of the situation, and he was apalogetic (and clearly drunk) and got in line. He was much larger than I was. Just be polite, it never hurts to offer the olive branch first.

2. In this case, I'd just ignore him. Not only will he get his ass beat by the other guys playing poker, but he is drunk and chances are you can take his chips very easily.

3. Body check him back! If all else fails hit him harder than he hit you. If you get a card, so what? You put the guy in his place, and it's just a game!

Look up a hypnotist named Darren Marks, I use him frequently when I'm feeling down, very relaxing an soothing stuff. The biggest thing man is to just be yourself and you're going to be afraid, that won't ever change, but as you get more experienced the fear stops mattering, and the reward is greater than the risk. As with pick up, approach anxiety kills.

Hope this helped dude!
Thanks a lot! I appreciate the input, I'll look him up.

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2013 11:32 am 
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Number 3 - let it go. I say things to piss off opponents all the time. Then I'll go and have a beer with them after the game. "Stop complaining fa***t" isn't really something that's trying to DLV you or anything, it's something that is said to annoy you, get you to make a stupid 'retaliation' challenge and get yourself booked or sent off, and therefore weaken your own side's performance.

You might not care about getting a card, but if your teammates have to play with 10 men and end up losing because of that, they won't be overly impressed when you say "sorry guys I just had to get sent off because their striker called me a nasty name." I reckon your teammates would be calling you a few more nasty names!


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 15, 2013 7:33 pm 
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Put your foot down. nobody's got the right to treat you like that.

'Nuff said


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 12:39 am 
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In high school I also used to say stuff like 'I don't really like confrontation but when pushed to my limits, I ain't afraid to fight'. On the surface it sounds fine but it really is just an excuse to avoid any confrontation whatsoever. I always thought that if I or my friends get physically assaulted, I would not hesitate to fight. I am certain it was true, and I am sure you'd do the same. However, that kind of shit never happens in real life. Even bullies avoid unnecessary confrontation, and in 9/10 cases even the big guys would walk away from a fight.

That kind of behavior that you had described IS confrontation. If you are waiting for other guy to punch you before acting, you're in for a long wait. Are you ready to take that kind of BS all your life? Just tell those people off, and don't be afraid of a fight. I don't buy into all that 'avoiding unnecessary confrontation' crap. If a guy treats you like a dirt, you have every right to treat him the same way, and if it means getting in a fight - so be it. I would rather get knocked out but than let a guy mock me, my friends or my beliefs.

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 3:07 pm 
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Quote:
I'm not sure where to post this but since it is one of my anxieties I figure this forum will be as good as any.

I hate confrontations with anyone especially other males. I have been in confrontations recently but I just feel like I've been made a fool. Now I have somewhat deliberately started to avoid them, and it makes me feel bad. I feel like I am not socially calibrated to know how to react, besides acting on my emotions. I am not a menacing dude, I'm 5'5, don't know any martial arts, and never been in a fight; but dont get me wrong I am willing to fight someone if pushed to that extreme but I'd rather not.

What should be done in situations like this? I find it important to include what they look like to make each scenario more realistic.

1. You're at a busy gas station and your patiently waiting for a pump when some asshole comes in and steals it? (he looks pretty buff) How do you handle this?

2. You're playing poker and a drunk idiot(fat) at your table starts taunting you, saying that he's going to take your chips and calls you a bitch. How do you handle this?

3. You're playing in a soccer game and it is the second time this player fouls you hard, you get up infuriated with the referee for not booking him. When you jog back to play this player says, "stop complaining fa***t"(relatively same build as you). How do you handle this?

I just want to get a perspective from others and possibly read or practice material that would make me fear confrontation less. I think this is what makes me self-conscious when I meet new people, I'm afraid of confrontations and being bullied. F that how do I get over it?

I would gladly like to hear suggestions.
Alright, mate, lets talk.

