PUA Forum :: Touching her hair

Hi guys.
I just wanted to point out a common misconception. I read all the time in the lists of IOI's that when she plays with her hair, it's a sign she's attracted. Not really the case. Most of the time it's a sign she's just really uncomfortable. If she's touching her hair, while looking at you in a flirty way and so on, yeah then she's attracted. If she has her arms crossed and playing with her hair at the same time, there's no way it's attraction, she's just uncomfortable and maybe nervous. Cheers!

Quote:

Hi guys.

What if she's nervous or uncomfortable because she likes you?

She can absolutely be nervous because she likes you and sexual tension is a great thing. So if you take a look at other IOI's you can get a better picture. I just wanted to point out that her playing with her hair shouldn't be taken as an IOI all on it's own. If she's creeped out and uncomfortable, she might still do it

Assuming attraction is good, but it's also good to know when to eject if there's no interest whatsoever. I've seen guys hang in there way too long, it was so embarrassing

Author:	Txacoli [ Sun May 29, 2011 12:09 pm ]
Post subject:	Touching her hair - not a good sign
Hi guys. I just wanted to point out a common misconception. I read all the time in the lists of IOI's that when she plays with her hair, it's a sign she's attracted. Not really the case. Most of the time it's a sign she's just really uncomfortable. If she's touching her hair, while looking at you in a flirty way and so on, yeah then she's attracted. If she has her arms crossed and playing with her hair at the same time, there's no way it's attraction, she's just uncomfortable and maybe nervous. Cheers!

Author:	Jav [ Sun May 29, 2011 1:05 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Touching her hair - not a good sign
Quote: Hi guys. I just wanted to point out a common misconception. I read all the time in the lists of IOI's that when she plays with her hair, it's a sign she's attracted. Not really the case. Most of the time it's a sign she's just really uncomfortable. If she's touching her hair, while looking at you in a flirty way and so on, yeah then she's attracted. If she has her arms crossed and playing with her hair at the same time, there's no way it's attraction, she's just uncomfortable and maybe nervous. Cheers! What if she's nervous or uncomfortable because she likes you?

Author:	blue Jesus [ Sun May 29, 2011 1:17 pm ]
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true, and also goes for leg twitching, nervous tics or anything of the sort (anything that works in 2 parts and can be easly reproduced) I don't know how to translate the technical terms in english but these sort of mouvement are equivalent to msturbation and there for, they help a personne let loose some tension and stay calm. If you think about it, it's just like sex. You go in, out, in, out... till you relive yoursle from all the tension. So this sort of behavior,like playing with her hair can be just a way to relive tension because she's uncomfortable or a way to deal with the sexual tension building up between you too (or just in her head).

Author:	here2play [ Sun May 29, 2011 5:32 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Touching her hair - not a good sign
Quote: Quote: Hi guys. What if she's nervous or uncomfortable because she likes you? Yeah sometimes nervous and uncomfortable are not necessarily bad things. For many people the feelings associated with being attracted and aroused can be very uncomfortable and unsettling. Now I am not saying that OP point is not valid and I am certainly not saying a woman playing with her hair means that there is any green lights. I am just saying that attraction and arousal can be very unsettling to people at times and someone that is being nervous and uncomfortable is not always a bad thing or sign to stay away.

Author:	Txacoli [ Sun May 29, 2011 6:25 pm ]
Post subject:
She can absolutely be nervous because she likes you and sexual tension is a great thing. So if you take a look at other IOI's you can get a better picture. I just wanted to point out that her playing with her hair shouldn't be taken as an IOI all on it's own. If she's creeped out and uncomfortable, she might still do it

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Author:	kinorc [ Sun May 29, 2011 7:18 pm ]
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Good thread im sure this will help alot of people. Everything is all about context. The real key is to learn to pick up the vibe of the interaction. If you feel the sexual vibe n noti e her playing with her hair or biting her nails, or scratching her wrist, you know its gravy. If instead it feels awkward n you see her fidgeting around, she is looking for an out. Definitely a good point for people starting out who are looking for these sure signals. The thing is, once you are locked in to a girl you will just see these signals n smile to yourself, n know you are playing well. There is no way to really tell how to feel vibes...you just have to feel it. When looking for attraction signals, you will turn whatever into that. Instead if you are zoned in, n feeling it, the signals will make themselves known to you. Do you know what I mean? What the thinker thinks, the prover proves. That is how our mind works. Don't look for attraction signals, or you may fuck your head up. Instead REALLY connect with the girl, and the signals will be self-evident. I hope this helps n expands upon the OP...good luck n happy hunting.

