First of all I want to say that you are exactly the type of guy that pick up is meant for. And you're why I like to get on this forum and try to help people. I was very similar to you in the past: bad parents, slow start with women, self-conscious about my looks...even addicted to pot for several years. So I know exactly what you are going through, and it's admittedly mentally anguishing. Trust me I know.
Second, let's get over the past. You have already grown up, removed yourself from the control and abuse from your parents, and ceased using drugs. Even if you had the most perfect childhood and banged Adriana Lima a thousand times before breaking up with her, that would all still be in the past and you'd have no choice but to focus on what the future will bring tomorrow. Let's live in the now, and prepare for the future, and forget about the past.
Third, almost every guy in the world has some aspect of himself that he hates and can't fix. He's too short, has a small dick, is too fat, has bitch tits, has stretch marks, has a limp, is in a wheelchair, has bad acne, etc. I've heard it all on this forum before. Guess what? Throwing pity parties for yourself and committing suicide will not change any of that. You are who you are. You have what you have. Deal with it.
Fourth, take steps to change your life. I can recite all the self-help stuff in the world and paste it here for you to read, but to simplify it I will just say to stay positive and work on improving yourself physically, mentally, spiritually, and financially. Another thing, be realistic. Give yourself do-able goals. Don't be too hard on yourself. Don't build up false hopes like you did with that girl at work. You are obviously a typical AFC, which I know you already know. You now need to break yourself of all those bad habits and work on first improving your inner game, then continue on improving outwardly. _________________ “Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!” ~Audrey Hepburn
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