Hey guys, I hope you all had fun adventures over the weekend, I know I did! In fact, I actually saw 4 different girls Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday (all black, yes
and didn't have sex once! Do I care? Not at all!http://www.sashapua.com/articles/the-beggars-frame.html
In this article, Sasha talks about how it's easy to quickly subcommunicate the fact that you are a value-taker, and blow yourself out of a set in no time.
Even if you get far enough to get a number or a date, the mentality of trying to GET something out of a girl is going to severely restrict your chances of getting her to relax and trust you enough to have sex with you. A few questions posted on here (not to say they are the only guys who might benefit from this advice!) reflect that mentality of trying to get sex out of her, as if you're assuming it's something she gives you and you take, and that it's the only purpose and end-goal of your interaction.
The reason I don't care about not having sex over the past few days is because I'm not thinking like that. During the initial pickup, I'm figuring out whether I should actually take the time to see this girl again for a date. On the date, I'm figuring out whether I should bother taking her back to have sex, and whether it's gonna be worth being tired for work the next day, for example. This subcommunicates my abundance mentality, and makes me more attractive and more likely to want to sleep with me in the first place. This is the interesting paradox - by not needing to push for sex, I often get girls to go further more quickly than they normally would.
If you're serious about having one-night stands only, for whatever reason, then that's fine. But you have to really believe that you're going to give her a great sexual experience and that she wants to have it and will enjoy it. Then you're going into the interaction assuming that you're bringing value into her life. What's left is to screen for girls that actually want what you want. There's no point sitting there building comfort and talking about if she's a good cook if all you want is to get a blowjob in the bathroom. It's better to directly express your sexual intent, and then confidently lead her towards whatever your goal is, with the knowledge that if she stays and keeps talking to you, she DEFINITELY wants it too (REGARDLESS of what she SAYS).
The mindset shift is this:
x STOP thinking "how do I make her give me sex as quickly as possible?"
√ START thinking "how do I act in a confident and congruent fashion, such that she becomes comfortable and aroused enough to choose to share a fantastic sexual experience with me ?"
The action plan to help implement this mentality:
- Have a LIFE outside of "picking up girls." There are tons of hobbies, interests, sports, and so on that can give you a new social circle and some purpose, goals to achieve, and fun to have. Explore them! It will make you a more rounded person, add variety to your life, give you stories to tell, achievements to feel positive about, and may even put you in contact with hot girls (yoga class anyone?)
- Get really good at giving girls orgasms. If you absolutely KNOW that a girl will go crazy for what you do, then your mentality will immediately change from her allowing you to have sex with her, to you GIVING her an incredible experience she'll love, and come back for! I recommend David Shade's material: http://masterful-lover.com/cmd.php?af=1325438
- Keep the abundance mentality by playing the numbers game. Don't get hung up on one special girl. Sure, if you find a great one, keep her on as your main girl, but keep opening and keep getting numbers. A flake, bad date or breakup is a lot less of a big deal if another date* is just a couple of texts away! If you're not comfortable approaching, or are not getting consistent numbercloses, then a bootcamp may be the perfect solution for you: http://www.sashapua.com/bootcamp
*As for dates themselves, they do not have to be 2 hour of drinks and dinner that you pay for - you can meet for a coffee for 30 minutes and go back to yours, split the bill at a cheap and cheerful local place, or cook together or watch a DVD at one of your places, all for less than a tenner!