Author:	Danzella [ Sun May 29, 2011 7:44 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: She can absolutely be nervous because she likes you and sexual tension is a great thing. So if you take a look at other IOI's you can get a better picture. I just wanted to point out that her playing with her hair shouldn't be taken as an IOI all on it's own. If she's creeped out and uncomfortable, she might still do it It think it depends on how shes touching her hair, too though. If she does have her arms crossed, and shes twirling her hair in her fingers and showing negative body language, then the hair touch could simply be a self comfort thing. However, if she runs her fingers through her hair, or takes out her hairband to re-do her hair, shes grooming herself and trying to make herself look better, which is an IOI, simply tucking her hair behind her ear would have the same affect. As you say though, and as many PUAs advertise, you should see at least three IOIs before moving in for a kiss close or whatever. When I'm out with my girlfriend, I've noticed that when shes talking to anyone else, she will not touch her hair, at all, but the second I walk over to her, and start talking to her, she cannot stop touching her hair. I've found that quite interesting and weird at the same time, considering its a subconcious thing, or perhaps because me and her are both interested in body language, and we read people together, shes making a conscious effort not to touch her hair when talking to other people, who knows haha

Author:	Starfox [ Mon May 30, 2011 3:20 am ]
Post subject:
The hair thing is hilarious. I walk by a girl in the gym and she furiously starts playing with her hair. I check to see if she does it when another guy goes near her - nothing. It's just easier to assume interest.

Author:	Mr. Stinson [ Mon May 30, 2011 3:53 am ]
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both sexes will groom themselves if they are in the presence of someone they are attracted too. even if your not making direct contact with the individual its a subconscious reflex you do because you care what you look like to the other individual. at my work i have to wear a hat and every time a woman im interested in walks into the room i notice i adjust my hat. i guess similar to hair, my hat is the only thing that can actually be improper so i feel the need to fix it. body language is amazingly entertaining to watch amongst social interactions. its funny because usually the girl will fix her hair so much that it actually starts to look messy, constantly brushing it behind her ear or fluffing it forward then refixing it.

Author:	jurupa [ Mon May 30, 2011 5:01 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: She can absolutely be nervous because she likes you and sexual tension is a great thing. So if you take a look at other IOI's you can get a better picture. I just wanted to point out that her playing with her hair shouldn't be taken as an IOI all on it's own. If she's creeped out and uncomfortable, she might still do it I think you would been better of saying that up front. As you are right touching the hair alone is not a sole indicator of interest. Coming out saying its not is wrong as it can be taken in stride with other body language the girl is showing.

Author:	madals [ Mon May 30, 2011 10:28 am ]
Post subject:
As a general rule - no IOI should ever be taken on its own. Most books and things suggest a number between 3 and 5 before you can be sure However, there is never any harm in assuming attraction.

Author:	Txacoli [ Mon May 30, 2011 11:35 am ]
Post subject:
Assuming attraction is good, but it's also good to know when to eject if there's no interest whatsoever. I've seen guys hang in there way too long, it was so embarrassing

Author:	Danzella [ Mon May 30, 2011 11:46 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: Assuming attraction is good, but it's also good to know when to eject if there's no interest whatsoever. I've seen guys hang in there way too long, it was so embarrassing That's generally because they can't recognise the IOD, or they've seen a girl touch her hair and they think "Oh, shes attracted, I'll carry on" Instead, they should be looking for clusters of IOI's, and not assume attraction based on just one. It's the same when reading body language, you have to read in clusters, because one thing isn't enough

Author:	madals [ Mon May 30, 2011 11:59 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: Assuming attraction is good, but it's also good to know when to eject if there's no interest whatsoever. I've seen guys hang in there way too long, it was so embarrassing In most situations, I would rather see a guy hang around too long rather than not long enough. The whole reason problems like that occur though is because people learning PU learn strategies and plans which are executed by looking at specific actions of the girl. The reason this doesn't work is because they get no feel for social situations. To be really successful, you have to have a feel for how things are going to know when to break the "rules" PU teaches. Acting a little disinterested and mysterious is generally good, unless ofc she is feeling like the relationship isn't going anywhere and just needs a cuddle and a more classic romantic moment. I can generally have a pretty good feeling about an approach within a very short period of time, just from her expressions and reactions - its not any one sign I am looking for, its just the feel of the situation.

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Author:	Txacoli [ Tue May 31, 2011 10:09 am ]
Post subject:
^^^ I couldn't agree more. That's why I wanted to point out the hair thing, because I have a feeling that a lot of beginners take it for granted that she's playing with her hair because she's attracted. It's the probably the most cliche IOI on the list, but from my experience, it's more often a sign of discomfort than interest. So looking for clusters, as someone pointed out, is a great. A socially savvy person usually has no problems with this, but an introvert beginner might, thus this thread, which is btw developing wonderfully. A lot of good input.