All three of those guys treated you that way because they knew there'd be no consequences. You probably came off as an easy target. Had you stood up to these guys, I don't think they would've backed down. I think that each and every one of them would've beaten the shit out of you, or, at the very least, made you look like even more of a bitch. The main reason they walked over you to begin with was their confidence in their abilities to deal with you in the unlikely event that you stood up for yourself.

How to avoid this? Make yourself an unattractive target. Bulk up a bit. Learn how to fight. Move slower, smoother, and more confidently. Present yourself as someone who can and will hold his own in a confrontation, even though he's not looking for one.

The more unattractive you look as a target, the less these kinds of people will target you. They're not looking for problems, they're looking for pushovers. Present yourself as the former and not the latter.

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 3:16 pm 
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The one who reacts the most will lose. Therefore be non reactive. Like it didn't even phase you. Then stare them in the eyes and say in your head "Don't you know I'm loco?"

There is no need to for violence. You can win dominance by be non reactive. When your opponent sees you unphase will put the pressure back on him.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 01, 2013 6:13 am 
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Hehe, so true, women would be so easy if it weren't for other men. Rivals, competing for access to our rivers. Testosterone versus testosterone- think of bull moose competing for cow. Read Carl von Clausewitz, on war. Resources or strength combined with willpower, as determined by motives but hard to calculate, that is what makes the difference which causes one victory. If your heart is into someone or something- you will have willpower. Clausewitz, the purpose of war is to disarm the other or make him or her helpless and defenseless, to make their will submit to ours. Doing this to women is different than doing it to men, but the goals are the same. I get along fine with people, and I don't like to hoard things- as long as they avoid the women I am after. Otherwise I will fight.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 12, 2013 3:06 pm 
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I'm by no means large or threatening looking. I just would rather end up with a bloody nose than to lose my pride. If you stand up for yourself and your friends knowing you'll probably get your ass kicked, people will respect you.

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 12, 2013 5:22 pm 
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I was with my girlfriend at a bar when some random guy takes a salt shaker and slams it in front of me. Why? No fucking clue. But I took it and slammed it back where it was. He then took it again and slammed it back in front of me. This went back and forth for a short while. Before I knew it, a shouting match erupted. Funny thing is, I have no recollection what he said, nor any idea what I said other than "oh you wanna suck my dick?" when he started holding my hand that I had raised. Eventually he walked away. Caught him smiling at me after taking a quick glance around. I just gave him the finger. Then another huge guy comes and asks if I have a problem. A short polite discussion ensues but he leaves too.

Just don't be afraid to stand up for yourself.

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 12, 2013 7:06 pm 
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But fly swatter, isn't that all just a bit petty? For me, that sort of thing doesn't show you're a big man or tough or more 'alpha' than the other bloke. If I was a girl with you I would think you were both acting like childish little kids to be honest. Slamming it back where it was continuously and then having a slanging match in a bar?

Personally, if I had a problem I might ask him what he was doing, but generally just shrugging, laughing at the other person and ignoring them seems a far more mature and 'alpha' way to deal with things to me.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 12, 2013 7:12 pm 
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Yes, you're right in that it was childish. If I was sober, I'd have done exactly as you suggested. But seeing as I was intoxicated, I just went with my gut instinct. Either way, both would have worked. And my girl is still taking it in the ass, so nothing's lost :)

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 13, 2013 3:13 am 
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I say things to piss off opponents all the time.
That's not sportsmanlike.
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You might not care about getting a card, but if your teammates have to play with 10 men and end up losing because of that, they won't be overly impressed when you say "sorry guys I just had to get sent off because their striker called me a nasty name." I reckon your teammates would be calling you a few more nasty names!
So what you do is wait until the game is over, then go and teach him a lesson! :twisted:


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 13, 2013 9:05 pm 
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Haha, fair play flyswatter!

Big time - I'm only ever sportsmanlike if we're winning comfortably!


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